Picking the A.L. All-Stars

Balloting ends today for the 76th Major League Baseball All-Star game and lineups will be announced Sunday night for next Tuesday's game. Today, I'll pick the A.L. starters:

1st Base
The Rangers young 1st baseman Mark Teixiera leads fan balloting by a comfortable margin over Tino Martinez, which will result in a rare case of a non-superstar player winning a deserving starting spot on the All-Star team.
The crop of A.L. 1st baseman is quite weak this season and no other player deserves a spot on the team's roster, but look for the Royals Mike Sweeney to get the nod as the Royals lone representative. (What, you were thinking Jose Lima perhaps?)
Should win: Mark Teixiera, Rangers
Will win: Mark Teixiera, Rangers

2nd Base
Did I say it was rare when a deserving non-superstar wins a starting spot on the All-Star team? Well, I appear to have spoken too soon for if the voting holds up, the right side of the A.L. infield will fit into that category.
Alfonso Soriano is closing fast on the Orioles' Brian Roberts in the voting, but Roberts should hold him off when the final totals are announced. Neither should worry too much, they'll both get a spot on the team regardless of the voting results.
Roberts has been baseball's biggest surprise, sparking the hO's quick start with his hot bat. Never a homerun hitter before this year, Roberts has 13 homeruns in 274 at-bats in 2005. In the 1,504 career at-bats Roberts had prior to this season, he hit 12 homeruns. Not since Brady Anderson tripled his homer totals and hat size in 1996 has a player seen their power numbers surge so unexpectedly.
Soriano has been his usual hit-or-bust self, striking out 68 times while walking only 13.
Should win: Brian Roberts, Orioles
Will win: Brian Roberts, Orioles

Shortstop
Alright, this is getting a little ridiculous. The fan voting should reward superstars way past their prime like Jason Giambi and Sammy Sosa, not players that actually deserve to start. What kind of precedent are we, as fans, setting when the best players make the All-Star team?
Voters have done it again at shortstop, choosing the A.L.'s best infielder, Miguel Tejada to start.
The most intriguing subplot at shortstop will be whether or not Tito Francona adds foppish Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter to his list of reserves. Without Joe Torre to stuff the A.L. reserves with undeserving Yankees, it might be tough for the effeminate captain of the Bronx Bombers to make the roster.
Jeter, who enjoys the company of men, is having a typical season for him: Hitting for average with decent power, making routine plays look impossible and staring lovingly into the eyes of teammate Gary Sheffield at homeplate while getting his buttocks cupped by the volatile soon-to-be-traded rightfielder (right).
Jeter doesn't deserve to make the team, but then again, when has he ever?
Should win: Miguel Tejada, Orioles
Will win: Miguel Tejada, Orioles

3rd Base
Alex Rodriguez's masculinity makes Richard Simmons seem like John Wayne and his fielding this season makes Chuck Knoblauch look like Brooks Robinson.
Should win: Alex Rodriguez, Yankees
Will win: Alex Rodriguez, Yankees

Catcher
Picking the entire A.L. roster was pretty simple, but slotting in Jason Varitek's name at catcher was the easiest decision of all. He is, quite simply, the best catcher (and most underrated player) in baseball.
Should win: Jason Varitek, Red Sox
Will win: Jason Varitek, Red Sox

Outfield
Just 55,000 votes separate 2nd place Vladimir Guerrero and 4th place Johnny Damon (Ichiro is 14,000 votes ahead of Damon for the third, and final, spot). Ichiro, stuck in the worst slump of his career, doesn't deserve a starting spot (or any spot on the team, for that matter) and with Seattle playing on the road this week with the Red Sox home at Fenway, plus the rabid nature of Red Sox fans who will surely vote on-line in droves, it looks like the Japanese import won't make his first All-Star team of his career.
Amazingly, if Johnny Damon is voted onto the team along with Guerrero and teammate Manny Ramirez, the entire A.L. starting lineup will be made-up of the eight most deserving players. Without doing research, I'd guess that it would be the first time this has happened since fan voting began.
Manny started slow, but has found his bat in June. His batting average is still on the low-end (.276), but he more than makes up for it with his power numbers (.909 OPS).
Damon doesn't have the best numbers, but his contribution to the Red Sox (like Jason Varitek's) is often overshadowed by the exploits of Manny and David Ortiz. And in a relatively weak year for A.L. outfielders, the Sox leadoff man deserves to start.
Should win: Vladimir Guerrero, Angels; Manny Ramirez, Red Sox; Johnny Damon, Red Sox
Will win: Vladimir Guerrero, Angels; Manny Ramirez, Red Sox; Johnny Damon, Red Sox

Designated Hitter
Travis Hafner's been great, but David Ortiz, who will lead the A.L. in votes, has been better.
Should win: David Ortiz, Red Sox
Will win: David Ortiz, Red Sox

Tomorrow: Picking the N.L. All-Star starters and MLB pitchers and reserves

NBA Draft Thoughts

I went to the Nats game last night and wasn't able to watch the draft live. Even though I had text messages updating me throughout and the ESPN telecast recorded on my DVR, nothing can beat the feeling of watching live at the exact moment the Toronto Raptors draft Charlie Villanueva, thus ensuring themselves a spot in the lottery until Chris Bosh retires.
Some other thoughts from draft night:

- Andrew Bogut would have been a great pick at #10, but as a #1 guy he'll never be able to live-up to the expectations that come with being the top-pick in the NBA Draft.
A good center is a rarity in the NBA (this is why Brad Miller has a $68 million contract), but is not crucial to a team's success unless you have a Shaq-esque talent.
Most analysts agree that Bogut's ceiling isn't that high and that Milwaukee would just be thrilled if their #1 selection turned into a 15/10 guy.
Obviously, Bogut could breakthrough and become a force in the middle, but let's say, for the sake of argument, that he maxes out and becomes a Brad Miller-esque player and Marvin Williams or Chris Paul becomes the next NBA superstar. Milwaukee will then be regretting this draft forever. Look for that to happen.
The Cro-Aussie sensation was great in college when he was easily able to back-down 6'9 WAC guys who were playing a forward-center hybrid. Bogut's strength is the ability to find open men after getting the ball down-low, but in order for that to be successful, opposing teams have to double Bogut, which won't happen in the NBA if he doesn't establish himself as an offensive force.
The knock's on Bogut has been his athleticism, and while I think NBA analysts sometimes dwell too much on perceived weaknesses, this one seems to be legit. Against Kentucky in the NCAA Tournament, Bogut had trouble getting around guys off the Wildcat bench. Imagine what Amare Stoudamire and Kevin Garnett will do to him.
Bogut has been called a safe pick, which is another term for the wrong pick. The Bucks should have gone with Marvin Williams and let Atlanta realize that Bogut will never live up to expectations.

- As Dick Vitale said last night, Atlanta might have picked the best player of the draft in Marvin Williams, but also picked a guy whose position they have well covered on their roster. Is Matt Millen moonlighting as the Hawks GM?

- Maybe the Utah Jazz had to pick Deron Williams with the 3rd pick because his half-court game is better than Chris Paul's. And if that's the case, then he's a fine pick. Williams' game seems better suited to college, but he should be a fine pro.
Paul, however, will be the best point guard in the 2005 draft and, depending on how Marvin Williams pans out, will be the best player out of this class. Every team, with the exception (perhaps) of Milwaukee (who already has CP-Lite in T.J. Ford) will kick themselves over passing on Chris Paul. Hawks GM Billy Knight will likely lose his job once everyone discovers Atlanta has three guys like Marvin Williams on their roster and none like Paul.
I had hoped that Paul would fall to Charlotte (I'm sure he did too), mainly because owner New Orleans owner George Shinn seems hellbent on keeping his team buried after running it into the ground when they played in Charlotte and because it's becoming increasingly clear that Eddie Jordan was the brains behind the Nets success, not Byron Scott.
But Paul's game should help fill the stands in the Big Easy and give Shinn some extra money to play with. Everyone anticipates New Orleans will be the worst team in the NBA next season. But with Chris Paul running the show, they'll be much better than expected.

- In his 1999 comedy special Bigger and Blacker, Chris Rock expressed disbelief that we live in a world where "Superman can't walk?!!!" If he were making a 2005 remake of his stand-up routine, Rock might change that line to, "Daniel Ewing got drafted?!!!", followed by a string on uninteligible expletives and a riff about how black people don't like Condoleeza Rice.
What the hell is going on here? I mean, I realize it was Elgin Baylor doing the drafting, but I'm really forced to assume that whichever Clippers scout was assigned to Ewing ended up sleeping off a hangover instead of watching his workout and just made-up all the stuff in his report about Ewing having good ball-handling skills (a prerequisite at Duke. Wait for it... Wait for it... There you go), deadly range from beyond-the-arc and a game that even vaguely resembles that of an NBA point guard.
Daniel Ewing? I would have taken J.R. Ewing over him. Hell, I would have called Patrick Ewing's knees and brought them out of retirement instead of taking Daniel Ewing.
What's up, Elgin Baylor? Was Marty Clark busy? Could Nick Horvath not get off from his job at the car wash to come in for a workout? Did coach Mike Dunleavy miss his son Mike Dunleavy Jr. a whole lot, so in order to fill the void you drafted another underperforming, overrated Dukie who would replace the coach's son until he finally gives up his NBA dream and starts coaching like all the other Dukies who couldn't make it in the league?

- I wonder if John Gilchrist still thinks he's better than Chris Paul, Deron Williams and Raymond Felton. Last month the petulant ex-Maryland crybaby claimed he was better than those three guards, who were only rated higher because their teams were better (his words. Hmmm.... Might there have been a reason their teams were better, John?)
Now that Gilchrist went undrafted (I could have sworn I heard a scream of delight come from Gary Williams' house last night) and will likely have to play in either Europe or the NBDL, does he still think he was the best point guard prospect in the draft?
Probably. Gilchrist has had delusions of grandeur since he set foot in College Park and those were only exacerbated during his MVP performance in the 2004 ACC Tournament. The 2005 clashes with coaches, teammates, media, professors and, pretty much, every single figure of authority in his life, coupled with erratic play and numerous benchings, sealed Gilchrist's fate as the subject of a "what if?" hypothetical for the rest of his "career".
John: As Lauryn Hill once said, "karma, karma, karma comes back to you hard."

- Speaking of Lauryn Hill, The Fugees reunited last night at the BET Awards and announced that they are currently in the studio working on the long-awaited, oft-delayed, thrice-killed follow-up to The Score. I haven't been this excited since I read a headline in The Washington Post declaring "Guzman Sentenced to Life", only to find out that it wasn't Cristian Guzman they were talking about, but another Guzman altogether.

- I'm quite shocked that no NBA team drafted surefire superstar Shavlik Randolph in last night's draft. Are you telling me that NBA GM's actually believed that averaging half a single-single (4.4 points, 4.3 rebounds) last season wouldn't translate into success on the pro level?

- After initially believing there were was only two people in the world who thought Charlie Villanueva would be a good NBA player (Villanueva himself and Brian Lynch of Beacon Falls, CT), my belief system was shattered last night when it was revealed there was actually one more: Raptors GM Rob Babcock.
In an attempt to make an ever worse lottery pick than last year (when Toronto took Rafael Araujo, whose middle name is actually "Stiff", at #8), Babcock selected the troubled UConn player who twice had put his hat into the NBA Draft, only to remove it after realizing that he looks like Skeletor and has only a slightly better post presence. That Babcock then passed-up Danny Granger again later in the first round will be in the lead paragraph of the AP wire story about his firing, which should be available in about ten months.

- Wayne Simien will contribute this season in Miami and will be a valuable player off the bench for Stan Van Gundy.

- The thought of 89-pound Julius Hodge enduring winters in Denver is enough to put a smile on my face even as the horror of the drafting of Daniel Ewing is still fresh in my mind.

- With Boston College entering the ACC and both Raymond Felton and Sean May being drafted by Charlotte, does this mean the Bobcats get a home-and-home with Duke on their schedule this season?

Steals: Chris Paul (#4, New Orleans), Danny Granger (#17, Indiana), Hakim Warrick (#19, Memphis), Wayne Simien (#29, Miami), Salim Stoudamire (#31, Atlanta), Martynas Andriuskevicius (#44, Orlando)

Busts: Charlie Villanueva (#7, Toronto), Channing Frye (#8, New York), David Lee (#30, New York), Daniel Ewing (#32, L.A. Clippers)

Oops!: Brandon Bass (#33, New Orleans), Monta Ellis (#40, Golden State), Chris Taft (#42, Golden State), John Gilchrist (ND), Shavlik Randolph (ND), Randolph Morris (ND), Matt Walsh (ND), Sean Banks (ND), Kennedy Winston (ND)

2005 NBA Mock Draft: Lottery Style

#1 - Milwaukee Bucks
Andrew Bogut - C - Utah
In the grand tradition of Luc Longley and that guy with all those vowels in his last name, Bogut will help usher in a new era of Croatian-Australian dominance in the NBA.
The 7-foot stiff-to-be has a soft touch and good hands, which is nice for a woman, but doesn't necessarily translate into NBA success.

#2 - Atlanta Hawks
Marvin Williams - F- North Carolina
ESPN.com's Chad Ford seems to think that the Hawks, long rumored to desire either Bogut or Williams, might instead be in the market for a point guard at #2. Of course, Chad Ford also called Darko the "best big man" in the 2003 Draft and insisted Phoenix overpaid for Steve Nash last summer.

#3 - Charlotte Bobcats (trade)
Chris Paul - G - Wake Forest
The young Bobcats are in need of two things: A point guard and a player to center their marketing efforts around. Paul, a native North Carolinian, fits both profiles and will cause Bernie Bickerstaff to give up the 5th and 13th picks of the draft for his rights.
If its not Charlotte trading up, it will likely be someone (Utah, perhaps) looking for either Paul or Deron Williams, because Portland isn't in need of a point guard (at least until 2008 when they finally figure out Sebastian Telfair was a mistake).

#4 - New Orleans Hornets
Deron Williams - G - Illinois
Whoever is taken with this pick will challenge the record for 'most forced smile on draft night', which is currently held by Eli Manning and every Clippers selection since 1990.

#5 - Portland Trail Blazers (trade)
Gerald Green - G - Gulf Shores Academy
The Blazers had some questions about Green's character, but in an interview the 18-year old assured Portland management that once he was under contract he would quickly get to work on diversifying his rap sheet.

#6 - Utah Jazz
Raymond Felton - G - North Carolina
OK, right before I hit "Publish Post" I saw on ESPN that the Jazz just moved up to #3 by sending this pick and #27 to the Blazers. I'm on my way out the door so I don't have time to change everything around but I'll makes the following quick changes: Utah takes Paul at #3, Charlotte snags Felton at #5 and the Blazers get Green at #6.
This development was fortunate because I don't think what I originally wrote (some sort of joke about Felton, Jerry Sloan, Raquel Welch and the pope) made any sense.

#7 - Toronto Raptors
Martell Webster - G - Seattle Prep
Somehow, someway, I need to get Emmanuel Lewis a Martell Webster jersey so he can walk around all day with "WEBSTER" written on his back. This is the best idea I've had since I sent a Kevin Willis jersey to Todd Bridges. Unfortunately, inmates were required to wear a state-approved uniform at that particular correctional facility, so my gift was never received.

#8 - New York Knicks
Channing Frye - C - Arizona
Bemoaning the lack of 6'8 power forwards in the draft, Isiah Thomas reluctantly chooses a center in Frye. The former Arizona player (originally I wrote "the former Arizona star" but then reminded myself that we're talking about Channing Freakin' Frye here) will fit-in nicely with the Knicks, a team with the stated goal of completely sucking for the next 12 seasons.

#9 - Golden State Warriors
Danny Granger - F - New Mexico
In 2003 I hyped Dwayne Wade before the draft. Last year I wrote this about Ben Gordon, "he will be the best player to come out of [this draft]". OK, maybe Dwight Howard will prove me wrong, but you get the point.
This year, my horse is New Mexico's Danny Granger. After seeing him single-handedly keep New Mexico in an early season game against Wake Forest, I jumped on his bandwagon and will only get off if Tom Cruise gets on, sits next to me and starts talking about Scientology.

#10 - Los Angeles Lakers
Fran Vazquez - F - Spain
Seeing the Lakers in the lottery is almost as weird as watching You've Got Mail and discovering that Tom Hanks best friend is played by Dave Chappelle who is, essentially, playing a non-getting-high version of Dave Chappelle.

#11 - Orlando Magic
Joey Graham - F - Oklahoma
Back to Tom "And You Thought Pee-Wee Herman Killed His Career Quickly" Cruise for a second; am I the only one who has no desire to see War of the Worlds? Beyond it looking a little cheesy, that little blonde girl creeps me out. I keep waiting for her to turn into a 45-year old country club mom who will then have to explain how she made a wish at a Zoltar machine to be a child actress and, unable to find the machine the next morning, decided to stay as a nine-year old and bide her time until she was able to get close enough to Tom Cruise so she could coerce him into achieving her lifetime dream of watching Maverick belittle Matt Lauer live on national television.
No?

#12 - Los Angeles Clippers
Yaroslsav Korolev - F - CCCP
Do you think Russia would mind changing its name just so all their athletes could wear those menacing "CCCP" t-shirts at the Olympics? If I didn't live in eternal fear of being branded a Commie, I'd go down to the ice rink and skate around in a CCCP shirt all day hip-checking kids into the glass while muttering "Drago was robbed" in their ears.

#13 - Charlotte Bobcats
Sean May - F - North Carolina
If the Bobcats do, indeed, choose college teammates Felton and May in the lottery, they would likely take a hard look at Serge Zwikker in the second round.

Weekend Thoughts

- Michelle Wie is a wonderful golfer and one day could become as successful as Annika Sorenstam. But at this point in her life, the 15-year old Wie might not even be the best female amateur in the game, let alone someone who could legitimately compete against men.
Her final round blow-up yesterday at the U.S. Women's Open showed, once again, that Wie is more hype than substance and should also serve as a reminder to the media that there are plenty of other women deserving of the ink that undeserved goes Wie's way.
The headlines out of Denver on Saturday night all focused on Wie, despite the fact that she was tied for the lead with two other women, including another teenage amateur. One shot back was Paula Creamer, an 18-year old who has actually won an LPGA tournament, something Wie has yet to do.
So why all the hype for Wie? If it's because she's only 15, then why wasn't anyone talking about Morgan Pressel, the 17-year old who was tied with Wie for the clubhouse lead Saturday night?
It certainly can't be because of past successes, because Wie has win zilch on the LPGA Tour, and only has a victory in one tournament of significance, the 2003 U.S. Women's Amateur Public Links, which is, arguably, the least prestigious championship on the USGA's calendar. (Wie failed to defend her title last year, losing to a Chinese amateur in the finals.)
The main reason the media is in love with Michelle is because Michelle is in love with herself. Repeatedly stating her goal of playing in the Masters, accepting sponsors exemptions to PGA events and declaring herself ready to play with the men, despite an inability to win against women, has only perpetuated the belief that Wie is a great player.
She isn't a great player... at least not yet. Wie has the talent and determination to become the best female golfer who ever lived, and she could very well accomplish that one day. At the moment, though, she seems to be trying to sprint before she can crawl and that may very well end up being a career-killing move.
Earl Woods knew exactly what he was doing when he let Tiger dominate the USGA Amateur events during his teenage years. After winning three straight Junior Amateurs, it would have been easy to cash-in and throw Tiger in some PGA events. But the elder Woods knew that to succeed in golf, it is crucial to know how to win. It sounds cliched, but in individual sports like golf and tennis, talent can only take you so far. With the ups-and-downs of golf, winning becomes a mentality, and the only way to develop that is to gain experience. Tiger ended up winning three straight U.S. Amateurs after his Junior wins, and joined the Tour the next year. He followed up the 1996 U.S. Amateur title with a victory at The Masters in 1997. The decision to have Tiger beat his peers proved wise.
Michelle Wie, on the other hand, hasn't beaten anyone. And, without reading too much into her final-round 82, maybe the killer instinct all the great golfers have isn't there.
She's only 15 though and she is a wonderful golfer with loads of talent. But at this point, Michelle Wie is simply one of many young female golfers trying to become a star on the LPGA Tour.
Once she wins something, she will become deserving of the hype. Until then, the press needs to focus on golfers who are more about performance than potential.

- I'm dragging today, so I'm cutting the Weekend Thoughts short. Come back tomorrow for Chris's Sports Blog 2005 NBA Draft Preview. Until then, enjoy this picture sent in by Efird's resident Oasis expert (and hardcore Yankees fan) Craig Hilts.
Some pictures don't need captions.
In the interest of filling up space next to this picture, I wanted to write about something relating to the snapshot. Since I don't know much about Judy Garland or the hot-spots in Chelsea, I figured I'd write a bit about the A.L. East:
I'd say it was fun while it lasted for the Baltimore Orioles, but then I'd be lying. After leading the East for the bulk of the season, the hO's dropped three-straight in Atlanta and their half-game lead on Friday morning turned into a two-and-a-half game deficit last night. Without any pitching help on the horizon, Baltimore is done and the Red Sox will fight it out with the Yankees for the division crown. It won't matter though; with the Twins struggling, look for the Wild Card to come out of the East for the third straight year.

Duncan Strikes Back

The most underrated superstar of all-time began taking over Game 7 of the NBA Finals early in the second half.
After the Pistons took a nine-point lead with 7:43 remaining in the season's penultimate quarter, Tim Duncan got hot; scoring 14 of his team's next 20 points to gave San Antonio a 59-57 lead early in the 4th quarter. The Spurs would never trail again.
It was sweet redemption for Duncan, a player who had already won two NBA Finals MVP Awards and been named first-team All-NBA in each of his eight seasons in the league, yet was getting slammed in the press for not playing like Bill Russell in each game of the series.
Duncan wasn't at his best against Detroit, particularly in the first two embarrassing losses in Motown, but he wasn't terrible either, averaging 20 points and 14 rebounds while shooting his season average (67%) from the free-throw line. (In their previous series, the Pistons held Shaquille O'Neal to 20 and 7, and the Big Aristotle only could convert on 44% of his chances from the stripe. Shaq received little to no criticism during the series and afterwards.)
With his Game 7 performance, however, Duncan quieted the critics once and for all. After a shaky eight-point 1st half, the 29-year old from the Virgin Islands dominated the second-half by demanding the ball inside, hitting his baby hooks, drawing double-coverage, finding open men on the perimeter and even stroking jumpers from the baseline. It wasn't the prettiest performance from Timmy D (he was only 10-27 from the floor), but it was one of his most effective.
Ten years from now everyone will have forgotten that Duncan struggled early in the 2005 NBA Finals. All they'll remember is that in Game 7, on the biggest stage in sports, the NBA's best player led his team to a title for the third time in seven seasons.
Last night's championship won't be the last for Duncan and the Spurs either. With their big three (Duncan, Manu Ginobili and Tony Parker) signed through 2010, San Antonio might want to clear up some space in the rafters of the SBC Center.

- ABC was a little better last night with the stats, but that's kind of like saying that Jaws 3-D was better than Jaws: The Revenge.
Hubie Brown and Al Michaels did an admirable job calling Game 7, even if it did seem like Michaels would have rather been watching the game from his Barcalounger. Bill Walton was hilarious, as usual, particularly during his patented "this is a night that will change these guys lives forever" routine. The director cut to a wideshot of Walton, Mike Tirico and Greg Anthony as Walton was saying this, but had to quickly switch shots because Tirico couldn't stop laughing.
Nothing, however, compared to Stuart Scott interviewing Larry Brown after the game. It's always strange to go from the raucous on-court celebration to the somber post-game interview with the losing coach outside a silent locker room. Usually, though, the interview is handled by a pro (like Jim Gray) who exhibits the proper restraint and respect when dealing with a coach who has oftentimes just lost the biggest game of their career. These interviewers seem to know the key to the post-game loser chat is to conduct it in a quiet manner with hushed tones.
Unfortunately, Stuart Scott thinks Restraint is that new Jay-Z song and hushed tones, to him, means cutting his volume from 140 decibels to a mere 120.
Sadly, details of the bizarre interview are hazy (I seem to remember Scott asking Brown what he said to Gregg Popovich, Tim Duncan, his own team and, presumably, the AT&T representative who called earlier asking if he wanted to change long-distance plans), but it's tough to forget that Stu ended the interview with the amazingly original reflection: "When you look up 'class' in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of Larry Brown." It seemed to take all of Brown's willpower not to respond, "take off those first two letters and what's left is the word your ugly mug is next to."

- Was it just me or did the Spurs appear to be the least-happy team ever to win a major title? The post-game hug between Duncan and Ginobili looked less like an "we just won a title" hug than a "your mom just got in a car accident" hug.
When Mike Tirico tried to interview Gregg Popovich on the podium, Popovich looked like his teacher had called him to the blackboard to work-out a math problem he didn't know how to do.
And what's with the music in the SBC Center? The team gets introduced to "Get Ready for This"? They play "We Are the Champions" after they win? What is this, a fourth-grade rec-league banquet? Come on now.

- Rasheed Wallace looks 40% more crazy in HD.

- I figured this would be the last time I discussed the NBA for a while. But, the draft is coming up on Tuesday, so I'll have Chris's Sports Blog 2005 NBA Preview for you then. For now, enjoy the NBA off-season. Don't get too comfortable though. If my calculations are correct, teams should be reporting to training camp by the end of next week.

Game 7 Thoughts

I've avoided discussing the NBA Playoffs for the past 61 days (yes, the NBA playoffs has been going on for 61 days. Nineteen popes have had shorter reigns than that. I'm serious) but since they will mercifully end tonight, I thought I'd celebrate by sharing some thoughts I've had while slipping in and out of a catatonic stupor induced by the voice of Hubie Brown.

- What's up with the Tim Duncan hatefest that the media, spearheaded by Michael Wilbon, has been on recently? Timmy D would be the first to admit that he had a subpar performance in Game 6 (he "only" had 21 and 15), but to listen to guys like Wilbon you would think Duncan didn't bother showing up simply because he can't hit free throws and missed a few putbacks.
All Duncan has done this series is average a double-double against the best defensive team in the NBA and has drawn double-teams from the Wallaces which has enabled shooters like Manu Ginobli and Robert Horry to get open looks. Granted, Tim hasn't been at his best, but can you imagine the media jumping all over any other superstar (a basketball, not marketing, superstar) like they have Duncan?
Shaq misses free throws at a bigger clip than Duncan and is even less of a factor in the 4th quarter because of it, yet the media treats him like a big teddy bear that can't do any wrong. Rasheed Wallace makes the biggest bonehead (his word) move of the playoffs when he switched off Horry to cover Ginobli at the end of Game 5, but that was justified because "that's just 'Sheed."
Duncan, on the other hand, had been getting slammed by Wilbon and others because he hasn't taken over the game like everybody assumes he should. He's still putting in solid minutes and is the best player on the court, but that's not enough for the media.
Think of it this way: Imagine that Shaq was having Duncan's series. Do you think you would hear a single word about how poorly he's been playing? Of course not.
No, Duncan doesn't battle for space in the interior. And he has been miserable from the line. And yes, the Pistons have managed to hold him, relatively, in check for the series. But because Duncan isn't an egotistical self-promoter who talks himself up at every chance and doesn't wear a championship belt to his press conferences, it's easy to pin the Spurs' woes solely on him.
The fact that Manu Ginobli has cooled off since Game 2 has been ignored, Tony Parker's uneven play barely draws a mention from anyone and Chauncey Billups unconscious performances have been but a footnote to the "poor, uninspired play of Tim Duncan."

- Back to Wilbon; in yesterday's Washington Post he wrote, "it would stun me to see the Spurs win Thursday night."
It would stun him? Really? First, let me say that I almost never disagree with Wilbon. But over the past week he has developed a huge man-crush on the Pistons and dismisses the Spurs so easily that I'm starting to think Larry Brown has been ghostwriting his columns.
Thinking the Pistons will win tonight's decisive Game 7 is one thing. But to write that a Spurs win at home (where they have won 63 of their past 69 games) will be an upset is just plain Bobby.

Bobby
adjective
1. Ridiculously crazy, often in a crackheadedish, Bobby Brown-esque manner.
e.g. The runaway bride's actions were so Bobby that even Bobby Brown himself was overheard saying, "Damn, that [expletive] be crazy!"

- Does ABC have a policy of not showing any stats during NBA Finals games? Seriously, I can't remember the last time I saw a player's numbers during a telecast.
Chauncey Billups had 34 points in Game 5, yet ABC didn't show his line once during the game. Tim Duncan drops 25 and 15 most nights, yet viewers would have no way of knowing that because the network refuses to show informative graphics that enhance the viewing experience.
I'm not asking for much, mind you. I just would like to see someone's numbers when they start to get hot or head to the line for free throws.
And if ABC is listening, one more thing: A burlap bag and a baseball bat would do wonders for Stuart Scott's career.

- Prediction: This series reminds me of the WNBA in that basketball purists love to talk about how great they both are simply because they're trying to feel superior to the masses by mocking them for not appreciating the complexities of the respective games.
Let me give you a little tip: Anytime someone says, "only a true fan can appreciate this," it's just another way of saying, "drinking is the only way to make this game enjoyable."
These NBA Finals have been a boring mess, with only one of the six games even remotely qualifying as an interesting contest.
Tonight won't be any different: The Pistons will lead early, but Tim Duncan will have a 30/15 night and carry his team to their third NBA title in seven seasons.
Afterwards, David Stern will set-up a steel cage in the middle of the court and Bruce Bowen will fight Rasheed Wallace to the death for 'Sheed's championship belt. Wallace will have Bowen pinned, but David Robinson will bust in the cage, nail 'Sheed in the back with a folding chair and then throw down a smokebomb and disappear into the night as Bowen holds the belt high in the air, celebrating yet another NBA Championship for the San Antonio Spurs.

The Open... And Beyond

The call came in around 2:45 on Saturday and interrupted what was supposed to be a relaxing day of watching golf on the couch. Six hours later I was sitting at a bar in Pinehurst, NC eagerly awaiting the following day when I would be a final round spectator at the 105th U.S. Open.
Below are some thoughts from my Sunday at Pinehurst No. 2:

- I've been to various rounds of the Kemper Open/Booz Allen Classic throughout the years, including a few times on Sundays. Back in 1997 I was fortunate enough to get tickets to the second round of the U.S. Open, which was played at nearby Congressional Country Club.
And while all those experiences were quite enjoyable, Sunday I discovered that nothing can compare to walking the course during the final round of a major championship.
Early in the morning, the tournament feels the same as any other. Watching professional golfers do their thing is always impressive, but without anything on the line, it is just that. When the leaders teed off, however, a tremendous buzz spread throughout the golf course.
The gallery converged on the first few holes, eyes were trained to the leaderboards standing near the greens and the roars that reverberated around Pinehurst generated an electricity I was amazed to feel at a golf tournament.
When Retief Goosen bogeyed #3 to fall back into a tie for first, gasps from the grandstands on that hole warned spectators at the 6th green that, suddenly, the tournament was up for grabs.
It was the first of many crowd reactions during the day that kept observers at other holes abreast of what was going on all over the course.
You always hear how "Tiger roars" are different from any other cheers you hear on the golf course, but until Sunday I didn't realize just how different they were. From any vantage point on the golf course, you can figure out what Tiger is doing just by listening to the crowds. A thunderous roar followed by applause means the world's #1 golfer hit a close approach. A smattering of gasps means he flew the bunker. A simple thunderous roar usually accompanies a par save. The "awwww" sound common on bad sitcoms means that Tiger just missed a putt... barely. And when there is a thunderous roar followed by more thunderous roars? Then Tiger just birdied #11 to get back within two shots of the lead.
Not content to stay in a single spot and watch each group pass through, my cousin and I tried to watch the leaders at as many holes as we could. We ended up seeing each of the final eight groups tee-off on #3, play the entire par-3 #6, approach and putt on #12 (which Campbell birdied) and tee-off on #13 and finish on #18. We also caught Tiger's stirring birdie at #15, but because of the mass of humanity following the world's #1 golfer, we weren't able to watch him Noonan putts at #16 and #17.
It was a tiring day, to be sure, especially with a still-recovering right foot. But every time I thought about sitting down and saving myself the agony, I realized that putting up with a few days of pain (still there) was worth it to watch an exciting finish to our country's oldest and most prestigious golf tournament.

- While walking the course early Sunday, I figured that the best place to watch the leaders tee-off would be on the par 4 3rd. Because it is a dogleg right, most players chose to hit iron and play a wedge into the green.
In between groups I was chatting with the marshal at the hole and he said Tiger had used driver on the hole in Monday's practice round, but hadn't gone back to it yet during the tournament.
There was some chatter among the gallery before Tiger's pairing walked to the tee about whether or not he would hit driver, but most agreed it was unlikely. So, when Tiger did indeed pull the big dog out of his bag Sunday, the simple action was met with a rousing ovation, which Tiger acknowledged by simply nodding his head in affirmation as if to say, "you better recognize". Easily the highlight of the day.

- Scott Van Pelt is huge.

- While the crowds seem to love him, many in the media despise Phil Mickelson. The words "fake", "phony" and two more that end with the letters "u-c-k-e-r" were heard often when those in the know discussed Lefty.

- After choking in the most important round of his life, nobody would have blamed golf journeyman Jason Gore if he went back to his hotel, emptied the mini-bar and drank himself into oblivion while cursing his missed opportunity at golfing immortality and, more importantly, stability. But the 818th ranked Gore, who had become a fan favorite over the weekend at Pinehurst, instead showed his appreciation for his newfound admirers and signed autographs for over 20 minutes after exiting the player's locker room.
A cynical person might say that Gore was soaking up the adoration before shrinking back into obscurity, but his appreciation seemed genuine as he signed for the small group of children waiting outside the player's parking lot almost 90 minutes after carding a woeful 84 playing in the last group of the U.S. Open.

- Tiger Woods' wife isn't as hot in person as you would imagine. Oh, don't get me wrong... she's still hot, but not Elisha Cuthbert hot.

I've gotta run to the doctor (thankfully not to my dentist, who will soon be retiring thanks to all the work I need done), so I'm going to cut this short for now. I'll try to post some more later about the Open, tomorrow's Game 7, ABC's lack of statistical updates and the NBA's new age-minimum (not limit - thanks Mark).
By the way, in case you haven't read it, check out the comments for last Friday's post. Some crazy Ted Kennedy supporter has his-or-her panties in a bunch because Teddy loves the sauce. It's been quite amusing to read, particularly with quotes like, "I don't feel strongly about Ted Kennedy, although he has been a longtime leader in support of the poor and working class and against war, so he at least has that in his favor. That is good for the quality of life of sports fans."
What the hell does that even mean? Listen, I don't feel strongly about Ted Kennedy either, I just guess the difference between you and me is I don't post comments on sports blogs when somebody makes a fairly obvious joke about Ted's well-documented (and bridge-accident inducing) drinking problem.
But, I'm a lover, not a fighter, so I want to squash this beef before it gets all 2pac-ish on us. Let me say that Ted Kennedy is a wonderful man who has championed the rights of children for decades, has represented the people of Massachusetts admirably in the Senate, once ran a four-minute mile, can name every single state capital and, contrary to popular belief, discovered the cure for polio.
Before I finish, let me ask: Why are you so defensive about Teddy's fondness for ingesting copious amounts of alcohol? Ease up bro (or bro-ette)! Babe Ruth liked booze and whores just like Ted Kennedy and he was the greatest baseball player ever!

Procrastination Station

I'll be at work in the morning and at play in the early afternoon, so won't be posting until later today... maybe much later. Hell, it might even be tomorrow, so get off my back already.
Anyway, between my recap of my day at the U.S. Open, Big Shot Bob's Hall of Fame chances, the NBA's age-limit and how it will affect Wake Forest basketball (Greg Oden, you'll love Winston-Salem. There's nothing to do, but Hero House is diesel) and Sean Taylor's impending arraignment, it promises to be a long, convoluted posting that will have at least a half-dozen grammatical mistakes and a handful of contradictions.
By the way, you know how in Back to the Future II when the young Elisabeth Shue sees herself as an old lady she faints, and Doc explains this as normal because, he says, seeing another version of yourself is very traumatic? Well, if that's really the case, then why didn't Robert Horry pass-out before Game 1 of the NBA Finals when he saw Will Smith performing "Switch"? Seriously, if Horry ever Tysons away his money, he can go on tour pretending to be Big Willie and make some money that way. And if he wants to put a fake DJ Jazzy Jeff on the bill, all he needs to do is find Penny Hardaway's cell number.
OK, now I'm just procrastinating from doing actual work. See you later.

Just got back from Pinehurst so I won't be posting anything today. Come back tomorrow when I'll be recounting my wonderful Sunday at the U.S. Open.

This Song Has No Title

I was going to answer questions directed towards somebody else today, but after wading through Diana Taurasi’s chat on ESPN.com I decided that responding to queries about shoe size, UCONN women’s basketball and whether or not Sue Bird has a magnetic nose would not only bore you, but make me want to bore holes in my head with a cordless screwdriver. So, I decided to fill out my AL and NL All-Star ballot instead.
But, after writing nearly a page about how awesome Derrek Lee has been so far this season, I looked at the clock and realized I need to be out the door at 12:30 (it is 12:16 p.m. right now). Figuring that debating the merits of both Jeff Kent and Rob Mackowiak would be a lengthy endeavor, I decided to hold my ballot until next week and try to show up on-time today, for once.
Then, I thought that writing about the U.S. Open would be a good way to embrace both analytical content and brevity, but after listening to Chris Berman turn our nation’s golf tournament into an episode of NFL Primetime and watching Phil Mickelson take more shots than Ted Kennedy at Happy Hour, I changed my mind yet again. (Both NFL Primetime and The U.S. Open are two of my favorite things to watch on TV. However, like Crown Royal and Tropical Gatorade, two titans of the beverage milieu, they should never be combined.
Now that I had gone through three ideas and rejected them all, I was in a bind: Only 11 minutes before I had to leave and I was still looking at a blank screen. And then it hit me. I had a million-dollar idea. I would propose to Katie Holmes at the foot of the Eiffel Tower. No, wait. Tom Cruise already did that and then told the press about it two hours later. Damn. I hope it all works out for those two crazy kids (well, that one crazy kid and that one crazy, wild-eyed, giggly, Scientologist, career-killing Middle Aged Man-Boy).
I was 0-for-4. Now I know what Christian Guzman feels like every night.
Writing about the NBA Finals crossed my mind, but since I only watched 30 seconds of last night’s miserable Game 4 I figured I wouldn’t have much to say beyond, “ABC’s telecast of the Pistons-Spurs game managed to take viewers to new and transcendental heights of boredom, which had previously only been reached by the studio audience for tapings of Will and Grace.”
I was stuck. Literally. Well, figuratively, but you’re pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down. It’s now 12:31 and I should have been out the door a minute ago. I’m sensing some impending road rage when I hit the streets, but that’s neither here, nor there.
I must now depart and apologize for saying nothing substantial (so this is what Stuart Scott feels like all the time). Have a good weekend.
Mark it down: Retief Goosen will win the U.S. Open (I made my prediction yesterday morning but in getting all worked up about Christian Guzman I forgot to write about it) and the Nats will lose two of three to the Rangers.
Well, I’m off. It’s only 12:33 but, as they say, it’s always Happy Hour at Teddy Kennedy’s crib.

Headline Review

Phil Jackson Returns to Lakers
Other than Jack Nicholson, I’d bet Phil Jackson’s shrink was the happiest person in L.A. after the six-time championship coach announced he was returning for another go-round with the NBA’s marquee franchise. Another season dealing with Kobe Bryant will probably send Phil’s therapy bills so high it will bump his psychiatrist up a few tax brackets. And if you think there won’t be any Kobe problems just because Shaq isn’t there, then you think too much of the petulant, narcissistic, former poster-child of the NBA. Plus, you have to figure that trying to teach the triangle offense to Chucky Atkins and Sasha Vujacic will be enough to knock Phil’s chi off-kilter a bit anyway.
So why did Phil return to the scene of such angst? I’m no doctor and I didn’t stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, but if my grasp of Freudian thought is correct (but considering I pieced it together from fortune cookies and the horoscopes in the back of Teen People, I’d say it’s a longshot) then Phil has returned to rectify his past failure with Kobe.
I knock the Pistons because they’re – well – the Pistons. And they are a great team, don’t get me wrong. But there’s no way they should have beat the Lakers last year; at least not if the Lakers were playing up to their potential. Since L.A. was in such disarray at that point though, they had no shot of winning that series.
Now, most people blame the Lakers collapse on Kobe’s legal troubles or Shaq’s lack of interest, but not Phil Jackson. He has probably been second guessing everything he did during his last 18 months with the Lakers, from giving Kobe carte blanche to come and go as he pleased, to taking the Shaq-Kobe beef public to ripping Kobe in his book.
Not satisfied with how he left Los Angeles last year, Phil has come back to clean up his own mess.
His return will once again make the Lakers a free agency destination and within three seasons they’ll be back in the NBA Finals.

Nationals Surge to Three Game Lead in NL East
On May 28, the Washington Nationals lost their fifth consecutive game and had slipped under .500 for the first time since Opening Day. With a Major League-high 11 players on the disabled list, including All-Star second baseman Jose Vidro, it appeared that the feel-good Nats, who had delighted fans in their new home with gritty play over the season’s first two months, had finally hit the wall. The team’s slide, which seemed inevitable, had come earlier than most had hoped.
Just 19 days later, the Nats have stormed out to a three game lead in baseball’s best division, on the heels of a 15-2 stretch that has included nine one-run victories, fourteen games holding opponents to three runs or less and an NL season-best ten game win streak.
Now 12 games over .500 after a gutsy series win in Anaheim, the Nationals have the toughest stretch of their schedule behind them and will begin the summer as a real contender in the National League.
Assuming they’re still in contention at the trading deadline, Jim Bowden figures to have some money (and most importantly, the authority) to make a move or two to better position Washington for the stretch-run. A lefty in the bullpen is crucial, as is another bat coming off the bench.
Once Vidro returns (which could be bore the All-Star break), Frank Robinson should think long and hard about what role he wants Christian Guzman to play on this team.
Guzman, as expected, has been atrocious at the plate, so much so that when he bats eighth it’s like having two pitchers at the bottom of the lineup. His glove is solid, but not nearly enough to justify having him lunge at pitches four times a night.
Robinson has given Guzman one-third of the season to prove he belongs on the field. So far, he has done nothing to show he deserves to.
There will be about 16 million reasons the front office will oppose the benching of Guzman, but that’s not Frank Robinson’s problem. His job is to put the best nine players on the field, and with Vidro healthy and Jamey Carroll and Junior Spivey available to play shortstop, Guzman suddenly becomes expendable.
Just because Jim Bowden blew it with Guzman’s signing (one of his few missteps as Nats GM) doesn’t mean the team has to stay with him just because they’re paying him an exorbitant amount. At some point you just have to accept the fact you messed up, cut your losses and move on. (Hopefully, whoever cast Katie Holmes in Batman Begins will realize this and replace her with Elisha Cuthbert for the sequel. After watching Holmes in the movie (which was awesome, by the way), I became convinced that her and Tom Cruise’s relationship is the real deal because Katie Holmes’ acting makes Keanu Reeves look like Laurence Olivier. There’s no way she could pull off the whole crazy Scientologist thing (although, I think the phrase “crazy Scientologist” is a bit redundant) if it wasn’t real.)
A manager can’t concern himself with non-baseball matters, and Guzman’s salary is a non-baseball matter. If he was making $450,000, Guzman would have sores from sitting on the bench for so long. Just because there’s an extra zero at the end of his paycheck shouldn’t change that This is D.C., a city that thrives on the system of checks and balances; use it Frank.

Alright, I have to cut things short because I have an appointment to get yelled at by my dentist. Seriously, at what point will she figure out that if I haven’t started flossing yet, I’m never going to. Anyway, please excuse any grammatical errors. I’ve been looking at a broken clock so it’s much later than I thought it was so I don’t have time to proofread.

Excuses, Excuses

It's been a busy few days, so please excuse the sporadic intervals between new posts. Expect at least two new entries this week and then be sure to come back Monday, June 20 when I'll resume a regular posting schedule.
One more thing: Mark it down - Mike Tyson will reclaim the Heavyweight title by 2009. Boxing is in far too much trouble and is far too crooked a sport to sit by idly as its biggest draw hands out granola bars in Rwanda whilst dodging the IRS.

Thursday Thoughts

Since the Nationals will still be atop the National League East tomorrow no matter what happens tonight (they’re 1 ½ games up on the Phillies this morning), I’ll post 25 Reasons The Nats Are In First tomorrow. Today, Thursday Thoughts:

Spurs and Pistons Tip-Off NBA Finals Tonight
Is it just me or has the buildup for this series taken a “she has a great personality” tone? Seriously, how many times can you hear how boring the Finals will be (always with the additional caveat that basketball purists will love it) before you start believing it?
I am, by no means, a huge fan of the NBA; I rarely watch regular season games and only get into the playoffs because I’d be confused watching PTI if I didn’t. But I, for one, was thrilled that the Pistons beat the Heat, and not just because I want to see if Bruce Bowen goes into the Detroit locker room to take Rasheed Wallace’s championship belt if the Spurs should win the series. (Speaking of Rasheed – If you gave him a flannel shirt, handed him an empty coffee cup from McDonalds and stuck him on the corner of 34th and Broadway, don’t you think you could pass him off as a homeless guy without any problem? Sure, the ragged look helps, but it’s the craziness that lies behind those eyes that really clinches it.
A brief aside: The other day I was filling up my car with gas (at the gas station with the most expensive gas in the D.C. area, a testament to my eternal stupidity) and at the pump in front of me was a black Ferrari Modena. A sweet ride, to be sure. But it wasn’t the car that got my attention. It was the guy pumping the gas who drove away in the car that piqued my interest in the proceedings.
I don’t need to tell you who you’d normally expect to see driving a $150,000 car, except that it’s not usually a scruffy guy in his 40’s wearing a tattered flannel shirt and way-too-big-sweatpants with a rope serving as his belt, sporting a ratty beard and looking as if he didn’t have enough change to buy a Washington Post. In addition to possessing that crazy Rasheed-esque look and seriously looking so homeless that even seeing this guy in the suburbs was a bizarre dichotomy, the dude only had one arm. No joke, it was a one-armed homeless guy driving a Ferrari. If I lived in New York I’d say, “only in New York”, but then I’d be a putz and hate myself. Anyway, that’s my story.)
The Spurs and Pistons are the two best teams in the NBA and they have been all season. San Antonio played three distinct styles to get to the Finals, including running up and down the court to beat Phoenix at their own game (most analysts thought the Spurs would try to get the Suns to slow it down).
Detroit had a little more difficult time making their Finals run, but Larry Brown’s team always manages to make the right pass, right shot and play the right defense down the stretch. And they are, of course, the defending champs.
Both squads epitomize the concept of a team, just like the NFL’s Patriots. The NBA should be salivating at the thought of having Tim Duncan and his two foreign guards facing off against the defending NBA champs, but because the Association markets the star over the team this series is looked at as a disappointment because Shaq, Dwade and Steve Nash aren’t there.
It’s a shame, it should be one of the more interesting Finals since MJ left the Bulls.
Before I make my prediction, please keep in mind that last year I hated on the Pistons in the Finals, even after they dismantled the Lakers in Game 1. So if those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it, then color me screwed.
Tim Duncan is the best player in the NBA and he’ll be too much for the best defensive big man in the NBA in Ben Wallace. With Bruce Bowen likely covering Rip Hamilton and, thus, taking him out of the series, the Pistons will have to rely on Chauncy Billups and Rasheed Wallace for the bulk of their scoring. Rasheed will likely be covered by Nazr Mohammad and will get his points, but Tony Parker on Billups will be an advantageous match-up for Gregg Popovich.
Factor in the Pistons thin bench, the fact that the Spurs are well rested and home-court advantage, and it seems that San Antonio will be home to the NBA Champs for the third time in seven years. And I don’t think it will be close.
Spurs in five.

Drew Rosenhaus on PTI
In an unprecedented occurrence on the nearly four-year old show, Wibon and Kornheiser interviewed super-agent Drew Rosenhaus in the “Five Good Minutes” segment for a whopping 11 minutes on yesterday’s program.
Rosenhaus, true to his reputation, charmed the pants off Tony and Mike and came across as a likable schmuck instead of the soulless schmuck most have pegged him to be. His answers were maddeningly evasive while, at the same, hilariously spun.
His assertion that T.O. “outperformed” his contract was said with such conviction that I almost started to believe it. His rationale for Sean Taylor not returning Joe Gibbs’ phone calls made sense, until you actually thought about what Rosenhaus was actually saying.
And that’s the beauty of Rosenhaus. He’s a salesman, and a damn good one at that. He might be the most hated man in Philadelphia, Washington and various other NFL cities, but it’s nearly impossible not to be captivated when he’s talking. It’s no wonder players leave their agents to sign with him, Rosenhaus could sell a Ferarri to a one-armed homeless man, so getting Terrell Owens to sign on the dotted line is probably a piece of cake.
To their credit, Kornheiser and Wilbon asked Rosenhaus most of the right questions but he deflected each of them like he was some sort of argumentative Superman.
When you’re listening to Rosenhaus you find yourself agreeing with him until you step back from the moment and realize that he’s completely full of shit. In order to pull that off though, you have to know that you’re completely full of shit, and Rosenhaus certainly does, which is why he comes across as genuine even while selling snake oil. He seems to be using the old George Costanza credo: “It’s not a lie… if you believe it”.

The Continuing Story of Sean Taylor
This is all I have to say about SeanTay: I wanted so desperately to be wrong about him and watch him turn into a mature NFL star, but every single thing he has done since getting drafted by the Redskins indicates that he will likely be more Lawrence Phillips than Lawrence Taylor. Both those guys had their problems, but only Taylor could put those aside and do his job on the field.
The word "stupid" doesn’t even begin to cover Sean Taylor, but let’s stick with that for a bit.
He drives home wasted from a D.C. nightspot in an expensive car traveling 25 mph over the speed limit. He leaves the NFL’s rookie symposium to show how he doesn’t have to conform. He fires his agent not once, but twice, and then complains about the contract he signed after a mediocre (at best) rookie season. He doesn’t return Joe Gibbs’ phone calls. All these things indicate such stupidity that even Mike Tyson has been overheard saying “man, that’s brotha’s stupid.”
But those things were just leading up to Taylor’s mecca of stupidity: The ATV Incident. Having two ATVs? Stupid. Possessing a gun? Stupid. Rolling around with a 19-year old who uses a baseball bat for reasons other than hitting a baseball? Stupid. Pulling the aforementioned gun on two guys who you think might have stolen your two ATVs? Stupid. Leaving the scene without firing a shot? The first, and probably only, intelligent thing Sean Taylor has ever done in his life. Of course, his moment of clarity was short-lived because the utter stupidity had yet to commence.
After dipping from the scene, Taylor returned to the guys house and started beating them up. Essentially, Sean Taylor let his temper calm down after pulling the gun, left, and then made the conscious decision to return and risked ruining his entire career and wasting $10 million just to show he wasn’t soft because his dad is Chief of Police and he plays in the NFL. If Dave Chappelle is having trouble coming up with skits for the third season of his eponymous show, he can feature SeanTay in a segment of “When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong”. Of course, Dave could also use himself for that skit, but that’s a whole other story.
I’m so sick of Sean Taylor and hope he never plays down for the Redskins again. If he were any good last season maybe I’d be singing a different tune, but I saw enough blown coverages, misread routes and pouting to go along with unprecedented stupidity to believe that Sean Taylor will be nothing but a huge disappointment in the NFL.

Nationals Move Atop NL East

Yesterday morning the Washington Nationals sat just a half game out of first place. A win against the Florida Marlins coupled with a Braves loss in Pittsburgh would put a baseball team from Washington in first place this late in the season for the first time in 72 years.
It was way back in 1933 when Washingtonians could have last opened their newspaper and seen their team atop the standings. Hall of Famer Joe Cronin led the Washington Senators to the final American League pennant that season; the same year construction on the Golden Gate Bridge started, Franklin Delano Roosevelt began the first of four terms in the White House and an ex-convict named Adolf Hitler was appointed Chancellor of Germany.
In the following 38 years D.C. teams came within 10 games of first place just once and had twice as many last place finishes as seasons above .500. For the past 33 years, of course, the Nation’s Capital didn’t even have a baseball team to follow.
But last year Major League Baseball finally brought baseball back to D.C., moving the lowly Montreal Expos into RFK Stadium. And yesterday, many of the same players that were part of last year’s 95-loss campaign were on the field when the new Washington Nationals completed a three-game sweep of the NL East leading Florida Marlins and subsequently moved atop the best division in baseball.
In the top-heavy East a team can go from first to last in a weekend (as the Marlins did), so the Nats division reign could be short-lived. But that they’re even in this position in the first place already makes the Nationals inaugural season a success.
Nearly every sportswriter in America picked the Washington Nationals to finish last this season in the loaded NL East (not this one though). It wasn’t (and isn’t) a bad pick. The team had no depth on the bench or in the bullpen and the starting rotation was a question mark at best.
The team’s big off-season acquisitions were a malcontent from Anaheim who had been kicked off the team prior to the playoffs, a 37-year old with power numbers aided by Coors Field, a pitcher with an anomalous season mixed among mediocre ones and a weak-hitting, decently-fielding shortstop who was deemed expendable by the Minnesota Twins, yet somehow signed to a $16 million deal in Washington.
Compared to the always-stacked Braves, the Pedro and Carlos show in New York, the ever-so-close Phillies and the World Series Champs once-removed, observers had to figure that playing .500 ball was a lofty goal for the Nats.
But someone forgot to tell that to the coaches and players. Despite a meager payroll (the Mets, Phillies and Braves each have a payroll double that of Washington), debilitating injuries and a murderous opening schedule, the Nats have managed to hang around the NL East and figure to contend through the summer.
They almost definitely won’t win the division (baseball will be reluctant to let the team add payroll at the trading deadline) and probably won’t grab the Wild Card either (the East figures to only get their division winner into the playoffs).
But to a baseball-starved town that will be of little consequence. Baseball is back in D.C. and for the near future that is all that matters.

Tomorrow: My thoughts on the criminally idiocy of Sean Taylor and 25 Reasons Why The Nationals are in First Place.

Analogies

In honor of today’s 78th annual Scripps National Spelling Bee and to commemorate everyone’s favorite now-defunct section of the SAT’s, today on Chris’s Sports Blog: Sports Analogies.

1) CHRISTIAN GUZMAN : BATTING ::

a) Jimmy Fallon : Comedy
b) The cast of Grey’s Anatomy : Acting
c) Dale Sveum : 3rd Base Coaching
d) Skip Bayless/Woody Paige : Everything


2) THE ORIOLES: AL EAST ::

a) Ross Perot : 1992 Presidential Election
b) Janet : Jack and Chrissy
c) Stephen : The Baldwins
d) The NHL : America’s Sports Landscape


3) UNIVERSITY OF UTAH : #1 DRAFT PICKS ::

a) University of Miami : Felony Convictions
b) University of Kansas : Bar Fights Ending in Leg-Stabbings
c) Duke University : Overeducated Tools
d) Wake Forest University : Atrocious Basketball Coaches


4) LARRY BROWN : STABILITY ::

a) George Steinbrenner : Frugality
b) Terrell Owens : Harmony
c) Shavlik Randolph : Ability
d) Derek Jeter : Masculinity


5) THE PHOENIX SUNS : PLAYING DEFENSE ::

a) Lindsay Lohan : Eating
b) Sean Taylor : Taking Joe Gibbs’ Phone Calls
c) Nate Newton : Adhering To Interstate Drug Trafficking Laws
d) Derek Jeter : Frequenting Bars Not Named “Moby Dicks” or “Three Wisemen”


6) MARK FELT : "DEEP THROAT" ::

a) Steve Nash : “Greatest Living Canadian (Besides Alan Thicke)”
b) Tony Danza : “Our Generation’s Brando”
c) Stanley Richard : “The Sheriff”
d) Derek Jeter : “Deep – Oh, Never Mind”


7) BRITNEY & KEVIN CHAOTIC : CITIZEN KANE ::

a) Jose Lima : Walter Johnson
b) Margaret Cho : Eddie Murphy
c) Tim Floyd : Red Auerbach
d) Don Swayze : Frank Stallone


8) THE SCRIPPS NATIONAL SPELLING BEE : AWKWARD HIGH-FIVES::

a) Tonight’s Game In Miami : Breast Implants
b) Duke’s Bench : Goofy White Guys
c) A Widespread Panic Concert : Unbathed, Goo Ball-Selling Hippies
d) Michael Vick’s Mailbox : Pre-approved Credit Cards for Ron Mexico