The Tuesday Two

I've never seen Jay Cutler throw a football. Or maybe I have and just don't remember. I don't know if he's built like Vince Young or Doug Flutie and don't know if he has an arm like Jeff George or Chad Pennington. My assumption that he's white is based on his playing at Vanderbilt and being named Jay, but I'm not as confident in my race-guessing game with Cutler as I am with, say, D'Brickashaw Ferguson. (That guy's gotta be Asian.)
So I know nothing about Jay Cutler except this: Three months ago he was a good quarterback prospect who had a decent chance of being selected late in the first round of the NFL draft. Since then he has skyrocketed up everybody's draft board and actually has people debating whether or not he should be selected ahead of Matt Leinart and Vince Young.
Before I begin ranting, let me reitirate my main point: I don't know diddly-poo about Jay Cutler. Maybe he is the best quarterback prospect in the draft and maybe he'll be the second-coming of Brett Favre as Chris Mortensen has suggested (minus the Vicodin-addiction and penchant for throwing into septuple-coverage, I assume.) However, every season a good player shoots up draft boards because of a stellar performance at the Senior Bowl or a good showing at the combine. And inevitably, this player turns out to be a gigantic bust.
Akili Smith was a solid quarterback at Oregon who was named first-team All-Pac 10 and led his team to a bowl game. After the season everyone assumed he'd be a late-first round or early-second round pick. But a great Senior Bowl and impressive combine help raise his stock so much that he went with the #3 pick overall. Today, Smith is out of football.
NFL scouts are like the Phil Mickelson of old: They overthink every decision and are more fond of taking a risk than playing it safe. Given the choice between an athletic stud with upside or a proven competitor they'll take the athletic stud with upside every time because they feel their ceiling is higher. NBA scouts do this too, which is why Josh Howard went with the #29 pick behind guys like Mickael Pietrus, Zarko Carbakapa, Travis Outlaw, Brian Cook, Ndudi Ebi and Kendrick Perikins in the 2003 draft. The scouts felt that those unknowns were a better choice than the ACC Player of the Year because they had a higher ceiling. Now, each of those guys rides the bench while Howard is the second most important player on the team with the best record in the West.
Jay Cutler is no Mickael Pietrus, but he's no Matt Leinart either. Vanderbilt went 5-6 this season, failing to qualify for a bowl game. Maybe that was the fault of the Commodore's weak defense (which ranked 72nd in the country), but Notre Dame, Memphis, Minnesota, BYU, Wisconsin, UCLA, Illinois and Northwestern all had worse defensive units and still played in the postseason.
Cutler's regular season numbers were impressive, but hardly awe-inspiring. The Vandy QB ranked 7th in the SEC in passer rating and 8th in yards-per attempt. He threw for the most yards and second-most touchdowns in the conference, but those totals become less impressive when you consider Cutler threw 84 more times than the quarterback with the second-most attempts. Sure, Cutler might have thrown for 485 more yards than D.J. Shockley, but it took him 152 more attempts to do it.
But, again, I'm not criticizing Cutler. I'm just expressing surprise that Mel Kiper now considers Jay Cutler the 12th best overall player in the draft after not having him listed among his top 25 seniors on November 23. Six juniors are ahead of Cutler on Mel's Big Board, which means Kiper believes Cutler is the 6th best senior in the draft just three months after thinking he wasn't among the top 25. Keep in mind, Cutler has played exactly zero real games since then. None. Kiper (and everyone else) has moved Cutler up his board based on the Senior Bowl alone. This has to alarm somebody, doesn't it?
Again, I'm not saying Jay Cutler is going to be an NFL bust. But it certainly won't surprise me if he is.

2) My buddy Phil sent me this story about a Romanian soccer player who was traded for about 30 pounds of meat. Isiah Thomas immediately stepped in and offered the meat a six-year, $55 million deal.

Len Pasquarelli Is A Stupid F***

Maybe Daniel Snyder kicked his dog once. Or perhaps Stephen Davis hit on his daughter. And I suppose it's possible George Preston Marshall once had beef with his grandfather. Because if not, it becomes impossible to fathom why Len Pasquarelli has so much hatred for the Washington Redskins.
It's not like Pasquarelli is an NFL owner frustrated with Snyder or a coach who resents the $2.1 million Gregg Williams is getting paid. Pasquarelli never played professional football so he can't harbor any resentment over getting cut or passed-over by the organization. And unless he really, really likes Jeff Gordon's #24 car, there's no way Len can hate Joe Gibbs, who by all accounts is one of the most gracious, good-hearted men in sports.
Yet Pasquarelli continues to dump on the Redskins at every possibility, even going so far as to create a story out of thin air, as he did yesterday.
On Saturday Joe Gibbs mentioned the Redskins were looking to trade Patrick Ramsey thus confirming a story that had already been confirmed by dozens of sources over the past two seasons. That this wasn't a big deal was lost on Pasquarelli who breathlessly led his ESPN.com story:

In one of the NFL's worst-kept secrets, Washington Redskins coach Joe Gibbs has acknowledged that the team is trying to trade former first-round quarterback Patrick Ramsey, and has granted permission to the one-time starter and his agent to seek potential trade suitors as well.

How was the Redskins desire to unload Patrick Ramsey a secret? Ramsey has been on the trade block since he was drafted. During training camp and in the middle of the season the 'Skins made overtures to other teams about him. In no possible way was Ramsey's impending departure from Washington a secret. Len Pasquarelli just wants you to think so because it makes the Redskins look like an inept, bumbling franchise if you do.
The only news yesterday was that Joe Gibbs publicly announced the Redskins were seeking to trade Ramsey. This non-story was buried on page E3 of the Washington Post, yet was given top-headline treatment yesterday on ESPN.com, probably because Pasquarelli's name was attached to the byline.
Again, the 'Skins looking to get rid of Ramsey wasn't big news because: a) everyone knew this months ago, and, b) everyone knew this months ago. Tomorrow, Len Pasquarelli is writing an exclusive story set to announce the breakup of Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey.

Second, until the last few days, the Redskins were still seeking a second- or third-round pick in return for Ramsey, league sources said. And while that may have been a viable price tag three months ago, a buyer's market and Washington's ham-handed handling of Ramsey have probably reduced his value in the eyes of some teams interested in acquiring the four-year veteran.

This is a news article. However ham-handed Ramsey might have been handed, it's not Pasquarelli's place to insert editorial comments into this story. Every time Pasquarelli does this he loses any shred of credibility he's still hanging on to.
Pasquarelli also seems to believe that the concept of a person or organization lowering its asking price after testing the market and realizing its original price might have been too high is something exclusive to Redskins Park. Does Pasquarelli not understand the art of negotiation? Is he somehow related to Isiah Thomas?

A year or two ago, when it became obvious that Gibbs' staff wasn't enamored of Ramsey, the Redskins would almost certainly have commanded a higher price for the former Tulane star. But Washington failed to pull the trigger on a deal when Sexton could have brought them several suitors.

Notice the phrases Pasquarelli uses in this paragraph, "almost certainly" and "could have brought." This is vintage Pasquarelli: Using qualifiers to lay out his own agenda.
Pasquarelli has no proof Ramsey "almost certainly would have commended a higher price" a year or two ago, but he'd like you to believe it. The Redskins were certainly asking for more back then, but they didn't get it. (The Bears wouldn't even part with a first-round pick for Ramsey back in 2002, though, when he had yet to take an NFL snap, so it's not like teams were throwing first-round picks around like the Vikings circa 1989.)
Pasquarelli likely hasn't even entertained the possibility that Ramsey's stock has gone down because Ramsey has struggled on the field. It has to be the organization's fault.
Also, in the last sentence Pasquarelli writes, "Washington failed to pull the trigger... when Sexton could have brought them several suitors." Wait, I'm confused, Len. What did the Redskins fail to pull the trigger on. A trade or the possibility of Sexton bringing them several suitors? As Sleeping Beauty well knows, a suitor is merely a courter, not someone with whom a deal has been made.
To my knowledge, and apparently Pasquarelli's as well since he didn't mention it, Sexton merely had a list of teams who were interested in Ramsey on a superficial level and had yet to make a solid offer to the Redskins. This is vastly different than Pasquarelli's pseudo-assertion that teams were lining up for Ramsey and the Redskins brushed them off.
But let's give Pasquarelli the undeserved benefit of the doubt and say that the Redskins did indeed turn down, say, a second-round pick for Ramsey last offseason. If they had (which they didn't), there's still one little problem with Pasquarelli's criticism of the move: IT WAS THE RIGHT CHOICE.
When Brunell was named the starter there was some chatter that Ramsey would be released or traded. That was crazy-talk because it would foolish to assume Brunell would take every meaningful snap over the course of the season. NFL quarterbacks are like Faberge eggs, it was only natural to assume Brunell would get hurt at some point. And he did, in the Redskins pivotal Christmas Eve win over the Giants.
In that game, Brunell rolled his knee in the second quarter and Ramsey replaced him, performing well to help keep the Redskins in the lead and in position to control their playoff destiny. It's impossible to say what Tim Hasselbeck or Jason Campbell would have done had they been the Redskins backup, but the fact remains Ramsey was good enough to win the game. Without him, it's quite possible Washington would never have made the playoffs and advanced to the divisional round. And, in my book, that's worth 32 picks in any draft.

Gibbs sold Ramsey on the notion that he would compete for the starting job, then went out and invested a 2005 first-round pick on Auburn quarterback Jason Campbell.

First of all, Joe Gibbs didn't have to sell Patrick Ramsey on anything. Ramsey was under contract and was in no position to force a trade. Secondly, Ramsey was the starting quarterback to open the season even though everybody could see Mark Brunell was the better QB in the preseason. (Did Len Pasquarelli forget about this nugget of info? Or does he just care not to remember?)
Ramsey got hurt in the opening game against the Bears and Brunell led the team to victory. The veteran started on Monday night in week 2 against Dallas and for 56 minutes it appeared Gibbs had made the wrong choice. Brunell was erratic, looked lost and the Redskins offense was pitiful.
But the second Santana Moss caught the go-ahead touchdown pass from Brunell to complete a furious Washington comeback, the Washington Redskins had their starting quarterback for 2005.
Patrick Ramsey was given every chance to succeed as Redskins quarterback and he failed at every turn. Ramsey's turn was up. He had blown it. When you don't give anything, you shouldn't expect anything in return.
As for the Campbell drafting, I'm continually amazed by analysts criticizing teams for having the foresight to, gasp, draft for the future. When the Saints picked Deuce McCallister even with Ricky Williams on their roster, everyone questioned it. Same thing when the Chiefs had Priest Holmes yet took Larry Johnson anyway. Brunell is old, Ramsey is terrible. What did Pasquarelli want the Redskins to do, draft the ghost of Red Grange so no position player would have their feelings hurt?

Ramsey started the '05 season opener, was pulled in favor of Mark Brunell at halftime, and didn't log another start the rest of the season. The poor handling of the situation probably means that Washington will have to settle for far less now in any Ramsey trade. Even at a reduced rate the Redskins likely have to deal Ramsey or release him, since he has finally become alarmed by his status.

Erroneous! ERRONEOUS! Erroneous on both accounts! That first sentence is just a flat-out lie. I missed it the first time I read this article, but there it is in all of its fallacious black and white. Man, Len's in Jayson Blair/James Frey territory here.
Patrick Ramsey wasn't pulled in favor of Mark Brunell at halftime, he was injured four minutes into the second quarter and was replaced. At halftime Redskins trainer Bubba Tyer seemed ambivalent about Ramsey's return, which was enough for Gibbs who decided to go with Brunell. It's one thing when I thought Pasquarelli was just stupid. Now he's incompetent and stupid which is sort of like mixing liquor and beer on an empty stomach.
The next sentence is more of the same from Pasquarelli, taking editorial jabs at the team and dabbling in half-truths with little factual basis.
Yesterday my buddy Jaffe said Pasquarelli's hatred of the Redskins was "really getting out of hand. Really."
Really.

"Len Pasquarelli Is A Stupid F***" is a frequent feature on this site.

The AP 25

I have two middle names.
It’s a long story. Well, it’s not actually a long story, just a boring one. Anyway, my full name is Christopher Arthur Peter Chase. Back when I wrote for my middle school newspaper I made a point of writing “Christopher A.P. Chase” as my byline and this led to the inevitable nickname of AP. It never really caught on except with a guy one year ahead of me in school who, to this day, will still give me the “AAAAAAAAAA PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP” treatment whenever I run into him. So, in honor of Heltz and The Churchill Observer, I present the first AP 25.

1) Duke is the best team in college basketball. They will not win the National Championship. The Blue Devils are far too dependent on J.J. Redick and will have a difficult time winning five games against top competition because of that. Shelden Williams might have a 25-15 day against a small team but The Slumlord is notorious for getting shutdown by similarly sized opponents like the one’s he’ll see if Duke plays the UConn’s and Texas’ of the world. Williams defense has been atrocious this season, as I’ve detailed many times before, and he simply can’t be counted on to perform well in big games.
Georgetown provided the template for how to beat Duke; guard Redick with a taller, more athletic defender and don’t let anybody else beat you. So far only the Hoyas have knocked off the Dukies, but teams like Virginia Tech, Boston College and Florida State have all been close.
For as great as he is, it’s too much to assume Redick can give Duke five great games in the Tournament against top-notch competition. He’s bound to have an off-night (as he did against Georgia Tech Wednesday night) and good teams will capitalize on it. Hell, a bad team almost did.
Without a solid third scoring threat, Duke will be in dire straits if Redick is cold or has a quick defender on him.
Make no mistake, the Blue Devils are a one-man team. If that man has an off-night, the Dukies will make a quick exit come March.

2) I’ve been on the Villanova bandwagon since last season and won’t be getting off any time soon. Guard-play wins championships and ‘Nova has the best set in the nation. Allen Ray and Randy Foye are excellent on both ends of the court and, unlike Duke, the Cats have four scorers who can light it up in any given game. If Foye is having an off-night, Mike Nardi can easily drop 20. If Nardi’s cold, Kyle Lowry can pick up the slack.
Villanova has been battle-tested this season, learning how to win close games in the brutal Big East. Being a veteran team doesn’t hurt either.
In the past two seasons the Cats have lost 10 games. With the exception of a 15-point loss at Syracuse last year, their other nine losses have come by a total of 25 points. Conversely, Texas lost by 21 points to Oklahoma State on Sunday. If not for a bogus traveling call against Carolina in last year’s Sweet 16, the Cats would have been one win away from the Final Four.
Everything feels right about this Villanova team. I think they’re the team to beat.

3) Note to Dick Vitale: J.J. Redick stayed at Duke for his senior season because he would have been a late first-round pick, at best, not because he wanted to stay true to the NCAAs student-athlete ideal. Vitale always does this; he automatically assumes any player who stays for his senior season does so for reasons other than necessity. Redick made a practical decision: He could have gone pro after his junior season, and possibly gotten a non-guaranteed contract as a second round pick, or he could come back, improve his game and move himself into the top-half of the first-round (where he should go; if he doesn’t NBA execs are even dumber than I imagined). This is not to say Redick’s return was all about draft position, but let’s not turn him into a martyr for making the only logical decision he was presented with.

4) Redick, and not Adam Morrison, is the National Player of the Year. Morrison’s awesome but Redick is better against better competition.

5) My dislike of Skip Prosser is well-known to readers of this site. So it might come as a surprise to many that I don’t think Prosser should be fired after this season, as many have suggested. Prosser is a terrible coach and the fact that he couldn’t get into the Sweet 16 with Chris Paul running the show is proof of this. Wake has peaked under him and can only go downhill from here. But, again, he shouldn’t be fired.
Wake Forest is one of the most difficult places to win in the country. They play on Tobacco Road and have to compete with Duke, UNC and NC State for recruits. They play in the best basketball conference in the country and generally adhere to rigorous academic standards for admission. The campus is small, the enrollment is smaller (the smallest among BCS-conference schools) and the basketball history is nearly non-existent. It helps that Wake has Tim Duncan and Chris Paul starring in the NBA (as well as Josh Howard. According to John Hollinger’s PER ratings, Wake has three of the top 29 players in the league. No other college has more than one player listed that highly), but Wake isn’t exactly at the top of most recruits wish-lists. Yet Prosser has made the school a destination. He won a regular season title, had the second-best start for a coach in conference history and helped invigorate Winston-Salem enough that Lawrence Joel Coliseum was totally sold out for the season before a game was played for the first time in history. So for Prosser to be fired after one bad season despite all the good he has done for the University sets a terrible precedent and would likely make prospective coaches very wary of going to Wake Forest. “If Ron Wellman got rid of Skip Prosser after winning a regular season title, leading two teams to #2 seeds in the Tournament, getting the school their first #1 ranking in history and recruiting the best point guard prospect since Isiah Thomas,” they’ll say, “what would I have to do in order to keep my job?”
That being said, I hope Skip Prosser bolts to Cincinnati and makes this a moot point. My health can’t deal with another season of inept offense and non-existent defense.

6) Beware of Tennessee. Or should I say, be wary of Tennessee. Bruce Pearl is a great coach and will turn the Volunteers into perennial contenders. But this year they’re winning with smoke and mirrors in a terrible SEC. Beating Florida twice might look nice, but the Gators are as overrated as Coldplay.
In Ken Pomeroy’s defensive efficiency stats, Tennessee ranks 77th in the nation. This is as big a red flag as there is in college basketball. (Last year some highly ranked teams with poor efficiency ratings were Wake Forest (#76, second round exit), Gonzaga (119, second round exit) and Washington (#1 seed, #58 rating, sweet 16 exit). These are not coincidences. Of course, West Virginia had a DER of 119 and almost made the Final Four.)

7) George Washington is a mystery, but to knock them for not beating down on A-10 competition, as some have done, is quite spurious. (I read something earlier today that said as much, but now can’t remember where it was, hence the lack of link.) Intraconference competition is difficult for every good team. Duke needed a prayer buzzer beater at home to beat Virginia Tech and got bailouts from the refs against FSU and Boston College. Those results take nothing away from the Blue Devils success. Every team in the ACC looks ahead to that game and gives Duke their best effort. It’s the same thing with GW this year in the A-10. The lesser teams in that conference, the Xaviers, the St. Joes, the LaSalles, have been gunning for George Washington. Beating the Colonials is a chance for those teams to get some love on the national stage. And GW, to their credit, has stayed undefeated in the conference. Only Duke, Bucknell, Gonzaga and Memphis have made it through their conference season with an unblemished mark and each have it just as difficult (with the possible exception of Memphis because Conference USA is simply terrible.) GW will drop one soon though; the loss of Pops Mensah-Bonsu is a killer. The Colonials would be wise to rest him until the NCAAs. There’s no use in rushing him back for the A-10 Tournament.

8) Very quietly, Florida has lost three of five and five of their last ten. One month ago people were touting them as a possible #1 seed. Now a #5 seed looks more realistic. (Back in January I predicted an even lower seed for UF: “In March, when Florida is a #6 seed and gets upset by Old Dominion in the first round, people are going to wonder how the hell the Gators ever got to be ranked #2 in the nation.”) The Gators marquee wins from the Coaches vs. Cancer tournament look a lot less special now. Beating Wake Forest and Syracuse seemed great in November but… not so much anymore.

9) Today it seems like there’s only three teams that have a realistic shot of winning the National Championship: Duke, Villanova and Connecticut. Memphis hasn’t played a good team since December, Gonzaga always flames out and can’t rely on Morrison so heavily, championship teams don’t get blown out like Texas does and everyone else is just too damn streaky.
In recent memory only the 2003 Tournament was like this year is shaping up to be. Going into that Dance, everyone had either Kentucky or Arizona winning and everybody else was an afterthought. Of course, neither of those teams made the Final Four and Syracuse ended up winning on the strength of Carmelo Anthony. The moral of the story: The fewer great teams in an NCAA Tournament puts a whole bunch of teams in the mix. Conversely, if there are six or seven teams everyone is talking about, then the winner usually comes from those six or seven teams. I'm still going to pick Villanova, but don't be surprised if a team comes from out of the blue to win the whole thing.

10) Not having home-and-home matchups anymore in the ACC is just so damn sad and hurts the conference in so many ways. I get upset just thinking about it, so I’ll move on.

11) Rock Chalk Jayhawk! Behind freshman Brandon Rush, Kansas is amazingly tied for the lead in the Big 12 and could move into the top spot outright with a win over Texas this weekend.
On January 17 the Jayhawks were 10-6 overall and had lost back-to-back games against Colorado and Kansas State. Their season appeared over. Four wins later the Jayhawks were down 16 at home to Oklahoma before a furious comeback gave them a one-point win. They’ve rolled to five more victories since then (for ten overall) in a run that took them from receiving no votes in the AP poll to a #16 ranking one month later. Nobody wants to face Bill Self’s team come March.

12) Tyler Hansbrough is unstoppable and deserves every Freshman of the Year award out there, but Brandon Rush has been fantastic at Kansas and is getting about 1/10th of the pub.

13) If the Tournament committee has any sense (a big if, mind you) George Mason’s loss last night to Hofstra shouldn’t affect their Tournament status. Hofstra is 21-5 and has a 19-game home winning streak. To penalize Mason for a road loss to their conference’s second-best team would be unconscionable.

14) Maryland’s 2002 recruiting class sure didn’t turn out like Gary Williams expected. McDonald’s All-American Travis Garrison was an unqualified bust, Nik Caner-Medley’s game stayed stagnant during his four seasons as a Terp and Williams’ heralded backcourt of John Gilchrist and Chris McCray isn’t even on the team anymore.
Big things were expected out of the first Maryland class to follow the NCAA Tournament champs and they never delivered. It’s rare that a National Champion fails to make the Tournament four seasons after winning (when a completely new team is on the floor). Many programs fall a bit in the immediate years following their titles but almost always reload by the time their first post-championship class are seniors. The last school to win the Tournament and miss it four years later was, surprisingly, Duke. After winning with Christian Laettner, Bobby Hurley and Grant Hill in 1992, the Blue Devils missed the Tournament in 1996 with a similarly lackluster class that included the infamous Greg Newton and Carmen Wallace. (That’s also the year Coach K abandoned the team and left Pete Gaudet to struggle through the Devils worst season since the late ‘70s. You know, for a guy who went to West Point Coach K is sure… Alright, you’ve heard that one before.)

15) To me, watching Big Ten basketball is sort of like watching paint wait in line at the DMV. Yet there’s something unavoidable about any game that Brent Musberger is announcing. I swear, that man could call paint waiting in line at the DMV and I’d watch.

16) Everyone criticizes the BCS rankings and rightfully so. But why do we accept the RPI as gospel? Look at those rankings sometime, they’re ridiculous. Wisconsin is ahead of Illinois. Missouri St. is ahead of Georgetown. Creighton is ahead of West Virginia. Bradley is ahead of Kansas. Indiana is ahead of Hofstra. I mean, there’s no good way to rank these teams, but how can you trust something that says a ten-loss Arizona team is better than a one-loss George Washington one?

17) No need to explain why George Washington is rated so low. I see their 324th ranked non-conference strength of schedule. But still. Arizona is just terrible.

18) Wake Forest has an RPI of 104. Among the schools ranked ahead of them: Samford, Winthrop, South Alabama, Murray State, Montana and Houston. Man, that’s depressing.

19) The Wolfman once picked Southern Illinois to go to the Elite Eight.

20) What kind of tool do you have to be to get Bible verses tattooed on your body. Oh. And why am I not surprised he has an Asian character tattoo. What an unoriginal bastard. For somebody who the press always makes out to be an intellectual and a free thinker, Redick has sure chosen the most conventional (and clichéd) ways to express himself.

21) I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: The NCAA needs to change the rule that allows players to call timeout as they’re jumping out of bounds. Frankly, I’d support a rule that says a timeout can never be called when possession is in question, but baby steps.

22) How did Connecticut get two first-place votes in the coaches poll while Villanova, fresh off a victory over the Huskies, received zero? Normally I’d go on a rant about the worthlessness of the coach’s poll, but in the AP rankings UConn got four first-place votes while ‘Nova nabbed just three. In a word: Whaaaaaa?!

23) I like GW (#6) and dislike Texas (#7), but there’s no way the Colonials are a better team than the Longhorns.

24) I forgot to mention this back in November, but me and my Jake Plummer petition were featured in the aforementioned Churchill Observer in an excellent article written by Greg Reutershan, a Churchill sophomore I’ve known for years through swimming. Keep up the good work, Greg. And my bad if you're not a sophomore.

25) If everything goes according to plan, I’m going to be an uncle on March 7. Here’s hoping my niece will bring the Deacs some much-needed good luck in the ACC Tournament.

Efird Inquires

In 1999 the traditionally staid, upper-classman Efird dorm at Wake Forest was turned into a debacherous house of vice when a record freshman class entered the Winston-Salem university and the residence life & housing office was forced to move first year students onto the upper-quad for the first time in recent history. Efird that year was like many other dorms on campuses across the country, but because just 29 freshman populated a small dorm filled with upper-class co-eds while their classmates were relegated to larger dorms across campus, Efird developed an infamous reputation at Wake and eventually forced the school’s higher-ups to temporarily ban freshman students from living in the area.
Today, former Efird residents are spread throughout the country, working mundane jobs and soldiering on through a difficult basketball season. Their college lives are in the past, yet each one would drop whatever it is they were doing at the mere mention of Punch Party VI.
This afternoon, some old Efird residents make some inquiries:

Alex Obaza
Cockeysville, MD

Don't you think Coach K should start resting J.J. Redick a little bit? Duke has locked up the regular season title and he's obviously going to get the ACC scoring record. The rest of their games between now and the NCAA tournament are meaningless (with the exception of UNC for pride). Yet, Coach K keeps him in there 40 minutes a game. Keeping in mind what happened to Kenyon Martin a few years ago is Coach K playing with fire?
Duke has clinched the ACC regular season title and all but locked up a #1 seed in the NCAA Tournament. You're right, it makes little sense to keep playing Redick for 39 minutes a game, as he’s been doing during the ACC season. In the Devils’ last seven games Redick has played 40, 37, 35, 39, 39, 43 and 40 minutes. Before that he had a run of three straight games with a full 40 minutes played.
Considering Duke will need everything Redick has if they want to win a National Championship, it makes sense for Coach K to give him a few breathers every now and then. I don’t think he will though. Oh, he might not play 40 minutes against Temple on Saturday if the Blue Devils take a big lead (although the Owls’ zone could give Duke a little trouble), but I doubt we’ll see Redick getting significant amounts of rest over Duke’s final three games.
Coach K is often in a position to rest players during the end of the season and ACC Tournament, yet he rarely does. While some coaches (like Gary Williams) view the ACC Tournament as a mere prelude to the NCAAs, Krzyzewski’s teams always play hard in the conference tourney and, more often than not, win them. He risks injuries to do so, likely believing that the Kenyon Martin incident is the exception, not the rule.

Are the Redskins going to cut Lavar Arrington and what kind of market do you think he'll command?
I have absolutely no clue what the ‘Skins are going to do with LaVar. Columns by Len Pasquarelli and John Clayton suggest the Redskins will have difficulty fielding a team due to their salary cap excesses but since cutting LaVar provides no help for 2006 (he’ll count $12 million against the cap if retained, slightly more than that if let go) and would be a killer in 2007 (assuming that year is capped under a new CBA), it’d be hard to imagine them letting him go.

What do you think is the more likely story line for the upcoming World Baseball Classic? All Star pitching staffs dominate stacked lineups or the other way around?
I thought teams were overreacting when they were publicly expressing their displeasure over players competing in the WBC. “Stop your whining,” I said, “it’s just a few games. They’ll be fine.” Then I saw the full rosters and discovered young Nats pitcher Chad Cordero was on the U.S. team, along with catcher Brian Schneider, and second baseman Jose Vidro was on Puerto Rico’s roster.
The 24-year old Cordero broke down at the end of last season, Schneider battled injuries all season and Vidro spent much of the year on the D.L. The moment I saw they were scheduled to play in the Tournament I immediately saw where those cautious teams were coming from. The last thing I want is Cordero throwing out his arm in a game against Japan and forcing the Nats to go with Mike Stanton as their closer. The mere thought of that is enough to drive me to the sauce. That’s why I think hitting will be the story of the day in the WBC. Pitchers might take a little off their fastball or drop their arm a little on the breaking stuff. Hitters can react the same way in a spring training game as they do the World Series with little fear of injury. Pitchers don’t have that luxury.

G. Paul Falkowski
Medford, NJ

Who has a better shot of winning the ACC tournament, Wake Forest or Maryland?
Wake Forest, but only because Maryland teams have a history of giving up under Gary Williams. I never criticize Gary, mind you. Even after a Valentine’s Day loss at home to Florida State in 2001 put the Terps on the NCAA bubble and people in D.C. were calling for his head, I was on Gary’s side. And I still am today. (Maryland eventually went to their first Final Four that season, by the way.) But his teams have a breaking point and I think they’ve hit it this year. Last night's loss to Florida State was an absolute killer. Even with a win at UNC this weekend (which won't happen), the Terps will be hard pressed to make a run in the ACC Tournament without Chris McCray in their backcourt.
Wake, having the “luxury” of being an 11 or 12 seed in the ACC Tournament can beat the 5th or 6th seed in the play-in game and then could beat a #3 or #4 they would face in the second round, particularly with the game taking place in their own backyard (Greensboro). None of this will happen, mind you, but Wake still has some fight left in them. Maryland has completely given up.

Has Dick Vitale ever loved another player as much as he loves JJ Redick? Does he love him more than you love dogs?
I wish I could check the tapes on this one, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say Redick is only Vitale’s second most-loved Dukie behind Steve Wojciechowski. Vitale loves Redick’s game and how it’s improved (more on that in a few days) but I think deep-down he really gets off on how tenacious Wojciechowski was and how he did so much with so little talent. It’s the “Rudy” syndrome, I think.
And no, Greg. Nobody will love anything more than I love dogs.

Are Dick Vitale and Mike Patrick the most unwatchable college basketball commentators ever to call a game?
When Coach K got his tech last night I thought Vitale was going to go all secret service on us and jump in front of the refs T signal to deflect such a penalty from the coach he loves.
Vitale has become a caricature of himself, while Patrick is arguably even worse. But lets cut Mikey P. some slack. For the past 15 years he's had to work with Dick Vitale all winter and Joe Theismann and Paul McGuire all fall. That's enough to make any man go crazy.
Maybe instead of torturing guys at Gitmo they could just send Paul McGuire down there. I bet after hearing 'watch this' and 'look here' a few dozen times those terrorists would be singing like Kelly Clarkson.
If my prayers are to be answered, Dick and Mike will call the Duke/Temple game on Saturday that you’ll be attending so I can do my 3rd annual “Evening with Dickie V”. Frankly, I’d be shocked if Vitale wasn’t at the game where J.J. Redick took over the all-time ACC scoring lead. That'd be like a father missing his daughter's wedding day.
(An underreported note: When Kobe scored his 81 points many people pointed out that Chamberlin got 100 without the three-point line (failing to realize that a nine-point line wouldn’t have helped Chamberlin since he scored most of his buckets in the paint). Yet I haven’t heard one person mention the fact that guys like Dickie Hemric, Johnny Dawkins, Jeff Lamp and Mark Price didn’t play with the three-point rule as Redick has. I’m not taking anything away from Redick - even if I wanted to take his masculinity, I'm already much too late - I’m just saying it’d be nice to hear it mentioned.)

How long will it take for the NFL and the players association reach a new labor agreement? WIll the 2007 season be uncapped? What are the odds of a lockout?
The odds of a lockout are 5%. I’m not going to put the squadoosh on it because anything can happen, but I’d be shocked if Tagliabue and Upshaw couldn’t come to an agreement. There's way too much at stake from the league and the union to engage in a pissing contest. Dan Snyder and Jerry Jones could gum up the works by insisting they be allowed to keep the money they get from tickets, local media and advertising, but they need to remember the sacrifices made by Wellington Mara and George Halas back in the '60s. The Giants and Bears could have printed their own money, but Mara and Halas agreed to revenue sharing so the Green Bays of the world could compete with the major markets. It's tough to argue with Snyder supporters who say he shouldn't have to give away the money his team earns, but there is a precedent. He's not the first owner who will have made a sacrifice. Snyder wouldn't have the opportunity to make boatloads of cash if it weren't for Mara and Halas' sacrifice. This is something he needs to remember.

Nick "Wolfman" Streit
Morton Grove, IL

How many teams from the ACC do you see making the Tournament?
Duke, Carolina and State are all locks to make the Tournament. BC is a lock too, but since you asked about “teams from the ACC,” they don’t fit the criteria. If the season ended today, only those four would make it. But don’t be surprised if UVA puts together a little run at the end of the season and sneaks in as well.

What are the Bush twins doing these days?
You’re not wrong about much, Wolfman. But – And there goes my back. I found out I had a slipped disc yesterday and apparently it’s slipping again. I’m going to have to cut this short. Jenna Bush is hotter though, Wolfman. And you know this.

Thursday Thoughts… On Wednesday!

* Everyone gives figure skating judges a hard time, but last night I found myself in full agreement with them: Sasha Cohen was definitely .03 points better than that Russian chick in the short program. Had it been a .04 difference I would have cried “fix!”. If .02 had been the margin I would have demanded an immediate inquiry since it was crystal clear that Cohen was exactly three-hundredths of a point better. I mean, that triple flip/double axel combination definitely deserved 1/33rd more of a point than Slutskaya’s. And those spins? Any idiot could see that Cohen’s were .044967% better.

* John Feinstein was on Tony Kornheiser’s radio show for the final hour today promoting his book Last Dance: Behind the Scenes at the Final Four, defending himself from a blistering New York Times review and discussing the ongoing college basketball season.
First of all, I love Feinstein’s books. After finally getting to A Season on the Brink this weekend, I’ve read all of his stuff (except for Last Dance which I ordered from Amazon today) and eagerly await each new project he releases. Feinstein is a wonderful storyteller and his unprecedented access into locker rooms and meetings helps take readers into never-before-seen worlds. He might be overly sentimental and biased towards the things he loves (Duke basketball, West Point and the Naval Academy, the Patriot League, etc.) but those are trivial details.
Nobody reads Feinstein expecting to find great literature, they read it for the stories, for the behind-the-scenes information and for general enjoyment. Anyone who criticizes Feinstein’s work (hello Jay Jennings) for not being literary enough is missing the point. He’s not trying to be Hemingway, he’s trying to be the most entertaining sportswriter out there and he has succeeded. Jennings criticism is like ripping Kelly Clarkson for not being Maria Callas.
On TK’s show this morning, Feinstein mentioned that the writer of the New York Times Book Review piece, Jay Jennings, was once passed over for a job at Sports Illustrated that eventually went to Feinstein. When Feinstein left, his assistant, Seth Davis, got the gig. This led to speculation that Jennings is still holding a grudge, which makes sense because the only explanation for the complete rip-job Jennings did is jealousy. Read the whole thing, it’s ridiculous. I understand writers at book reviews at the Times, Washington Post and L.A. Times are all pseudo-intellectual snobs who can’t be bothered with bestselling piffle, but for the editors to allow Jennings hatchet job to go through unscathed was ridiculous. The last line, “Is it too much to hope that "Last Dance" might be not just Feinstein's last 'Last' book but his last book?” is clearly a personal jab and should never have been allowed in the piece. It’s one thing not to like a book, it’s another to trash it like Jennings did.
On another note, earlier in the program Kornheiser mentioned that he agreed with Gary Williams' decision to allow Chris McCray to join in on Senior Night festivities if McCray so desires. When Feinstein came on he said McCray doesn’t deserve such an honor, and I fully agree.
Chris McCray totally let down his team and if they miss the NCAA Tournament it will largely be on his shoulders. Tonight’s game at FSU is a must-win for Maryland, not so much because it will help them get in (only a win at UNC will really help the Terps’ cause), but a loss would completely kill their chances of receiving an at-large bid. McCray belongs at Senior Night about as much as John Gilchrist does.

* At what point do we stop praising Notre Dame for playing close games that come down to the wire and begin criticizing them for losing close games that come down to the wire? The Fighting Irish aren’t exactly a scrappy bunch of overachievers playing out of their minds against superior competition. They’re a major conference team who can’t seem to win a close game. What’s the old saying; once is a fluke, twice is a coincidence, eight times is freakin’ ridiculous? Win a game, Notre Dame, and don’t complain if you don’t make the Big East Tournament. Sure, it’s ridiculous that only 12 teams get in. But if the Irish spent more time winning a damn game than complaining about the tournament’s format, they wouldn’t have to worry about that.

* Congratulations to Isiah Thomas for pulling the trigger on the Steve Francis deal. Between Francis, Stephon Marbury and Jalen Rose the Knicks now have three of the NBA's most selfish players in their backcourt and Isiah has guaranteed the team a ceiling of mediocrity for the near future. I'm sure Jay Jennings loves him though.

The Tuesday Ten

There are ten headlines currently on the front page of ESPN.com. I’ll break down each in today’s Tuesday Ten.

1) Rohbock wins silver, ends USA's sliding drought
Sliding better be a term for some other sport and not the name of a new medal event. If it’s the latter, what’s going to become an Olympic sport next, snowman building? Team snowball fight? Hands-free snow writing?
2) Pain delay: Red Sox approve Manny's late arrival
Manny’s body is due to arrive in Fort Myers on March 1st. His mind should be arriving sometime closer to Easter.
3) You're it: DE Abraham gets Jets' franchise tag
This should upset Dan Snyder, huh Len Pasquarelli?
4) Annika tops new ranking; Wie checks in at No. 3
Apparently the formula for the new women’s golf ranking puts more emphasis on Sports Illustrated articles and Sportscenter pieces than actual success on the golf course. I have no doubt, none at all, that this ranking system was implemented solely to rank Wie highly. This sentence from the AP story clinches it: “The women's ranking, sponsored by Rolex, will be published every Tuesday and used as criteria for getting into tournaments such as the LPGA Championship, the Women's British Open and the HSBC Women's World Match Play.” Translation: “There was some bitching about us allowing Michelle Wie to get into these tournaments without qualifying like everybody else, so we’re going to make these arbitrary rankings that put Wie ahead of people who actually play on the Tour and win tournaments so we won’t have to deal with the criticism any more.”
Coincidentally, the minimum number of tournaments a woman has to have competed in over two years is exactly the same number of tournaments Michelle Wie has played (15). (The men’s rankings require a minimum of 40 tournaments over 24 months.) I mean, couldn't they have made the minimum divisor ten or something so it would have been a little less obvious?
Read the article, it’s simply ridiculous. But not as ridiculous as the fact that this is the #4 story on ESPN.com.
5) Hingis wins in Dubai; Navratilova falls in doubles
Moving on…
6) Latvia loss sends USA into hockey quarterfinals
The news gets better for Team USA. Despite a pathetic 1-2-1 showing thus far in Turin, the US could lose their final opening-round game today against Russia and still make the NBA’s Eastern Conference playoffs as the #8 seed.
7) Report: Nats name in middle of trademark dispute
Somehow, some way, this has to be Linda Cropp’s fault.
8) Ex-athletes sue NCAA over scholarship cost cap
Wait, so the NCAA isn’t all about the student-athlete? I’m shocked… SHOCKED! They seem like such a fair and rational organization that cares only about their students and not making truckloads of money. Next thing you’ll be telling me that the lack of an NCAA football playoff has nothing to do with athletes missing class. Before you go there, let me just say stop it. That’s kooky-talk.
9) Torino raid found syringes, transfusion machine
“Two Austrian athletes confessed to a team official that they ‘may have used illegal methods’ at the Torino Games. It was revealed that evidence seized in a surprise sweep over the weekend included about 100 syringes, unlabeled drugs and a blood transfusion machine.”
Well, either they were using illegal methods or Courtney Love had stopped by for an unannounced visit.
10) Dogged searchers ask psychics to find whippet
Maybe they should check the Austrian’s room again.

Travelin' Man

I threw my back out yesterday. And by "throw" I mean "sat awkwardly on a sofa-bed, felt a pull and haven't been able to lift or turn my head since." I'll save you the trouble: I'm an idiot.
As a result, I spent my sleepless night catching up on my DVR backlog, finishing up A Season on the Brink (which I had surprisingly never read) and listening to the live and rerun broadcasts of the Tony Kornheiser show on the radio this morning.
Before I get back to laying on the couch in the one position that doesn't cause me to unleash a string of expletives, there's one thing I've been meaning to write for the past two weeks: Kornheiser's fear of flying is apparently going to force him to take a bus (a la John Madden) to each Monday Night Football game this season. If that's the case, what's going to happen to PTI while Tony is on a four-day bus trip to Seattle?
When ESPN announced TK's hiring, they said the Monday PTI would originate from the location of that night's game. That's well and good, but how is Kornheiser going to do the rest of the shows while on a bus? With games all over the country, it's difficult to imagine Kornheiser spending much time in D.C. during the season except for if the Redskins, Ravens or Eagles have a home game on Monday night and the next week's game is also close. There shouldn't be too many games on the west coast (Seattle, Denver and San Diego are the only teams west of Kansas City that have a realistic shot of hosting a Monday night game), but with the zig-zagging nature of the MNF schedule, Tony figures to spend most Tuesdays, some Wednesdays and a Thursday or two on the highway.
Nobody has brought up this possibility, but it would seem that PTI in its current form would be unable to air regularly during the NFL season (when the show is at its peak) if Tony is on a bus. As somebody who has probably missed only a handful of PTI episodes since the show debuted in October of 2001, this is a frightening thought.
It took PTI's producers a few years to realize guest hosts kill the show, but that might be the only way to get through the football months. (If they do go this route, Bob Ryan or David Dupree are the only acceptable options.) I suppose Tony could do remote split-screen broadcasts like the show has when Michael Wilbon is on the road (they'll have one today, as Wilbon is still in Houston), but would he do it live from the bus? Would they pull over at a rest stop? And would Tony not being in a fixed location hurt his ability to help develop each show?
Clearly ESPN has a plan in effect, but that they haven't announced it yet is a little disconcerting. PTI is the greatest sports show on television and a huge moneymaker for ESPN (why do you think they extended the show into Sportscenter?) In the coming months, the network will have to ask itself whether having Tony Kornheiser on the air for 17 Monday night's really worth killing their best program.

Len Pasquarelli Is a Stupid F***

Len Pasquarelli, the ESPN.com columnist who thought Joe Gibbs would amount to nothing in his comeback and has a personal vendetta against all things Redskins, is at it again.
In his weekly Tip Sheet, Pasquarelli makes baseless claims about Washington's impending cap troubles, effortlessly spinning pure speculation into incontrovertible fact.
The piece is genuine Pasquarelli: Written without attribution, fact or any shred of common sense. That his editors at ESPN.com allow their senior NFL writer to carry out his one-sided feud with Snyder on the site's pages is inexplicable. Pasquarelli clearly has tremendous disdain for the Redskins and their owner and his bias seeps into every word he writes about the team. Oh, it's just so ridiculous. Here's the piece:

Amid all the talk that the Washington Redskins are poised to contend for a Super Bowl title in 2006, and that owner Dan Snyder is set to pursue wide receiver Terrell Owens and defensive end John Abraham, this sobering note: According to the salary cap expert from one AFC franchise, an analyst of some note and a guy who claims to have crunched the numbers every way imaginable, the Redskins cannot get into compliance with the projected spending ceiling for next season without an extension to the collective bargaining agreement.
The expert claims there are only two players on the current Washington roster who will bring the team significant cap relief if they are released. Cutting some of the team's big-name players would actually increase the cap impact in most cases. Even reducing the 2006 base salaries of all the veteran players on the roster to the minimum levels, and guaranteeing the differences in bonuses, would still leave the Redskins about $4 million-$5 million over the cap. According to the cap expert's analysis, the Redskins might have to play with as many as 15-20 rookies, all earning the minimum salary, to squeeze close to the cap.
So all those who feel that Snyder actually hopes the league is forced to go to an uncapped season in 2007, so that he can try to buy himself a Super Bowl trophy in a manner befitting George Steinbrenner, might want to rethink that notion. Without an extension, Snyder could have trouble fielding a contending team in 2006 because of the Redskins' cap problems.

1) Who said the Redskins were going after Terrell Owens or John Abraham? The Washington Post hasn't reported this. The Washington Times hasn't reported this. No reputable news publication has made any such statements.
The Owens speculation began with Peter King. It ended there also. As for Abraham, other than a mention on the ESPN.com "Rumors" page, there has been no word of any such pursuit by Washington.
Pasquarelli including the names of the two top players on the market is a not-so-subtle reminder of Snyder's free spending reputation, a reputation he hasn't lived up to since 2000, by the way.
2) Which "AFC cap expert" is spending all his time "crunching numbers" about the Redskins? Doesn't he have a job to do for the AFC team he works for? Or by "salary cap expert" does Pasquarelli mean the guy who collects the money when the team's employees order Chinese takeout?
Vinny Cerrato and his front office crew in Ashburn are by no means perfect, but does Pasquarelli and his unnamed accomplice really think the Redskins suits in Ashburn aren't aware of this alleged cap trouble? Are we supposed to believe that an AFC cap expert and Len Pasquarelli knows more about the Redskins than the Redskins themselves?
3) As my buddy Jaffe noted, how can Pasquarelli write, "there are only two players on the current Washington roster who will bring the team significant cap relief if they are released," without naming the two players. I understand Pasquarelli's need to keep his "AFC source" confidential but why can't he mention who these two players are? Because this story is pure nonsense and has no basis in fact, that's why.
4) The Redskins are going to have 15-20 rookies on their roster next season? 15-20???!!! Think about that. Think about how freaking ridiculous that statement is. Pasquarelli is suggesting that 44% of the Redskins roster will be made up of rookies. Forty-four percent! With only five picks in the upcoming April draft, Pasquarelli actually expects the Redskins to sign 15 undrafted rookies to their roster and retain them all. In 2003 (the only year I could find info on) 59 undrafted rookies made opening day rosters... IN THE ENTIRE NFL. Now Pasquarelli thinks the Redskins are going to have 20 all by themselves? He can't actually believe this, can he?! So many follow-up lines are running through my head right now that they're all washing each other away in a wave of inanity.
Plus, since only 45 men are allowed on NFL rosters, that means means Pasquarelli thinks only 25 veterans will be on the 'Skins roster, which would be difficult considering they have 37 under contract for 2006! I'm using too many exclamation points, I need to move on!
5) Everybody loves talking about team's buying championships, but how often has that really happened? The Yankees haven't won a World Series since 2000 despite the highest payroll, by far, in baseball. (Sort of makes that "befitting of George Steinbrenner" line a little less relevant, doesn't it?) In that time the Marlins, Diamondbacks, Angels and White Sox have all won titles. How have the Mets and Orioles done during that span too? They consistently have the highest salaries in baseball yet consistently finish near the bottom of their respective divisions. The Redskins had the NFL's highest total payroll from 2000 to 2002. Total playoff appearances during that time: Zero.
Owners can spend all the money they want on salaries. But that doesn't mean they'll win a title because of it, no matter how many cheap digs Len Pasquarelli makes.
6) Every year since Snyder's infamous free agent binge that brought Deion Sanders, Bruce Smith and Marc Carrier to Washington, there have been rumors that the team would be in serious cap trouble in X amount of years. I think John Clayton has the template for an article saved on his laptop. But the Redskins cap overflow has never happened.
Every season I'm amazed how the Redskins can keep signing players to huge contracts and stay under the cap. Yet they always do and never have had to take part in a salary purge because of it. Pasqaurelli knows this, yet chooses to ignore it.
Look, I'm not claiming to have crunched the numbers. I don't know if the Redskins will spend 2006 in cap hell. Maybe they will. But I'm damn sure not going to take Len Pasquarelli's word for it.

Figure Skating: Hot or Not?

There are many signs of the decreasing importance of the Winter Olympics. The quadrennial event is getting crushed in the ratings by American Idol, viewers who are watching probably couldn't pick U.S. medal winners out of a lineup and America's most marketable stars are either jerks or have withdrawn for the Games altogether. For me, though, the worst mark on the Olympics was who the Washington Post sent to cover the games. Of the newspaper's lineup of five sports columnists, the two worst were shipped to Torino.
My enmity for Mike Wise is well documented. But only slightly less well-known is this: I hate Sally Jenkins just as much.
Unlike Wise, Jenkins is quite good for the words; it's just her opinions that are terrible. (Normally I'd go on a rant here about Jenkins father, Dan (hello nepitizz!) and how she lives in New York (which makes as much sense as the Post assigning the New York City mayoral office beat to a D.C. resident) but time is of the essence, so I'll cut to chase.)
Today, Jenkins is off the mark once again, writing that figure skating is, indeed, a sport. Below I'm pasting some excerpts from Jenkins' column and writing my rebuttal beneath. It's a cheap and easy way to go about this, but that's OK. If cheap and easy were bad, my buddy Frank wouldn't have gotten any last Saturday night. (Rimshot!)

It's time for our quadrennial Olympic debate: Can anything involving so much costume jewelry really be called an athletic pursuit? Let's get straight to the answer. Figure skating is definitely a sport. It requires more practice than golf. It's more strenuous than tennis. How many athletes have to do a quadruple jump and land on one butcher knife?

Chess requires more practice than golf and working in a coal mine is more strenuous than tennis, but I don't see Wilbon and Kornheiser arguing over whether Garry Kasparov is an athlete. As for the knife comment, my butcher Franco can jump off his cutting board, do a double back-flip over a triple-looped sausage link and land on his butcher knife all while humming the song from the tournament montage in Karate Kid. And that guy gets tired just watching that Chuck Norris/Christie Brinkley infomercial on TV, so don't tell me what he does is a sport. And he's quite aloof.

The blade of a figure skate is a quarter inch of steel, with sharpened edges.
There. That's a quarter inch. Now let's see LeBron James land on it.

Let's see Johnny Weir go to the hole with two guys in his face. Wait... Bad example.

On Thursday night, Evgeni Plushenko and Johnny Weir will skate for the gold medal in the men's long program. As you watch them, keep in mind that quarter inch. They will zip along a glaring sheet of ice at 30 mph, jump several feet in the air, spin four times and land in time for a tight turn to avoid the boards. And if they weren't wearing spangly suits made of mauve taffeta, we wouldn't be having this conversation.

Jenkins is completely missing the point. Nobody says figure skating isn't a sport because skaters are dressed up like extras from Starlight Express. They're saying it's not a sport because figure skating competitions are determined by judges and any activity where a winner is decided upon by a panel of people is not a sport.

This doesn't mean figure skating isn't an intense athletic activity, it is. But so is running up the staircase of a 75-story hotel.

The skate is the toughest competitive shoe in sports. You can't find a more precarious piece of equipment...

If footwear is a determining factor in what should be a sport, I guess women walking down the sidewalk in high heels while drunk should be a medal sport at the 2008 Beijing Olympics. Have you ever walked with a chick (or been a chick) in that situation? It's like going through one of those obstacle courses on Survivor. I'm amazed anybody can walk in those things, let alone while wasted and trying to cross over subway grates.

Furthermore, skaters push athletic boundaries in their sport as hard as athletes in any Olympic endeavor.

OK, just because it's called a death spiral doesn't mean people actually die while doing it. Plus, everyone's been ice skating, it's not that hard. No non-Olympians have been hurtling down an ice chute at 90 mph wearing just lycra and a helmet except Al Roker and Matt Lauer.

There is another possible answer to this question, one that will drive Wilbon crazy: Maybe figure skating is part art. If the most powerful moments in skating are the blends of skill, strength and beauty in interpreting a piece of music, then at it's best, perhaps it's not sport but ballet.

This the most sensible line in the whole column. Ballet, like figure skating, is tremendously difficult. Ballerinas, like figure skaters, work extraordinarily hard to become the best in their field. In both activities athleticism, strength, artistic ability and precision are absolutely necessary in order to succeed. Neither are sports.

The trouble with this explanation is that it doesn't take into account that quarter inch. The skate. Or the consequences of falling.

I suppose jumping without a parachute from the space shuttle then becomes the ultimate extreme sport.

As my friend Christine Brennan says, no other sport has a more non-negotiable moment of decision. A water shot in the final round at Augusta is nothing compared with what a figure skater faces when he or she attempts a triple axel in the Olympics. There's no next tee. No third strike. No fourth down. You either land cleanly on that quarter inch, or you lose it all -- and you don't get to try again for four more years.

This is all very true (and it's not surprising Christine Brennan wrote that. She, unlike Jenkins, is a fantastic sportswriter - Although I'd venture a guess Brennan would agree about the sportiness of figure skating) however, there are many "non-negotiable moments of decision" in various other occupations. You think the wire cutter on a bomb squad doesn't deal with pressure? Or a policeman trying to decide whether to shoot a suspect? There's no do overs in those, and there's no second chances either. Pressure makes not a sport.

Those of you who don't think it's a sport should visit the rink during a practice session and check out how much tape, Icy Hot and ibuprofen is involved. See the crunches and the hours on the elliptical trainers.

I could keep making counter-examples (just ask a kindergarten teacher how much ibuprofen is involved in their job), but I've made my point. None of Jenkins' examples address the true problem with figure skating: The judges.
They're corrupt, they play favorites and the point-system is completely arbitrary. Do I have to remind you of what happened four years ago in Salt Lake?
This year, there haven't been any similar scandals, but there have been the usual baffling decisions by the judges. In the pairs figure skating long program, the woman on one of the Chinese teams fell on a difficult throw maneuver and landed hard on the ground. Her partner quickly skated over to her and led her to the wall on the opposite side where they talked to their coach. For about 45 seconds the Chinese team didn't skate. Their program appeared finished. But courageously, the team began their routine over after their break and completed it without another mistake. They were awarded the silver medal for their effort.
Let me reiterate: THEY STOPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR PROGRAM, TALKED TO THEIR COACHES, RETURNED TO THE ICE AND GOT A SILVER MEDAL! How is this possible? The chick fell. They stopped. They were done. But apparently they weren't.
Amazingly, the announcers didn't seem to mind this. They made no mention of the absurdity of a team stopping mid-routine and then re-starting and not receiving any sort of penalty. I suppose after years of covering figure skating, even the ridiculous becomes mundane.

Finally, let's do a little thought experiment: Suppose there was a rule that figure skaters had to wear nondescript national team uniforms, just as gymnasts do (instead of their little costumes) and had to skate a timed program without music, in which certain jumps, spins and other displays of controlled agility had to be included.
Suppose that, instead of some crackling rendition of "Bolero," what you heard were the sounds of their takeoffs and landings, that quarter inch impacting and carving through the ice, punctuated by incredible physical exertion.
Strip skating of the camp, and what's left is the strength, the speed and the daring. Everyone would instantly recognize it for what it is. A sport.

Don't even get me started on gymnastics, Sally.

Quick Wednesday Thoughts

Much to the chagrin of The Wolfman, who has checked the blog nine times since noon in hopes of seeing a new entry (they really have you working hard out there in San Diego, buddy), I'm not going to be able to post much today since I've been out and about all morning and afternoon. And by "out and about" I mean "standing in front of the HDTV's at Best Buy for two hours trying to convince myself that I can be happy with any TV that isn't a Sony SXRD."
Make sure to come back tomorrow when I'm planning on answering PTI's questions. I haven't done that since the show expanded to 35 minutes (terrible on so many levels, by the way), but with Wake headed towards a postseason-less, um, postseason, the NFL done for a while and spring training not starting up for another few days, I'm struggling with things to write other than "nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, NYAH" to Bode Miller.
My Nouno (greek for Godfather of the un-Corleonesque persuasion) has requested I publicly pat myself on the back for slipping Kansas into my preseason college basketball top 25. The Jayhawks, unranked in the preseason and not receiving votes in any poll a few weeks back, are up to #22 in the AP and are positioning themselves for a run at the Big 12 title after an eight-game win streak. They're also making me look brilliant. (Just don't look where I had Louisville and Kentucky in the same rankings.)
The team I picked to win it all back in November isn't doing so bad either. Villanova just beat #1 Connecticut and is in line to receive a #1 seed come Tournament time. (Or Wake Forest, please don't look where I had Wake Forest. If I had stopped my Deacs preview after the first sentence, which read, "Scotty, I’m sad to say, I think our Deacs are a bit overrated this season," I would have looked like quite the visionary. But sadly I went on for a few more paragraphs and totally ruined all credibility I had built up after that opener.)
Alright, now I'm all riled up. It's time for a nap. After all, looking simultaneously at 30 TV's for an extended period of time is pretty stressful.

Valentine's Day Wishes

Today, on the most special of all the made-up holidays, Chris's Sports Blog has intercepted some Valentine's Day cards intended for famous sports figures. They are printed in their entirety, unedited, below:

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

To: Coach K
From: ACC referees

Just wanted to pass along a quick note to tell you how much we love you, Mike. We were all just reminiscing about the night we met up at Red Lobster and you ordered snow crab because you thought they actually lived in the snow! That was a great night. You are so funny, Mike. That's what we love about you most, your humor. Your humor and the way you manipulate us like we're Kermit to your Jim Henson. Remember, if things should ever go wrong with your wife, we'll be here for you. Waiting. Longing. Hoping. Never forget that. And never forget what we do for you. The Final Four game against Maryland in 2001, the ACC Tournament win against Georgia Tech last year and all those games in between. We do that all for you, Mike, not because we have to, but because we want to. Helping you win completes us.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

To: Bode Miller
From: Karma

I'm a bitch, aren't I?

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

To: Adam Morrison
From: Adam Morrison's Mustache

Dude, you know I love you, but I think we should see other people. No, it's not you... It's me. I'm just not where I need to be in order to make this relationship work. No, this doesn't have anything to do with the fact that all the other mustaches make fun of me. This is something I just have to do. For me. Fine, I won't lie to you Adam, it does hurt when Jake Plummer and Tom Selleck's mustache ask if the other half of me is on layaway. Or when Bill Cowher's mustache asks to see my ID whenever I try to get a drink at the bar. But that's not why I'm doing this. Next year you're going to be in the NBA. Where do I fit into your plans? Larry Bird shaved off his wispy 'stache a few years into his career. Is that what you're planning on doing with me? Maybe it is a pre-emptive strike, Adam, but what do you expect? I see the way you look at other mustaches. I know you've been searching the internet for black market Propecia and Rogaine samples. You thought I was sleeping, but I wasn't. Do you know how much that hurts? After all we've been through? I've stuck by you even when Dan Dickau has drunk-dialed me late at night and offered me a first-class plane ticket to meet him out in Boston. Did I go? No, I stayed with you, Adam. But I can't do that any more. It's time. I really wanna work this out, but I don't think you're gonna change. I do, but you don't, think it's best we go our separate ways. And yes, you can have your Usher CD back.

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To: Derek Jeter and Jorge Posada
From: Larry McMurtry

Thanks for inspiring me to write Brokeback Mountain. I hope you seriously consider accepting my invitation to the Oscars. If we win Best Picture I want you to be there because I know it's been so long since you both have won anything of consequence.

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To: Ron Mexico
From: Michael Vick

Thanks for helping me out of that jam, dawg.

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To: Skip Prosser
From: Ron Wellman

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
tuna is canned
and so, Skip, are you.

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Monday Links

- Given his past, doesn't Oklahoma State have to show Eddie Sutton the door for his latest transgression? His son, Sean, is already in line to take over the Cowboys, now would seem a logical time to make the switch.

- Bode Miller is an aloof misanthrope and I couldn't be more pleased with his medal-less run yesterday in Turin. Shaun White, on the other hand, seems like a good guy and his gregarious personality will make him the breakout star of these Olympics.

- Breaking with past tradition, NBC has been using the native spelling and prounciation of the Olympic host city instead of the Americanized version (Torino vs. Turin). I've never understood why we translate city names into English. If the Mexicans call their capital city Ciudad de Mexico, then why don't we? I know a dude named Juan but I don't call him John simply because we're in America. That's his name wherever he is. It should be the same thing with cities. This always bothered me when I would take Spanish classes in school and my teacher/professor would refer to New York as "Nueva York". That would make me so angry. Or maybe I was just upset because I sucked at Spanish and hate paella.

- I've been finding it difficult to watch Sportscenter of late. Too many PTI rip-offs (Fact of Fiction, the Coors Lite Six-Pack, etc.) and not enough highli\ghts. But I managed to watch a full 90-minute edition yesterday because of one special lady. Michelle Bonner, you have just replaced Trey Wingo as my most desired Sportscenter anchor ever.

- If an over-moussed, white ex-Dukie can't make it in coaching, what chances do the rest of us have?

- Apparently throwing child-like temper tantrums can affect Hall of Fame voting. Art Monk, take note! By the way, if Harry Carson were a real man, he wouldn't show up for the induction ceremonies in Canton this August. Of course, if Harry Carson were a real man, he wouldn't have asked to be taken off the ballot in the first place.

- Atlanta sports fan Douglas Scott S. (so he's the one!) posted a comment about Chris Paul that read, in part, "but i guess its a good thing the hawks didnt draft [Paul] b/c he'd be averaging 7 pts, 2 reb, 3 ast."
Yes, yes he would. In the first half.
Enjoy three more mediocre seasons of Marvin Williams and enjoy the subsequent decade even more, when he's an All-Star for another team. And Michael Vick should have been the MVP. Without him there's no way the Falcons would have finished close to .500. They would have been 7-9, tops.

Snow Way

My distaste for hippies and Duke is well known to regular readers of this blog. You might be surprised to hear about my enmity for meteorologists though, something I've kept closeted for fear of alienating any possible weather forecasters who might check in on this site from time to time. Today the gloves finally come off. (Actually, I'll keep them on because it's quite cold outside, even though the guy on channel 7 said it'd be mild. And you wonder why I hate him so. And I'm lying. I'm wearing mittens, not gloves.)
Question: What's the difference between a meteorologist and that crazy homeless guy who's always yelling stuff at the busy intersection?
Answer: A $1,500 suit and a green-screen.
Today, meteorologists up and down the east coast are terrifying the masses with predictions of a massive blizzard that will allegedly blanket the eastern seaboard a la the snow storm from Die Hard 2. And I'm not buying it.
Oh, I want it to snow, but I've fallen for one too many of the weatherman's blow-dried-schemes in the past to get my hopes up. While other gullible saps are running to the grocery store to stock up on massive quantities of food, water and batteries in preparation for the likely probability that six inches of snow is going to leave everyone stranded in their homes until July of 2007, I'm going to grab a 30-pack, pop in my DVD of a roaring fire and see where the weekend takes me.
My only worry is that, on the off chance the meteorologists are right for once, tomorrow's snow will keep the crowd away from the Duke-Maryland tilt at the Comcast Center. The Terps need every advantage they can get against Duke and a half-full arena ain't gonna cut it.
An empty Duke-Maryland game would be reminiscent of that old question from Philosophy 101: If J.J. Redick bricks a three and nobody is around to see it, is he still a flamer?
Maybe a storm could work in Maryland's favor though. Sometimes those strange atmospheres do help the home team. Last time the Terps had a game affected by a big snow was in 2003 after a Valentine's Day blizzard dumped 24-inches on the D.C. area. Maryland's game against Wake Forest was postponed twice due to that storm and was eventually played on a Monday in the late-afternoon in front of 12,000 rowdy fans (mostly students) and no television audience. In a battle for first place, the 13th ranked Terps dominated the 10th ranked, and eventual ACC champion, Deacons by 23 points.
Tomorrow's storm isn't supposed to rival the one from 2003, but here's hoping the result will. That, coupled with a sunny, snowless afternoon, will knock two of my most despised sets of people down a few notches. Now, if we could just do something about those damn hippies.

In Defense of Chris Paul

Ray Allen is probably going to make the All-Star team over New Orleans Hornets guard Chris Paul. If that happens, it will be a travesty.
Allen is a wonderful player and deserves serious consi