Well... Damn

For the past three days I've been writing my Year in Review, adding categories and thoughts as they pop into my head. By 9:30 this morning I was pretty much done, except for a few tweaks here and some editing there.
I wrote the entry not in Word, but in Firefox on the Blogger "Create Post" page. Why I did this, I know not, as Word automatically saves files every few minutes while the page in Firefox is just a regular Web site. Plus the Word spellcheck is better and it's just a better program overall. I write in Word 80% of the time and almost always when it's a long entry like today's. But I think I wrote in Firefox because on Tuesday I got an idea and opened up the create page, typed it and just kept adding on from there. Either way, that's what I did and it came back to bite me in the ass.
I brought my Powerbook over to the kitchen this morning so I could write as I drank my morning coffee. Long story short - A few hours later the battery ran out when I was on the phone and the computer shut down. Everything is gone. (It's my own fault for many reasons; namely because I disabled the computer's automatic sleep mode when using battery power because I was reading the paper in between typing and didn't want to keep "waking" the computer up.)
For the time being, I'm way too pissed off to even think about starting over, so my Year in Review is temporarily postponed... maybe indefinitely. We'll see. After yelling "you m*****f*****!" at the top of my lungs at my computer about 25 times, I think I need to decompress.
Check back later though anyway, just in case.

Swofford's Folly

This is coming a few weeks late, but it was sure nice to see all the empty seats at the ACC Championship Game earlier this month. John Swofford and his minions at the ACC offices in Greensboro ruined the best basketball conference in the country specifically for that one game, and they couldn't even sell the place out?
Well, at least the ACC brought in three upstanding and well-respected universities to join the league. The reputations of the ACC's new institutions are sterling, what with Virginia Tech's football roster having more arrests than the members of the Wu-Tang Clan, Miami admitting known felons under the guise of rehabilitation and Boston College allowing football players to miss court dates for bowl games and reinstating all-world power forwards after getting permission from District Court judges. (Don't you love how BC, thought to be the class of the new members, is the dirtiest school of them all?)
But it's OK; the ACC got their money, so no amount of drunk driving arrests, rape allegations or empty stadiums will bring them down off their cash-fueled high. I'm just wondering why they didn't just go for the gusto and let in Cincinnati, Connecticut and Memphis also? At least those schools don't pretend to be anything but shady sports factories.
Here's hoping the next time Jeff Burns decides to drive drunk, he has John Swofford in the passenger seat with him.

The Chaz Rankings: Week 16

1) Indianapolis Colts (13-2, Last Week: #1)
2) Seattle Seahawks (13-2, #2)
3) Denver Broncos (12-3, #3)
4) Pittsburgh Steelers (10-5, #5)
5) Chicago Bears (11-4, #6)
6) New England Patriots (10-5, #9)
7) Cincinnati Bengals (10-5, #4)
8) Carolina Panthers (10-5, #8)
9) Washington Redskins (9-6, #11)
10) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (10-5, #12)
11) New York Giants (10-5, #10)
12) Dallas Cowboys (9-6, #15)
13) Kansas City Chiefs (9-6, #14)
14) San Diego Chargers (9-6, #7)
15) Jacksonville Jaguars (11-4, #13)
16) Miami Dolphins (8-7, #16)
17) Atlanta Falcons (8-7, #18)
18) Baltimore Ravens (6-9, #21)
19) Minnesota Vikings (8-7, #17)
20) Philadelphia Eagles (6-9, #19)
21) Arizona Cardinals (5-10, #23)
22) Cleveland Browns (5-10, #20)
23) Tennessee Titans (4-11, #24)
24) Buffalo Bills (4-11, #25)
25) St. Louis Rams (5-10, #22)
26) Oakland Raiders (4-11, #26)
27) Houston Texans (2-13, #27)
28) San Francisco 49ers (3-12, #31)
29) Detroit Lions (5-10, #32)
30) New York Jets (3-12, #28)
31) New Orleans Saints (3-12, #30)
32) Green Bay Packers (3-12, #29)

Frank Stallone Say Relax

Hmmm... How big does that ninth home game the NFL handed the Giants look now?
Taking it easy on the posts this holiday week; check back tomorrow for The Chaz Rankings, Thursday for Week 16 picks and Friday for Chris's Sports Blog Year in Review.

'Twas The Night Before Week 16

'Twas the day before Christmas
and all through the league,
teams were preparing
for playoff intrigue.
Will Santa see Pittsburgh,
or fly west to Cali?
Will he leave coal for Danie
in the Chargers pre-finale?

Will that boyish fop Eli
get a Barbie so nifty
or will his completion percentage
climb as high as fifty?

Will Chad get to dance,
or will his bravado be muffled?
And what are the chances of
an Ickey Shuffle?

Which friend of Irvin
will have his weed taken
to be soon smoked by Michael
with hippie Jamaicans.

These are the questions,
my friends and my dears,
that Santa will answer
so never you fear.

Dallas is reeling,
and they'll soon need consoling,
cause the Panthers will win
and keep right on rolling.

So will the Bucs,
as they'll end Mike Vick's year,
I hope his next outbreak
is not too severe.

The Bills have no shot
against the Bengals, you see,
and the Dolphins of Florida
will rout Tenneesee.

The Browns play the Steelers
expect the margin real thin.
Pick Cleveland to cover,
but Pittsburgh to win.

In Houston they'll ask,
for a Bush in their stocking,
Not George, they want Reggie,
but he better have blocking.

'Cause the Texans have none,
their o-line is a sieve,
regardless of that,
a Jags loss, they will give.

St. Louis tops San Fran,
this much is true,
while Philly, Seattle
and Denver win too.

The Chargers and Chiefs game
will come down to one play.
Who makes it? No clue.
But Derek Jeter's gay.

And that's not an insult,
it's not an attack,
I'm just saying D.J.
spends time at Brokeback.

But back to the games,
I think that the Bolts
will top Kansas City
after besting the Colts.

Lions vs. Saints,
who gives a real hoot?
Well, maybe Matt Millen
since he'll get the boot.

On Christmas two teams
with rich history play,
the Ravens and Vikings
are neither of they.

I speak of the Bears
and the team from Green Bay,
Brett Favre might be old,
but he sure loves to play!

What youthful exuberance
that hillbilly shows!
With picks, bad decisions
and huge overthrows!

Forget that he has,
more picks than TD's,
he's a god, he's a legend
in the land of the cheese.

Brett Favre, we do love you.
Me and The Wolfman, you thrill.
But the Bears get the sweep,
now go pop a pill.

In the late game on Christmas,
the Birds will prevail,
now call up the whores,
Fred Smoot can set sail!

The big game of the weekend
takes place in D.C.
(well, it's really in Mar'land...
Thanks, S. Pratt Kelly.)

That mayor fought often
with an old man named Jack.
She forced out the Redskins
and does not enjoy crack.

Unlike M. Barry,
I'll drink from his cup,
my hero was innocent,
the bitch set him up.

If that crack-smokin' fool,
had still been in power,
the Redskins new ballpark
would not take four hours

to get to on Sundays,
it's really a mess,
the whole thing is too big,
a tribute to excess.

The 'Skins do control,
their own playoff lives
but need a win vs. the Giants
to keep hope alive.

Last time they played,
the result was not pretty
New York won by six squared
in their home by the city.

But this time is different,
the 'Skins play at home,
and they'll be pounding the ball
with sir Southeast Jerome.

The loss of R. Thomas
won't be easy to fix,
but Miss Manning will make up
for it with nine picks.

So Santa, I'll level,
please throw my old list away.
A win by the Redskins,
is all I want from your sleigh.

And if have you time,
you'll get no objection from me,
if my main man LaVar
should break Eli's knee.

So if you can help me
see an Xmas eve win,
I'll leave Rudolph some carrots,
and you, pal, some gin.

Merry Christmas to all
(or your respective delight),
a good Saturday of football,
and to all, goodnight.

Still Struggllliiiiiiiinnng

Five days and I still don't feel any better; I think I'm actually regressing. Eli Manning can relate.
I am no fan of Len Pasquarelli, but his column about the death of Tony Dungy's son is excellent and a must-read.

An Open Letter to Johnny Damon

(Reports out of Boston indicate Johnny Damon has signed a four-year, $52 million deal with the New York Yankees. Upon hearing this news, I broke out a paper and pen and jotted down a note to one of my favorite former players.)

Dear Johnny,
I'd say I'd miss you, but how can I really miss anybody who does a scum-sucking thing like signing with the Yankees. Why don't you just move to North Korea, change your name to Benedict and sign over your checks to Bin Laden? The Yankees? The Mets, I can see. Even the Orioles or Blue Jays. But you signed with the Yankees? Voluntarily? You see, this is why I hate hippies so much.
For your sake, I hope this was a Johnny Damon decision, not a Scott Boras one. Your new teammate, Alex Rodriguez, can tell you all about what happens when you let Scott Boras talk you into something.
Sorry buddy, but I'm not seeing you in pinstripes. It doesn't quite fit. You're too laid back to be on the Yankees. Who are you going to kid around with in the Bronx? Hideki Matsui? That dude smiles about as often as Eli Manning throws a completion. That's your new city's QB, by the way. Tom Brady he ain't.
Why New York, Johnny? Did the press get to you in Boston? They're not any better in New York, but you know that. Boston was offering you that fourth year too, why not stay there and be adored for the rest of your career? Sure, Boras will have played up the marketing opportunities in New York and how much money there is to be made there, but how marketable is a clean shaven, short-haired Johnny Damon, which is what you'll be as per George Steinbrenner's grooming rules. And don't think you'll be above the law; Georgie-Boy made Don Mattingly cut his hair and Donnie Baseball was his favorite. You're just some long-haired caveman who hit two homeruns in a Game 7 at Yankee Stadium.
Maybe you left Boston because you'll miss Manny when the Sox stupidly trade him. The team you're going to will have a better lineup, if that's the case. With you leading off, Jeter batting second and A. Rod, Sheffield and Matsui to follow, the Yankees lineup is more formidable than ever. Of course, they haven't won since 2000 so maybe you could show A. Rod your ring... You know, so he knows what one looks like. Also, be sure to bring some hypodermic needles, that'll give you an in with Giambi.
Oh, who am I kidding. I will miss you Johnny, not because you won't be on the Red Sox any longer, but because you have now sided with evil and can never return to goodness again. Had you gone elsewhere, we could have still been friends, but not now. Derek Jeter will take care of that; I'm sure he's thrilled to have some new meat in the locker room.
I hope you break your leg this season on the same sprinkler-head that did Mickey Mantle in. May your bank account keep you happy and warm at night. Have fun walking your ass to work.

- Chris

The Chaz Rankings: Week 15

Apparently the whole "mind over matter" technique failed to cure my cold yesterday (damn hippie mantras), so once again I'm struggling through the day in a congested stupor and pseudoephedrine haze. That my clogged sinuses make me look like Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer is simply a pleasant side-effect.
I had planned on riffing on a whole number of topics during these rankings, but when I had trouble coming up with the proper words to mock and belittle Bono's selection as Time's Man of the Year, I knew it was time to shut down the computer, pop a Cold-Eeze and resume my countdown until the end of the day. Me not being able to rip on Bono and his pretentious, self-serving charity work is like, is like... Well, it's like something. Anyway, I'm keeping it low-key today. It's tough to be sarcastic when your curled up in a blanket, drinking hot chocolate and wearing snowman sweatpants.
Onto the rankings:

1) Indianapolis Colts (13-1, Last Week: #1)
2) Seattle Seahawks (12-2, #2)
3) Denver Broncos (11-3, #3)
4) Cincinnati Bengals (10-4, #4)
Despite contrary proclamations from SI.com's Richard Deitsch, Sean Salisbury is an idiot. (This, in turn, makes Deitsch, who once wrote that Paul McGuire was the best NFL color man on TV, an idiot as well. I love how Deitsch writes in his 2005 awards that except for fighting with John Clayton and talking like a jock, Salisbury is awesome. That's kind of like saying, "other than the dialogue, plot and special effects, Battlefield Earth ruled!")
Salisbury, who had less touchdown passes in his career than Peyton Manning has this season, says that the Colts loss is terrible and how, for the first time, their vulnerability was exposed. Actually, it wasn't just Salisbury saying this, some other people did too.
But what about the Jags game they won 10-3? Or how the Bengals put up 35+ on them? Wasn't the Colts vulnerability shown then too?
The Colts aren't perfect, but they're very good. The loss to San Diego just proves that they're not invincible, which everyone knew already. Contrary to popular opinion, losing a game was exactly what Indy needed. They're still the team to beat in the AFC and still the favorites to win the Super Bowl no matter who says what.
Seattle isn't the second best team in the NFL, but a ten-game winning streak deserves to be rewarded. Cincy's defense is a sieve and that will kill them in the playoffs. Marvin Lewis is just another in a long line of ex-coordinators to take over a team and has success in large part due to the other side of the ball. Brian Billick and Tony Dungy know all about this. And that's why he shouldn't be coach of the year. (It's Lovie's world, baby.)

5) Pittsburgh Steelers (9-5, #5)
6) Chicago Bears (10-4, #6)
7) San Diego Chargers (9-5, #13)
8) Carolina Panthers (10-4, #8)
Few changes atop the rankings; San Diego jumps back into the top 10 (they've been on a rankings roller coaster all season) after defeating Indy. Man, that Miami loss was so terrible. Of course, they probably don't beat Indy if they knock off Miami... If that makes any sense. And the Bears defense absolutely manhandled Atlanta. It's tough to imagine Chicago losing at home in the playoffs, particularly to a team from the NFC South, should that match-up occur.

9) New England Patriots (9-5, #14)
10) New York Giants (10-4, #11)
11) Washington Redskins (8-6, #15)
12) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-5, #7)
The Pats move back up and certainly should be feared in the playoffs, but I don't know how guys like Peter King can rank them #2. So they shut down Tampa, whoop-dee-do. Warm weather teams don't play well in the cold. And Tampa isn't that good to begin with.
The Pats have done exactly what they've needed to do this season: Beat the bad teams. Every Pats loss (Panthers, Chargers, Broncos, Colts, Chiefs) has been to good teams, while every win (with the exception of one against Pittsburgh) has been over mediocre ones. And that's fine. But just because New England is beating up on the Jets, Bills and Bucs, let's not start booking trips to Detroit just yet.
The Redskins are ahead of the Bucs based on the fact that they beat them earlier this year.

13) Jacksonville Jaguars (10-4, #9)
14) Kansas City Chiefs (8-6, #10)
15) Dallas Cowboys (8-6, #12)
16) Miami Dolphins (7-7, #18)
I've been on the Jags bandwagon for a while now. In the preseason, I predicted them to make the playoffs and I've had them very high on these rankings throughout this year. But sneaking out one point wins at home against the 49ers, backup quarterback or not, doesn't bode well for Jack Del Rio's squad. Maybe they deserve to be ahead of Washington and Tampa, but frankly I think both those teams would beat Jacksonville on a neutral field if they played today.

17) Minnesota Vikings (8-6, #16)
18) Atlanta Falcons (8-6, #17)
19) Philadelphia Eagles (6-8, #19)
20) Cleveland Browns (5-9, #22)
I was seriously tempted to put the Eagles ahead of the Falcons. And the Vikings will lose on Christmas night in Baltimore.

21) Baltimore Ravens (5-9, #23)
22) St. Louis Rams (5-9, #21)
23) Arizona Cardinals (4-10, #20)
24) Tennessee Titans (4-10, #24)
25) Buffalo Bills (4-10, #25)
26) Oakland Raiders (4-10, #26)
27) Houston Texans (2-12, #32)
28) New York Jets (3-11, #27)
29) Green Bay Packers (3-11, #28)
30) New Orleans Saints (3-11, #30)
31) San Francisco 49ers (2-12, #31)
32) Detroit Lions (4-10, #29)
Houston takes a big jump thanks to their win and the fact they've been competitive over the past month, unlike the Lions who have totally given up on their season. Is there any way the Ford family can bring back Matt Millen? The Browns are the best of the bads, while Baltimore has shown some life of late. Steve McNair showed Tennessee can still hang with the big boys and Willis McGahee (17 carries, 39 yards in his last two games) showed he can't. And neither can I. It's nap time.

PLAYoffs??!

I didn't catch my cold at yesterday's Redskins-Cowboys game, but standing in the 32 degree weather for six straight hours certainly didn't help matters along.
But it's all good, even a brutal head cold can't take me down off this high. (I watched the sunrise at Liza's!) It was an unbelievable afternoon yesterday at FedEx Field; easily one of the best two or three games I've ever been to in my life. The Redskins absolutely dismantled the Cowboys, posting the biggest win in series history. And thanks to help from the Steelers and Bears, Washington moved into the 2nd Wild Card spot and now controls its own playoff destiny.
Normally the words would be flowing right now, but I'm struggling like the Cowboys offense, so I'm going to shut it down for the afternoon, sweat out the day at school, eat some soup, crawl into bed and watch me some Die Hard II.
I plan on feeling better tomorrow (my stubbornness knows no bounds), so I'll catch up with the NFL Sunday then. A few quick thoughts before that though:

- Of course I'm excited about the 'Skins and their playoff hopes and think they have a great shot of playing in their first postseason since 2000, but it's worth noting: The Redskins followed up a blowout win with a blowout loss to the Giants already this year.

- Darrell Armstrong is my new favorite NBA player.

- Mike Wise is still an idiot, but damn if the man doesn't know how to utilize a great quote:

Cooley knew it was going to be a good day the moment he and Brian Kozlowski, Cooley's best friend on the team, cruised into the parking lot blaring the unforgettable sounds of Great White. "Me and Kos just turned (it) up as loud as we could and rolled down the windows when we rolled into the stadium. They must have thought we were idiots."

Not that I didn't love Chris Cooley before, or especially after, yesterday's game, but knowing he was listening to Great White before the biggest game of his career nearly vaults him into the hallowed Art Monk territory.

- To listen to Troy Aikman call a Cowboys game, you would never guess he played for that team his entire career. To listen to Phil Simms call a Giants game, you would never guess he and Eli Manning weren't married.

- Seeing as how Eli has already been bailed out by his defense, Champ Bailey, the officials, Chiefs defenders and Tiki Barber this season, I half expect to see A.C. Cowlings in uniform next week.

- Just two Monday Night Football telecasts on ABC remain; Green Bay at Baltimore tonight and New England at the Jets next week. Way to go out with a bang. Baltimore takes the series penultimate contest, 20-12.

NFL Picks: Week 15

Tampa Bay at New England
Boston is currently in the midst of a nasty wintry mix, which doesn't bode well for the Bucs in tomorrow's game. They'll soon discover what I know all too well thanks to my 2002 cavalcade of tree-halted spin-outs and Winston-Salem fender-benders: Cadillac's don't do well in the snow but, baby, they look damn good not doing it.
Pick: New England

Kansas City at New York Giants
During negotiations with the New York transit workers, the city government briefly considered hiring Eli Manning figuring he could easily overthrow the union.
Pick: Kansas City

Denver at Buffalo
The NFL scheduled Saturday games this week in cold weather locales like New England, New York and Buffalo and games on Christmas Day in Green Bay and Baltimore. Jeez, if they wanted snow that badly they could have just turned Michael Irvin upside-down and shaken.
Pick: Denver

San Francisco at Jacksonville
Did Jacksonville make a move from the AFC South to the Big East without telling anyone? How did they get such an easy schedule? Did they hire Jim Boeheim and John Thompson as consultants?
Pick: Jacksonville

Philadelphia at St. Louis
Networks often move late-season games originally scheduled for 1:00 to the national 4:15 slot if the game is of great interest. The Redskins/Cowboys game this weekend was one such contest. When FOX or CBS does this, however, they usually leave the originally scheduled 4:15 game in that time slot and just broadcast the switched game to the national audience. It's rare that the originally scheduled 4:15 is shifted to 1:00 and it usually only happens when the two teams initially in the national time-slot perform way below expectations, like the Eagles and Rams. This mid-season change is known by TV execs as "The Billick Corollary".
Pick: Philadelphia

San Diego at Indianapolis
I've always found the '72 Dolphins a little, what's the word... supercilious. But all the criticism of them in the past few weeks seems a little much to me. What's wrong with guys like Nick Buoniconti wanting their record to stand? I'd rather see players act real like that than disingenuously congratulating someone who bests their mark. Do you think Hank Aaron really wants Barry Bonds to break his homerun record, particularly knowing Bonds was on the juice for about 300 of those homeruns? Of course not. But Hank will be there when he does, acting graciously, which is nice, but completely fake.
No competitor ever wants to be beat. A guy like Don Shula will say all the right things if the Colts should go 19-0, because he's a classy man, but that doesn't mean he wants the Colts to succeed. There's no way.
Good for the Dolphins. I'd be rooting for San Diego too if I were them. And if the Colts do it, I expect them to be gracious. But there's nothing wrong with popping some champagne if they don't. And they will next week because Indy is going down.
Pick: San Diego

Arizona at Houston
My mom always told me if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Pick: Houston

New York Jets at Miami
Actually, my mom never said that. I think that wisdom was imparted to me by Claire Huxtable, but I could be wrong.
Pick: Miami

Carolina at New Orleans
After a season of bitching, moaning and generally lacking any sort of perspective on how easy they have it compared to 99% of Katrina-affected Americans, every Saints player received an extra $40,000 from the NFL in "unusual condition" pay. But what's so unusual about the Jim Haslett Saints underachieving and blaming everyone else but themselves? This seems totally usual to me.
Pick: Carolina

Seattle at Tennessee
Everyone's talking about the Colts, but if Seattle should clinch homefield advantage this weekend, Mike Holmgren's decision on whether to let the selfish Shaun Alexander make a run at the record books will arguably be a more important story. Despite media reports, I have a hard time believing Edgerrin James and company care more about the 16-0 record than they do the Super Bowl. But Shaun Alexander is all about Shaun Alexander, as evidenced by his temper tantrum in last year's finale, so this could be a incendiary situation in Seattle, particularly with high playoff expectations and Alexander due to hit the free agent market in March.
Pick: Seattle

Pittsburgh at Minnesota
While Daunte Culpepper, Moe Williams, Bryant McKinnie and Fred Smoot all face the same charges of indecent, lewd and disorderly conduct, Smoot also faces three additional counts of aggravated suckitude.
Pick: Pittsburgh

Cleveland at Oakland
Beleaguered Browns fan and "Jungleland" enthusiast John Ake writes: "Chase, Every time something big happens on The Tony Danza Show, the audience shouts "ExtravaDANZA!!" I'm not sure if this happens all the time because I usually have to work during the one hour of television that truly matters, but they did it four times this morning."
Let's just say I have a new season pass on my TiVo.
Pick: Oakland

Cincinnati at Detroit
OK, I really don't have a TiVo. I have a Comcast DVR. But "let's just say I set up a new scheduled recording on my Motorola DVR set-top digital cable box" doesn't have the same cachet.
Pick: Cincinnati

Dallas at Washington
I have two wishes for this weekend: The Giants lose and the Redskins win, which would lead to the two teams playing for the NFC East lead on Christmas Eve. But just like my Christmas request for a car and some tube socks, only one of those wishes will come true.
Pick: Dallas

Atlanta at Chicago
If having cold sores has a positive effect on playing in cold weather, then watch out for Michael Vick and the Falcons in this one.
Pick: Chicago

Last Week: 9-7
Season: 146-62

Donovan McNabb Is Black. And He Plays Quarterback.

Did you hear?
A few thoughts on the newest McNabb controversy:
1) Since the headline of this story could also be "Black Eagles Fan Thinks McNabb Is Racial Sellout," why is everyone making such a big deal about it? Couldn't this story be just as easily used in The Onion? How is this different than the satire paper's old news brief headlined, "All Y'All Urged To Go F*** Yo' Selves". They're both "crazy man makes crazy statement." This is news? You don't think J. Whyatt Mondesire's views are repeated in black family rooms across Philadelphia on Donovan's bad days? Things like this happen every day. He's a frustrated fan who doesn't like his team's quarterback. Stop the presses! Just because he publishes his own newspaper doesn't make him a figure worthy of attention. (I have my own blog. Seattle Seahawks linebacker Niko Koutouvides, like myself, is of Greek descent, to which I say, "Niko Koutouvides is an overrated, greasy, goat-loving, feta-eating malaka." There. Where's the outrage?)
2) And don't say it's because Mondesire is the president of the Philadelphia chapter of the NAACP. Not even the Vice-President of the Philadelphia chapter of the NAACP could have told you that two weeks ago. In the comment section Zac makes the point, "If he was any other black editorial writer this wouldn't have caused that much attention but since he is President of Philly's NAACP, his public opinions are meant to represent the NAACP."
I agree, and disagree. Mondesire's opinions are more important than a black editorial writer, but Mondesire made those comments as a black editorial writer, not at an NAACP event or function. Fine line? Perhaps. The counter-argument is that Mondesire always represents the NAACP no matter what he does. Either way, he's a moron and should be considered nothing but. (Granted, he's right about McNabb being mediocre, but Stalin loved vodka, thus proving that even the cruelest tyrants get some stuff right.)
3) Are we even sure J. Whyatt Mondesire is black? That's perhaps the least black name ever. It's not even a white name. He sounds like the bad guy in an episode of Scooby-Doo.
4) What Mondesire said is about fifty times more offensive than Rush Limbaugh's comments from a few years back. Limbaugh was canned from his ESPN job because he made an accurate statement: Donovan McNabb is overrated because he's black. (Limbaugh's hiring was a ridiculous one to begin with; the network hired him to create controversy. He did, then they threw him under the bus.)
Mondesire, on the other hand, made an absolutely ridiculous statement that has actually provoked serious discussion when it should have been immediately dismissed as the pontificating swill it is. Limbaugh's comment actually deserved analysis and conversation, but all anyone did was eviscerate him and call for his firing because of it.
Much like the Fisher DeBarry statement from earlier this year, people automatically assumed Limbaugh's comment was racist because it dealt with race. But Limbaugh's points were all valid:

[McNabb is] overrated... what we have here is a little social concern in the NFL. The media has been very desirous that a black quarterback can do well — black coaches and black quarterbacks doing well.
There's a little hope invested in McNabb, and he got a lot of credit for the performance of his team that he didn't deserve. The defense carried this team.

Football geeks can argue all day long about whether McNabb is overrated, but consider: Brad Johnson has a higher career QB rating than McNabb and one more Super Bowl ring, but you'll never hear anyone consider Johnson anything more than a serviceable NFL quarterback.
But it wasn't the "overrated" comment that got Limbaugh in trouble. It was bringing up race. But what did Limbaugh really say? All he stated was that the media wants McNabb to succeed because he's black and perhaps have overrated him a little bit because of it.
Sportswriters have been making a huge deal about black quarterbacks since the 1980's. That they haven't had much success in the league is an incontrovertible fact. (Doug Williams is still the only black quarterback to win a Super Bowl ring, and he did that back in 1988.) It's only natural for anyone to want black players to succeed in an area where they haven't had much success in the past. It's the same principle that causes everyone to root for a white sprinter in the Olympics. A few years ago on Slate, Allen Barra wrote:

[It's absurd] to say that the sports media haven't overrated Donovan McNabb because he's black. I'm sorry to have to say it; he is the quarterback for a team I root for. Instead of calling him overrated, I wish I could be admiring his Super Bowl rings. But the truth is that I and a great many other sportswriters have chosen for the past few years to see McNabb as a better player than he has been because we want him to be.
Rush Limbaugh didn't say Donovan McNabb was a bad quarterback because he is black. He said that the media have overrated McNabb because he is black, and Limbaugh is right. He didn't say anything that he shouldn't have said, and in fact he said things that other commentators should have been saying for some time now. I should have said them myself. I mean, if they didn't hire Rush Limbaugh to say things like this, what did they hire him for? To talk about the prevent defense?

There's nothing wrong with saying Donovan McNabb is overrated because he's black. Just like there's nothing wrong with believing Jason Sehorn, John Lynch and Mike Alstott are all overrated because they're white. Those guys succeeded at positions dominated by black players, the same way Donovan has succeeded at a position dominated by white players. But none of them are great, they're all just pretty good. We make them great because we want them to be great. That's why it took Eminem so long to gain acceptance in the rap community; nobody knew if he was just another white guy capitalizing on his skin color. HBO's Real Sports did a piece on a black fencer a few months ago and he discussed the same phenomenon.
We've become so sensitive these days that nobody can even mention race without being called a racist. It's a serious issue that should be discussed seriously. But when people get hyper-defensive about racial issues, no matter what is being said, such conversations are nearly impossible to have.
5) I really don't like Donovan McNabb. I think he is a classless fool who plays up his role as a martyr in situations that he has brought upon himself. He's one of those guys who winces when the camera is on him but will instinctually do a high-kick touchdown celebration after a TD on the very leg he was limping on. He really should have gone to Duke.
Donovan chokes in big games, doesn't seem to have the respect of his teammates, tries to make light of bad situations in an awkward, wince-inducing way and often tip-toes on the wrong side of the humor/bad taste line.
When he was at Syracuse, his Orangemen played undefeated, 18th ranked Army at the Carrier Dome in a nationally televised late-season Saturday night contest. ESPN College Gameday was in Syracuse for the game and all the attention, of course, was on an Army team who hadn't been to a bowl in a decade. Apparently Donovan wanted the spotlight on him, because after he scored the go-ahead touchdown in the 3rd quarter, McNabb ran up to the Army student section, stood at attention and saluted the cadets, a move infinitely more classless than Mike Vrabel taunting opposing fans with the ball, something I ripped earlier this year, yet was dismissed by Pats-sycophants like Peter King).
The men and women McNabb mocked are now defending our country overseas, making little money, while McNabb gets paid millions to play-up his sports hernia injuries and choke in the Super Bowl. (To this day my mom can't stand McNabb because of this, as my sister attended West Point at the time. He could be the Redskins quarterback and she'd still hold a grudge.)
Shades of that McNabb come out every time I see him play. He seems to think he's above everyone else. He has the swagger of a champion, not a three-time NFC Championship loser. He was supposed to beat Army that day, just as he was supposed to win the NFC when he had the best team. The Orangemen held off the Cadets that night, but the Eagles won just one out of four NFC Championships against inferior teams.
To watch and listen to Donovan, you'd think he'd won four Super Bowls, not failed to get there thrice and choked when he did.
A fawning media and soup commercials don't make you great, Donovan. Winning does.
6) My favorite part of this story: Mondesire's column was published November 27, a full 17 days before this current controversy started. And it appeared in his paper, The Phildelphia Sunday Sun, a weekly publication with a circulation of 20,000. (Philly's two main papers, The Inquirer and Daily News have daily circulations of 714,000 and 129,000, respectively.) Until the AP put out a wire story about Mondesire's comment, nobody had heard or cared about his comments. This is an entirely media-driven story. My buddy Falkow says nobody in Philly even cares about it. They hadn't heard about it until the AP story too.
7) Conclusions: Donovan McNabb is overrated for many reasons, including his skin color. And J. Whyatt Mondesire is just a blathering idiot who deserves none of the attention he has been afforded. It's time we move back to serious issues concerning the Eagles, like whether or not Jevon Kearse will show up at Terrell Owens' Christmas party.

Wednesday Thoughts

- I'm getting a kick out of people like Dan Shanoff thinking Michael Vick's injury Monday night will serve as a cautionary tale for the Colts. They seem to think that after Vick's rib injury, Indy will all of a sudden change their gameplan headed into the playoffs.
Two things:
1) Michael Vick gets hurt all the time. He gets hurt while dropping back to pass. He gets hurt while scrambling out of the pocket. He gets hurt putting on his socks. He gets hurt while waiting in line at the pharmacy to refill his Valtrax. Since 2002 Vick has missed nearly one-quarter of the Falcons' games due to injury. That he got hurt against the Saints is right behind Michael Irvin's recent arrest on the list of least surprising things ever.
Dungy will look at Vick's injury the same way he views death and taxes: As inevitable. I suppose when Fred Taylor goes down next week Shanoff will advise Dungy to put Edgerrin James into protective custody until the middle of January.
2) Even if it was a durable, marquee player that went down, the notion that it would take such an incident to open Dungy's eyes to the risks of playing his guys through week 17 is laughable. What, Dungy hasn't been around the NFL for three decades? He needs an injury to another player to remind him that sometimes players get hurt?
Haven't people been talking about this very subject for the past three weeks? Isn't this debated on SportsCenter every night? Why would a Michael Vick injury cause an "oh crap, my guys might get hurt if I play them" epiphany for Dungy? As if this very thought hasn't been on his mind since before Thanksgiving. As if this is not something he discusses with his coaches at every meeting. As if he hasn't been questioned by the media about this every day for the past month?
Keep in mind, I'm all for Dungy pulling his starters in week 16 and 17 (maybe have them play a half in week 16 and a series or two in week 17), but if he does, it won't be because a player more fragile than a Faberge egg went down.

- Man, that was a bad loss for Wake Forest last night. A real bad loss. To end a 21-game home winning streak against a bottom-rung Big East team that has lost to Northern Illinois, Bradley and at home to Bucknell (which is actually not that bad a loss) is inexcusable. DePaul will likely be an NIT-bubble team which doesn't bode well for Wake come selection time in March. The committee gets its jollies off bad losses, and this certainly qualifies as one.
Skip Prosser will look at his team's poor free throw shooting, non-existent range and porous defense as reasons for the defeat, and while all those certainly played a part, Prosser's finger should be squarely pointed at himself. In what has become the norm at Wake Forest, Prosser was thoroughly outcoached by a less-heralded staff, which caused his team to lose a game that had no business being close.
(Actually, for as bad as Prosser is, this is actually the first really bad regular season loss he's suffered at Wake. The only non-conference contests the Deacs have dropped since Prosser took over have been road games against top 25 teams. This is the first non-ACC home loss since a top-10 Cincinnati team rolled into Winston back in 2001. But it didn't have to be.)
After Eric Williams started the game 6-6 from the floor, I made a drink-bet that the Deacs would stop going to him. The non-Wake fans I was watching with eagerly took said bet. How could Wake stop going to a guy that looked, well, unstoppable, they reasoned?
Years of having my heart broken by Prosser paid off whiskeyly, because the Deacs did exactly that; Williams barely got a touch the rest of the first half.
This was likely due to Prosser's curious decision to move Justin Gray back to the point after starting the game with freshman Harvey Hale at the position, a switch that would sort of be like Romeo Crennel benching Charlie Frye for Trent Dilfer after the Akron rookie got the Browns an early lead over the Bengals last weekend. When Gray is playing the 1, he is so focused on distributing and not turning the ball over, he doesn't think about his own shot. And because he lacks the quickness and handling skills to effectively penetrate, defenses don't take him seriously and bring in big lineups to triple-team Williams. You would think that someone on the Wake bench would realize said triple-teams (which sometimes were quadruple-teams) tend to leave shooters open on the perimeter, but only once did the Deacs feed the ball into Williams for a quick kick-out and three-point attempt. Once. AAU All-Star teams have a better grasp of fundamentals than Wake Forest.
Prosser's lack of coaching accumen was on further display late in the second half. After a three-pointer by DePaul, Wake faced its biggest deficit of the game. Prosser immediately called a timeout to set his offense. When the Deacs emerged from the huddle, both Gray and Williams were inexplicably on the bench. On his team's biggest possession of the game, Prosser had three freshman, Trent Strickland and Kyle Visser on the court while his two All-America candidates sat. Not surprisingly, Wake came out of the TO without a play and held the ball at the top of the key until the shot clock ran down to 5, when Strickland promptly drove into the lane and took an off-balance runner through a triple-team. Lete me reiterate: This came off a timeout.
After the next TV timeout, with Gray and Williams finally back on the court, the same sort of thing happened. Thirty seconds of waiting, with little movement away from the ball, followed by a 22-foot shot that the other four players stood around watching.
Wake's lack of offensive strategy is nothing new. But to have nothing set-up after a timeout is a new low for the already barrel-bottom scraping Prosser.
Maybe it's Gray's fault that the Deacs can't get anything going offensively. But if it is, then it's Prosser's fault because it doesn't take John Wooden to figure out that Justin Gray isn't a point guard. This was evident in the team's first two games and has only become clearer since then. He doesn't have the skills of a point guard, first of all, but as he showed at the end of the game, Gray doesn't possess the instinct of one either.
Down four with 12 seconds left, Gray took the inbounds pass and run upcourt. DePaul was defending the perimeter, essentially giving Gray an unchallenged layup. Any point guard would take the easy bucket to cut the deficit to two and hope DePaul missed their foul shots (they were still in a 1-and-1 situation at the time). Chris Paul was the master of this play. Instead, Gray pulled up for a contested three, which predictably bricked, and lost the game for the Deacs. If he had made it, Gray would have been a hero and Wake might have forced overtime. But that doesn't change the fact that it was a terrible decision. Any point guard would know that. And that's why Gray cannot continue to run the show in Winston-Salem. He is the quintessential #2 guard; he can create his own shot running off screens and curls and draws attention towards the perimeter, which frees up Big E inside. At the #1, Gray is simply ineffective. You can teach a guy how to play the point (you can, Skip Prosser, of course, cannot), but you can't teach instinct.

- Great feature in today's Washington Post about Redskins return specialist Antonio Brown. Here's hoping Brown can hold on to both the ball and his roster spot.

- The annual story about the NBA's top-selling jersey is always the most overrated apparel news of the year. Every time the league releases its sales figures for jerseys, news outlets infer that the player with the top-selling jersey is the most popular one in the NBA. Maybe that's the case, or maybe the player (Dwyane Wade) is new to the scene and nobody had his jersey yet.

The Chaz Rankings: Week 14

I'm sick and tired of hearing about how NFL officials have it so tough. Every time a ref screws up and changes the outcome of a game, defenders crawl out of the woodwork and mention how the game is so fast and how amazing it is that the officials make as many good calls as they do. "Being a ref is so difficult," they say. "Cut them a break."
To these people, I say: Working in a coalmine is difficult. Teaching kindergarten is difficult. Being a drug mule is difficult. Getting paid $125,000 to arbitrarily decide when to throw a flag for holding is not difficult.
NFL officials make great money to work 51 hours per year yet only get about 70% of their calls correct. (Sure, the NFL boasts about an accuracy of 97%, but those numbers are about as reliable as Kim Jong-Il's golf score.) There is no excuse for this.
Granted, it's only natural that refs will make some bad calls; they're human, after all. But this season has seen such poor officiating, some of which has altered the outcome of crucial games, that the simple "human error" argument is no longer valid. Humans err; ref's f*** up all the time.
In last night's game, Ron White's crew, one of the best in the NFL, missed five easy calls, two of which were overturned via the inane replay system (I won't even get started on that). Among the missed calls: Michael Vick clearly breaking the plane of the endzone on a run, a ruled fumble despite the player clearly being down and a reception where the receiver had not one, but two feet out of bounds. It was an atrocious display of officiating. Yet later this week, NFL head of officiating Mike Pereira will likely defend this crew and all others on the NFL Network.
Yes, he's stuck in a Catch-22: If he acknowledges that his officials often miss calls, the validity of all NFL games comes into question. But if he publicly supports them, no matter what the circumstance (ie, the Tampa/Washington and New York/Seattle games), Pereira comes off as a zebra shill and looks like that crazy Iraqi information guy from a few years back.
In addition to making terrible calls, officials have been misidentifying players, throwing make-up flags (yesterday the Falcons were twice flagged for roughing the passer. On the subsequent plays, the refs called holding on the Saints) and ruining any sort of flow a game might have by showering the field in an orgy of flags. The 4th quarter of last night's game began at 12:01 a.m. Eastern time; almost 2:50 after it started. Michael Vick and Aaron Brooks' incompletion carnival didn't help, but neither did Ron White and his crew.
There's only one way to improve NFL officiating: Get rid of instant replay in its current form. But that's a topic for another day.
The Chaz Rankings see a lot of movement this week. Indy, of course, is still #1, and will stay there even when they lose to San Diego or Seattle. Despite not being at all sold on those very Seahawks, they still belong up at #2 after an impressive run. Denver moves back into the top 3 despite struggling with the lowly Ravens and Cincy finally cracks the top 5 despite all my better judgment.
The Bengals are a weird team. I like Carson Palmer. I like Marvin Lewis. I love Chad Johnson. But I really don't like the Bengals all that much. I guess this is like when I was collectively a huge fan of all the members of N'Sync, but preferred the Backstreet Boys. Or something like that.
Chicago probably will take a big hit in the ESPN.com rankings, but there are worse things than losing on the road in the snow at Pittsburgh against a team with a tuned-up Bus. And dropping a pivotal game at home to Miami is one of those worse things, which is why the Chargers take the most precipitous drop in the brief history of The Chaz Rankings.
As you can tell, I'm still not sold on the Giants, and am reluctant to give any teams from the NFC South too much love. Look at those team's NFC records: They're all just pretty good. Just because they each beat up on the pathetic AFC East (the record of the top three South teams against the AFC is a combined 8-3. The top three in the NFC East, a division matched-up with the stacked AFC West, are 3-7 in interconference games) doesn't mean they're better than the Giants, Cowboys and Redskins.
Minnesota still hasn't knocked off a good team this season; and while I called their run to the playoffs back when they moved to 3-5, it will take a win over Pittsburgh for them to jump up in the rankings. (And they'll be in the top 5 if they do that, by the way.)
A plethora of upsets shook-up the bottom of the rankings this week, but Houston still remains in the cellar, much to the chagrin of Reggie Bush who faces the prospect of running behind one of the worst offensive lines in history next season. If they keep this up, Reggie Bush will have a chance to show Eli Manning how a real man is supposed to be drafted. Then afterwards he can maybe show Eli how not to throw three interceptions in the 4th quarter and overtime of his team's biggest game of the season.

1) Indianapolis Colts (13-0, #1)
2) Seattle Seahawks (11-2, #3)
3) Denver Broncos (10-3, #6)
4) Cincinnati Bengals (9-4, #7)
5) Pittsburgh Steelers (8-5, #13)
6) Chicago Bears (9-4, #4)
7) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-4, #11)
8) Carolina Panthers (9-4, #5)
9) Jacksonville Jaguars (9-4, #8)
10) Kansas City Chiefs (8-5, #9)
11) New York Giants (9-4, #10)
12) Dallas Cowboys (8-5, #12)
13) San Diego Chargers (8-5, #2)
14) New England Patriots (8-5, #15)
15) Washington Redskins (7-6, #14)
16) Minnesota Vikings (8-5, #17)
17) Atlanta Falcons (8-5, #16)
18) Miami Dolphins (6-7, #18)
19) Philadelphia Eagles (5-8, #19)
20) Arizona Cardinals (4-9, #21)
21) St. Louis Rams (5-8, #20)
22) Cleveland Browns (4-9, #26)
23) Baltimore Ravens (4-9, #25)
24) Tennessee Titans (4-9, #28)
25) Buffalo Bills (4-9, #22)
26) Oakland Raiders (4-9, #23)
27) New York Jets (3-10, #30)
28) Green Bay Packers (3-10, #29)
29) Detroit Lions (4-9, #24)
30) New Orleans Saints (3-10, #27)
31) San Francisco 49ers (2-11, #31)
32) Houston Texans (1-12, #32)

Monday Afternoon Cornerback

Paul Tagliabue's mailbox will be overflowing with Christmas cards this season from NFC teams thanks to a bizarre year which has seen the NFL gift-wrap three games for playoff contenders.
The Giants, who were given an unprecedented ninth home game by the league, will send a picture of Eli Manning sitting on Santa's lap (presumably asking him for a QB rating higher than David Carr's).
Tampa, now at the top of their division thanks to a non-two point conversion by Mike Alstott, will send a simple note scribbled quickly by Jon Gruden in between his 3:34 and 3:35 a.m. film sessions.
And Dallas, who had two favorable decisions go their way in the final seconds of their crucial home game versus the Chiefs yesterday, will send the league office a few coupons for a free consult with Dr. Mark McGuire, the personal plastic surgeon of Jerry Jones.
These three teams could likely make the playoffs thanks to the victories, a disconcerting fact for the Vikings, Redskins, Falcons and other NFC teams vying for a playoff spot without the aid of the suits and stripes.
The latest atrocity took place yesterday in Dallas. On 3rd and goal from the six-yard line, Cowboys QB Drew Bledsoe rolled out right and was chased by a Chiefs defender. At the exact moment the Chiefs player grabbed Bledsoe, poised to sack him, thus putting Dallas in a difficult 4th and 17 situation, Marco Rivera tackled him from behind. Seriously. He tackled him. In the open field. The referee, watching the play intently, reached for his flag to call the blatant holding but decided against it as Bledsoe threw an incompletion, which set up 4th and goal from the 7.
Let me reiterate, and I'm not exaggerating here: This was as obvious as holding gets. It took place in the middle of the field right in front of the referee. There is zero doubt Bledsoe would have been sacked had the Chiefs defender not been tackled from behind. Yet, the ref decided to hold his flag. Maybe he didn't want a penalty to be the biggest play of the contest.
On the next play, however, the officials had no such qualms about deciding the game via a flag; they called defensive holding on the Chiefs after the Cowboys failed to convert on 4th down. The call gave Dallas an automatic first down. They scored two plays later.
I had no problem with the defensive holding call on 4th down, mind you. There was holding (albeit it was much less obvious than on the play before). But you can't call a penalty on 4th if you're going to make the conscious decision not to call one on 3rd. As my buddy Ben put it yesterday, "if you're gonna [wimp] out on third down, you have to [wimp] out on fourth down too."
Even with the penalty, Dallas still could have scored from the 17. But it would have been a lot less likely. That extra W will be key when the playoff spots are decided on New Year's Day, not just for the Cowboys, but for the teams fighting them for a wild card spot. (Unlike the Bucs call, which could end up ruining Washington's season, the Cowboys call has little effect on the Redskins. The only way a Chiefs win yesterday would really help the 'Skins is if they lose to the Cowboys next week. Then, the Redskins could theoretically win out and make the playoffs at 9-7. But Joe Gibbs' team really needs to beat Dallas next week anyway. If they do, they'll hold a tiebreaker over them, and that's really all that matters to them.)

Sunday Thoughts
- Now that Elisha Manning has blown up the "he's great in the 4th quarter" argument, what are his lovers in the media going to hang their hat on now? His ability to grow stubble in just 96 short hours?

- Prediction: Tony Dungy will play his starters in weeks 15 and 16, but rest them for most of week 17, regardless of the team's record. But I still say they're not going undefeated.

Sunday Superlatives
Game of the Day: Dallas 31 - Kansas City 28
Reason #87 why dissecting playoff races four weeks out is worthless: 24 hours ago, the Steelers were left for dead in the AFC Wild Card chase. Today, they'd be the 6th seed.

Upset of the Day: Miami 23 - San Diego 21
Good to know Chargers fans are getting to know the real Marty Schottenheimer. How does LaDainian Tomlinson only get 22 touches in a game where Drew Brees throws the ball 52 times? This has to be a candidate for worst loss of the year.

Player of the Day: Jerome Bettis, RB, Pittsburgh
The Bus is back. And so are the Steelers.

Faulk Fantasy Player of the Day: Larry Johnson - 143 rsh yds, 28 rec yds, 3 TD - 34 fantasy points
The best thing that could have happened to anyone with Priest Holmes and Larry Johnson on their roster was Priest going down with a season-ending injury. Now getting all the carries, Johnson has been the best and most consistent fantasy player since Halloween.

Boldin Fantasy Player of the Day: Ryan Moats - 114 rsh yds, 2 TD - 25 fantasy points
Moats did that on only 11 carries, by the way. Meanwhile, on the other side of the field, Tom Coughlin once again decided to run Brandon Jacobs on goal-to-go from the 1, and - shockingly - he failed on two attempts. This is the at least the fourth time this season the supposedly bruising Jacobs has failed to get in on two consecutive attempts on the goal line. What the hell are they thinking in New York? I've said it before, but I seriously think the Giants coaches believe the New York media and have bought into the fact that:
a) Eli Manning is good.
b) Brandon Jacobs is a goal line back.
There is no doubt Tiki Barber would have made it on two attempts from the one, so why is Jacobs in there? Other than his press clippings, there is no evidence to suggest Jacobs is an effective goal line back. It's unbelievable and just one of many reasons why the Giants are the most overrated team in football.

Fantasy Bust of the Day: LaMont Jordan - 49 rsh yds, 30 rec yds - 7 fantasy points
Seven points is OK if it came against a solid defense. But against the Jets? I just hope you weren't relying on Jordan to win in your fantasy playoffs.

Predictions
Ouch. 8-7 on the afternoon. Sadly, those seven losses weren't the worst decisions I made yesterday.

Who I Like On Monday Night And I Don't Mean My Decision To Start Joe Horn Over Bobby "18 Points" Engram In My Fantasy Football Playoffs
Question: Is an onside kick recovery considered a fumble recovery? Because according to Fanball, the Web site that hosts my fantasy football league, it is. But the NFL says it's not.
This is a pertinent issue because I am currently down ten points in my fantasy game with Joe Horn left to play. Had I started Bobby Engram, I would have already advanced, but since there's no use crying over unstarted receivers, I have to focus on the now.
According to the official NFL stats, Jacksonville had zero fumble recoveries against Indy. I assume this means that a recovered onside kick is not ruled as a fumble. And it really shouldn't be. One can only fumble if one has possession. A ball that deflects off a player and into the hands of the opposing team was never possesed, therefore can't be a fumble. But Fanball says it is, and since it seems they've made their scoring adjustments for the day, I guess I'm down ten instead of nine. So, go Joe Horn. You haven't caught a TD pass since September, but I have faith. Falcons 30 - Saints 20. JoeHo - 6 catches, 67 yards, no TDs. My fantasy team: A premature exit from the No More Kleindinst playoffs.

NFL Picks: Week 14

Many fantasy football leagues begin their playoffs this week. To commemorate this special event, today's picks will dabble in the world of fantasy. Sort of like every preseason publication's Arizona Cardinals preview.

Indianapolis at Jacksonville
Screw the 16-0 record, if Tony Dungy rests his starters in weeks 15 and 16, the most important byproduct will be the impact said decision will have on fantasy football playoffs nationwide. Can you start Peyton Manning if you think there’s a chance he could only play a half? If you picked up Dominic Rhodes as an insurance policy for Edgerrin, who do you start if Dungy publicly announces the two will split carries?
Think about it this way: A player who ignored the pundits and picked Edge over backs like Willis McGahee and Domanick Davis could lose in his/her fantasy Super Bowl to an idiot who drafted Brandon Stokely, kept him on the bench the entire year, then lucked out because Tony Dungy decided to sit Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne in week 16. This should be a jailable offense.
(Weeks ago I wrote Jacksonville would be the team to end Indy’s undefeated season. That was before Byron Leftwich went down, however. For now, I’m taking the Colts, but check back Sunday morning because I often change around some picks after getting up. I find that hangovers have a profound effect on my football prognostication skills.)
Pick: Indianapolis

Cleveland at Cincinnati
I’m playing both Rudi Johnson and T.J. Houshmandzadeh in my first-round playoff game this week, which makes this the first ever Browns/Bengals game I will ever have any rooting interest in whatsoever. Logic dictates that Houshmandzadeh (and Chris Chambers, my opponent’s other WR) can’t duplicate their success of last week, but logic also dictates that my opponent, Antzo, should have been considered for the lead in the new King Kong movie and he got nary a consideration.
Pick: Cincinnati

St. Louis at Minnesota
Back in August I wrote about a disease entitled Thrashophobia which afflicts many mediocre receivers suddenly thrust into a featured role in an offense due to the departure of a team’s top receiver. After describing the origins of the disease (how James Thrash went from solid possession receiver in Washington to in-over-his-head top dog in Philly), I wrote:

This brings up to Nate Burleson, who put up the best numbers for a receiver playing with Randy Moss since Cris Carter retired, but now finds himself “the man” in Minnesota. Without the luxury of playing against the Mike Rumph’s and Nick Harper’s of the NFL, Burleson will have a rude awakening.

The man who was the ninth receiver taken in my 12-team fantasy draft currently is the fifth-best fantasy receiver on his own team and 97th overall.
Pick: St. Louis

Houston at Tennessee
Then I wrote this:

After this season, I fully expect to rename Thrashophobia Bennettrrhea.
The following factors will contribute to a huge decline in Bennett’s numbers this season: Steve McNair regaining his starting job, the loss of Derrick Mason, the departure of Derrick Mason, Derrick Mason’s absence, the fact that Derrick Mason will be playing in Baltimore and the loss of Derrick Mason.
Every year I identify the most overrated player headed into the fantasy football season. Last August I accurately determined Kevan Barlow, a guy many had in their top five, would be that player in 2004, and he and his 822 rushing yards didn’t disappoint.
This year, Drew Bennett is the most overrated player in fantasy football. (I know I mentioned this yesterday, but I still can’t get over it… Bennett went TWENTY-FREAKIN-NINTH in one of my drafts this weekend. Overall! That’s like playing a pick-up game at the NBA All-Star weekend and, being a captain with your choice of any NBA player or celebrity in attendance, picking Justin Timberlake over LeBron.)
Last year Drew was going up against nickel corners and getting white-boy love from Billy Volek. This year he will draw top coverage and catch balls from the chronically injured Steve McNair.
The wheels are going to fall off the Titans this year and the same will happen to your team if you put any faith in Drew Bennett.

Yes, that’s right… Someone took Drew Bennett 29th in one of my fantasy leagues. He is now the 47th ranked receiver. Among the undrafted players currently ahead of the man who went, again, TWENTY-NINTH OVERALL: Joe Jurevicius, Brandon Lloyd, Amani Toomer, Marcus Robinson, Ernest Wilford, Eric Parker, Chris Henry, Antwaan Randle-El, Brian Finneran and Antonio Chatman.
Pick: Tennessee

New England at Buffalo
Brady should get his 15-20 points, but J.P. Losman will outscore him.
Pick: Buffalo

Oakland at New York Jets
Guys like Domanick Davis (16th RB overall), Willis McGahee (17), Corey Dillon (21), Julius Jones (26), Jamal Lewis (28) and Kevin Jones (31) were all ahead of Raiders RB LaMont Jordan on many draft boards, but none are within 50 fantasy points of him today. Which is why, chances are, if you have any of those backs on your team, your season is over. And if you were prescient enough to take Jordan, you’re probably still alive.
Pick: Oakland

Tampa Bay at Carolina
Steve Smith is the LaMont Jordan of wide receivers. I would love to see some stats on whether team’s with either of these two players (or, in my buddy Jaffe’s case, both players) are having more success than average teams. Of course they will, to some degree, because Smith and Jordan are ranked 1st and 5th at their positions, respectively. But, more than that, I think owners who drafted these two players are probably just better fantasy football players overall. Smith probably went in the middle of a lot of third and fourth rounds, while Jordan was probably slightly higher. But there were other similar players on the board, and many people probably passed those two guys up.
Sure, maybe the owner in your league with Jordan got lucky and there’s a great chance whoever has Smith did, in fact, luck out. But they ended up being great picks, and making one great pick usually indicates that a few more good picks were made during the course of the draft also.
Case in point, the guy with the 47th pick in my 12-team league had the choice between Smith and Larry Fitzgerald. He took Drew Bennett (which isn’t nearly as bad as taking him at TWENTY-NINE. Smith went next at 48 (I took Fitzgerald with my next pick, #54.) The guy who passed them both up is the #1 seed in our playoffs, but only had the 6th most points overall. Had he taken Smith, he would have had the most and would be the favorite, by far, in the playoffs.
Pick: Carolina