This Series Can't End Tonight; It's Just Too Ridiculous

* For the past four weeks, DeShawn Stevenson has been straddling the delicate line between maniacal super-genius and complete moron. His choice of jerseys last night nudges him to the latter side.


Yeah, that's a Michael Vick jersey. And, no, that picture isn't old. It's a screenshot from video taken last night of the Bullets arriving in Cleveland (courtesy of Dan Steinberg at the DC Sports Bog). I only mention it because sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause, what's a hero? Sometimes, there's a man. And I'm talkin' about DeShawn here - DeShawn from Fresno. Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's DeShawn. DeShawn, from Fresno. And even if he's a stupid man - and DeShawn was most certainly that. Quite possibly the stupidest in all of Washington DC, which would place him high in the runnin' for stupidest worldwide. Sometimes there's a man, sometimes, there's a man. Well, I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell. I've done introduced it enough.

* The Bullets/Cavs tip-off time tonight has been listed as TBA since the playoffs began. Last night, it was announced that the game would begin a 6:00 p.m.. As in, three hours from now. As in, when most people in D.C. are stuck in rush hour traffic. As in, when a bunch of people are getting off work. As in, the game will be over when it's still light out. Who the hell is making these decisions in the league office?
First, the NBA schedules both Games 1 and 2 during the Caps games and now this. (I know, I know... It's not the NBA's job to worry about what teams in other sports are doing. But aren't these games for the fans? They're the ones who watch TV so David Stern and his owner-pals can collect the huge rights fees. They're the ones who spend insane amounts of money on tickets, concession and merchandise at the games. And how does the NBA pay them back? By putting two games on against something else many basketball fans wanted to watch, and then dumping off tonight's contest two hours before primetime. It's a wonder anyone cares about pro basketball.

Why Don't You Purify Yourself In The Waters Of Lake Minnetonka

I've been in bed for about 28 straight hours with a bad head cold, but have managed to squeeze in some productive TV-catching-up and internet browsing. Some choice links:

* Pretty good read in today's Washington Post about the 81-year old man behind Mr. Irrelevant, the annual award that goes out to the final player selected in the NFL Draft. The two most interesting tidbits:
1) Bill Walton inspired the name of the award.
2) Bill Belichick really, truly is a huge jerk.
Go read it.

* Wake Forest changed its university logo. It's pretty awful; the color-flip and thong-looking intersecting V's are strange. The whole thing looks like one of those perception pictures where you can either see a candlestick or the outline of two people's faces. I like the new font for the text, but the switch from small-caps (Wake Forest) to all-caps (university) looks weird. Maybe it's the alignment of the bottom, I don't know. But something's off. Anyway, that logo is for non-athletic purposes, so the familiar WF on football helmets and basketball jerseys will stay the same.


* Prince headlined the Coachella Festival this weekend near L.A. and his cover of Radiohead's "Creep" stole the show. If you like Prince and/or Radiohead, you will enjoy this. A lot. It's probably the second-best cover of the song ever performed, behind Cartman's, of course. (If you want the MP3, email me (link at top right) and I'll send it to you.)

And since we're talking about Prince... Why not.

Jay-Z's DeShawn Stevenson Diss Track

LeBron James got the best of DeShawn Stevenson in their Game 4 clash today, but at least Stevenson will be able to comfort himself this off-season with the knowledge that he was the subject of a Jay-Z diss track. You can listen to said track here. The song is fairly tame, by "diss rap" standards, but still contains some tight flows by Jay. (Lyrics definitely NSFW.)
Near the end, he raps, "I don't even know y'all names/I'm too big for ya, the rap LeBron James." Jigga then makes a chess analogy by calling LeBron "the king" and DeShawn "the pawn". Well, he doesn't actually say DeShawn is the pawn, it's implied. Jay-Z never actually says Stevenson's name, keeping with the "you're not big enough to name-drop". (That logic sort of hits a dead-end when you consider that DeShawn is apparently big enough to drop two verses on though.) The rest is all fairly standard battle rap stuff: I'm going to sleep with your girl, you don't make as much money as I do, I make a better duck a l'Orange. You know the deal. It's definitely worth a listen though.

Jay-Z Has Too Much Time On His Hands

So, here's the story that's been floating around DC tonight : Last night at Love (the DC nightclub where Gilbert Arenas had his famous 25th birthday party), LeBron James was hosting a party where the DJ played a new Jay-Z diss track about Wizards G DeShawn Stevenson. DeShawn and LeBron have been talking shit to each other for the past few weeks; somehow Soulja Boy got involved - it's all very complicated. Anyway, the word is that after Jigga played the two verse DeShawn-rip, Cavs G Damon Jones (he of the 'always wearing sunglasses indoors' style) then got on the mic and started talking more trash about the Wizards. Caron Butler was in the club and stormed out, and now all the Wizards are boycotting Love and owner Marc Barnes's other spot, Park. Again, I don't know whether all this is true, it's just the good word as related to me from a reliable source. This series really needs to go seven games now, just on the off-chance that 2Pac might get in on all this.

Update: Michael Lee has the comprehensive rundown on his Wizards Insider blog at washingtonpost.com and makes a salient point: Jay-Z is part-owner of the Nets, meaning an NBA owner just recorded some rap verses dissing a player on another team. This would be like Jerry Jones battle rapping Eli Manning over the beat to 'Hit 'Em Up'. Unmentioned, but perhaps just as interesting, is that said diss track was written on behalf of an NBA player on another team; one that has been (and will be) rumored to be joining Jigga in Brooklyn when the Nets move there. This hasn't happened since Abe Pollin re-worked the lyrics to 'Moon River' in an effort to persuade Juwan Howard to stay in the District.
Also, Lee writes that after hearing the song, Caron Butler paged Stevenson (below) to tell him about it. Rap beefs, pagers; it's all so 1994. I love it.

Amazingly, They're Still Probably Trying To Trade For Chad Johnson

When the Redskins traded out of their first round slot in today's NFL Draft, in return for two of Atlanta's second round picks and an additional fourth round pick, there was a strange chill in the air in Washington. Vinny Cerrato had done something right. Instead of treating draft picks as bartering chips for wizened veterans way past their prime, Vinny was stockpiling. He was like the grasshopper the next winter after the ant taught him the lesson about hardwork and saving up. Vinny had finally seen the light.
Fast forward two hours, and Vinny used three of the first 51 picks on two wide receivers and a tight end. The glaring needs on the defensive line? Piff! Who needs a pass rush. Depth for an aging, injury-prone offensive front? Who needs depth when you can have three pass catchers!
I'm utterly speechless. Except for running back and quarterback, there were no positions on the Redskins roster that needed less help than tight end and wide receiver. None.
I feel ashamed of myself for ever thinking that Vinny Cerrato could do something right. Where have you gone, Bobby Beathard, our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

Let's Move The Super Bowl To June

Has there been a valid reason given as to why the NFL moved back the start of the Draft from noon to 3:00 p.m.? What a sublimely awful idea. You know how many people are sitting around right now thinking, "man, it'd be nice to be watching the Draft right now." Then, in the three hours before it actually starts they'll likely get out of the house, realize how nice a day it is outside and go do something productive with their Saturdays instead of sitting around watching Mel Kiper declare that every single player is a future Pro Bowler?
They say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone; and in this case the answer is "not much". Besides a few diehards, is anybody really missing the Draft right now? Yeah, I'd like it to be on so there'd be something to watch in the background, but I don't think I'm going to still be waiting around for it to start at 3:00. I have places to go and people to say to go put some gas in my car; it's probable that I can stretch that into a four-hour errand that might, or might not, involve grabbing a beer somewhere.
I've been saying for a year now that Roger Goodell will be a pox on this league, and the evidence keeps supporting this theory. He seems to make moves simply to make moves. Did the NFL really need a Thursday night package? How much demand was there for a third game on Thanksgiving? Playing in London is a neat idea, but for what? The NFL in Europe is like soccer here; it's not going to happen. Goodell also has bandied about the idea of playing a Super Bowl overseas (that would be a debacle of colossal proportions) and adding a 17th game to be played in other countries. Uh, didn't anyone learn about the dangers of oversaturation from the NHL? Well, Goodell and the NFL are getting close to that level.
Draft-hating is en vogue right now, but not for the reasons most draft-lovers say: The reason everyone is hating on the draft is because the NFL and ESPN makes everyone sick of it. I love gummi worms; but in small doses. I'm not eating them for every meal. When SportsCenter starts talking about the Draft in February and then forces it down our throats every day for nearly three months, there's obviously going to be some backlash. I love the NFL as much as anyone, but I need a break after the Super Bowl. And I certainly don't need to hear about combine results and upside and draft stocks. It's all bullshit; Mel Kiper and his cronies love to act as if there's some secret to scouting and draft success, but it's all a huge crapshoot. It's luck; it's guesswork. The Patriots are supposed draft geniuses because they got Tom Brady with the 199th pick in the 2000 Draft. But you know who they took with their first pick that year? Adrian Klemm. Yeah, exactly.
Bill Polian actually considered taking Ryan Leaf instead of Peyton Manning. That doesn't mean Bill Polian's an idiot, it means that, in hindsight, it's really easy to talk about draft success. On the day of the draft, though, it's meaningless. When's the last time Kiper ever bashed a pick? When's the last time he said, "nice player, but he's lazy and won't try hard after signing that contract." He'll never say, "this guy is only a college junior, but already has four kids from three different women. Oh, and he hits up the strip clubs more often than PacMan Jones?" He never says that; all he does is talk about lateral quickness and bench press reps and heart. It's all so phony. I hate it.
And don't even get me started on the fact the Dolphins have just made Jake Long the highest paid lineman in league history. How unfair is it that the worst team in the league is forced to devote 8% of their salary cap space to an unproven rookie that they might not even want that much? Again, this is all on Goodell. There needs to be a rookie salary structure in place, a la the NBA, so that teams aren't forced to break the bank to sign crappy top picks like Alex Smith or Jamarcus Russell. But Goodell is far too concerned with the things that aren't broke to worry about the things that are.

The Player Hater's Ball 2008 NFL Draft Preview

I couldn't care less.

Goodbye, Gilbert (?)

Is this the last time we'll ever see Gilbert Arenas in a Washington Bullets Wizards jersey? Ernie Grunfeld is no fool, and only a fool would give a balky-kneed Gil a max contract this offseason. If this is it: We'll miss you, Agent Zero, you crazy bastard. You were always fun to watch, but only relatively so because, hey, it's the NBA.


Update: Or not.

It Could Be Worse, We Could Have Grown Up In Philadelphia

After the Caps crushing Game 7 loss, my buddy Jaf summed up our sports fandom in one terse text message:

It's Tuesday, and we've already had great reminders this week in all four sports of what it's like to be a Washington fan.

He is referencing the following incidents:
Redskins - Offer the Bengals up to two first-round picks for disgruntled WR Chad Johnson; are turned down.
Bullets - After talking shit all week to LeBron, promptly get beat down by LeBron in Games 1 and 2 of their first round playoff matchup.
Capitals - Have their thrilling late-season run end on a putback in overtime of Game 7 of their first round playoff series against the Flyers.
Nationals - Own the worst record in baseball and are playing to thousands of empty seats at their new downtown stadium.
Well, at least we've got DC United and the Mystics!

Monty Hall Is Disappointed In You, Vinny Cerrato

What's the only thing dumber than offering a trade of the #21 pick in Saturday's NFL Draft and a conditional third-round pick next year (that could be a first rounder depending on incentives met), for disgruntled WR Chad Johnson, as the Redskins did today? That would be rejecting a trade of the #21 pick in Saturday's NFL Draft and a conditional third-round pick next year (that could be a first rounder depending on incentives met), for disgruntled WR Chad Johnson, as the Bengels did today. Thank goodness there's somebody stupider than Vinny Cerrato working in the NFL.
Last year, the Patriots got Randy Moss from Oakland for a fourth round pick. (Speaking of stupider people than Vinny Cerrato, how did any AFC executive let that trade happen last year? How hard would it have been to offer a third-round pick for Moss, just so New England wouldn't get him? It's not like Moss signed a cap-busting deal either. Ridiculous.) And now the Redskins want to give up (possibly) two first round picks for the poor man's Randy Moss? It's utterly baffling.
Granted, on a quasi-level of heightened-future-self-awareness, the trade might make sense to Vinny Cerrato since he knows he'll only f--- up those two picks anyway. At this point it looks stupid because he's trading away the possibility of drafting two superstars with mid-first round picks. But if Cerrato was aware of his own ineptitude, he'd realize that those two picks will likely be wasted on a high-upside, low-desire player who will tear his ACL in the second week on training camp and might, or might not, have attended Clemson. Knowing that; the trade might look something like:

Bengals: WR Chad Johnson
for
Redskins: QB Patrick Ramsey and WR Taylor Jacobs

On that level, the trade might be awesome... Until you factor in Ocho Cinco's combustablility and locker room-dividing presence. But on merely that one level, Cerrato could be a genius.

Pennsylvania Might Have Two Big Contests Tomorrow

Back when the Buffalo Bills were good, it wasn't uncommon for Tim Russert to give the team a shout-out at the end of his Sunday morning talk-show Meet The Press. Yesterday, though, Russert kept it in the city, giving out some love to the Washington Capitals.

The End and The Beginning

Welcome to The Player's Hater Ball; the collection of the most diabolical player haters this side of the Mississippi. Or, more accurately, just me; the same guy who has been writing Chris's Sports Blog since January 2004. For a variety of reasons, it was time to change the name and design of the site. After nearly two years of hemming and hawing on various choices and carefully conferring with friends, I finally decided to rename this site The Player Hater's Ball.
In essence, nothing will change from the Chris's Sports Blog of old. You'll get the same rants and raves about the NFL, NCAA and various sports topics of the day, as well as in-depth analysis of Redskins football, Wake Forest sports and DC teams, along with a sporadic-posting schedule and occasional diatribes about the sports media. The only thing that's different is the name, the layout, some new sidebar features (you can now search by topics; although the list only goes back 16 months) and the fact that I'll be posting under an as-of-yet undetermined nom de plume.
For those of you unfamiliar with what The Player Hater's Ball is, take a gander at the sketch that inspired the name from season 1 of The Chappelle Show (mildly NSFW):

Like Silky, Buc Nasty and Beautiful, I hate on a lot of players on this site; from Derek Jeter to J.J. Redick to Donovan McNabb to John Swofford to Derrick Frost to Alex Rodriguez to Jim Bowden. Some people have commented in the past that "hate" is too strong a word to describe my dislike of these individuals, but those people are idiots. I hate Derek Jeter the Yankees shortstop, I don't hate Derek Jeter the man. I hate Mike Krzyzewski the Duke basketball coach, but Mike Krzyzewski, the man who donates time, money and energy to a variety of charities and generally seems like a good human being, is fine with me. So please don't take things too literally. So, while this is a new day at this site, it's purely cosmetic. You can still reach the site from your old bookmarks. I plan on changing the URL soon and will be sure to keep you abreast of any impending modifications.
Finally, I'd like to thank my buddy Jaf for helping me with the new banner. He went above and beyond to make it look as good as it does.

Has Michael Wilbon Jumped the Shark?

The lede from Michael Wilbon's column on the NBA Playoffs in this morning's Washington Post:

If you want to see great basketball without the pretense, without the self-righteousness that has become an inescapable part of March Madness worship, then settle in for the next eight weeks and watch the NBA playoffs.

Wow. Couldn't Wilbon have thought of any other way to pimp the upcoming NBA postseason than by taking an unnecessary cheap spot against the NCAA Tournament? The dig reeks of desperation and a lack of ideas; the words of a man whose been mailing in his columns for the past two years. Wilbon has always said that, despite his ever-growing TV responsibilities, he wants to keep his job as a Post columnist because that's where the credibility lies. It's a valid point, but if Wilbon wants to keep his reputation as a top-notch journalist he actually has to, you know, write like a top-notch journalist.
Wilbon's growing-enmity towards the NCAA Tournament is likely borne out of his hatred for the NCAA itself. In print, on radio and on television, he's always railing about the inadequacies, ineptness and hypocrisy of the organization. I couldn't agree more. But that doesn't take away from my enjoyment of the NCAA Tournament, still the most pure major sporting event in the country. Sure it's sponsored to death and controlled by television. On court, however, the game is played with an intensity and passion unmatched in the pro ranks. When's the last time you saw NBA bench players lock arms in the waning seconds of a game or witnessed a star sitting dumbstruck on the court after a loss?
As for the NBA lacking pretense and self-righteousness; have you seen those commercials?

And if Wilbon thinks greed and hypocrisy only exists at the college level, he must not have seen that NBA owners yesterday voted overwhelmingly to approve the Sonics move from Seattle to Oklahoma City.
Why Wilbon thinks he has to bash the NCAA now that he has a plumb studio job for ABC/ESPN is beyond me. Does ripping down college ball elevate the pros? I don't get it. He's been doing it for months; on the Tony Kornheiser Show in March he actually made the argument that he prefers pro basketball because "the referees are professionals", unlike in college. He must mean those refs who work with gamblers to fix games, get suspended for throwing out star players because of grudges and let LeBron take 73 steps without dribbling every time down the court.
I wish this was a new thing for Wilbon, but over the past two years he's done little-to-no actual analysis of any sport and instead depends on his opinion accrued from watching games at home on TV or from the studio. It's interesting; he and Kornheiser rail on bloggers all the time, but that's essentially what Wilbon has become. He's just a guy spouting off his opinions. The only difference is, Wilbon has access. But at what cost?
He's gotten so much access to NBA stars that he's now deathly afraid of criticizing anyone who has ever played in, or worked for, the league. Maybe Wilbon does think David Stern is wrong on the Sonics issue; but mentioning that while holding down a seven-figure salary from the network that broadcasts the league's games isn't a smart move.
I can't say I blame Wilbon for this; the TV life has to be easier, and more fulfilling, than the newspaper life. I just wish he'd stop acting like he's a print journalist first and a TV analyst second.

Don't Blame Michael Westbrook For Michael Westbrook's Crappiness

ESPN.com featured an article today on ex-Redskin and all-time draft bust Michael Westbrook. The 35-year old currently is involved in mixed-martial arts and happy to have his football days behind him. So are Redskins fans.
The article is basically one big excuse for Michael Westbrook. His poor play, on-field antics, off-field troubles and overall attitude problem is glossed over by writer Pat Yasinskas; attributed to a star-crossed existence that has nothing to do with Westbrook himself.
Yasinskas writes of the "outrageous expectations" Westbrook faced when entering the league, which is sort of ridiculous considering that nobody ever expected anything more of Westbrook than to live up to his status as a top-five draft pick who happily accepted millions of dollars to play football. I don't know if Westbrook is a good guy or a bad guy, but it's certainly not unfair to criticize his career. He was an abject failure as a football player. Sure, he had injuries. But he never performed even when healthy.
It's nice that Westbrook is happy out of football and is living a productive life with his family. That doesn't mean Yasinskas should make excuses for Westbrook's past behavior though. He pummeled a defenseless Stephen Davis, was a jerk with fans and the media and was not a good football player. That's not our fault, that's his.
The excuses continue. Westbrook didn't "walk away from the game" in 2002, like he says; he couldn't get a job after an eight-catch season in Cincinnati. Disingenuous quotes from Norv Turner and Charlie Casserly are treated as a defense of Westbrook when they are anything but.
Yasinskas writes of Westbrook's two most infamous moments; the beating of Stephen Davis and the 15-yard unsportmanlike conduct penalty that kept the Redskins from the 1999 playoffs. Again, Westbrook's excuses are considered an acceptable defense to these two telling incidents.
The passage about Davis bothered me; as Westbrook tries to defend his actions in a convoluted manner by saying that Davis didn't say he was "gay" - as was widely reported - but said that he was sounding gay, or something like that. Oh! Well then! All is forgiven, Michael!
I neither know, nor care, whether Westbrook likes the sausage or the taco. But anyone who beats somebody up over someone insinuating that anything about them is "gay" is either a homophobe or a gay person trying way too hard to prove his non-gayness. Since Westbrook insists he doesn't love men, one can only logically conclude that he hates dudes who do. Don't buy that argument? Consider the following quote:

"My ex-girlfriend heard [somebody say I was gay] about a year ago from this guy and she went nuts,'' Westbrook said. "Everybody that knows me knows that's the farthest thing from the truth. For about three years, I wanted to lock myself in the house and never come out.''

Somebody said he was gay, and he was so ashamed he wanted to stay in his house (or closet) for three years. That's insane. John Rocker gets vilified for making homophobic comments, Michael Westbrook beats up a guy for suggesting he's gay and is the subject of an adoring article on the most popular sports website in the world.
Anyway, read the article. There are some pretty ridiculous parts; namely, every single quote uttered by Westbrook.
(By the way, somebody at ESPN.com was having some fun when selecting the pictures to accompany the article. There's no way choosing the pic below was coincidental.)

Instant NFL Schedule Thoughts

* The only thing more ridiculous than pre-preseason college basketball rankings is looking at the new NFL schedule and trying to gauge what a team's record will be. But, much like those basketball rankings, it is supremely enjoyable.
I like the Redskins' schedule just as much as I did when their 2008 opponents were set back in January; which is to say, the schedule-makers neither helped nor hurt Washington. The team's lone Monday night game is followed by a bye, meaning no short week. The late bye week seems nice, but maybe not as much as fans want to believe. In the playoff years of 2005 and 2007, the 'Skins had very early bye weeks. In 2006, when the team finished 5-11, they had a late bye week. This year's comes in week 10, the last possible date.
Unlike in year's past, the season isn't back-loaded with intradivisional games. By week 5, the Redskins will have played each divisional opponent once. I'm not sure whether this is a good thing or a bad thing. Although, considering that those three teams aren't playing under new coaches, that might be a bad thing.
More on the Redskins schedule later.

* I'm sort of surprised that the NFL didn't schedule Redskins/Cowboys as the final game at Texas Stadium. Or maybe I'm just bitter that a torn calf muscle prevented me from going to the Cowboys/Redskins final game at RFK in 1996.

* Pittsburgh visits the Nation's Capital (or, at least, a sleepy city seven miles northeast of the Nation's Capital) the night before America goes to the polls to elect a new president. Tony Kornheiser is probably already hard at work preparing a lame opening monologue which might or might not include references to Doug Williams and The Over-the-Hill Gang.

* Finishing the season on the road in four of the last six weeks isn't an enviable task, but the final three trips out of town might be the easiest road games the 'Skins have. . And by December, it's quite possible that Cincinnati and San Francisco will be more concerned about whether their respective head coaches will be fired, rather than the playoffs.

* This is one of the most poorly-written columns I've ever read on ESPN.com.

* The Browns and the Bears have five primetime games each. Yes, the Browns. The NFL and its network partners better hope last season wasn't a fluke for Cleveland. Watch for them to follow in the footsteps of San Francisco, Arizona and Detroit; all teams that were trendy pre-season picks in recent years that ended up with double-digit losses. (Look at Derek Anderson's stats from the second half of last season.)

* The Sunday night game in week 16 is San Diego at Tampa Bay. Odds of this game getting flexed: 95%.

I'm Already Deciding Who I'm Going to Vote For in 2012

re: Getting way too excited about insanely early and utterly ridiculous college basketball predictions; Joe Lunardi projects that Wake Forest will be a #7 seed in next year's NCAA Tournament, which is set to begin in 341 days.

Dgenetics in '08

Scott Tenorman's favorite band, Radiohead, is having a contest to see who can make the best remix of their song "Nude". My old pal Dgenetics entered and, I've gotta say, his mix is pretty awesome. Have a listen; then cast your votes for his cut and get the word out.

Only 189 Days Until Midnight Madness

People often refer to their guilty pleasures; something that provides them both enjoyment and embarrassment. I think this is ridiculous. I love Project Runway and I don't feel the least bit guilty about it. Last week I downloaded that Hannah Montana song from iTunes after I found myself repeatedly switching to XM's Top 20 station in order to hear it. I'm not ashamed. (OK, maybe a little. But that song is really, really catchy.) Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to be leading conversations with these topics, but I don't get why I should feel bad about something from which I derive pleasure.
There is one thing that makes me feel this way though; pre-pre-season college basketball polls. You know what I'm talking about: Six hours after Kansas cut down the nets Monday night, SI.com already had their 2008/2009 Top 25 list on their site. These things are even dumber than pre-season polls, as nobody has any clue:
a) Which players are going to leave early for the NBA
b) How the guys who have yet to graduate from high school will adapt to the college game.
But, as much as I hate these polls, I can't not look at them. I form opinions based on them. And when I saw Wake Forest's name on two of these polls, I couldn't help but get excited. I know I shouldn't; I know Andy Katz saying Wake might be good doesn't mean anything, but I can't help it. The mere thought of Wake's top-ranked recruiting class meshing with their young, talented - yet inconsistent starting five - and making a run in the ACC is enough to make me forget the past three seasons. Is this logical? Of course not. Do I derive some guilt from this pleasure? Perhaps.
I also can't help but mock CBSSports.com's (when did they change the name from Sportsline?) Gary Parrish for ranking Duke as his #2 team next season. For real, bro? You mean the same Duke team that was manhandled by West Virginia after barely escaping Belmont? The same Duke team that is losing it's best player? Is he serious? Parrish says that incoming freshman Elliott King will replace DeMarcus Nelson (presumably by going 2-15 from the floor against Carolina on senior night). But even if that's true (and we all know how good Duke's McDonald's All-American recruits have been of late, Brian Zoubek), shouldn't that make Duke, like, #20? Unless Elliott King is bringing his brothers Bernard and Albert, I fail to see how any logical person can rank Duke #2. That'd be like putting Maryland at #15 just because Gary Williams got another tall, athletic underachiever to replace James Gist.

* When it was announced that ESPN bought the rights to broadcast the first two rounds of The Masters, I thought it was going to destroy everything the uptight protectors of Augusta National had worked for all these years (forcing announcers to call the gallery "patrons", limiting coverage so as not to oversaturate the viewer, etc). So far, it appears, awesomely, that I was wrong.
First, Chris Berman was left off the broadcast team. (I have to believe that the Lords of Augusta demanded this, lest they hear "Rocco Mediate's putt COULD... GO... ALL... THE... WAY" through the azaleas.) Then today, ESPN provided exquisite coverage of the goofy Par 3 Tournament and followed it with a never-before-seen tour of Augusta National with Andy North. (For as well known as the back-nine at Augusta is, the front nine is a relative unknown commodity. It wasn't until recently that cameras were even allowed on the front nine. Full 18 hole coverage didn't begin until, I think, 2002.) In today's segment, a camera followed North around holes 3, 4, 5 and 6, showing how players might encounter difficult lies, impossible putts and wicked pin placements. It was all done very simply, which went nice with the restrained coverage from North and Scott Van Pelt. I especially enjoyed when they both gave no credence to the Par 3 results, stating that it was merely a fun, relaxing afternoon for the golfers. That's the easy, correct response, but ESPN analysts have a tendency to overplay events that appear on the network. A few years back, I remember John Kruk saying that one player's poor performance in the Home Run Derby could affect the second-half of his season. Moron.
With Mike Tirico at the helm tomorrow for first-round coverage, I hope ESPN continues their good work from Augusta.

The Superintendent!

Rock, chalk, Jayhawk. What a stunning, come-from-behind victory for Kansas in tonight's National Championship game. Down nine points with 1:58 to go in regulation, Mario Chalmers and the Jayhawks went on a 22-8 run over the next seven minutes to cap a furious rally over a self-destructive Memphis squad that fulfilled everyone's expectations by choking from the free throw line late in the game. All-American Chris Douglas-Roberts and presumptive second pick in the NBA Draft Derrick Rose combined to miss four of five from the stripe in the game's last 75 seconds, setting up Chalmers' game-tying three pointer with two seconds to go in regulation. Kansas never looked back in OT, on its way to earning the school's first National Championship in 20 years.


A few quick thoughts before I call it an evening:
* Great officiating tonight; despite the fact that the refs let Joey Dorsey repeatedly grab the ball after made Memphis baskets. Also, Chris Douglas-Roberts could have very easily been T'd up after slamming the ball following a missed free throw with 16 seconds left. I understand why the officials didn't call it, but letting things slide just because they occur in a game's waning moments is a very poor precedent to set. Douglas-Roberts should know better.
* I'm not sure why Billy Packer gets so much crap from everyone; I thought he did an excellent job tonight calling the game with Jim Nantz. (I like Nantz as a play-by-play guy, but I really could do without the cheesy post-victory one-liners like "Rock, Chalk, Championship".) Packer criticizes the officials, something nobody else does in sports. Think about how many times while watching a game you make comments about crappy calls. Very rarely do you hear announcers talk about them. Packer does it all the time. It's honest. He also was lightning-quick to call out defensive switches and substitutions, a lost art these days in announcing. When Kansas went to a box-and-one on CDR, Packer announced it immediately. I can't think of any other color guy who would have done that, with the possible exception of Jay Bilas. (Who would have blathered on about it for two minutes, while likely interjecting a story about the time his Duke team threw a box-and-one on Pervis Ellison in the 1986 Championship).
And bravo to Jim Nantz for not asking Bill Self about the Oklahoma State job after the game tonight. It always makes me mad when a reporter asks a pointed question about the future immediately after a team's season ends. Yeah, a reporter will say it's their job to ask the question and I can accept that. But that doesn't mean it's right. Had Nantz said, "so, Bill, you just won a title at Kansas. Think you'll be trying to win one with your alma mater next year?" what kind of response could he have honestly expected? The only relatively news-worthy comment Self would have possibly made would have been, "Jim, I'm not going anywhere, I'm staying here in Lawrence." But even that's a crock, as Self is definitely going to at least listen to OSU's pitch. Instead, Nantz let it go. The question surely will be asked of Self soon (it was probably asked at his post-game press conference), but I appreciated Nantz's ability to pass up the meaningless query so the coach could enjoy his time on the podium.
Jim Gray was the master of this line of questioning; he'd do it every year to Phil Jackson and Michael Jordan after they won the NBA Titles, and it would upset me even then. Why does everything have to be about the future; a team just won a freakin' Championship. Live for the now, as a man much smarter than myself once said.
* Kansas went 14/15 from the free throw line. They made two more free throws tonight than they did five years ago when they shot twice as many. (If that didn't make sense, in the '03 title game, KU went 12/30 against Syracuse.)
* I'm not positive, but I think John Calipari had a timeout to take after Mario Chalmers tied the game with 2.1 left. Normally, I'm all for pushing it up court in those situations to try and catch the defense sleeping. But, Kansas was having none of that and played solid D on the Clifford Dozier prayer. Calipari will likely regret not taking the timeout to set up a shot. After all, as Grant Hill and Christian Laettner showed, a team can do a lot in 2.1 seconds.
* Two items from my November 19 NCAA Basketball Preview:

Memphis will have the talent to cut down the nets, but will they be prepared when they get their inevitable dogfight in the Sweet 16 or Elite Eight. Will they know how to respond to an early deficit or how to be patient in the second half to wait for the right shot. Can they hold a lead against a team that can actually come back on them? And what of their much-maligned free throw shooting? Can the Tigers step up and knock them down when the game is on the line? Maybe they will bring all these things together in the Tournament, but I wouldn't count on it.

That's not bad, but everyone was making similar predictions at the time. I'm more proud of the fact that I perfectly called Derrick Rose's bank-shot three coming off an inbounds with two seconds left on the shot clock tonight.
* Another prediction from that entry:

National Champion Pick: Kansas
Maybe they'll duplicate Florida's feat of winning the national championship in football and basketball in the same calendar year. I'm pretty sure this is the fourth consecutive year I've picked KU to cut down the nets. (Note: It was actually four out of the past five years. I snuck a Villanova pick somewhere in there)

Unfortunately, I didn't pick Kansas in my pool for the first time in a while either. Maybe I'll pick the Redskins to 0-16 and see if that reverse psychology works. Hmmm..
* As most of you know, I'm a huge Redskins and Wake Forest basketball fan. I'm friends with guys that feel as passionately about the Bears, Eagles, Yankees, Red Sox, and Phillies; and Maryland, Virginia, Michigan and Georgetown as I do about my teams. But my Nouno's (Greek for Godfather) love of Kansas basketball exceeds all that. He grew up in rural Kansas, attended KU and pulls for his Jayhawk basketball teams with a quiet grace that I wish I had when rooting for my favorites. So tonight when I was rooting really hard for Kansas, what I was actually doing was rooting really hard for my Nouno. Rock, Chalk, Jayhawk.

Washington Is, Always, And Was A Hockey Town

After rolling off wins in nine of their last ten games, Alexander Ovechkin and the Washington Capitals have jumped up 11 spots in their conference since the middle of the season and will win the Southeast Division; earning a #3 seed in the upcoming Eastern Conference Playoffs.


Oh yeah, they played some basketball tonight too. All in all, my predictions were pretty good. I picked Memphis and Kansas to win and said one of the games would be a blowout. The only thing I missed was that there wasn't just one blowout, but two. (The most-anticipated games are always the ones that seem to disappoint (Colts/Bears SB). The ones that people aren't expecting to be good are the ones that usually are memorable (Pats/Giants SB).
As Bobby Knight said on ESPN tonight, the two better teams won. In the middle of the season all anyone could talk about was how Carolina's defense wouldn't allow the team to win a Championship. (Grant Wahl didn't even include the squad in his 'Magic Eight' column that lists the best eight contenders for the National Championship.) Yet, since then, many of those people who were questioning the defense were becoming seduced by the Heels offense and jumped on the Carolina bandwagon, all the while forgetting why they were off it in the first place. Nothing had really changed; Carolina was still a dominant offensive team that struggled on the other end of the floor. That's why I picked them to lose to Tennessee (let's just say I bought into this theory a little too vigorously).
As for UCLA; the knock on them was that defense might win championships in football, but in college basketball you need a consistent offense to go along with good defense, something UCLA did not have.
Both those games were toss-ups at tip-off, but by the end, the two better teams emerged. Kansas vs. Memphis on Monday night should be epic, which means we'll be flipping channels by the under 12 timeout.

Kansas/Carolina: The Breakdown

On this, the eve of the most wide open Final Four in recent memory, prognosticators nationwide are making "informed" predictions about what will go down in San Antonio. Like weathermen, these people are full of crap. Sports predictions are nearly always exercises in futility, but trying to guess what's going to happen in this Final Four is like - well, it's like something.
Not that prognosticators ever know what's going to happen, but this year's Final Four is about as much of a toss-up as possible. Any prediction is a total guess. Anyone who says they know what's going to happen is either Doc Brown or on peyote. So, instead of breaking down the X's and O's, I thought I'd delve a little deeper into the state universities of North Carolina and Kansas to figure out who's going to win tomorrow night's marquee game based on head-to-head matchups in various academic categories. My startling findings are below:

Famous Alumni

North Carolina: Andy Griffith, Jack Palance, Tom Wolfe, James K. Polk,

Kansas: Mandy Patinkin, Scott Bakula, Bill James, Bob Dole

Pretty unremarkable alumni lists from two big, well-respected state institutions (although I always am surprised when I hear that Tom Wolfe went there; that's a pretty good alum to boast about). The decision is tough though; Jack Palance played Yves Perret, the bad guy in Tango & Cash, while Patinkin was Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride. That's like choosing between Brando and Olivier.
Advantage: Push

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Famous Sports Alumni

North Carolina: Michael Jordan, Mia Hamm, Larry Brown, Marion Jones

Kansas: Wilt Chamberlin, Gale Sayers, John Riggins, Dean Smith

The most beloved man in North Carolina history is a KU alum.
Advantage: Kansas

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Pretentious Factor

North Carolina: Bumper sticker seen frequently in Chapel Hill: "If God is not a Tar Heels fan, then why is the sky Carolina Blue?"

Kansas: Plays on (James) Naismith Court at (Phog) Allen Fieldhouse.

Advantage: North Carolina

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If They Were A Standardized Test Question

North Carolina: Dean Smith won two National Championships because of:
a) Freddy Brown + Chris Webber.
b) his dedication to teaching fundamental basketball was unparalleled.
c) booze.
d) Freddy Brown + Chris Webber.

Kansas: In their 2003 National Championship loss to Syracuse, Kansas lost by three points after going 12-30 from the free throw line. If they had shot 55% from the line, would Carmelo Anthony have a Nike commercial today?

Advantage: North Carolina

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Contribution to Playboy's "Girls of the ACC/Big 12" edition

North Carolina:

Eve Gery: North Carolina '04

Kansas:

Carey Oroke: Kansas '05

Advantage: Kansas (I'm a sucker for blondes)

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If They Were on this year's American Idol

North Carolina: David Archuleta
Entered the season as everyone's favorite; weathered some mid-season turmoil (Ty Lawson's injury/forgetting the words to "We Can Work It Out"); might be to precocious for own good; white.

Kansas: Carly Smithson
Most talented remaining participant, but often fails to put it all together. Unsightly tattoos.

Advantage: North Carolina (Carly won't win Idol because of her and her husband's tattoos.)

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Minor campus traffic violations found on Google Street View

North Carolina:


Google Street View's car pays no heed to "Wrong Way" signs.

Kansas:

Jayhawk? More like JAYWALK!!! (Rimshot!)
Advantage: North Carolina

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The Al Gore Award: Interesting internet facts from Wikipedia that might or might not be true

North Carolina: "Founded in 1977, WXYC 89.3 FM is UNC's award winning student radio station, broadcasting 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Though programming is left up to student DJs, WXYC typically plays little heard music from a wide range of genres and eras. On November 7th, 1994 it became the first radio station in the world to broadcast its signal over the internet."

Kansas: " KU's academic computing department was an active participant in setting up the Internet and is the developer of the seminal Lynx text based web browser."

Advantage: Kansas

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Result

In this highly-scientific process, North Carolina emerges the winner by a 4-3-1 margin. This is why I'm picking Kansas (and Memphis).

Thursday Thoughts

* According to The Los Angeles Times, Brett Favre might want to return to the NFL? I'm shocked! This is a complete and utter surprise! I can honestly say that in no way did I anticipate this event ever occurring. What convinced me was during Favre's retirement speech when he said, "I don't think I've got anything left to give. I know I can play. But I don't think I want to." Never has a man sounded so sure of anything in his life. And the tears - oh, the tears! Those drops provided a finality on the brilliant career of the greatest quarterback man ever.
Look, I don't know if Favre's going to come back, but it's important to consider two things when thinking about it:
1) The Los Angeles Times never, ever gets a story wrong.
2) An excerpt from ESPN.com's story about this subject:

But Cook, asked about the report, told ESPN, "That is absolutely false. Absolutely false, and you can quote me on that."

The lady doth protest too much, me thinks. And what's with the "you can quote me on that," line. When ESPN calls to get your reaction to a story, isn't it sort of assumed that they're going to, you know, quote you? That's like a dude being on trial for murder and, after listening to the district attorney's opening statement implicating him in the crime, yelling, "oh yeah, PROVE IT!"

* I gotta keep this brief because it's tough for me to type, as I've been playing Guitar Hero III on Wii for the past four hours and my fingers are not adapting well to the small keys on my laptop. But, quickly: Michael Wilbon's point that this is not a good NCAA Tournament because there's no Cinderella in the Final Four is about the dumbest thing I've ever heard. First of all, this Tournament had a Cinderella in Davidson. They played a great game in the Elite Eight and lost, thus setting the stage for the big boys in what is, on paper, the best Final Four in decades. Cinderellas are fun for the first few games, but they don't really make for a good F4 guest. I think this is because, to Cinderella, after winning the first game, their only goal is to make the Final Four. Whereas UNC and Memphis and UCLA have aspirations loftier than winning their region (though that is a huge goal in itself), Davidson and George Mason and Tulsa and Kent State just want to make it to the Final Four. Once they do that, the fire is gone. Sure, once they get there they want to win, but they always seem a little unsure of what to do once they gotten to the top of the mountain.
I also don't understand why some people have stated that all four #1 seeds making the Final Four is somehow "vindication" for the Selection Committee. This makes sense on absolutely no level. It's baffling that somebody ever thought this, let alone wrote a column about it. Is this guy insinuating that the selection committee has gotten it wrong every other year because all four #1 seeds didn't make it? Is he suggesting that George Mason should have been a #1 seed in the East in '06? As I said, the argument makes no sense.

* Chris Cooley now has a blog. This could be the best thing to happen to D.C. sports since the Bullets got Chris Webber and Juwan Howard Gilbert Arenas. But, since it doesn't seem to be sponsored by anyone/thing, I'm going to (sadly) predict that this won't last very long; but we can always hope.
Enjoy one of Cooley's first links; an ESPN "dating game" thing between Cooley's fiancee (who is much hotter than she looked in her Maxim pictoral) and Clinton Portis.

Somewhere, A Kansas Fan Was Freakin' Out

Wilbon and Kornheiser sold this really, really well. (Video courtesy Awful Announcing)

The Post In Which I Talk About Hockey

I had a very weird sensation when I read The Washington Post sports page this morning: Excitement. Excitement about a hockey game. Not enough to write about it, mind you, but enough to look forward to the drop of the puck tonight.
But then I got an email about said hockey game from a FOTB (Friend of the Blog). Becker pointed out that I almost never talk about hockey on this site. And he's right. There are a few reasons for this, I think:
1) I don't care for the NHL regular season. Along with the NBA, I think the NHL's regular season is way too long and meaningless. It's one thing to play a ton of games to narrow down a playoff field to a small number of elite teams (as in baseball); it's another to play a ton of games to eliminate half of the league. This is why I don't really follow the NHL or NBA regular seasons, other than to keep up with the Bullets, Caps and Hornets (whom I root for because of Chris Paul).
2) Even though I'll flip to a Caps game every now and then (particularly when they're on in HD), I really know nothing about hockey. Me talking about the NHL would be like when Bill Simmons try to talk about college basketball. At least one of us has the good sense to know our limitations. I do like the sport of hockey though; it's great to watch live. I'm definitely a fair-weather fan when it comes to the Caps. I'm not ashamed of this; mainly because when they're good I don't proclaim to be a huge fan. When they made the Stanley Cup Finals in '98, I went to a few games in the playoff run and watched every contest. If they make the playoffs this year, I'll watch. And I'll root. But I won't live and die with the team, nor will I act like they're "mine".
3) The Caps haven't been any good since I started this site. However, since they fired Glen Hanlon in mid-season, they have been one of the best teams in hockey. And even a hockey-greenhorn like myself can appreciate the awesomeness of Alex Ovechkin. I saw him play last year at the Verizon Center and commented, perhaps drunkenly, that he was one of the most exciting athletes I've ever seen live. The place was electric every time he touched the puck. (Note: I did, indeed, write this. Scroll to the bottom.)
Currently, the MVP-to-be (is he the presumptive MVP? I know he's the first guy to score 60 goals in about 15 years, so I assume he'll get the award, but I don't know. And this is why I don't write about hockey) and the Caps are two points out of first place in the Southeast Division, behind Carolina. Those two teams meet tonight in the biggest hockey game to hit these parts in a long while. If the Caps win, they'll still be alive for the playoffs with two games remaining. If they lose, they'll essentially be eliminated. The puck drops in 15 miutes. I'll be watching. And I'm sure Becker will be too.

Update: The Caps beat the Hurricanes, 4-1. The two teams are now tied atop the Southeast Division.

Fantasy Baseball?

My fantasy baseball league is drafting tonight at 9:00 p.m. EDT and we need two one more people person to sign up. To make a long story short, ESPN's standard scoring is pretty weird this year, so I made a custom league instead. Normally, this meant that people I knew could sign up and, when they were entered, I could open the league up to the "public". This yea