Antzo Asks!

Two-hour delays are great for substitute teachers, but not great for blog readers that depend on my occasionally incoherent ramblings to get them through the work day.
Case in point, my buddy Ank, whom I received this e-mail from at 3:29:

Chaz, I dont mean to put you on any deadline, but it is past 3 oclock and there is no blog reading for Antzo while he tries to get through the end of his day? if you could be so kind to put the blog together and get it out in the next 5-10 minutes that would be great.
Possible Blog Topics:
1) Sosa to the Os, but for only one year
2) What the impact of TO will do for the Super Bowl
3) Why the Miami Heat are so good
4) Why the Detroit Pistons Indiana Pacers and Chicago Bulls might help the Wiz if they all continue their hot streaks
5) College Football Recruiting
6) 2006 early NFL Predictions
7) How the Washington Nationals will actually save the Orioles franchise in Bmore
8) 2005 MLB predictions
9) Super Bowl week rundown
10) College BBall and how the ACC teams beating each other up will ensure Illinois a run to the championship (also throw in something involving BC being undefeated, and if they actually were in the ACC this year as apposed to next year how much worse their record would be).
11) The return of Martina Hingus to ladies tennis and how much better it would have been if it were Anna Kournikovia
12) Prove me wrong: New England 49 Philly 10 as the final score to the Super Bowl?
These are just a few possible choices to choose from, the ideas are probably crap and not Blog worthy, but make sure to note my Super Bowl Prediction if that is the final score?

Antzo, considering your work day tends to start on the sunny-side of noon and ends about four hours later, that really doesn't leave a lot of time for reading the blog, especially when one factors in your patented 90-minute lunches.
I do, however, apologize for the lack of blog during your short workday. It was due to the fact that I had Antzo-hours of my own today because of the delay (10:45-3:45).
Initially, I had planned on calling it a day and not starting the blog week until Tueday, but since you took the time to e-mail me, I'll touch on each of your suggested topics, whilst trying to punch this out ASAP so you can leave work, head to the gym and get home in time for PTI and FX's umpteenth showing of Shallow Hal.

1) Just what the Orioles needed! Another power-hitting strikeout-prone old guy with no range in the field! Didn't Peter Angelos learn his lesson when he signed Albert Belle a few years back?
The rumor mill is buzzing with the news that the O's and Sosa are looking to sign a two-year extension, which should be good for the O's. Since Angelos is always trying to be more like the Yankees, when Sammy's steroid-aided degenerative back problems kick in this July, Petie-Pie will be paying big money to a former HR champ for doing nothing, just like Steinbrenner is doing to Jason Giambi.
Forget the O's, Ank. The Nats are where it's at.
2) The impact of T.O.? What, did he all of a sudden become a meteorite speeding towards Earth?
3) The off-season signing of Christian Laettner, of course.
4) Do you know this answer and are just testing me?
The best seed to be in the Eastern Conference will be the 6th seed, since that team will get to play the winner of the pathetic Atlantic Division (current leader: Boston with a 21-23 record) and have home-court advantage, assuming the 6th seed has a better record. Even so, the Bullets will likely come in as a 4th or 5th seed, play the Pistons, and lose in the 1st round.
5) Even though I know nothing about college football recruiting, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that these schools had the Top 10 recruiting classes: 1. Miami, 2. Florida, 3. Michigan, 4. USC, 5. Oklahoma, 6. Tennessee, 7. Georgia, 8. Florida State, 9. Texas, 10. Virginia.
6) 2006 NFL Predictions? You do realize that the next season that will be played is the 2005 season, right? But, since you asked: Joe Gibbs leads the Redskins to their second-straight Super Bowl where they beat a Dolphins team featuring Alex Smith and Edgerrin James.
7) The only thing that can save the Orioles is Peter Angelos selling the team. Short of that, not even the return of Brooks Robinson could save the putrid Whorioles.
8) Sammy Sosa spends the better part of the summer on the Disabled List while the Sox and Yanks run away with the A.L. East, which sets up another epic seven-game ALCS. In the NL, the addition of Jerry Hairston rockets the Cubs to the cellar of the N.L. Central, the Mets fail to break .500 despite the second-highest payroll in the Majors and Barry Bonds is booed when he passes Babe Ruth with his 715th homerun.
9) Monday - Will T.O. play?
Tuesday - T.O. - Will he play?
Wednesday - Play... Will T.O.?
Thursday - What is T.O.'s favorite color?
Friday - I mean, is T.O. gonna play?
Saturday - Seriously... What's the deal with T.O.?
Sunday - T.O. dresses, but shatters his kneecap doing a Ray Lewis impersonation during pre-game introductions.
10) Illinois isn't winning the National Title, but if they do it won't be because the ACC teams helped them.
The ACC schools are fortunate to play top-quality opponents all year. That means they'll be tested and ready to play close games in the tournament. Do you think beating up on Purdue is going to help Illinois prepare for a showdown with UNC in the Final Four?
And about B.C... they're this year's Stanford - good teams that have gone undefeated due to solid play, a lot of luck and an easy schedule. The Eagles will not play on the second weekend of the tournament.
As for B.C. in the ACC, they'd probably be surprising people just like Miami and your Hokies, but would end the year in the NIT (just like Miami and your Hokies).
11) If you want your fix of Anna, type in "Anna Kournikova" at the Google Image Search (spell it my way, not yours). That should tide you over until her money runs dry and that $1 million from Playboy looks more and more tempting.
12) Antzo, I know you're Antzo and I know I need to give you some leeway due to your overwhelming Antzo-ness, but come on... 49-10?
I'll tell you what. Let's make a bet on this, double or nothing on the $20 you owe me: I'll take the Eagles +17. That's less than half of your predicted deficit, so you should be fine with this.
Now get back to work. All of you.

Anzto Asks! is not an occasional feature on this site.

The Cameron Not-So-Crazies

When I went to my first (and only) game at Cameron Indoor Stadium a few years back, I was surprised by a few things. First, I couldn’t believe how small the building was. After years of watching games played at Duke, I knew their stadium was small, but until walking inside, I really didn’t have any clue just how small it was. It looked like an old high school arena that had been working out with free weights for a few weeks.
Another thing that caught me off-guard was just how not crazy the Cameron Crazies actually were. Anytime Duke plays at home, the announcers go nuts over the Duke student section, calling them the most clever fans in college basketball and how they’re the poster children for what’s right with the game. And watching on TV, it’s tough to argue with them. Even whilst hating the Dukies, you had to admit that their cheers are sometimes amusing and they stayed loud the entire game, which is more than fans of most schools can say. I always was amazed how spontaneous the group was in coordinating their cheers when i watched on TV. "How'd they do that?" I would often wonder.
I found out during my maiden visit to Cameron. And little did I know that the Cameron Crazies are about as spontaneous as Al Gore.
I sat right in the middle of the student section (right in front of Coach K’s family, so I had to curb my K heckling) and was one of the few people in the arena clapping when the Wake Forest players took the floor. As the game began I was trying to gauge how much I could cheer for my team. It didn't take long to realize that I could do whatever I pleased at Cameron, even though I was cheering for Wake.
I would clap when they'd hit 3's, cheer for great defensive plays and look like a fool after dunks because I would stick my hand up expecting a high-five that never came. Essentially though, I had free reign. Had a Duke fan come to Wake, he would be have heckled so badly (likely by me) that he would have left at halftime with tears in his eyes. It certainly wasn't that way in Durham.
Wake had been down big most of the game, but mid-way through the second half they took their first lead on a three-point play by Josh Howard. After he hit the free throw, Coach Gay took a timeout and Cameron was silent, except for me screaming support to the Wake players. It was so quiet that Josh Howard and Darius Songaila looked in the crowd for the lone voice of support and shot quick smiles my way as they went to the bench.
The most amazing part was, during my brief time of taking over the student section at Duke (the Devils ended up pulling away after that timeout), nobody said a single word to me.
Nobody. Not a soul.
Oh, I got plenty of dirty looks, especially from the ladies in attendance, but nobody told me to shut up or came back with any clever insult or used the fact that Wake hadn’t beaten Duke in five tries against me. Even when Duke put the game out of reach, I didn't receive any sarcastic comments telling me to enjoy my ride back to Winston-Salem. What a bunch of tools.
Since I’m not a big guy, I couldn’t figure out why nobody was trying to prevent me from being the loudest person in the student section. After all, these were the Cameron Crazies, where was this patented craziness Dick Vitale had told me so much about?
They were supposed to be the cleverest bunch of basketball fans in the country. Surely somebody could come up with something witty to say to me.
That never happened and it wasn’t until after the game that I figured out why: Shuffling out of the bleachers at Cameron I noticed a piece of paper on the ground. I picked it up and saw written in bold letters at the top: “Duke vs. Wake Forest: Crazies Cheer Sheet”.
I asked my friend Will, a rare non-loser Dukie, what this was all about.
“Oh yeah, the Crazies send out their cheers on a listserv before the game,” he said. “They coordinate their craziness.”
Coordinated craziness? Isn't that an oxymoron? You can't plan to be crazy - just ask Mariah Carey. This stuff just sort of happens.
"So that’s why the Dukies didn’t say anything to me!" I said. If it wasn’t on that sheet, they didn’t know it. They couldn’t say anything about the game because they didn’t know anything. They were no better than Cowboys fans.
I eventually lost that sheet went and have kicked myself many a time for it. Luckily, The Washington Post’s Eric Prisbell picked one up Wednesday night at Cameron and Jamie over at Mr. Irrelevant posted it on his site.
Jamie decided to take the high road and let the absolute hilariousness of the dorky cheer sheet speak for itself. At Chris’s Sports Blog, no such high road exists, unless we’re chillin’ with the Portland Trail Blazers starting five.
Buckle your seatbelts and get your pocket protectors ready – you’re about to witness the pinnacle of loserdom (Italics are mine, everything else is real):

Duke vs. Maryland
Cameron Indoor Stadium
Wednesday, January 26, 2005

The Basics
• We welcome Maryland to town. They defeated us last year in the championship game of the ACC Tournament, but now it's time for redemption.
What is this, the tagline to a terrible Schwarzenegger movie? I half expect Arnold’s character from Collateral Damage to pop-out saying, “Danks for dee advice.” And do Duke fans really need a history lesson? Shouldn’t they know that they blew a huge lead against Maryland in the ACC Finals thanks to Chris Duhon. (Oh wait, he had a fake injury. I forgot.)
• Recently, Maryland's student fans have been getting nationally berated for their crass and crude behavior (you might remember being able to here (sic) their taunts of "F-You, J.J.." on television at the Duke Maryland game in College Park last year, and a couple years before that when their fans threw trash at the Duke bench resulting in Carlos Boozer's mom receiving a concussion). This is our chance to distinguish ourselves from them, so let's be creative, but classy.
Carlos Boozer’s mom got hit in the head with an empty Aquafina bottle. I didn’t realize that thin plastic was such a deadly weapon. Plus, she probably deserved it, after raising a son who breaks verbal deals with blind men.
• Cameron should never EVER be quiet. During timeouts, stoppages, halftime, etc., do something. Make up cheers. Make noise. If you are behind Maryland's bench, make allkinds of noise during their timeouts. We're on national television. Prove again that we are the best fans in the country. Period.
"The best fans in the country" shouldn’t need to be told to “never EVER be quiet”. They should just kind of know. Do you think there is some loser at Lambeau Field passing out sheets of paper reminding Packer fans to be loud when the other team has a 3rd and short? Of course not. But maybe that’s because Packers supporters aren’t displaced Jersey residents getting a double degree in Bio and Chem and acting like their 3.7 means something, when in actuality everybody in North Carolina knows that Duke inflates their grades in order to maintain the superiority complex of their lame student body. Q: How many Dukies does it take to tap a keg? A: Is this going to be on the test?

The No-No's
• D.J. Strawberry is entirely off-limits. NO EXCEPTIONS.Just don't go there. We're classier than that.
Oh really? Is that why the Crazies once held up a sign that said “J.R. “Can’t” Reid, in reference to the UNC star's academic trouble? And what about the FUCAROLINA t-shirts you all once wore? Oh, I get it… there’s no K!!! How refined! You all are about as classy as a restaurant in a Jersey turnpike rest stop.
• Cameron Security has asked us to remind you not to bring food, drink, or bags into the stadium.
No bags are allowed in the stadium? That must have made it difficult for Carlos Boozer’s mom to watch home games.

The Dirt on Our Opponent: University of Maryland Terrapins
• Fodder for your cheering creativity.
Leave it to a Dukie to use the word “fodder” in a basketball cheer sheet.
• Although he is no longer on the team, taunts concerning the ugliness of Steve Blake are still acceptable.
Classy. I guess that means that J.J. Redick’s backne is fair game as well. And also permissible is the promiscuity of Coach K’s first-born daughter who attended Wake Forest. Now, I’m not saying she got around, except that I totally am. She got around, yo.
• Maryland likes to think they're our rival, but our rival is Carolina. Don't forget the staple chants of "Not our rival!" or "We're not rivals!"
How many National Championships has Duke won in the past three seasons? None? Weird, Maryland has one. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but hasn’t Maryland won twice in a row at Cameron? And didn’t they top you in the ACC Tournament last season, ending your five-year win streak? But, since you guys play UNC-Greensboro every year also, maybe they’re your rival.
• Maryland uses the slogan "Fear the turtle" but we prefer "Smear the turtle."
$35,000 per year and you geniuses couldn’t come up with something better than “smear the turtle?” You’d be better off throwing down $7.95 on a rhyming dictionary and using the remaining $34,992.05 to buy a life.
• To draw distinctions between us and Maryland, we can chant "We don't riot" or "We don't throw stuff."
You might not throw stuff, but I bet there’s a lot of throwing up down in Durham since none of you girlie-men can handle your liquor.
• The UMD Head Coach is Gary Williams: he tends to sweat, a lot. The standard chant is "Sweat Gary, Sweat!" (Two years ago he was so angered by this chant that he flicked off the student section.)
Don’t flatter yourself. Gary probably flicked you off because he hates unoriginal bastards. The “sweat Gary, sweat” chant has been a staple since Gary coached at American University back in the early ‘80s. All you guys are doing is copying a chant that the George Mason class of ’82 probably started.
• If (when) Gary gets angry and red in the face, we can chant "Gary needs a hug!"
And you guys need a girl.
• We can point to Coach K and say "Sure" and then to Gary and say "Unsure."
Alright, that’s kind of funny.
• Gary Williams hates being referred to as the ACC's "second Williams" now that UNC has Roy-Will.
That’s not true. Gary doesn’t mind being referred to as the “second Williams” as long as he’s also known as “the only Williams with a Championship ring." Just don't confuse with ex-Duke point guard Jason Williams. Gary hates it when people think he's a free-throw missin', motorcycle crashin', career endin' fool.
• For Maryland's midnight madness, Gary drove out to center court in a NASCAR race car. We could chant "Where's your racecar?"
If you do that then Gary will likely turn around and calmly say “in my garage. Why, where did you think it would be?”
• No. 22, Nik Caner-Medley: Was recently arrested in Portland Main (sic) for drink and disorderly conduct. According to the newspaper: "'Caner-Medley was there, yelling,' said Lt. Malloch, reading from the police report. 'He took his shirt off and threatened to assault (the complainant). (Caner-Medley's) friends were trying to restrain him. He was intoxicated and made a statement, 'I'm from Maryland, and nobody can beat me.'"
Alright, you can make fun of that all you want. Nobody really likes Caner-Medley, even with his unconscious performances over the past five games.
• NCM's girlfriend is named Myra, and her pet name for him is "Piggy."
Piggy? If he calls her that based on her looks, I’m going to assume that she attends, or attended, Duke. Just a hunch. Upon leaving Duke that day I commented how I hadn't seen so many nasty girls since I walked past a PETA rally.
• NCM was arrested at a bar called "The Old Port" and is prohibited from returning.
What is this, The Nik Caner-Medley Story? Do you all have some sort of weird crush on him because he’s a white guy with two last names? You’re thinking that he should have gone to Duke, right? I’ll admit it, when he first showed up at Maryland I thought to myself, “Man, I would HATE Caner-Medley if he was at Duke.” In actuality, he’s just a prettier, smarter version of Mike Dunleavy. (By the way, how’s he doing in the NBA? I guess he's playing though, which is more than Chris Carrawell can say.)
• A previous cheer we've used for NCM is "Three names, no game!"
Ooooh... nice one! I’m sure that riled him up right good!
• No. 11, John Gilchrist: Gilchrist and Gary have been having personal problems recently (stemming from Gilchrist's desire to leave early for the NBA). Gilchrist has also been having academic issues.
The way Gilchrist torched Duke in the ACC Final, I think it’s best if the Dukies let this one slide.
• No. 13, Chris McCray: Second in the ACC in free-throw shooting percentage behind J.J. ("J.J.'s still better.")
(And has a lot more backne.)
• No. 23, Mike Jones: heavily hyped player out of high school, but hasn't lived up to the hype and is very sensitive about it. Lots of talk surrounding him about transferring. Very sensitive to the media talk and Internet message boards.
A heavily hyped, sensitive player not living up to hype? Are you sure we’re not talking about Sean Dockery?

General Notes
• The Women's team will be playing against Maryland in Cameron tomorrow at 7:00. Tents with 9 people there will earn grace for the next night that everyone stays out.
Just when I thought I couldn’t think Dukies could be bigger losers, I read the words “women’s team” and “tents” in the same sentence.
• Add CheeerSheets to your IM buddy list and contribute for the next game.
If you want to IM the guy that wrote this, his screenname is: ILoveJJInThatWay.
• Next Game: Virginia Tech, Sunday at 8:00 - standard walk-up policy is in place.
Have fun coming up with something that rhymes with Hokie, losers.

Thursday Thoughts: Larry King Edition

It was tough to tell which was more amazing; a demoralized Maryland team beating Duke at Cameron or the refs actually calling a carry on J.J. Redick... Duke players should never be called for any sort of infraction, that is, unless the NCAA Rules Committee announces that being handsome, smart and wonderful is grounds for a foul… At one point last night, token white Duke walk-on Lee Melchionni tried to take a charge against John Gilchrist and succeeded! The normally level-headed Dick Vitale praised the refs, but Mike Patrick said it was an iffy call… I’m glad my good friend Dickie V. set him straight…
When Kwame Brown comes back from his injury, he should really provide a spark to the surging Washington Bullets… All this talk about trading the former 1st round pick is a bunch of hullaballo… The kid can play!!!
I’m sure Finding Neverland is a good movie, but how it got a Best Picture nomination over Super Babies: Baby Geniuses 2, I’ll never know… Speaking of which, Samuel L. Jackson was robbed of a Best Actor nod for his goosebump-inducing performance as Coach Carter… Bravo Sam… P.S. I love your beer!… Speaking of the Oscars, I hope first-time host Chris Rock doesn’t say anything controversial during his monologue… Not that I expect him to… I had him on the show once and the young comedian was nothing but a class act…
One of the more under-reported Super Bowl stories has certainly been Terrell Owen’s playing status… Give me some news on this!!! Will he play, or won’t he? I need to know these things! Shouldn’t the magical Sal Paolantonio get on this story?… Speaking of T.Owe, was anybody else really hoping that Terrell Owens was going to fall off the bench he was dancing on during the NFC Championship Game?… I’m not one to wish injury on any man, but I think a little fall would serve the overly flashy Owens well… Back in my day, Paul Hornung would catch a touchdown, toss the ball to an official, kiss a pretty girl in the stands and go back to the sidelines to get a handshake from Bart Starr… That, my friends, is how you play football…
In a six-hour span late last nightthere were two instant-classic matches at the Australian Open (Serena/Sharapova and Federer/Safin) that only a few people knew about and even fewer watched on TV... Shouldn't the Australians be more accomodating to us Americans?... I wasn't able to watch either (but I did catch George Lopez...That Mexican is one funny Son-of-a-Gun!)... I wish I had one of those Tae-Bo things for my TV, then I could have watched the match this morning after I walked my dog Spartapup…
If we’re lucky, the Super Bowl pre-game show will feature another duet between Paul McCartney and Terry Bradshaw... Maybe they’ll sing “Ebony & Ivory”…
I’m going to bet that once Jamal Lewis gets out of prison, he’ll never fumble the football again... I truly hope the talented running back has learned his lessons about using cell phones for drug deals... That's what landlines are for Jamal!...
It’s Doug Mientkiewicz’s ball… Possession is 2/3rds of the discussion, or something like that…
I saw Sideways last weekend… I don’t really understand what all the fuss was about... If I wanted to hear people whine while drinking wine (pardon the pun!) I would go to my in-laws for dinner… (Just kidding Babs and Morty, I love you both)…
Get the hell out of here – Bill Romanowski took steroids???
That Tom Brady sure is handsome… I wonder if he’d think about dating one of my granddaughters…
People have been coming up to me on the streets and asking, “Larry, who’s going to win the Super Bowl,” like I’m some sort of big-shot football analyst… I tell them the same thing every time though, “The winning team will be the one that has a player named Corey on their roster”… (The joke is on them! The Patriots have Corey Dillon while the Eagles start Corey Simon… I'm such a stinker!)… With all those Corey’s on the field, I’m kind of hoping Corey Hart will sing the National Anthem (right after “Sunglasses at Night” - that song reminds me of my fourth wife) and that Corey Feldman and Corey Haim will work the sidelines for FOX…
That’s all from me… Remember to be cautious when driving around schools and that bridges freeze before roads...

Answering Questions Directed Towards Somebody Else

Yesterday, ESPN football writer and resident curmudgeon Len Pasquarelli hosted a chat on ESPN.com. Today, I'll answer some of the questions that were asked as if they were directed towards me.

David (New York City): Do you think there is any chance that Vineterri will ever be in the HOF?
There is certainly a chance that Vinatieri can make it to the Hall of Fame one day, but unless he puts up career numbers similar to that of Morten and Gary Anderson or Nick Lowry and/or winds up with one of the highest field-goal percentages in history, he won't have his bust on display in Canton.
I'm not a fan of putting players in Halls of Fame simply because of playoff heroics. Election to the HOF should be based on sustained excellence throughout an entire career, not a big game in the NFC Championship or two big kicks in the Super Bowl. However, if Vinatieri was a borderline candidate, I think those kicks would nudge him over the edge. But simply based on those two plays alone, I'd have trouble voting for him.
It's the same reason that I never agreed with John Stallworth's HOF selection. His numbers were quite pedestrian, and it seems that he went in because everybody remembers that catch he had in the Super Bowl.
Vinatieri is a great kicker. If he retired today, he wouldn't deserve a single vote for the Hall. But if he plays for another 7-10 years, gets close to 2,000 points and keeps up his FG accuracy, I'd probably put him in.

Kevin (Cedar Rapids,IA): Where will Randy Moss be in 2005. Iheard Miami is now a possibility, but they already have decent wide receivers or would they include one in a trade to the vikings.
Well, you'd have to assume that one of those "decent" wideouts would be part of the trade since trading Moss would leave the Vikes depleted at the position.
I doubt Minnesota would want to trade an All-Pro troublemaker for another troublemaker with All-Pro talent but an NFL Europe attitude, so David Boston's out of the picture.
Marty Booker is too much like Marcus Robinson (right down to beginning their careers in the Windy City), so forget about him.
That leaves Chris Chambers, whom the Vikings would like. But Chambers alone ain't gonna cut it and Miami doesn't really have too many other guys to offer.
Jason Taylor and Zach Thomas are untouchable and the rest of the guys like Bryan Robinson and Sam Madison are past their prime. Hell, most of the guys making up the rest of the roster never had a prime.
Trading draft picks should be out of the question for the Dolphins. Miami is a team in rebuilding mode and will probably keep their picks. Plus, dumping high draft choices for a tempremental offensive star with an attitude problem is so the Vikings M.O. anyway.

eric (ny): rumors of the losman starting are a plenty in buffalo the papers what make of this you do?
I didn't realize Yoda was a football fan and calls himself Eric from NY. I guess when you're in the midst of filming a terrible movie to finish up a haslett trilogy, you gotta pass the time somehow.

MO (KENSINGTON, MD): What are your thoughts on what the Redskins will do this off season? Do you think they are going to try and make a big splash(i.e. Moss) or build thru the draft and lesser known free agents?
Sorry MO, I try to avoid talking about the Redskins on this blog.

TINO (Boston, MA): What are you thoughts on the Colts trading Edgerin James? Will they?
It will be tough for the Colts to trade something they don't have. Edge is a free agent and is not under contract to Indy, meaning they would have to sign him and then trade him, which is highly unlikely since sign-and-trades usually include Stephon Marbury in some way.
I just spent the last 30 seconds with my eyes closed envisioning what is most likely to happen with this sitatuon. (Sometimes this works, other times I start thinking about Maria Sharapova after about four seconds.) My gut says Edge will stay, but after I wrote a paragraph explaining why he'll do so, I erased it and thought better of it.
Why? I think Bill Polian knows it's time to fix the defense and signing Edge to a cap-crippling contract isn't the way to do that.
Polian is the most underrated general manager in sports. He has made some huge decisions that seem like no-brainers today, but at the time were highly questioned. This might fall into that category.
Remember that Polian put together the Carolina Panthers who went to the NFC Championship in their second season.
Then he went to Indy where in his first season he took Peyton Manning over Ryan Leaf. Don't laugh; it wasn't as easy a decision as it sounds. A lot of football people said Manning had the talent but Leaf had more "upside". And they were right! (You would think the term "upside" would have been retired about the Leaf debacle, but then again, people using said phrase (especially scouts and Mel Kiper) tend to be morons.)
The next year Polian incurred the wrath of a city when he picked the under-hyped Edgerrin James with the 5th pick, instead of going with the pick that every NFL fan wanted their team to get, Ricky Williams. (Eagles fans vociferously booed their team's selection of Donovan McNabb because they wanted Ricky so badly. Good call guys.)
In the year 2000 (said Conan style) Polian stole Marcus Washington in the second and the next year snatched Polian Reggie Wayne late in the first.
The next year Polian made his best pick since James when he selected Dwight Freeny, a player thought to be too soft on the run and not big enough to play end in the NFL, with the 11th pick.
Dallas Clark and Mike Doss were the Colts first two picks in 2003, and both players started on the team this season.
Polian has made some great moves in the draft and in free agency and I think he realizes that the re-signing Edge won't be one of them.
Look for Edge to be franchised with the hope of another team taking him for the two first-round picks. If not, Polian might let him go for nothing and will try to steal a young back away from the Chiefs (Larry Johnson?) or Bills (Travis Henry?).

Wes, AC: Len, I asked u awhile back if Pitt was overated and you said NO.... were u wrong???
First of all Wes, what's with the "u"? Is it so much trouble writing out "you"? It's an extra two letters! Surely the convenience of saving the tenth-of-a-second that it takes to write "y" and "o" isn't worth the embarassment of writing like a 12-year old girl.
Secondly, had you written a good football analyst (me, in case that wasn't obvious) with that same question a while back, you would have received word that Pittsburgh was indeed overrated.
They are a very good team, but when Peter King called them the best team he had seen in the past 25 years, well, that was the last straw (and probably the result of all the Starbucks that trend-following Jersey-Boy guzzles). How can SI still give that guy a paycheck, by the way? In addition to the Steelers thing, he also said that Jake Plummer would be the MVP and that the Broncos would beat the Seahawks in the Super Bowl. What, is Petie on Mike Shanahan's payroll or something? Next, I half expect to read an article endorsing each of the Three Amigos for the Hall of Fame.

Bryan (Rockville): Do you think the Giants will retain Tom Coughlin as head coach? Are the Giants willing to work with him? What other coaching vacancies might we see come later this offseason?
Coughlin isn't going anywhere, much to the chagrin of all his players.
There probably won't be any more coaching vacancies opening up either. All in all, a pretty lame question, which, coming from a guy who spells Brian with a "y", probably isn't all that surprising.

Rod, Daly City CA.: Why all of a sudden people are talking about T.O. playing like if he play it will be automatic that they will win the game. Don't forget New England shot down the #1 offense in the NFL 2 weeks ago and the #1 QB.
The Patritos shot Peyton Manning? When the hell did this happen? I guess this is just another example of Bill Belichick controlling the media. It's like he's some sort of pompous super-genius. For the world's sake, I hope he and Brian Billick never join forces. The brainpower in that room could end us all. (I'm sort of amazed that Brian Billick doesn't spell his name with a "y".)

Bryan (Rockville): Stupid question, really, because I know everyone's asking this and I usually don't like people to ask because its so early, we don't know if T.O. can play, etc...but, if you had to pick a team now, who wins the Superbowl, Pats or Eagles?
Well, you're right about one thing, it is a stupid question. I mean, you knew it would - hey, wait a second. Is this Bryan with a "y" again? What's going on here?!?! Writing two questions shouldn't be allowed, especially when they're both as lame as the ones you asked.

Jason (Hattiesburg, MS): Len, what do you think the Falcons need to do in the offseason? I think a WR is in the future plans, if so, who do you think they need to go after? John Riggins said yesterday Vick should be moved to WR if he doesn't develop as a passer in the next two years, which sounds really off. Is there any credit to this?
First thing they need to do is get rid of Peerless Price. He name is quite prophetic: He does have no peers when it comes to overall suckiness.
As for Riggo's comments about Vick (let me say that John Riggins is perhaps the best and funniest football analyst there is. That he hasn't been hired by a mainstream media outlet yet is amazing, but not really since they're probably afraid he'll say something controversial and get the network in a heap of trouble - which he probably would), moving Vick to WR might be a bit much, but I see where Riggo is coming from. Vick is not a good quarterback at this point in time and the longer he plays the more bad habits he'll pick up.
Donovan didn't make great strides at the position until this year, but by his fourth season had rid himself of making the huge mistakes that plagued his first few campaigns. Vick has done no such thing. He doesn't seem to know how to read a defense, can rarely find receivers other than his main target and is plauged by his run-first mentality.
I was reading the NFC Championship preview in The Sporting News, where the analysis is usually pretty spot-on. But they had a column by some chucklehead who was insisting that Vick was one of the best passers in the league. Yes, passers. He said, forget the running, Vick is a great funademental QB.
It was amazing. It was like this guy had never watched Vick play before. And this guy's opinion seems to be indicative of others. They think that Vick is great simply because he's fast and elusive. Unfortunately, those two things are totally independent of each other.
Vick still has time to improve at QB, and anybody who bets against him probably spells their name with a "y" and lives in Rockville. But, it's possible Vick will never develop into a good fundamental passer, so I'll agree with Riggo. If by the 2007 (his seventh season) Vick hasn't turned his QB'ing around, a move to RB or WR might make more sense.

Dan (Louisville): Who is Mike Nolan looking to bring in as the 49er Offensive Coordinator and Defensive Coordinator?
Two guys that don't want to be employed for too long.

Bryan (Rockville): What does the future hold for Mark Brunell? I know Joe Gibbs has already announced that Ramsey will start, but Gibbs also said that Brunell has a long future with the team...Is he serious?!! How long does he want to keep a 40 million buck backup who played awful last year? Your thoughts on Mark Brunell and his future?
Good lord Bryan!! Get back to work! At first this was funny, now it's downright creepy. How many questions did you submit, by the by? And why to Len Pasquarelli? Do you have some sort of intellectual crush on him? What, Chris Mortensen's Monday chat didn't do it for you? And why are you asking so many seemingly random questions about different teams? Do you read these chats and then rush to the nearest bar to give Len's opinions whilest claiming them as your own?
(By the by, this is how Pasquarelli responded to this question, "ok, bryan, since you've posted this question abuot 20 times, your perseverence should be rewarded.")
Here's the thing about Brunell: Gibbs knows he made a mistake with him. By week four the Hall of Fame coach knew his QB didn't have "it". And while some people around D.C. have criticized Gibbs for not benching Brunell earlier and bringing in Patrick Ramsey. I've stuck with Gibbs on this issue for two reasons:
1) Gibbs realized that the instant he benched Brunell, he couldn't go back to him, so he needed to be absolutely certain that he was making the right move.
2) Ramsey had his chance to impress Gibbs and threw three interceptions and was sacked four times in 35 minutes against the Giants in week two. It wasn't exactly a performance that suggested a switch was a great move.
As for Gibbs saying Brunell has a long future, that's just coach speak. What's he going to say to the press, "I f***** up, Brunell is terrible. I wish I had never signed him. He throws like a girl." Of course not. He's going to back his player publicly.
Plus, with the big contract Brunell signed, he really can't be cut this season. He will likely back-up Ramsey in 2005 and then be cut sometime after June 1, 2006. After all, there is no salary cap in '07 and that's when the bulk of Brunell's cap-hit would occur if he's cut after 6/1/06.

Answering Questions Directed Towards Somebody Else is an occasional feature on this site.

The Bullets Are Ten Games Above .500?

“Something is happening here
But you don’t know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?”
- Bob Dylan, “Ballad of a Thin Man”

Frankly Bob, it’s not just Mr. Jones that’s out of the loop. The entire city of Washington is just as confused, because the Bullets/Wizards are, gasp, actually winning basketball games.
This isn’t supposed to happen. By mid-January the Bullets are supposed to be looking ahead towards the lottery while serving as the punchline in Kornheiser’s columns. They certainly should not be playing good basketball.
But not only are Les Boulez playing well, but they’re winning a lot more games than they’re losing. Last night’s road victory over the LeBron-led Cleveland Cavaliers put the Bullets ten games over .500 for the first time since their post-Championship team in 1979 and gave the team two straight road victories against top-notch Eastern Conference teams (the Bullets beat Indiana on Saturday night).
There have been years where the Bullets couldn’t beat the Hot Rod Williams-led Cavs. Now they’re topping a team led by the best player in the league?
The win last night gave Washington the second best record in the East (granted, having the second best record in the East is kind of like having the highest-rated show on UPN… it’s all relative). Even with that, they'd still be the 4th seed in the playoffs since they’re 3 ½ games behind Miami in the Southeast division and the top three seeds are reserved for division winners.
Even so, that’s a gigantic improvement for a team that hasn’t won a playoff game since The Cosby Show and “Kokomo” were popular. I mean, the second-best record in the conference? A good year for Washington is when they have the second-best record in the lottery!
The resurgence of the Bullets (can that word even be used to describe them? In order to resurge, one must have previously surged, and the Bullets sure as hell haven’t done that in a long while. Is there a statute of limitations on resurgence? I digress…) can be attributed to three men: Eddie Jordan, Ernie Grunfeld and Mark Cuban.
Jordan was the top-assistant on the Nets during their two-year run to the NBA Finals. He was a hot commodity and could have gone to any NBA city with a coaching vacancy, but decided to return to his hometown instead (Jordan was an All-Met guard at Carroll High School in the District).
Long thought to be the real brains behind the Nets success (Byron Scott’s current troubles in New Orleans seem to confirm this), Jordan brought his Princeton offense down to D.C. but as his personnel changed, so did his offense. Now the Bullets play a more up-tempo game and their 102 points per game is tops in the East.
The players respect Jordan, which is key in today’s star-driven NBA. When he yells, the team listens. When he writes up a play during a timeout, everybody is watching. It’s sort of refreshing to watch.
Another key to the Bullets new-found success was the hiring of Ernie Grunfeld as GM. Formerly of the Milwaukee Bucks, Grunfeld signed Gilbert Arenas and Larry Hughes last off-season and this summer was unable to unload the huge contracts of Jerry Stackhouse and Christian Laettner to Mark Cuban in exchange for Antwan Jamison (Washington also threw in a first-round pick).
It looked like a steal then and still does. Stackhouse and Laettner were clubhouse cancers with exorbitant contracts, while Jamison was underutilized coming off the bench in Dallas. Now, in a featured role, Antwan is the ultimate team-player. He never seems to care about what his box score looks like and hustles on both sides of the court.
The former UNC star is a perfect frontcourt compliment to Arenas and Hughes and always seems to come up with the big play when necessary.
It’s rare that I say this about an NBA player, but I actually enjoy watching Jamison play.
Him and his teammates have the Bullets playing their best basketball in a quarter-century. They have casual fans snatching up tickets to games against the Warriors, others looking ahead to the playoffs and, most importantly, have got people in D.C. talking about the Bullets for the first time in decades.
If Mister (Popeye) Jones could figure out what was going on, he’d be quite proud.

Monday Morning Cornerback - Championship Game Edition

I've spent the last four hours trying to figure out which is going to be worse:
1) Two weeks of stories about whether or not Terrell Owens will play in the Super Bowl
or
2) Two weeks of Bill Simmons columns where he insufferably compares the Patriots to the Red Sox, Pax Romana, Ming Dynasty and the three magical seasons of The White Shadow.
Bill, seriously... You used to be funny. Now, trying to get through one of your peans to Brady and Belichick is like sitting through The Tonight Show when Queen Latifah and Kevin Spacey are Jay's guests. In both, the amount of ass-kissing and self-congratulatory BS is intermingled with fewer laughs than an episode of Joey.
I'll go off on "The Sports Guy" later this week - unless I have to stop halfway through his Ode to Troy (Brown) to throw up in my mouth.
What a putz.
And what a beat set of games yesterday.
Michael Vick had one of his patented 11/24, 130ish yards, 1 INT days, except this time his running backs and defense didn't bail him out like they did all season. That Vick played so poorly wasn't a surprise (he had similar performances in each of his three losses as a starter this season). What was curious though was Vick's seemingly indifferent attitude towards his poor play.
Did you see him out there? He looked like Antoine Walker mailing it in during a Hawks game. I'm not saying he should have been throwing a temper tantrum on the sidelines or yelling at Peerless Price (although, frankly, Peerless Price does need to be slapped around a bit), but show me somethin' Mike!
At least your defense showed some emotion - albeit in the form of stupid, drive-sustaining penalties.
They also treated McNabb like he was a slower version of Kurt Warner by failing to respect the bootleg, which Donovan used to run for two crippling first downs and also incurred several penalties on 2nd and 3rd downs that extended the Eagles' drives (an illegal use of the hands infraction on DeAngelo Hall led to Philly's first touchdown and a pass interference on Chris Draft kept the Eagles final, back-breaking touchdown drive alive).
Philly played a nearly flawless game (their red-zone efficiency should worry Andy Reid though) and deserved the win.
It's funny though - the least-talented Eagles team of the last four seasons finally makes it to the Super Bowl after losing their MVP late in the season.
Alright, I didn't say it was "ha-ha" funny.

Across the state, the Steelers were let down by terrible defensive breakdowns (I understand not wanting to blitz Brady - kind of - but if there are only four guys rushing him, then where was everybody else on those deep balls? How does Deion Branch get that wide open when nobody is chasing the QB?!) and even terribler (I'm making it up - sue me) offensive play-calling (sorry guys, but you have to get in the endzone when it's 1st and goal from the two and going run, pseudo-jump ball, run isn't the way to do it).
And don't get me started on the Steelers tackling (or Atlanta's, for that matter). It's like they were channeling the Vikings and Packers from earlier in the playoffs.
But, in the end, the poor play of the Falcons and Steelers didn't matter too much; the better teams prevailed.
And for the first time in a dozen seasons, the two best teams in each conference advanced to the Super Bowl.
The Patriots, even though they get calls like they're Duke and play dirty like they're Duke and start a quarterback that looks like he could play the 3 for Duke and have a head coach that's almost as unlikeable as Duke's, were the cream of the AFC crop since their season-opening win against the Colts.
The Eagles, who stayed strong after losing their MVP, took advantage of a ridiculously weak NFC field to advance to the their first Super Bowl since 1981.
Both teams deserve to play in Jacksonville and it should be a fantastic Super Bowl.
Needless to say, I'm devastated.
I've hated the Eagles since birth - it's an NFC East thing - and I haven't liked the Patriots since Charles Woodson sacked Tom Brady and recovered his fumble in the snow, thus giving the Raiders a hard-fought road victory, only to have the play overturned by a still-ridiculous ruling.
Now I'm stuck listening to two weeks of hype about these teams and, even worse, will be forced to watch one of them win the Super Bowl?
If I were Charlie Brown, I'd say "Aaaarrghhhh!" and then I'd go play with Pigpen. But, alas, the closest thing I have to Pigpen is Antzo (replace the dirt with grease and the lack of bathing to cologne showers, and it's a perfect match).
So what's the lesser of two evils come February 6? Who will I want to win... or better yet, who do I want to lose less?
I don't know, I just don't know. I guess I'll spend the next two weeks trying to figure it out.
Since I can't cheer for any players (except Churchill High School's own, Dhani Jones), I'll make my decision based on people I know who follow each team.
On one hand, I could "root" for the Pats because my brother-in-law Jimbo is a New England fan. But, he's seen them win twice in the past three years, plus he's still on a high from the Red Sox World Series win, so it's not like he's starving for a victory.
"Rooting" for the Eagles would mean cheering for the happiness of my college roommate Falkow, Obaza (who hopefully will write a mailbag letter one day so I can tell one of his stories), Bill Cosby and Ben Franklin's ancestors.
I like people in each group (Jimbo treats my sister right and knows his way around a bar while Falkow introduced me to Wendy's chicken nuggets, Obaza once danced with a broom, the episode of The Cosby Show where Theo wanted to get a job like a "regular person" is classic and Ben Franklin invented the lightbulb).
There's a lot to love there, so how can I choose? It's damn near impossible.
No matter the outcome, I'm not going to be happy on Super Bowl Sunday.
Maybe I'll just watch Lifetime all day instead.

Championship Game Predictions

NFC Championship Game
Atlanta Falcons (+ 5) at Philadelphia Eagles

I’ve been relatively surprised, and quite pleased, that the media hasn’t hyped the Vick-McNabb showdown in terms of race too much this week.
If everybody focused on the fact that this is the first meeting of black quarterbacks in an NFC Championship, it would obscure the bigger picture – that this meeting of star-QBs is the best such match-up in a title game since Steve Young and Brett Favre went head-to-head seven years ago.
With the way that mainstream media handles racial issues in sports (making a big deal out of it, while trying to act like it shouldn't be a big deal), one could have expected a full week of stories about the evolution of black quarterbacks, profiles of Doug Williams or Willie Thrower or a history of racial scandals in sports from Jimmy the Greek to Rush Limbaugh.
But, that hasn't happened this week. There have been some, to be sure, but overall the media has chosen to make the pre-game hype simply about the game, which is nice.
Some of the coverage I just lamented took place in the Tuesday editions of The Washington Post. The newpaper ran two items on its sports front about the racial implications of the title game, one of which detailed the struggles of black quarterbacks throughout NFL history.
The other was a column by Michael Wilbon, in which (much like the rest of the media coverage of this non-event) he insisted that the game’s racial issue wasn’t a big deal, even as he was making it one.
Although his column was a jumble of contradictions, Wilbon was right – the fact that both McNabb and Vick are black isn’t a big deal.
However, the fact that there will be a lot of white on the field this Sunday is.
If the weathermen get it right (a big if, mind you, seeing as how they completely blew the forecast in Boston last week. (By the way, does anybody else think Bill Belichick had something to do with that? With the way he manipulates the media and illegally deceives the league with his injury reports, bribing some local meteorologists to call for clear skies, which would give the Colts a false sense of confidence, really seems like the next logical step.) Where was I… right, the snow) then the Eagles might have trouble on the offensive side of the ball.
Brian Westbrook is only as good as the Eagles' passing game. And if Donovan McNabb is unable to get into a groove because of the weather (read: wind), then the Falcons can focus on stuffing the line to stop Westbrook and he'll be ineffective.
Even if the weather is fine, the loss of T.O. hurts the Philly rushing attack. Instead of double-covering Owens, the Falcons secondary can play man on Todd Pinkston and Freddie Mitchell and leave a few linebackers in the box for Westbrook.
(And before you ask, no, I’m not on the Fred-Ex bandwagon. I do plan on laughing as said bandwagon blows a tire, hurtling riders into the air, after Mitchell drops a few balls and fumbles in a critical situation.
I didn’t realize that one big game is enough to validate an otherwise immensely disappointing career.
Let’s not forget that, somehow, Mitchell caught only 22 passes this season, even though he theoretically should have been lined-up against linebackers and nickel corners due to Owens. “The People’s Champ” (by earning that title, Mitchell is now part of a long line of PC’s throughout history including Donny Osmond, that black guy from Miami Vice, Tina Yothers, Vanilla Ice, Benoit Benjamin, David Hasslehoff’s landlord and Howard Dean) amazingly caught 13 less balls with T.O. than he did without (35 receptions in 2003).
For his career, Mitchell has less catches than Tony Gonzalez had in the final 13 weeks of this season.
Not bad for a former first round draft choice.
Daily readers of this blog (thanks you two!) know my thoughts on drafting a receiver in the first round (mainly, don't) and the 2001 draft is really all the proof I need to back me up.
Mitchell isn’t even the biggest bust of that year’s receiving crop, if you can believe that.
The Bears selected David Terrell with the 8th pick. His nine career touchdowns are less than Brandon Stokley’s total this season.
They passed up on Koren Robinson, a leading contender for the 2005 pre-season Michael Westbrook award. At least Robinson has had one good season, but since his breakout sophomore year he has regressed and apparently forgotten that the simple act of catching the ball is one of the key components of receiving.
Maybe it was something in the water in the theatre at Madison Square Garden that day because the Redskins pick, Rod Gardner, has a similar affliction.
Gardner will likely be cut after June 1, which is all you really need to know about his career in Washington.
Santana Moss went next and is easily the spoiled cream of the sour first round crop. Still, he’s not as good as some of the gems teams found later in the draft like Reggie Wayne (30) Chad Johnson (36th pick), Steve Smith (74).
Even guys like Justin McCareins (124) and T.J. Houshmandzadeh (204) have put up better seasons than some of the first round guys.
Mitchell went #25 to the Eagles and has been a non-factor since his draft and should still be considered a bust. One big day against a Vikings secondary that made even the Redskins offense look good doesn’t change that.
After all, even Rashaan Salaam once had a 130 yard, 3 TD day.)
Wow, nearly 1,000 words and I’ve barely said anything that could pass as a game preview.
Well, here goes:
Just in case you’ve been living under a rock that lives underneath a bigger rock, this is the fourth straight year the Eagles will play in the NFC Championship Game (and the third straight at home).
In each of those games, Philly was beat a team that might not have been better overall, but dominated in one facet of the game.
The 2001 Rams had an explosive offense and took advantage of the fast track at the Edward Jones Dome, while the Bucs and Panthers had the best defenses in the NFC in the years they knocked off Philly. Each team played to their strengths in those title games and went to the Super Bowl because of them.
This year, the Falcons rushing attack could be their catalyst to Jacksonville. Their running game is so potent it makes one wonder if Atlanta coaches are slipping Cialis into the sideline Gatorade.
Much has been made about the resurgence of Jeremiah Trotter, and while its true that he’s playing infinitely better football than he did during his time with the Redskins, the Atlanta coaches should go right at him, hoping that he’ll give up at the first sign of adversity, as is his usual M.O..
If Dunn, Duckett and Vick get going and combine for 200 yards, the Falcons will win.
The defense will need to stop them, of course, but it's up to Donovan to make sure that those runners don't get enough carries to reach that plateau.
If McNabb can get the Eagles out to an early lead and force Michael Vick to use his arm, then Philly’s run of championship futility will end.
Forget what Donovan says - all the pressure is on him this week and he will definitely be feeling it. McNabb has been terrible in each of the three Championship Game losses, yet has gotten a pass from the media for it.
Peyton Manning gets lambasted for not taking the Colts to a Super Bowl, yet McNabb has been on the doorstep three times and nobody says anything bad about him.
Consider this: In his three Championship Games, McNabb has a 53% completion percentage, one TD and five INT. Last year he went 10/22 for 100 yards with no TD and three picks against the Panthers. His rating for that game was lower than Peyton Manning’s was in his game that day against the Pats, but Peyton is still getting ripped for his performance while everybody seems to have forgotten about Donners'.
It goes without saying that if Donovan continues his poor play in big games, he will make it 0 for 4 in title games and will likely hear the same boos from Eagles fans that he heard the day he was drafted.
I guess I should get around to making a pick... All I know is that this is a game where you can throw analysis out the window.
Without T.O., the Eagles air attack is crippled. If it snows, then it will be dead. And since Brian Westbrook isn’t good enough to carry his team into the Super Bowl, it might be a low scoring affair for the Iggles.
Despite the rave reviews the diminutive back from suburban D.C. gets from the “talent” on ESPN, it helps to remember that Westbrook only had 812 yards on the season and had just two games where he rushed for more than 75 yards (none since week four).
On paper, the Eagles look like they have no chance offensively. Throw in the Falcons #1 ground game playing against a Philly defense that ranked in the bottom half of the league in yards per attempt, and suddenly that five-point line looks like it should be turned around.
Atlanta’s defense slowed the Rams, but St. Louis was playing without Issac Bruce. Coupled with the Martz Factor (one out of every three games in which Mike Martz coaches, his team will inexplicably look like the ’76 Bucs), that defensive performance is probably a bit of an anomaly.
I’ve been picking against the Falcons all season long, even doing so last week despite knowing that the Rams really didn’t stand a chance. Each time I’ve picked against the Falcons though, I’ve been doing just that - picking against the Falcons. I’ve always made my predictions based on my assertion that Atlanta wasn’t that good, that Michael Vick was overrated, that their stellar defense was a mirage, etc.
This time, though, I am giving the Falcons the respect that they deserve and won’t pick against them.
I just happen to think that the Eagles are due.
Pick: Philadelphia (straight-up and –5)

AFC Championship Game
New England Patriots (-3) at Pittsburgh Steelers
In a 12-hour stretch last Sunday the Patriots went from being everybody’s favorite punching bag to an indestructible dynasty on the cusp of their third Super Bowl title, with the games themselves seemingly a mere formality en route to their inevitable coronation.
Really though, New England has always been somewhere in the middle. They never should have been underdogs to the Colts (not Vegas-wise, but perception-wise) and even though they’re a great team, they have many holes and still need to get through two tough games in order to win their dynasty-clinching Super Bowl.
Even though the Steelers have won 11 straight games at Heinz Field, New England is favored by three points, and deservedly so.
Ben Roethlisberger played horrendously against the Jets and was lucky that Herm Edwards failed to follow his credo of playing to win the game when he played conservatively, deciding to settle for a lengthy Doug Brien field goal instead of trying to move the ball further into Steelers territory.
With the way that Bill Belichick runs the defense, the rookie QB will likely be harassed all day long, which will force some long sacks and big interceptions.
Despite the genius on the sidelines (with the way the media praises Belichick’s D, the players seem almost secondary to the coach's schemes. But even if Bill's game plan is the most brilliant work since Einstein discovered the theory of relativity, the players still have to execute it. Yet, you never hear any of the players mentioned, Belichick gets all the credit. I suppose me, the Wolfman, Antzo, Falkow and the current members of Menudo could throw on Pats jerseys and win the Super Bowl, as long as Belichick was the coach. Next year, the AFC Championship might be played in “Coach” mode on Madden 2006, since players don’t seem to matter anymore), the Steelers still will have success running the ball.
That might not matter if New England gets out to an early lead, but the Patriots tend to win their games late, rather than early, so Bettis and Staley need to get going if they want to be playing in Jacksonville.
Much has been made of the Steelers domination of the Pats back in October, but all that game shows is that a) New England isn’t unbeatable and b) Corey Dillon, not Tom Brady, is the team’s MVP.
With Dillon sidelined that day, the Patriots managed only five rushing yards.
Roethlisberger picked them apart (18/24, 2 TD) and, thus, the legend of Big Ben was born. Unfortunately for him, the rest of the league caught up pretty quickly when they got tape on him and were able to see what he was all about.
On those tapes opposing coaches saw a quarterback who thrives in short yardage situations and plays like a veteran – checking off receivers, reading his hot routes, throwing the ball away when necessary and taking charge in the huddle. But, the tapes also show a rookie, prone to making rookie mistakes.
The two throws against the Jets were prime examples.
Belichick will try to put Roethlisberger in situations that will increase the likelihood of him making a mistake, so look for lots of pressure coming from the middle on obvious passing downs and defensive ends to drop back in coverage in an attempt to steal an easy pick. Masking formations, switching in and out of zone coverages, corner blitzes – Belichick will do it all.
But don’t sleep on the Steelers defense. While all the focus this week has been on the Pats (I’m guilty of it too), the Pittsburgh D finished the year ranked #1 and is, arguably, a better unit.
Their 3-4 alignment gave Tom Brady fits in their earlier meeting (2 INT), but that won’t deter Charlie Weis from calling pass plays this time around. The Pittsburgh defense should be effective against Corey Dillon, but the fact that they’ll have to account for him will open up the near passing lanes for Brady who is the most effective short passer in the NFL.
Playing at Heinz Field will be big (it far outweighs the non-existent “experience” factor), but in the end, the towel-waving crowd decked out in their finest black and yellow will leave disappointed, unless they bet on their team, because the Pats won’t cover.
Pick: New England

Last Week (Straight-Up): 2-2
Last Week (Spread): 2-2
Playoffs to Date (Straight-Up): 4-4
Playoffs to Date (Spread): 5-3

You've Got Mail 2: Mail Harder

Headaches are one of the common side effects of this new painkilling patch I’m now using. So, this patch that is designed to reduce pain in my foot is actually creating pain in my head. If only my brain didn’t hurt, I’d so be appreciating the irony right now.
The rankings of the NFL’s final four (can we get a law in place to ensure that the words “final four” will only be used when referring to the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament? Frankly, when the producers of The Real Gilligan’s Island are promoting their “final four” show, it kind of cheapens the whole thing, doesn’t it?) will not be happening today, since I’m still having trouble piecing together an analytical sentence that doesn’t include the words “awesome” or “so awesome”.
Plus, between Sports Illustrated, The Sporting News, ESPN: The Magazine, Sportsline.com, SI.com, ESPN.com, The NFL Channel, ESPN, EA Sports NFL Matchup, NFL Live, that segment where John Clayton and Sean Salisbury yell at each other with obvious homoerotic overtones, George Michael's Sports Machine, Chris Mortensen, Sean Salisbury, Ron Jaworski, Tony Siragusa, Pro Football Weekly, USA Today, Michael Wilbon, Tony Kornheiser, Woody Paige, ESPN2, CNN Headline News, that weird guy with the glasses at the other end of the bar, The Wolfman (might be the same person) and/or Michel Irvin's P.O, I think every single facet of the game, right down to which foods are going to be on the Eagles post-game spread, has been discussed and I really don’t know how much more I can add.
However, I will try tomorrow when I’ll be making my Championship Game predictions.
For today’s reading enjoyment, here are a series of e-mails that I exchanged today with my friend Greg, who once, when asked, if he had packed all the stuff into the boxes, replied, “Die Hard 3?”

From: gfalkowski@hustler.com
To: chrisachase@comcast.net
1:57 p.m.

I was reading espn insider about the potential Randy Moss trade, and the package they came up with for the skins was a #1, a #2, and Lavar… It seems like a lot but the D was good without Lavar. This may be a far fetched thing, but if it happened would you be pissed, think it was fair, or would you think it’s a good trade.

From: chrisachase@comcast.net
To: gfalkowski@hustler.com
3:31 p.m.

I love LaVar. Not platonically, but for real. I am in love with LaVar Arrington, much like you were in love with that chick who wore the beret. What was her name again? Siobhan? Or was that somebody else? Anyway, I digress.
You’re right, the defense was good without LaVar, but during four or five plays per game this year you could see Lemar Marshall missing a tackle or playing out of position (which isn’t his fault… after all, it’s not his fault he’s Lemar Marshall) and think, “LaVar would have blown that play up!.”
The defense will be better with him back next season, provided that LaVar steps up his game. Even though I’m his biggest fan, I still can see that LaVar is a bit overrated. Far too often he’ll over-pursue or be out of position or try to make a big hit when a simple one will do. But, in his defense, he played that way when he was the leader of a directionless defense. With Gregg Williams at the helm, LaVar will deserve it when he is referred to as one of the best linebackers in the NFL.
That’s why I don’t think the Redskins will get rid of him. He means far too much to this defense. That they were the best defense in the NFL without him doesn’t mean that he is replaceable, it just means that Williams D was that good.
The only way LaVar will wear a jersey that isn’t burgundy and gold is if, down the line, his cap hit becomes unwieldy, like Stephen Davis’ two seasons ago. Arrington is the Redskins and wants to be here when Joe Gibbs starts showing today’s NFL why he is a Hall of Famer.
That being said, there is absolutely no way the Redskins are trading for Randy Moss, no matter what the price. Joe Gibbs would never allow a guy like Moss on his team and since Gibbs is the de facto GM of the team (he approves all decisions), he won’t have to.
Gibbs has coached drug addicts (Dexter Manley, Tony Peters), free spirits (John Riggins), prima donnas (George Rogers, Brian Mitchell) and plenty of guys with attitude problems. He can deal with that.
What Gibbs can’t, and won’t, tolerate is a player who doesn’t give his all on every play. Randy Moss, with his jogging on routes and lackadaisical blocking, would never last on a Joe Gibbs coached team.
Even if Gibbs had been thinking about pursuing Moss in the off-season, the fact that the coach got an up-close view of Randy walking off the field while the Vikings-Redskins game was still going on, clinched that he wouldn't.

From: gfalkowski@hustler.com
To: chrisachase@comcast.net
3:36 p.m.

Wow, thanks for the thesis. Why do I feel like you put more effort into that e-mail than you did for any of the papers you wrote in college?
The most amazing part is that nowhere in your incoherent ramblings did you really answer my question.
I know you love LaVar. Remember? I told you to seek help based on your love for him. But what I really wanted to know was what type of situation would make you comfortable with giving up LaVar, for any player, not just Moss.

From: chrisachase@comcast.net
To: gfalkowski@hustler.com
3:44 p.m.

Touche Mr. Mackey… touche.
First of all, how good is that Game CD. “We Ain’t” is one of those songs that you keep turning louder and louder until you either a) blow out your speakers or b) see MAX VOL on your stereo display, whereupon you curse the knob for not going to 11. I haven’t played a song so much since I first heard “Perfect Gentleman”.
But back to LaVar. I would never be comfortable with the Redskins trading LaVar. Any trade proposal that I would approve of would be so ridiculous that it would never happen. Meaning, if the ‘Skins were going to ship LaVar and a 1st round draft choice to the Colts for Peyton Manning, I would take that. But, of course, that would never happen.
But let’s say that the Colts were trying to shop Dwight Freeney and wanted LaVar in return. In that case, I’d only support a trade if the Redskins could also get, say, a 1st and 2nd rounder from Indy. Like I said, this would never happen. So, the short answer is, nothing anybody could realistically offer would make me comfortable with giving up LaVar.
Now, Mark Brunell? Well, that’s a whole other story.

The Problem With Prosser

Originally, I was going to answer PTI’s questions on this frigid, winter day, but after a remarkably subpar effort from the show’s writers (ie, “Toss Up! Which kicker would you fire: Doug Brien or Mike Vanderjagt?”), a miserable sub-bogey performance by Wake Forest and the fact that my new prescription pain-killing patch is making me feel like Keith Richards circa 1971 and, thus, makes writing any coherent sentence extremely laborious, here are some quick-hit Deac thoughts for your time-killing pleasure:

- Wake Forest’s loss last night at Florida State can be blamed on one person: Skip Prosser.
After a huge win against North Carolina on Saturday, it was to be expected that the Demon Deacons would start a little flat playing in the half-empty Tucker Center against an FSU team that was barely above .500 and had lost to Florida International, TCU and Texas A&M-Corpus Christi, among others.
But for Wake to come out of the gates without exerting any defensive effort and unable to get anything going offensively, while looking totally uninspired is another thing.
Yeah, FSU was a trap game. But the way Wake played for the first 15 minutes, it was like they thought that their #3 ranking and win over UNC would be enough to beat Florida State.
That’s all on Prosser. He has to get his team ready. I’m not saying Wake had to win the game - after all, FSU has suddenly become a difficult place to play. But to quickly get down 19 to the Seminoles is pathetic.
Getting a team up for a game is tough. Maybe Prosser warned them about FSU, but they didn't listen. Either way, the coach didn't do his team any favors once the game began by refusing to switch up his defense after Von Wafer began tearing apart Justin Gray man-to-man.
Maybe Skip could have thrown Jamaal Levy out on the perimeter to get a hand in Wafer’s face every now and then, but instead, the FSU sophomore kept breaking free on screens and rained in 3’s like he was Reggie Miller at the Garden.
Everyone in the arena knew when Wafer was going to get the ball, except, it seemed, the Wake defenders and Skip.
Later on, Prosser brought in Chris Ellis and Trent Strickland at the same time, late in the game, which indicates to me that Skip either a) had money on FSU or b) met up with Ricky Williams before the game.
That the Deacs were out-hustled for every rebound and loose ball is the fault of the players, but shouldn’t the coaches get guys in the game who would put out some effort?
Eric Williams was one of those players getting out-hustled and out-played. The guards never got him the ball down-low and the 50 Cent look-a-like has one less rebound than 5’11 Todd Galloway. Maybe Williams was sick, or hurt. Either way, he should have been out of the game.
Like I said, I’m too loopy to write any coherent arguments here, so bear with me.

- Even after all the poor play, the Deacs had a chance to win if Taron Downey could hit a free throw at the end of regulation. The fact that Wake Forest had just broken an NCAA record by making 50 straight free throws as a team suggested that the game was as good as won.
Yet, I don’t know a single person who thought Downey was going to make that shot. I was on the phone with my old college roommate Falkow and we both said “there’s no way he makes this.” It didn’t even seem like we were jinxing him.

- The Wolfman texted me mid-way through the second half with this message: “Wake is getting some Duke calls.”
He was partly right, in theory. Wake had been the beneficiaries of a few favorable calls by the refs. But to compare them to Duke was pure blasphemy. Sure enough, no more than four minutes later, the officials turned the tables and Wake was getting hosed on some big calls.
I wrote the Wolfman back, “You spoke too soon, (expletive).”
Then, at the beginning of overtime, Von Wafer took about four steps with the ball in his hands after getting injured. Remarkably, the refs didn’t call the travel.
Now, injury or not, that’s a travel. Still, no call. If Wafer had done that against Duke, Ted Valentine would have not only called the travel, but would have given a Tech to Wafer for cursing as he pulled up lame.
After the no-call I wrote the Wolfman again: “I hate you.”
The response was swift. “I hate me too,” the hairy, ladies man replied.

- If the top-notch ACC coaches were The Traveling Wilburys, then Skip Prosser would be Jeff Lynne.

- A slumping shooter has to keep shooting, but, as Justin Gray showed yesterday, a slumping shooter shooting from five feet behind the arc will continue slumping.
- It doesn’t really need to be said, but I’ll say it anyway: Chris Paul is the truth. And maybe I’m trying to make the third time jinxing a charm, but after convincing myself that he’ll definitely go pro after this season, I’m starting to believe that Chris Paul might come back for his junior season.

- Besides Paul’s play, there was one nice thing to see yesterday: The FSU students storming the court after the win. It’s always nice to see the court stormed after your team gets beat. Granted, it’s a whole lot nicer to see the quiet shuffle to the exits after your team wins a road game, but when the court gets stormed after a loss, at least your team gets that respect.

- On a similar note, I was very proud of the Wake Forest students for not storming the court after the win against UNC. Expect to win. I love it.

- All in all, yesterday’s loss wasn’t too terrible for Wake. Just like after the Illinois loss, the team now has to come back down to earth and realize that they still need to take care of business on the court to justify the hype.
The team has a tough stretch coming up (at Cincy, at Georgia Tech, vs. Miami and vs. Duke). Three out of four wins would be great.

- Sorry for the spastic, incoherent writing in this post. Hopefully I'll become acclimated to this patch by tomorrow. Until then, I'm going to pop the third season of Curb into the DVD player, crack open a Pacific Cooler Capri-Sun and enjoy the ride.

Tuesday Afternoon Scout Team Free Safety

Please pardon the brevity of my post yesterday, for you see, I was tremendously busy trying to remove the foot that I had somehow managed to lodge deep within my mouth four months ago and subsequently kept putting deeper until I could no longer see my kneecap.
Yes, the Colts, my pre-season pick to win the Super Bowl, the team that I insisted was better than the Patriots, even after their week one loss to them, got handled by a superior New England team at a snowy Gillette Stadium on Sunday afternoon.
I didn’t turn on CBS until exactly 4:30 that day because I equate listening to Dan Marino, Shannon Sharpe and Boomer Esiason to watching Telemundo. I can’t figure out what anybody is talking about on either one, and even if I could, I don’t think I’d want to.
So, when I changed from FX’s umpteenth showing of Die Hard 2: Die Harder to the Tiffany Network and saw snow falling in Foxboro, I gently shook my head and relegated myself to the fact that the Patriots were going to advance to their third AFC Championship Game in four seasons.
When the Colts went three-and-out on their first possession, a friend of mine turned to me and said, "Chaz, is that what you expected?"
"No," I replied, "this is just the beginning."
Then the FAA hotline started buzzing, and all hell broke loose.
(To the three people who are laughing right now, kudos.)
The weather clearly favored the Patriots, but a constant snowfall and cold temperatures still don’t excuse the Colts from scoring three points against a defense that features a receiver as the nickel corner and a guy named Gay.
While the Colts deserve ripping, unlike most of the country, I’m not going to pile on Peyton Manning. He didn’t play well nor did he call a good game at the line (what was with his bumbling attempt at running the two-minute drill late in the first half? How can you leave one timeout on the board?), but he didn’t lose the game for his team.
Peyton wasn’t the one dropping balls, fumbling after a 20-yard reception or having the ball ripped from his hands. Nor did Manning run the ball 14 times for 39 yards, like his soon to be ex-teammate Edgerrin James did.
Peyton also wasn’t on the other side of the ball missing tackles, dropping interceptions, missing more tackles or watching Dwight Freeney do all the work like the rest of the Colts defenders were. He also didn’t miss tackles… have I already mentioned the missed tackles?
The Colts defense is simply atrocious. Corey Dillon is a great back and is tough to bring down, but the way the Indy linebackers groped at him, Dillon looked like a greased-up Earl Campbell. And when the Colts weren’t falling on their faces in an attempt to bring a ball carrier down, the D was so far out of position that they couldn’t even get in place to miss.
Whatever happened to Tony Dungy, defensive guru?
(Have you noticed that when top-notch coordinators get head coaching jobs, the team they coach often ends up struggling in the coaches respective discipline, but usually excels on the other side of the ball?
Brian Billick, Marvin Lewis, Gregg Williams, Dick LeBeau, Jim Mora Jr. and Dungy are just a few examples of the fascinating trend. Yes, Dungy doesn’t have the personnel he did in Tampa, but this is his third year on the job - surely the team shouldn’t be making Daniel Graham look like a young Kellen Winslow Sr.)
My ripping of the Colts shouldn’t take anything away from the Patriots though. They played a solid game and showed why they are still the team to beat in the AFC.
Sure, they were helped by the weather, some bogus first-half penalties, chop-blocking the beastly Dwight Freeney and a ridiculous no-call on a helmet-to-helmet hit by the dirty Rodney Harrison, but Bill Belichick and the soon-to-be-gone Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel put together a great game-plan that was executed to near perfection by the best team in the NFL.
The Patriots now move on to the AFC title game to face the suddenly-reeling Pittsburgh Steelers, while the Colts will spend another off-season wondering what went wrong and getting ready for another trip to New England sometime next season where they’ll try to exorcise the demons of two-straight playoff losses.
At least Peyton will have the next three weeks off to root for his favorite insurance adjusters.

Weekend Thoughts

- Since I spent the beginning part of this post ripping myself, I’m now going to blatantly try to boost my damaged ego… bear with me: I’ve been driving the “Big Ben Is Just OK” bandwagon for the past eight weeks yet have drawn stares and whispers for not completely buying into the fact that Roethlisberger is the best rookie QB since Marino. Yet, at around 6:30 on Saturday afternoon some passengers finally hopped on and today we’re overflowing with people.
Roethlisberger looked horrendous against an average Jets defense playing without their best player. If somebody had told you that Ryan Leaf had slipped on Ben’s jersey and thrown those two picks, you might have believed them, the passes were that bad.
If the Pats could make Peyton Manning look average, then imagine what they’ll make an average quarterback look like.

- Even though they probably won’t, the Vikings need to get rid of Randy Moss. Ideally, they’d dump him off to the Ravens, which would lead to an inevitable Moss-Ray Lewis clash that would make the Stephen Davis-Michael Westbrook brawl look like a thumb-wrestling match.

- Donovan McNabb was utterly fantastic on Sunday. (The fact that he was playing a miserable Vikings team was irrelevant, and I say that without a hint of sarcasm.) Without T.O., Donovan was putting throws exactly where they needed to be and made good decisions throughout the game. Hell, he even managed to make Freddie Mitchell actually look like he belongs on an NFL roster.
Being a Redskins fan, I’ve always hated the Eagles and, thusly, have taken an extreme amount of joy in their three consecutive Championship Game defeats. Every time Philly wins a playoff game, I get a little upset, kind of like I do when Duke wins any basketball games.
But on Sunday I found myself feeling a bit differently. It took me a while to figure out why, but I finally realized that I was kind of happy the Eagles won with T.O. sitting in a skybox.
Did you see the shots of him when FOX would show him in the box? He was clearly happy his team was winning, but you could sense that deep down he was probably a bit upset that they were doing it so easily without him, kind of like Phil Simms in ’90 and Drew Bledsoe in ’02.
Those guys masked it well though. I think Owens thought the team would fall apart without him and was surprised when McNabb and the offense made it look so easy.

- The Falcons killed the Rams Saturday night. Some people claim they were surprised by the score, but I don’t think any result of that game would have been startling. Seriously, if the Rams had won 47-17 would you have been shocked?
One of the more overlooked aspects of this game though was the absence of Isaac Bruce. During the Pats-Colts game, Phil Simms mentioned that Ty Law and Richard Seymour were hurt as often as Jim Nantz announced the score, even though those players haven’t been active in weeks. But during the Rams game, Bruce’s injury, which was a game-time decision was barely discussed.
Without Bruce, the Rams offense was unable to spread the field as they usually do. Instead of lining up Kevin Curtis in the slot against a nickel corner or a linebacker, like the Colts do with Brandon Stokely, Curtis was covered by the Falcons #2 corner. As a result, the passing game never got going.
Had Bruce played, the Rams still would have lost, but it would have been a much closer game.

- What’s with all these white receivers blowing up all of a sudden? Drew Bennett was the most productive wideout in the league in the month of December, while Brandon Stokley had over 1,000 yards and 10 touchdowns for the year. And the aforementioned Kevin Curtis is apparently the fastest white man this side of Tim Dwight.
My friend Ben seems to think that they’re all the illegitimate sons of Ricky Proehl. I’ll concur.
Wake Forest representin’.

Predictions
Obviously, I missed big in the Colts game. I also went down with the Rams sinking ship, even though I knew an iceberg was straight ahead.
However, I did nail the Jets-Steelers contest (Jets with the points, Steelers straight-up – thank you Doug Brien). And it was easily apparent to anybody except Daunte Culpepper's mom that the Eagles were going to cover against the woeful Vikings.

The Week Ahead
Wednesday: Chris Answers PTI’s Questions
Thursday: Ranking the NFL’s Final Four
Friday: Championship Game Picks

Karma's a Bitch, Ain't It Mr. Irsay?

Well, my "boyfriends", as The Wolfman refers to Peyton Manning and the Colts, really let me down yesterday. After predicting a Colts upset for the better part of seven months only to have them choke like the Yankees (I can get used to saying that), my credibility is down somewhere near Dan Rather's.
I guess Jim Irsay is still paying for sneaking the Colts out of Baltimore in the middle of the night more than 20 years ago. What goes around comes around, eh Jim?
I'll get into the Colts debacle tomorrow though. Today, I'm going to enjoy my day off - I hope you are as well.

Some links to get you through the work day, if indeed, you do have to work (like my buddy Greg, who after celebrating the Eagles victory yesterday, had to trudge into the office with what I'm guessing was a substantial headache):

• Martin Luther King's I Have a Dream speech. I first read this a few years ago. We've all heard the famous lines, but the whole speech is pretty damn impressive.
• Expectingrain.com - Bob Dylan was on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial that afternoon. If you want to keep up with Dylan these days, this is the place to go.
• Have you seen the pictures of Anna Kournikova and her yellow bikini? If you haven't, shame on you.
• The 49ers want to make Mike Nolan their head coach? This should be fun. It's rare that you get to see a car wreck unfold before your very eyes.
  

NFL Divisional Playoff Picks

New York Jets (+8 ½) at Pittsburgh Steelers
It will be a battle of the MAC quarterbacks in Pittsburgh as Marshall’s Chad Pennington faces Miami (Ohio)’s Ben Roethlisberger.
And while the two young quarterbacks will garner most of the attention headed into the first playoff game of the weekend, the contest will be decided the team’s stout defenses and two old running backs.
Tomorrow’s game will be the first playoff contest in NFL history to feature