Et Tu, Eli?

My first contribution to YouTube, from Brad Nessler during tonight's Florida/Tennessee game:

The Tuesday Ten: College Basketball Edition

With Selection Sunday just 12 days away, here's a college basketball-themed Tuesday Ten:

1) By the beginning of March, favorites for the NCAA Tournament have usually emerged. Not this year. With only two days left in February, there is such a mess atop the college basketball landscape that a team ranked #24 (Maryland) is playing better basketball than almost every team they trail in the polls. The defending national champions are still in the top 5, despite losses in two of their past three. And the #1 team in the land is the least threatening squad to top the polls in March in at least a decade. (Say what you will about St. Joe’s – who was #1 at this point in 2004 – but at least they were undefeated and proved themselves by getting to within a jumpshot of the Final Four.)
This is not to say that Ohio State can’t win the whole thing, it’s just that I don’t think anybody is going to be cowering if they turn up on the Buckeyes’ side of the bracket. OSU is getting showered with praise and accolades for beating #2 Wisconsin, but everyone seems to forget that Wisconsin had just lost to Michigan State and was sans their big-man Brian Butch, the Badger best-equipped to try and stop Greg Oden. And OSU only beat them by one. At home.
I’m getting the sense that this NCAA Tournament will turn out a lot like the college Bowl season and prove that the Big Ten, as always, is vastly overrated.

2) On the surface, yesterday’s thrashing at Syracuse would appear to be a step backwards for Georgetown, who were the hottest team in the country 24 hours ago. And, yes, the Hoyas proved themselves utterly incapable of doing anything against Jim Boeheim’s famed 2-3 zone. But I think this loss was exactly what Georgetown needed heading into March; a wake-up call. It’s easy to get lost in all the hype and start believing it when Michael Wilbon is saying you’re playing the best basketball of any team in the country. Complacency comes quickly, no matter what your coach is telling you. So to lose in front of a rabid Carrier Dome crowd against a desperate team on Senior Night isn’t the worst thing that could have happened to Georgetown. (The Hoyas have always had trouble with Boeheim anyway.)

3) Three weeks ago, tomorrow's Maryland/Duke matchup in Cameron looked like it'd be a battle of bubble teams trying to earn a crucial victory for the selection resume. But since then the Terps and Devils have lost just one game between them, and that came when the Dukies lost in College Park the Sunday following the Super Bowl. No teams in the ACC are playing better ball than Maryland and Duke and, even though they're nearly locked into the #5 and #6 seeds in the ACC Tournament, it's no stretch to say that, along with North Carolina, they comprise the best three teams in the conference.

4) Let's assume Duke splits their final two regular season games (vs. MD/at UNC) and wins at least two games in the ACC Tournament (a conservative estimate, seeing as how Duke hasn't missed the Finals in nine years, which is absolutely amazing if you sit back and think about that. The last time Duke didn't play in the ACC Championship was 1997, when I was a sophomore in high school. And since 1999 they only have lost the Final once, in 2004 when John Gilchrist had an out-of-body experience to lead Maryland to their first title since the Len Bias-era). That would make Duke a shoo-in for a #4 or #5 seed in the NCAAs (with a serious chance for a #3 if they sweep their regular season and/or win the Tournament).
Anyway, can you imagine being the #1 seed in that region and have to face Duke in the Sweet 16? Look, we can all rip on Duke's March chokejobs as much as we want (and, believe me, I do), but they are still not a team you ever want to face in the Tournament.
You think any of the possible #1 seeds want to see Duke in the Sweet 16? Maybe Florida, whose athleticism would kill the Blue Devils. But Ohio State, Wisconsin, UCLA, Kansas? Duke matches-up well with each of those teams and could beat any and each of them. (I'm seeing Duke as a #4/#5 in the same region with UCLA, which would set-up a dream historical match-up for CBS to promote the hell out of in mid-March.)
Duke may have seven losses, but four of those were in doubt until the final two minutes. And three of those came on final-second shots. For the first time in nearly 20 years, Duke is flying under the radar and could be a sneaky team come March. If I were Bill Simmons, here's where I'd write, "don't say I didn't warn you," but I'm not a tool, so I won't. (By the by, I'm getting my Duke-praise out of the way now so I'll be free to rip them come Thursday... And beyond.)

5) Any person arguing for the expansion of the NCAA Tournament (which would be the worst idea since The Godfather III) should be forced to watch every game Clemson and Alabama have played since mid-January.
After starting 17-0, Clemson is 2-9 in their last 11 games. Granted, they were jobbed at Duke and completely choked against UVA, but still. 2-9? Wake Forest's record over that same stretch is 4-7.
Alabama hasn't collapsed as badly, but they're clearly not an NCAA Tournament team after losses to Mississippi, Arkansas (x2) and Auburn (x2).
But, if the Tournament-expanders have their way, these are the types of teams that would be playing in the NCAAs, thus rendering conference-play completely useless.

6) Doris Burke is a great color analyst for men's games. She identifies defensive switches, calls out screens, notices subtle lineup shifts and provides un-biased, un-complicated analysis of what is going on in front of her, all while managing to stay low-key and out of the way of the play-by-play announcer. Pair her with Dan Schulman and they'd be one of the best teams on the ESPN roster.

7) Stacey Dales (who has apparently dropped the Schuman) is a terrible studio analyst for men's games. This was her comment about Kansas' high-flying Julian Wright after the Jayhawks' win over Oklahoma last night: "He has the desire and the drive." Scintillating commentary, Stacey. At least you're semi-hot.

8) You know that ESPNews commercial where the guy is literally talking out of his ass about sports? Rumor has it the advertisement was inspired by Bill Simmons' college basketball columns. I have hit my breaking point and can't even post excerpts to openly mock.

9) OK, fine. Just one though:

Just look at last year's Final Four: Florida, George Mason, UCLA and LSU. Could those last three teams have beaten any of the top 10 teams this season? No way.

Ummmmmmm, WHAT? This might be the single-dumbest statement Simmons' has written in his month of college basketball fandom. And that, my friends, is saying something.
Any college basketball observer, ANY, would agree with the following statement: Last year's Duke and Connecticut teams were far superior to every team playing this season. (I'd throw the 2006 Villanova team in for fun as well, but that's debatable. The Duke/UConn thing is not.) And which teams beat Duke and UConn, respectively, last year in the Tournament: LSU and George Mason, two of the teams that Simmons' says couldn't beat any of the top 10 teams from this year. Again, he says "no way".
Let's clear something up: This is the weakest top 10 headed into March in the past seven seasons. (I didn't have immediate access to older top 10s than 1999, but a quick memory jog reminds me that Duke and UConn were awesome in '99 and in '98 Kentucky was an undisputed favorite. Back in '97, Kansas was a huge favorite and in '96...? Can't remember.) Just because this is the first February in which Bill Simmons has ever watched college basketball, doesn't mean the teams are great.
Essentially, Simmons' moronic sentence indicates he believes that Tyrus Thomas and Big Baby couldn't handle Nevada. And UCLA, with Jordan Farmar, couldn't stop Acie Law and Texas A&M. And that magical George Mason team couldn't have slowed it down the juggernaut that is Memphis. Is this shit for real?
Even if anybody were to agree that this year's Nevada, Texas A&M and Memphis teams were better than last year's version of LSU, UCLA and George Mason, nobody would be dumb enough to say that there's "no way" they could win. Well, besides Bill Simmons, that is.

10) Might have something light up tomorrow, but be sure to come back later in the week for my favorite post of the year.

Making It Rain

Michael Jordan was a gambler, philanderer and, frequently, a jerk to teammates and members of the media. But during his playing days, few of these stories ever were published on television or in magazine and newspapers. The reason: To criticize Jordan was equal to have all access to the man cut-off forever. MJ held a grudge, as evidenced by his long freeze-out of Sports Illustrated after they ran a cover urging him to "bag" his baseball career.
I say this, not to rip on Jordan (whom I like) but to point out the parallels between the press protection he received and that which the NFL gets now.
The Cincinnati Bengals have nine players arrested in a single-season, but other than a few jokes, nobody looks at this as a black-mark on the league. Shawne Merriman takes steroids, gets caught, and makes the Pro Bowl, while Barry Bonds is the most hated athlete in America and won't even have baseball's commissioner on-hand when he breaks the most hallowed record in sports. A fairly-tame fight in the NBA has people asking whether the league has become too "thug friendly", but nobody blinks when Albert Haynesworth stomps on a man.
Criticizing the NFL is apparently off-limits to the mainstream media, and I'm guessing it's because they're afraid of a Jordan-like freeze-out. The NFL is king in America and losing access is a death sentence to any media outlet. (The Redskins organization has long disliked The Washington Post for having the gall to actually criticize the team. It's gotten so bad under Dan Snyder that The Post rarely breaks any Redskins news. They got outscooped by CBS Sportsline on the Joe Gibbs' return, for crap's sake.)
Anyway, the whole reason for mentioning this is that if Pac-Man Jones were an NBA player, the country would be in an uproar about him beating up a stripper and having one of his boys shoot a bouncer. He's in the NFL though so the only important thing is where he gets traded.
That being said, "making it rain" has to be the greatest addition to our lexicon since... No. Ever.
(For those unfamiliar, a quick recap. All of the following information is alleged but, since Pac-Man's rap sheet is longer than many Dickensian novels, I'm inclined to think much of it is true: Pac-Man Jones, a cornerback for the Tennessee Titans was at a Vegas strip club over NBA All-Star weekend and, while sitting pole-side, he "made it rain", which is what he calls it when he throws a bunch of money in the air (in this case, $81,000). The "make it rain" protocal says that strippers have to dance for Jones and cannot pick up the money until he says so. One new dancer was not versed in the ways of rain-making and went to pick up the money without Pac-Man's permission. All of this is pretty much undisputed. Accounts of the next-part differ. Like I said, Pac-Man is a thug and should always be assumed guilty, but I wouldn't put it past a strip club owner to place all the blame on a rich football player for lawsuit purposes either.
Anyway: At this point, it is alleged that Pac-Man took the stripper by the hair and bashed her head into the dancefloor. He then punched her in the face. The club's bouncer then comes over, neutralizes Pac-Man, only to have Pac-Man's ho club him in the head with a champagne bottle. A scuffle ensues and, finally, order is restored, but not before Pac-Man allegedley points to the bouncer and says "I'm-a kill you!". (Oh, and during the scuffle, Pac-man seeked out the rule-breaking stripper and punched her again. This detail slays me. I picture an indignant Pac-Man so angry that somebody would dare not know the customs of rain-making that he needed to punch her, not once but, twice.) Anyway, twenty minutes later, a member of Pac-Man's entourage returns and shoots the bouncer in the chest, along with two other people, one of whom is now paralyzed.)

* My buddy Antzo wants me to write about non-sports items more often on this site, so this quick Oscar's rant is for him:
The Best Actor awards are garbage. If you want to win one, take a role that falls into one of these categories:
1) Dead historical figure
2) Mentally-challenged person
3) Ugly woman (can only be played by a beautiful woman)
4) Holocaust victim
Look at winners from this decade: Philip Seymour Hoffman (Truman Capote), Reese Witherspoon (June Carter), Jamie Foxx (Ray Charles), Charlize Theron (ugly woman), Nicole Kidman (Virginia Woolf), Adrien Brody (that pianist guy), Halle Berry (ugly woman), Julia Roberts (Eric Brockovich).
In that time, only three true acting performances have won: Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby, Sean Penn in Mystic River and Denzel in Training Day. I'll disinclude Penn since he brooded through that entire movie. That leaves Denzel and Swank. Only Denzel was entertaining. That makes one entertaining acting job rewarded by an Oscar in seven years. Give me Johnny Depp in the first Pirates any day over freakin' Charlize Theron. Entertain me, dammit.
My point is, it's not that hard to imitate somebody. Everybody knows somebody who does some pretty good impersonations. It's not acting, it's mimicking. I'm sure Philip Seymour Hoffman nailed Truman Capote (bad phrasing, sorry), but all he had to do was act like him. Reese Witherspoon is one of my favorite actresses. But her performance in Legally Blonde was way better than her Oscar-winning turn in Walk the Line. It takes a very good actor to play a role like Capote or Ray Charles. I just don't think the award always has to go to somebody who is imitating somebody.
This year, Forest Whitaker and Helen Mirren are going to win the Oscars for - get ready for it - imitating historical figures; Whitaker played Idi Amin and Mirren starred as Queen Elizabeth (but she's not dead, so I guess I'll have to amend my Oscar requirements). Leonardo DiCaprio (is the "c" capitalized? I'm not going to look it up, but I've changed it twice and can't figure it out) was excellent in The Departed and didn't even get nominated. But Whitaker kills people and eats them and it's brilliant? Give Jeffery Dahmer a posthumos one then.
Eddie Murphy is favored to win the Best Supporting Actor Oscar for playing, essentially, James Brown. Murphy was great in Dreamgirls, but can they really give him an Academy Award for doing the same bit he did in Delirious and Saturday Night Live 20 years ago?
And don't even get me started on Scorcese winning for The Departed (which he, apparently, will). Look, I loved the movie and bought it on DVD the day it came out. But it's, maybe, Scorcese's sixth-best film after Mean Streets, Taxi Driver, The Last Waltz, Goodfellas and Gangs of New York. (And don't forget about the "Bad" video.) It'd be like if Michael Jordan won his first championship with the Wizards. Or if Mother Teresa was sainted for helping someone move a bookshelf.
That's all I got. Enjoy the weekend.

Interesting Facts From KenPom.com's RPI

* Florida has played as many games (7) against teams with RPIs of 200 or higher than UCLA, North Carolina and Ohio State combined.

* Western Kentucky has a higher non-conference RPI than the Gators.

* Unranked, and much-maligned, Arizona is rated ahead of mighty Kansas (based, in part, on the Wildcats #1 strength-of-schedule).

* Virginia Tech (#25) is the only team in the RPI Top 85 with a losing record (3-4) against teams rated between 101 and 200. The next team on the list with a sub-.500 record against those schools is #86 Northern Iowa. (The RPI's top 11 has a combined three losses against teams higher than 101.)

* Winthrop has a non-conference RPI of 29, based on a 7-4 record in those games. In their 12 conference games, Winthrop is undefeated. But because the Big South is so poorly rated, Winthrop's actual RPI is 72, meaning they've "dropped" 43 spots despite their unblemished conference record.

* Apparently, the New Jersey Institute of Technology both exists and has a basketball team. They are rated 327 out of 336 Division I schools.

* North Florida, of the Atlantic Sun, appears to be victory-less on the season.

* Giant-slayer Richmond, a team that was winning NCAA Tournament games as recently as 2002 is rated 286.

* UConn is rated one spot behind Sam Houston State.

* Texas A&M-Corpus Christi has a higher RPI than George Washington, South Carolina, NC State, Wake Forest, Auburn and Cincinnati.

* Nevada (#20) has zero wins against the RPI Top 50. Utah State (#53) is the next highest team with a similar statistic.

* UNLV is rated #11. Yeah, I had no idea either.

* Southern Illinois has more wins against the RPI Top 50 than Wisconsin, Florida, Pittsburgh, Kansas, Texas A&M, Georgetown, Maryland and Boston College. The Salukis are actually tied for the 3rd-most wins of any team in the country against the Top 50. Only UNC and UCLA have more.

* Among the teams in the top 10 of non-conference SOS: Appalachian State (4), Delaware State (7), Arkansas-Pine Bluff (9) and Gardner Webb (10). Notre Dame, meanwhile, has their NC-SOS rated as the 297th most difficult in the country.

* Only one team is undefeated against the RPI Top 50: UC-Santa Barbara at 1-0. (They beat UNLV back in November).

* The following teams all have more road wins than Duke: Binghamton, Mississippi Valley State, IUPUI, Robert Morris, Canisius, Murray State, Cornell, Farleigh Dickinson, Sam Houston State, Central Connecticut, Niagra and Jackson State.

Reason #743 Why The Coaches Poll Is Worthless

This week in the ESPN/USA Today Coaches Poll, Ohio State (24-3) is ranked #1 while Wisconsin (26-2) is rated #2. In addition to having less losses than OSU, Wisconsin also beat the Buckeyes on January 9. Maybe Ohio State is the better team, but there's no doubt about which team deserves to be #1. (Note: The AP, as usual, gets it right. Maybe because the people who vote in that poll actually, you know, watch the games.)

You Can Take Washington and Lincoln, I'm a Millard Fillmore Man

On this President's Day, the final day of my impromptu six-day vacation, it's important to remember the lesser-known men who have led our country during its 231-year history. Schoolchildren grow-up learning about our forefathers George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, but did you know that James Madison, another president instrumental in our country's founding was only 5'4 and weighed but 100 pounds? Still, he could probably throw down a dunk in under two minutes, NATE ROBINSON.
Or what about William Henry Harrison who, in 1841, declined to wear an overcoat on his Inaguaration Day in an attempt to appear strong for the gathered crowds. One month later, he died on pneumonia. His keen decision-making process makes him a hero to all Virginia Tech football players to this day.
So today, when you're checking your mailbox and are confused as to why there's no mail until you remember that, oh yeah, it's President's Day, honor the James K. Polk's and Rutherford B. Hayes' of history. Just because we don't know much about them doesn't mean they weren't great. Just ask George Mason. Wait, he was never president. Scratch that.

* I became a Godfather this weekend and, luckily, all of my friends avoided retaliatory hits from the Corleone's. At lunch today with my own Godfather we discussed, as usual, college basketball; in particular, his Kansas Jayhawks.
It seems that after KU's 92-39 romp of Nebraska this weekend, some Cornhusker fans were upset that the Jayhawk bench-players were shooting threes with the game in doubt. To which I say, "76-14, 70-21, 77-28, 73-14, 73-21, 69-7, 77-14 and 63-7," also known as actual scores from Nebraska football games from 1993-1997. Karma comes back to you hard. (Note that some of those scores came against the likes of Pacific, North Texas and Northern Illinois. If KU was blowing out Winston-Salem State, I might have more a problem with it. Playing a conference rival though? Not as much.)
In football, running up the score is avoidable. In basketball, the shot clock makes it impossible to sit on the ball. Bill Self didn't play any of his starters more than 29 minutes and emptied his bench with under eight to go. At that point, the performance of the team's "scrubs" is really out of the coach's hands.
The guys at the end of the bench on good college teams are looked at as charity cases by the student body. There was a guy named Earl Badu who played for Maryland a few years ago and whenever the Terps were winning in a rout, the Terrapin student body would chant for their favorite, Badu, to get in the game. Eventually Gary Williams would relent (with a grin) and send Badu in. Every time he got the ball Cole Field House would go nuts and on the rare occasions Badu would get a bucket, it got nutser. Everyone looked at Badu like he was this little guy off the bench without much skill, but I remember thinking at one game: Earl Badu has to be an awesome basketball player. Not awesome in the way Juan Dixon was awesome, but awesome in the way that he's better than every other person on campus and would be a phenom on the intramural court. But because he sat at the end of the bench, everyone just assumed he wasn't very good, forgetting that the 12th man on Maryland's bench is still the 12th best basketball player on campus.
The guys on great college teams who don't get any PT are ballers, even though they don't see much action. They practice hard every day and then have to sit and watch their peers get all the attention during the games. It has to be frustrating, particularly for a guy like KU's Jeremy Case. He was a highly-touted recruit who played good minutes last season for Kansas. Now he's stuck on the bench watching Bill Self's heralded freshmen serve in his role. When Case gets the opportunity to get on the court, he wants to show what he can do, as all the bench-guys do. They want to get a bucket so, years from now, they'll be able to show their kids a box-score and say, "look, Dad scored three points against Duke."
If Self had left his starters in all game and had them throwing alley-oops and shooting threes with 29 on the shot clock, he'd be fair game for criticism. But when a coach empties his bench at an appropriate time and watches those players try hard for the only four minutes of action they might see all month; the only criticism should fall upon the opposing coach who helms the team that let the game get so out of hand in the first place.

Dwight Howard Robbed; I Blame Moe Green

In last night's dunk contest, Dwight Howard slapped a sticker on the top of the backboard whilst jamming for the nastiest contest-dunk since Vince Carter in 2000. The judges then inexplicably gave him pedestrian scores of eights and nines and advanced Nate Robinson to the finals instead. Robinson then missed 11 dunks in a row. Gerald Green ended up winning and did some fine dunks, but years from now the only thing anybody will remember about this contest is that sticker.
Here's YouTube of Howard's sick throwdown. I don't know how long it'll be up before TNT's lawyers call up Google so enjoy while you can.

Kevin Durant and Maurice Joseph Are Off Tim Hardaway's Christmas Card List

There are, presumably, hundreds of photographs of Kevin Durant playing basketball in a Texas uniform. Of those, maybe 5-10% would be suitable for the cover of Sports Illustrated. A quick search on Google Image brings up three instantaneously.
So, of course, the magazine chose to use a three-month old shot that features Durant's crotch directly in front of Joseph's wipe-open mouth. Seems that somebody at SI is an Oklahoma fan. Or maybe that's just Bill Simmons dressed as Maurice Joseph.

Bo Knows Diddley... And So Does Bill

At first, I thought Bill Simmons' college basketball columns would fall into "so terrible, they're awesome" category, a la Ghost Dad or Bibleman (a TV show, starring the guy who played Buddy on Charles In Charge, that comes on every Saturday at 1:00 p.m. on The Bible Network. Do yourself a favor, set the DVR.) Amazingly though, the Simmons columns have transcended that level of awfulness and can only be classified in the "utter and complete shit" category, a la Leonard Part 6 or anything starring Rosie O'Donnell.
As much as I dislike Simmons, I still acknowledge that his NFL and NBA columns provide some nice insight into the games and often contain some good lines. But the second Simmons gets out of his comfort zone (like when he writes about poker, college basketball, drinking or women), his stuff becomes totally unreadable.
I've made a vow to keep up with his college basketball columns so I can rip on them, but I don't know how much longer I can stomach it. Somebody once left a comment that reading all of a Simmons column in a single sitting is sort of like competing in a hot dog contest against Kobayashi. In theory, it seems like a good idea, but in action it just leaves you feeling nauseous and like you wasted 12 minutes of your life. Yup, these are my readers!!!
A few months back I remember somebody leaving another comment about how Simmons would be serving as the color analyst for two college games this February on ESPNU. I had totally forgotten about this until he mentioned it in the column yesterday and now this sudden college ball love makes sense. Bill Simmons has never written about college basketball and even professed his dislike for the game on a few occasions. I couldn't figure out why he was suddenly interested, until it became clear that he's only doing this so he doesn't sound like a complete moron on ESPNU. Granted, he could watch college basketball 24/7 in a Clockwork Orange-esque setting and he'd still inevitably sound like a moron, but maybe he'll now be less of one. Maybe. All I can say is, the is the first time ever I'll regret not getting ESPNU.
In an ongiong mission to read Bill Simmons' college basketball blather so you don't have to, here are some of the highlights from yesterday:

* Bragging about the amount of ball he's watching
The lede to yesterday's entry read, "I watched three college games (Gonzaga-St. Mary's, Wisconsin-Iowa and Florida-Kentucky) and most of the Oregon-Arizona game on Saturday, as well as Texas-Oklahoma State and the second half of Santa Clara-Gonzaga Monday night." Anybody else wanna bet Simmons is one of those guys who counts how many drinks he has in a night? To be fair, it's probably not hard counting two Malibu Sunrise's, but how absurd is it to recite the exact lineup of games one has watched over the weekend? Just say, "I watched a lot of college basketball this weekend and here are some inaccurate observations."

* Making a common joke
Simmons describes JamesOn Curry as "the troubled guard who's been in college since the early 80s". First of all, I could debate the used of the word "troubled" in referring to Curry but that's not the issue. (While a high school senior in North Carolina, Curry sold weed to an undercover police officer in a sting that netted 50 arrests. Some say the arresting officer, who posed as a teenager, was operating by the book. Others called it entrapment. Either way, most agree Curry got the marijuana from someone else, so it's not like he was Tony Montana Jr.)
The stupider part of the sentence was using the "who's been in college since the early 80s" joke while referring to young JamesOn. Everyone who watches college basketball makes this joke about various players. Jason Kapono, Shane Battier, Eduardo Najara, Gerry McNamara, Darious Songaila, Ilian Evtimov and, currently, Nick Fazekas have all, at one-time or another, been designated as the "he's still in school?!!" guy. But nobody has ever said that about JamesOn Curry. He's a freakin' JUNIOR for crap's sake! I suppose next he'll be asking when Greg Paulus can get his membership to AARP.

* More bragging
On Chase Budinger (who has hyped in this very space last Saturday): "Everyone made a big fuss about him in the preseason because he's also a world-class volleyball player, so it's not like I hadn't heard about him before..." Have you ever heard anybody refer to college basketball's preseason before (except in reference to the preseason polls)? What's next Bill, a 500-word rant on how the umpires always seem to give Duke the calls? At the end of the sentence Simmons assures us that he heard about Chase Budinger a while ago to which... No you didn't.

* Joakim Noah = Chris Paul
I have to give credit where credit is due. Simmons hit this one on the head, as both Noah and Paul are very similar, in that each played college basketball in the United States. Other than that... Not so much. Here's the offending sentence: "Speaking of Noah, I love how his draft stock dropped because he stuck around for an extra season and everyone started picking him apart. Um, didn't we learn from the Chris Paul debacle?"
This excerpt is sort of like one of the appetizer platters that come with nachos, wings, mozzarella sticks, potato skins and mini egg rolls. There's so much good stuff it's almost impossible to know where to dig in. But dig in, I will.
1) Who says Noah's draft stock has slipped? Last year he was the presumptive (note: presumptive) #1 pick in what was called the weakest draft in over a decade. This year he's clearly behind two players (Oden and Durant) who would have been rated higher than him last year too, if not for the NBA's new age-requirements. As for Brendan Wright, who ever trusts mock drafts in February? I can guarantee Andrea Bargnani wasn't atop anybody's board one year ago. And Tyrus Thomas? Bill Simmons hadn't even heard of Tyrus Thomas at this point last season and he ended up going #2! And how can anybody make a mock draft when the most important components of a mock draft - the eligible players and team positioning - won't be known for months? It's sort of like making bets for who will win the 2008 Oscars (I'm looking in your general direction, Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer).
2) Who says Noah is slipping (again, besides idiots making mock drafts)? I'll admit Noah isn't getting much buzz (nor is Florida, which is sort of amazing considering they have only lost two close games and will likely enter March as the favorites to repeat), but nobody says he's slipping.
3) And now, for the Chris Paul comparison. Let's do a little Tale of the Tape:
Joakim Noah, April 2006: Much-buzzed sophomore on a national championship-winning team and likely top-three pick in upcoming NBA Draft, makes announcement that he will stay in school with his teammates to attempt to become the first squad to repeat in 15 years.
Chris Paul, April 2004: ACC Rookie of the Year on an up-and-coming team that will be expected to make a run at the National Title next season makes no announcement that he will return to Wake Forest for his sophomore season, mainly because nobody actually thought he was coming out.
There was hype surrounding Noah after his MOP in the Final Four and he had a big decision to make: Stay in school or wait until 2007, when Oden and Durant would likely be occupying the top two slots (don't let Simmons brainwash you into thinking Durant just came out of nowhere. He would have been a top-five pick if not for the age-minimum). In the end, the allure of staying in school with his buddies was too much and Noah made a decision that nobody can criticize. (Particularly because, with his wealthy parents, he doesn't need money and, less importantly, the NBA's rookie salary structure is set up in such a way that the difference between getting picked second and fifth isn't that big of a deal. In the NFL, highly-drafted players get rich on their first contract. In the NBA, they get rich on their second.) When Noah announced his intention to return to school, it was done at a massive press conference, with the banner headlines following.
On the other hand, Chris Paul wasn't going anywhere after his freshman year at Wake. There was no chatter about it, he wasn't appearing on (valid) mock drafts in February and there was no press conference to announce he was coming back. Everyone just knew he was. Only CP and his family and coaches know for sure, but I'd bet that there was no more than perfunctory talk about going pro after one year in college, if that. There was talk in some circles (probably from losers doing mock drafts in FEBRUARY) but Paul said later, "after my freshman year at Wake Forest, a lot of people asked if I would leave (college) to come out to the NBA early, but I knew I wasn’t ready." Noah (and friends) had a, uh, different reaction.
Lastly, Chris Paul dropped to #4 not because people were questioning his game (he was often referred to as the best PG to enter the NBA since Jason Kidd), but because NBA GMs are among the biggest idiots in sports not named Bill Simmons.
Bogut at #1? Fine. Big men are sexy, I get it. Marvin Williams at #2 to a team that desperately needed a point guard? And you wonder why the Hawks haven't been in the playoffs since Michael and Marcus Vick were holding up lemonade stands with super soakers. And the Jazz took Deron Williams ahead of Paul because they thought his game fit in better with Jerry Sloan. Williams is playing great, but the Jazz still made the wrong pick.
Paul's slippage wasn't the result of holes getting poked in his game, it was the result of stupidity, the same thing that happened to another Wake Forest All-American, current All-Star Josh Howard who dropped to #29 despite winning ACC Player of the Year Award. If I had had this site at that time, you would have probably read 100,000 words about how unbelievable it was to watch the following guys get taken before Howard: Troy Bell, Chris Kaman, Reece Gaines, Mike Sweetney, Dahntay Jones (yes, that Dahntay Jones), six forgeign and high schools guys you've never heard of and Jarvis Hayes (same position, same size, 5% of the talent - can you imagine how great the Bullets would be if they had Josh Howard instead of Jarvis Freakin' Hayes? And to think, if Ernie Grunfeld had been GM at the time, it probably would have happened!) I write about this at least twice a year, but it never ceases to amaze me. Here was Howard, All-American, ACC Player of the Year, a five-tool guy with a great attitude and defined leadership qualities and people were opting to go with Dahntay Jones instead. This is why I cannot stand the NBA.
Oh, and a much better analogy would have been Joakim Noah to Matt Leinart.

* Wanting to change the rule book after two weeks of watching
Simmons thinks the five-foul-and-out rule is too much of an x-factor ("particularly in March Madness" because, presumably, teams foul out more in March? I don't quite get that one) and wants it changed. His suggestion: Make it six fouls for disqualification, but give opposing teams two technical free throws (in addition to whatever free throws they are shooting) whenever someone gets their fifth. Congratulations, New Coke, you've been replaced at the top of the heralded "all-time dumbest ideas" list.
Imagine the following scenario: Duke and Carolina are playing a tight contest, but the Dukies have the ball, and a one-point lead, with 10 seconds left. UNC tries to foul in the backcourt, but Duke quickly gets the ball ahead to Josh McRoberts, who only has Tyler Hansbrough between him and the basket. Hansbrough, with four fouls, is forced to quickly foul in order to put McRoberts on the line. But, oops! That was Hansbrough's fifth, so now the Dukies get four free throws; they hit three of them and take a four-point lead, effectively ending the game.
And that scenario was the first thing that popped into my head. I'm sure there are 500 other ones that would expose how amazingly short-sighted this idea is. (Well put. Short sighted.) NCAA players get one foul per eight minutes, just like in the NBA. Just because coaches are far too cautious in playing a guy with two or three fouls doesn't mean the system is bad, it just means that coaches would rather sit a guy early than being forced to sit him late after a DQ.

* Pre-praising his predictions and predicting how said predictions will cause NBA teams to change their line of thinking.
After discussing a very far-fetched scenario that could result in the Suns getting Noah in the Draft, Simmons separates his shoulder trying to simultaneously rub his own ass while slapping himself on the back: "(By the way, if anyone in Phoenix's front office is reading this right now, they're probably screaming, "Shut up! Shut the hell up! Dammit! He's ruining everything!")
Yes Bill, because the jackasses who read your drivel while on the toilet at work are somehow going to gum up the works for one of the best-run franchises in the NBA. Apparently "yup, these are my readers," no longer means "can you believe how many morons read this?" and now instead means "yup, my readers are NBA superspys that infiltrate opposing organzations and feed them tips about how to covertly acquire last year's Final Four MOP without anybody noticing."

* Confusing "always" with "tonight, the one time I've seen him"
He says he doesn't watch much college basketball, so how can Simmons possibly know Corey Brewer always seems to make 2-3 big plays down the stretch?

* Not understanding the CBS rights package
When discussing inevitable March suplots, Simmons warns us to watch out for various reaction shots of Alando Tucker's mother on "every network." Yes, Bill, I'll pay keen attention to what FOX and ABC are cutting away to during the Tournament, although I'm guessing it will mainly be American Idol and Grey's Anatomy, repectively, shows those networks actually have the rights to. I guess his confusion is understandable, as CBS only received exclusive rights to the NCAA Tournament in 1982.

* Santa Clara Shocker?
While discussing Gonzaga's decline (about two months to late in that department), Simmons tells us to watch out for Santa Clara (don't say he didn't warn us!!!):

But here's what WAS shocking: Have you seen Santa Clara yet???? First of all, nobody on the team averages more than 10 points a game and they're 19-7. (Seriously. You can look it up.) Second, they threw a whitewash at Gonzaga for the entire second half. (At one point, I was half-asleep and mistakenly thought I was watching Brunswick Academy battling Rye Country Day in the Fairchester League playoffs.) And third, their two slash-and-kick guards (Brody Angley and Danny Pariseau) look like they're on hiatus from "Maui Fever." Still, they're one of those whole-exceeds-the-sum-of-the-parts teams that could definitely steal the WCC bid next month, then pull off one of those crazy "15-seed over the 2-seed" upsets in Round 1 of the NCAA Tournament when CBS shows their bench jumping up and down like little kids at least 200 times. Don't say I didn't warn you.

How, exactly, would Santa Clara winning the WCC bid be "stealing" it, considering that they currently lead the WCC standings. But let's say they do, indeed, "steal" the bid. How does Simmons possibly figure they'll get a 15-seed in the Tournament? Santa Clara has an RPI of 80, just 16 spots lower than Gonzaga (a team currently seeded #11 in Joe Lunardi's Bracketology). The WCC is also rated 14 out of 32 conferences, meaning, at the minimum, 10 schools would be behind any presumptive WCC Tournament Champion (barring a miracle run by a school like Portland or Pepperdine). At worst, Santa Clara would be a #13 seed if the Tournament started today. At best, they'd be a #11. Don't say I didn't warn you.

The Tuesday Three

1) I hate wind chill. Always have. Whenever somebody quotes the phony number, I have to resist the urge to go on a 20-minute rant about how if the mercury rests at 28 then 28 is the actual temperature and if it's windy, well, then it's 28 degrees and windy. And what about when it's not windy on "wind chill" days. It's not like it's constantly windy, so exactly when does it feel like it's five below? When, I ask??
Luckily, Slate's "explainer" Daniel Engber agrees with me and wrote a nice piece last week about how wind chill is the single greatest fraud ever perpetuated on the human race. He might not have gone that far, but only probably because his editors cut that paragraph out. (And bonus points to Engbar for revealing he has a mustache. That makes him an FOC (Friend of Chris; maybe I'll work on the acronym) any day.) Read it all. And then go punch that clown Bob Ryan.

2) Last week, while ranting about how SportsCenter has become utterly unwatchable, I commented that ESPN's aquisition of NASCAR coverage would lead to more exposure on the network. What I didn't realize, however, was that said coverage would be replacing PTI for the entire week! Some crappy new show called "NASCAR Nation" has taken over the prime pre-SportsCenter 5:00 hour on the network, thus pre-empting PTI (and Around the Horn, but you won't see any tears here about that). Next week NASCAR Nation moves to the deuce and PTI thankfully returns, but this is troubling, to say the least. What's next, bumping college basketball games for Jeff Gordon's press conferences? A segment on PTI entitled "Well, I Reckon...?" A new SC theme remixed from the score to Deliverance? This madness has to stop! They bumped PTI for a NASCAR show! Can't Congress take a break from no-confidence votes to talk about something truly important?

3) Schools in D.C. got off early today due to an impending ice storm. Hopefully we'll be off tomorrow too. As a result, I'm calling it a day andstarting a season of Madden. First thing I'll be doing is cutting LaVar Arrington, you know, to keep with the times. Have a great afternoon and if you go outside, bundle up. I hear that wind chill is nasty today.

The Ship Be Sinking

Gilbert Arenas has gotten a little too big for his britches while the Dukies are having trouble simply putting on theirs without falling flat on their wimpy, pockmarked faces. Both the Bullets and Blue Devils are in freefalls, as demonstrated by their losses yesterday. A look at each:

Duke
OK, I'll call Pete Gaudet if you find someone to cover the 12-6 a.m. shift for Dickie V's suicide watch. Because, at this rate, the only way the Dukies will be able to underperform in the postseason, as usual, will be by losing to Canisius in the NIT. (No, I don't really believe that Duke is going to miss the Tournament; Billy Packer might actually murder Tournament chairman Gary Walters if Wright State made it over all-powerful Duke. But if they continue to lose, the committee might have no choice. But they won't.
And since I've started down this path, I might as well keep going. Duke is rated #3 in non-conference RPI. An upcoming game with St. John's might lower that a little, but not by much. Coupled with five wins against the RPI top 50 (bubble teams like Texas, Oklahoma and West Virginia all have just two), no real "bad" losses and wins over Air Force, Indiana, Georgetown, Gonzaga, Clemson and Boston College, it's really tough to see how Duke will miss-out on the Tournament, barring a historic collapse.
They're good for wins against St. John's and Georgia Tech, which would get them to six in the ACC and 20 overall. Do you honestly think a 20-win Duke team is going to miss the Tournament? And that's worst-case scenario (for them, not society). Count on, at the very least, one more win against either BC, Clemson, Maryland or UNC too. Clemson's wheels haven't just come off, they've blown up and Maryland is the most inconsistent team in the conference. Like it or not, Duke isn't going to miss the Tournament. All that buzzing you'll hear between now and March 11 about that very topic is inane. And now that I've tried to ruin this parade, let's get back to ripping Duke.)
When the buzzer sounded in College Park last night, Coach K had a strange, bemused look on his face. I think it was a look of resignation. It was almost as if he knows he doesn't have the horses this year and was willing himself into getting some more back pain so he can hand the reins over to Johnny Dawkins so the impending losses won't cloud his coaching record.
All of Duke's problems were on display yesterday. Greg Paulus isn't a competent point guard and probably would be better served by making a switch to the two. DeMarcus Nelson peaked in high school and every freshman on the roster is as inconsistent as... um... something that is really inconsistent. Josh McRoberts has improved since last year, but he still isn't taking over a game like somebody of his stature should. McRoberts often had two or three inches on the guy's defending him last night (Bambale Osby, James Gist), yet he failed to dominate the interior with Bowers and Ibekwe in foul trouble. It's sort of strange to see a Duke team struggle like this, particularly because it's been so out of the blue.

Can somebody explain to me how Duke is ranked #11 in the country right now? They lost their two best - nay, only - players and... I guess that's it. But it's enough. Duke lost their two best players. Now they're forced to rely on a soft presence in the middle who couldn't even contribute when he was getting defended by scrubs and the most overrated point guard in the land.
Sure, Greg Paulus led the ACC in assists last season, the first freshman to do so since Ed Cota, but he did so feeding the best shooter in the conference and a proficient big man. Assists won't come as easy dishing to David McClure.
Krzyzewski had another great recruiting class, but who else can step-in to fill the void left by the aforementiond tools and the about-to-be-mentioned one, Lee Melchionni? David McClure? You mean Ridgefield, CT's finest? Sorry, Ridgefield, you had your college superstar already and his name was Justin Redemer. Martynas Pocius? The best thing anybody can say about him is that some European teams offered him contrats this off-season. I suppose Trajan Langdon is lonely. DeMarcus Nelson? Please, I'm eating here.
- November 16, 2006

I'd pat myself on the back, but I know I'm not the only one who saw this coming. Bill Simmons definitely did too.

Bullets
Four weeks ago, Gilbert Arenas was the toast of D.C. Everything he touched turned to gold-plated swag, he was voted to the All-Star team and his coach would be there with him, on the strength of Gil's late-game heroics. Everything was copasetic.
Yesterday, in a game in which Gil said he'd drop 50, Arenas scored nine on 3-15 shooting (including 0-8 from three). The Bullets scored their lowest point total of the season against the lowly Blazers (at home, no less) and afterwards, utter mayhem ensued (to steal a line from Dan Steinberg).
Gil called out coach Eddie Jordan who, in turn, called out Gil. Antwan Jamison's absence clearly is to blame, but it doesn't much matter; strife is strife. The Bullets are falling apart at the seams mere weeks after being the hottest non-helio-named team in the NBA. In the immortal words of Micheal Ray Richardson, "the ship be sinking" and there's only one way to fix it: Bench Gilbert Arenas. (A fine would work too, but "Bench Gilbert Arenas" has a certain je ne sais pas.)
This theory is not my own (it belongs to a Bucknell grad who still can't believe the Bison lost to Wake Forest this year), but I am stealing it and passing it off as my own. There's really no explination needed either, which is good. If a player publicly calls out his coach, there should be repurcussions. Just because the player doing the calling out is a superstar doesn't make it any different. Gil needs to shut his mouth, learn to play some defense and take his ass-whuppings like a man. Ernie Grunfeld should announce that Gil has been fined and reprimanded and will sit out the first quarter of the next game. The Bullets need to show Agent Zero who's running the show and they need to do it in public so Gilbert knows that this type of nonsense won't fly.

* (re: Sean Taylor's hit: A reader named Jerry apparently has translated what those Japanese announcers were saying while describing SeanTay's hit in the Pro Bowl and he has transcribed it in the comments section. I don't know whether Jerry knows Japanese or simply stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night, but I'm going to take his word for it. It's sort of awesome:

The Japanese guys was pretty funny. What they said amounts to the following:
(something hard to make out without the first half of the sentence. He's either talking about strong winds or big numbers. Or maybe both.)
Analyst: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Play-by-Play: Oh, whoa! What's this?
Analyst: *something VERY incoherent in the background*
Play-by-Play: It's a keeper! He's not punting it!
Analyst: *continues to make noises*
Play-by-Play: (as the hit occurs) AHH! THERE'S SOMEONE THERE!
The last line really cracked me up.

When I watch Iron Chef I often wish I could just hear the original Japanese audio because they always seem a lot more giggly and excited than the American translaters. I don't know why I just wrote that.

* This is probably a few weeks old, but SNL's "Weekend Update" comments on the utter stupidity of Michael Vick. It's actually pretty funny.

Brian Moorman Must Have Stole His ATV

Sean Taylor destroys Brian Moorman in yesterday's Pro Bowl. (Who else had no clue the Pro Bowl was last night?) Be sure to watch the video until the end so you can hear the Japanese broadcast of SeanTay's hit - It's like an old Godzilla movie, if Godzilla were fond of accruing multiple personal foul penalties over the course of a 16-game football season. Also listen for the crowd's reaction to Moorman's near decapitation.

College Ball Notes

I haven't written about college basketball much this year, mainly because merely thinking about Wake Forest's season is enough to make me want to plant myself in front of my exhaust pipe for a 45-minute stretch. But a particularly lazy Saturday that consisted of about nine uninterrupted hours of basketball-viewing got me inspired to make a rare Sunday entry.

* John Feinstein has a nice column in today's Washington Post about former Maryland assistant Jimmy Patsos and the good work he's doing at Loyola (MD). In his first year at the school, Patsos' team had one win... For the entire season. This year they're contending for the MAAC title.

* Continuing my role of devil's advocate to the Kevin Durant hype (which, again, is strange because I've been on Durant's bandwagon since he played his high school ball down the street at Montrose Christian): In two of Durant's three all-world performances from this season, he's been out-played by opposing players. In an 18-point loss to Texas A&M, Durant shined with 28 points and 15 boards. But Acie Law, A&M's star, countered with 21 points and 15 assists. And in the college basketball game of the year (so far), Durant dropped 37 and 12 in a triple-overtime loss to Oklahoma State. However, State's Mario Boggan had 37 and 20! The rematch is tomorrow night. It should be fun.
Last thing about Durant: Check out his minutes played, starting with the Oklahoma State game:

52 @ OSU
40 @ Villanova
36 @ Nebraska
36 vs. Baylor
40 @ Texas Tech
36 vs. Kansas State
39 @ Texas A&M
38 vs. Iowa State

So in his last eight games, Durant is averaging 39.6 minutes played. He's missed 18 total minutes in those contests. Anybody who's read this site for a while knows that I'm no fan of Rick Barnes and this is why. Durant is 18 years old and still has some growing to do. Exhausting him in the middle of February probably isn't the best way to utilize his greatness. And, yes, despite what I've just written I still think Durant is awesome. I just think the hype is getting too big, too quickly. And Rick Barnes seems to be falling for it too. A worn-down Durant is the last thing Texas needs come March.

* Bill Simmons says he thinks UNC's chances at the National Title could be hindered by their lack of long-range shooting. Interesting, then, that the Tar Heels are fourth in the ACC in three-point percentage and have Reyshawn Terry (45%) and Wayne Ellington (39%) launching from the perimeter. I'd be inclined to think that Simmons has no clue what he's talking about, but that'd just be kooky talk.

* Players I really like: Mario Boggan, Sean Singletary, Reyshawn Terry, Julian Wright, Jeff Green, Chase Budinger, Curtis Sumpter, Corey Brewer, Dominic James (even after yesterday's debacle) and Durant.

* Players I don't like: Duke's entire roster, Joakim Noah and Randolph Morris (they play soft every time I see them).

* Coaches I don't like: Kelvin Sampson.

* Announcers I like: Bill Raftery, Verne Lundquist, Brent Musberger, Brad Nessler, Dan Schulman

* Announcer I like, even though I hate: Dick Vitale. More on him, though, on February 28.

Friday Fun

* Dan Steinberg's DC Sports Bog is one of the best reads on the web. Today's transcript of a conversation between Brendan Haywood, Roger Mason and Calvin Booth about exactly what constitutes a scoring average is standard fare for the Bog, hence my vigorous recommendation to bookmark Steinberg's site and visit it frequently.

* Bill Simmons knows nothing about college basketball. But that doesn't stop him from writing 1,500 words about it! The column is so terrible that I can't even critique it because it'd be like shooting a huge fish in a very small barrel. Instead, here's the email I sent to The Wolfman and Falkow earlier today:

Man, bill simmons college basketball column might have been the single-worst thing I’ve ever read on espn.com. I’m sure there’s been worse things, but I havent read them.

Among the highlights:

• [expletive deleted] jon scheyer’s [expletive deleted] after he had his first good game of his career and calling him more palatable than j.j. redick? that's like saying cow testicles are more palatable than pig's feet.
• acting like he discovered kevin durant, even though durant was the consensus #2 high school player in the country last year. [expletive deleted], I watched [durant] play in high school last year at the mci center and the place was 3/4 full. For two high school games! the caps draw half that! Everyone was on durant's bandwagon then too because he was tearing it up. that jackass says durant was maybe a top-25 pick before his huge game against texas tech put him in the lottery. of course, if the age-limit rule didn't exist, durant would have gone #2 last year behind oden. what, bargnidontknowhowtospellhisname would have gone ahead of him? or shelden williams? damn, are there no editors at page 2? or are they too-busy spellchecking scoop jackson's [expletive deleted]?
• saying the duke/unc rivalry is one you have to take sides on. What? Take sides against, maybe. But not take sides. Maybe in boston, [compound expletive deleted].
• this line, “x And they're the kind of team nobody would pick if they didn't know anything -- imagine seeing Texas A&M on a bracket as a 2-seed? If you didn't know any better, you'd pick them to get shocked in the first two rounds, right? Consider yourself warned.” YOU KNOW NOTHING SO YOU CANT THROW STONES AT THOSE WHO DON’T EITHER. HOW MANY GAMES HAS HE WATCHED A&M PLAY? SERIOUSLY. ONE, TOPS. TOPS! Tops. Tops. They are who we thought they were! [expletive deleted]

Seriously, stick to the NBA and losing to your wife in football handicapping. Leave the college basketball analysis to people who actually know what they're talking about. Like Hubert Davis.

* I'm not gonna lie, it's been a long week and that's all I got. Before I get my weekend on, a quick story: After the Redskins final home game of the year, I was stumbling to the Metro and, during a phone call with my sister, realized that my Art Monk jersey and beloved Redskins pom-pom hat (see right - that's my sister, she was pregnant at the time and I'm sure she's thrilled that I have chosen this picture to post - but its the only one I have of me in the hat where you can sort of make out the pom-pom on top) had fallen off my shoulder. Why they were there in the first place? Couldn't tell you. Anyway, I lost them. Losing the jersey stung because it was one of those custom-made jobbies from NFLShop.com and they usually don't allow you to customize a jersey of a former player. Somehow this one slipped through the cracks though. But the jersey was (fairly) replacable. The hat, on the other hand, was not. For two months I soldiered on, my head consciously aware of its toque-less existence. I looked on eBay for a replacement but only heavily-stained, worn hats or cheap imitations remained. I was a man without a country. Country, in this instance, referring to an old Redskins pom-pom hat.
Yesterday, however, a miracle occurred. My buddy Antzo scoured his parents house based on a distant memory of seeing such a hat somewhere in the abode. He found it and triumphantly presented me the replacement hat last night. It now sits atop my head. And, once again, I am whole. Thanks, Antzo.

There Hadn't Been This Many High Things In Miami Since The '96 Cowboys Played There

Corporate jets leaving Miami after the Super Bowl. My favorite is the one in the middle of the Atlantic. It's so off-course that Rex Grossman probably made the flight plan.

via Instapundit

The Tuesday Ten

1) The biggest question entering this NFL offseason will be: Who will be the Bears starting quarterback? Either that or, how soon will Norv Turner's back go out from Jerry Jones walking all over him? Anyway, the Grossman situation is a complicated one. If the Bears were actually committed to the run and didn't depend on Rex to win games, he'd be a fine choice to helm their offensive ship. But with Ron Turner bizarro-version of Martyball, the Bears tried to win the Super Bowl with Rex's arm instead of with their running game. Remember, the Colts run defense was historically bad this season, yet Turner was calling deep passes on second and short. (Not even play-action passes, mind you. Straight three-step drops and release.)
I didn't watch enough Bears' games to know how Turner was all season, but the Super Bowl went badly enough that the Bears should be looking for an offensive coordinator first and foremost.

2) Peyton Manning's Super Bowl rings without Bob Sanders: 0
Peyton Manning's Super Bowl rings with Bob Sanders: 1.
I'm just saying.

3) As I was fast-forwarding through the first 15 minutes of the 6:00 Sportscenter yesterday (12 minutes of which consisted of Mike Golic and Eric Allen babbling about the Super Bowl), I came to a sobering realization: My favorite sports program (PTI) is responsible for the death of my previous-favorite sports program (Sportscenter).
Ever since Wilbon and Kornheiser began bickering on national television in the fall of 2001, SC has tried to duplicate the show by pitting talking suits and moronic ex-jocks arguing under the guise of PTI rip-offs like "Fact or Fiction" or "The Coors Lite Six-Pack". The suits (with a few exceptions - Gammons, Mortensen) often make absurd statements with little attribution and try to pass them off as fact (I'm looking in your general direction, John Clayton) which is slightly better than the "analysis" made by guys like John Kruk, Jeff Brantley and Hubert Davis that can barely be considered a rational thought.
SC is no longer a highlights show. Over the past six years it has morphed into a discussion-show about sports that dabbles in highlights. Instead of showing clips from, say, a Suns/Cavs game, SC will run an abbreviated package on it and then spend six minutes talking about what it meant. It's like if a high school teacher assigned the Cliff Notes to Hamlet and then spent 45 minutes babbling about what his place in history is.
ESPN dominates the sporting culture and sets the tone for what makes news in sports. It's no coincidence that the NFL became a niche sport the instant ESPN stopped airing games. Wit no need to protect their investment in the league, SC stopped showing highlights and hockey shows like NHL Tonight were jettisoned. (The opposite will happen this year with NASCAR, I'm assuming. ESPN recently ponied up some major coin to get in the sport. Expect major coverage on SC and on ESPN.com. A NASCAR show is set to debut soon on ESPN2.)
This is journalistically despicable. Imagine if The Chicago Tribune (whose parent company owns the Cubs) suddenly stopped covering the White Sox while devoting page-upon-page to the Cubbies. ESPN has a monopoly on sports and, for worse and for worse, there's nothing we can do about it.

4) The awesomeness of D.C. native Kevin Durant has been well-documented. And, to be sure, when looking for flaws in his game one has to stretch (leaves his feet too much defensively and has a strangly ineffective post-up move). However, there is one concern that has become more and more pressing over the past month: Durant isn't making anyone around him better. (Let's call it "LeBron Syndrome".) Let me reitirate: This is a stretch, but I think the theory has some merit.
Texas is on the outer-fringes of the Top 25 and collapses late in games. They're a very young team (their top eight scorers are underclassman, including six freshman), but it's not like these guys are slouches. Texas had a top 5 recruiting class the past two seasons. The Longhorns' late-game collapses could be due to everyone watching Durant light it up, but the Longhorns shouldn't be scratching out wins against Nebraska and Baylor with perhaps the best freshman ever leading the way. Durant is leaps and bounds better than Tyler Hansbrough was last season, yet Hansbrough led the Tar Heels to a #3 seed in the NCAA Tournament. Again, I might just be grasping at straws and I'll reserve judgment until March, but it's worth paying attention to as the season winds down.

5) Kellen Winslow compared the Dungy/Lovie Super Bowl appearance to Jesse Owens winning four gold medals in Berlin and Jackie Robinson breaking the color barrier. Well, at least we know where Kellen Winslow Jr. gets his stupidity from.

6) Bob Sanders doesn't play defense. Defense plays Bob Sanders.

7) I didn't write my annual Art Monk Hall of Fame column this year because I was hoping any positive karma I could possibly throw Monk's way would help. So here goes: It's absurd that Michael Irvin got in before Art Monk. Monk had better numbers than Irvin and accumulated said numbers getting balls thrown his way by mediocre quarterbacks who barely whiffed the Pro Bowl, let alone Canton. Irvin was catching throws from Troy Aikman, a first ballot inductee to the Hall. There's no debate about any of this.
Monk isn't in because the Gibbs' Redskins are criminally underrated (I'm not going to even get started on the '91 team's #14 ranking by the NFL Network; I almost went hoarse yelling about it in a bar on Saturday night. The '04 Patriots? For real? The '91 Skins held the NFL MVP to 13 yards on 10 carries in the Super Bowl while the '04 Pats let a broken-legged T.O. prance for almost 170. And the '86 Giants? Serenity now. Serenity now).
From Gibbs' three Super Bowl champions (in nine seasons), there is only one player in the Hall of Fame; John Riggins, and he was only on the first title team. Darrell Green figures to get in when he is eligible too (but, then again, we said the same thing about Monk). At least one Hog should be in (Jim Lachey was considered the best tackle in football for over a half-decade while with the Raiders and 'Skins) and Russ Grimm and Joe Jacoby were All-Pro lineman for the most heralded offensive-line unit in NFL history.
Next year, another cokehead will steal votes from Monk (Cris Carter) and, with each passing season, Monk's numbers will look antiquated next to the mega-stats posted in the current pass-happy era. The only thing that should matter is that, when he retired, Monk held the record for most receptions in a career, most receptions in a single-season and most consecutive games with a reception. With three Super Bowl rings to his credit, how can a man like that possibly not be in the Hall of Fame?

8) Sean Taylor, the weakest non-Warrick-Holdman link of the Redskins' inept 2006 defense, was named to the Pro Bowl yesterday. Remember that next time somebody uses Pro Bowl appearances to praise someone's career.

9) If you have some time to kill, this archived webcam of the construction of the Nationals' baseball stadium is an interesting diversion.

10) The picture (above right) appears to be of Bob Sanders kissing the Vince Lombardi trophy. In actuality, it's the Vince Lombardi trophy that is doing the kissing.

Super Bowl Thoughts

* After playing perhaps the most entertaining first quarter in the history of the game, the Bears and Colts had a relatively uninteresting finish to Super Bowl XLI. Heaps of blame will be piled on Rex Grossman and deservedly so. But the bulk of the accountability belongs on Bears offensive coordinator Ron Turner. In the fourth quarter, with the Bears down five, Turner inexplicably called for a downfield pass, after Grossman had proven utterly incapable of making any such pass throughout the game. Thomas Jones averaged almost 7.5 yards per carry, yet ran the ball just 15 times. On way too many 2nd-and-short plays, Turner called for passes. Grossman might have been terrible, but Turner set him up for his failure.

*