The Chaz Rankings - Week 12

Rolling Stone magazine recently released a list of the 500 greatest rock & roll songs of all-time. Amazingly "Mmmbop" didn't make the list. I know, I was shocked too.
Anyway, this week's Chaz Rankings will pick the song that best fits each NFL team.

1) Philadelphia Eagles - Leader of the Pack – The Shangri-Las (447) - I doubt the Eagles met Terrell Owens at the candy store, but they’ve fallen hard for T.O. after a season that would be MVP-worthy if it wasn’t for Peyton Manning.
After destroying the Giants this week the Eagles became the third team in NFL history to clinch their division in week 11. They still are in a fight for home-field advantage, but with the Falcons barely hanging on each week, look for the NFC playoffs to go through Philly yet again.

2) New England Patriots - Like A Rolling Stone – Bob Dylan (1) - New England keeps rolling through their schedule and with only one game remaining against a team with a winning record (December 26 at the Jets), home-field is there’s to lose. How does it feel?

3) Pittsburgh Steelers - Born to Run – Bruce Springsteen (21) - Ben Roethlisberger’s 9-0 record is pretty impressive, but without the Steelers offensive line and the duo of Bettis & Staley, Roethlisberger would be just another struggling rookie quarterback. After watching him play this weekend against the Redskins I had a few impressions about the Steelers: 1) R’Berger shows tremendous poise while in the pocket - deftly avoiding rushes, recognizing defenses, etc. Other than that, he looks like a rookie QB. 2) Living and dying by the run is well and good against Washington and Cleveland, but in the AFC playoffs, it might not cut it. The Steelers could be looking at an early exit.

4) Indianapolis Colts - Got My Mojo Working – Muddy Waters (359) - I don’t know what was more amazing: Peyton Manning’s six Thanksgiving touchdown passes or the fact that nobody was at all surprised by it.

5) San Diego Chargers - All the Young Dudes – Mott the Hoople (253) - Drew Brees, LaDainian Tomlinson, Antonio Gates, Shane Olivea, Igor Olshansky, Eric Parker, Nick Hardwick, Toniu Fonoti, Jamar Fletcher, Quentin Jammer are among Chargers starters who were born in 1979 or later.

6) Green Bay Packers - Iron Man – Black Sabbath (310) - Did you hear that Brett Favre played in his 200th consecutive game last night? I feel that ABC didn’t do a good enough job of letting the viewer know this.

7) New York Jets - Stayin’ Alive – The Bee Gees (189) – After dropping two straight, the Jets have rebounded with back-to-back wins. They weren’t pretty (three point win over Cleveland and a nail-biter versus the Cardinals), but then again, neither were the Bee Gees.

8) Atlanta Falcons - Will You Love Me Tomorrow – The Shirelles (125) - Sure, now everybody in Atlanta loves the Falcons, what with their 9-2 record. But just wait until Michael Vick gets hurt or the team can’t pull out a last minute victory. Then all those fickle fans will go back to watching Gone With the Wind, drinking Coke and reminiscing about the time they went and watched beach volleyball at the Olympics while ignoring their major league sports teams. Man, I hate Atlanta.

9) Buffalo Bills - Visions of Johanna – Bob Dylan (404) - The Bills are probably too low on most peoples power rankings, just as Visions of Johanna was too low on the Rolling Stone 500. I was pleased that my favorite Dylan song made the list but a bit disappointed that it ranked 32 spots behind Bitter Sweet Symphony.

10) Minnesota Vikings - With or Without You – U2 (131) - The Vikings will play with or without Randy Moss. However, they’ll on win with him. And no, playing 75% of the plays at half-speed doesn’t count as “with him”.

11) Denver Broncos - Whipping Post – The Allman Brothers Band (383) - Champ Bailey really steps it up in nationally televised games. First he gets schooled by Chad Johnson thrice on Monday Night Football a few weeks back then he makes Jerry Porter a few million in free agency Sunday night in the snow. I think it’s about time to stop calling Champ “the best corner in the league”. At this point, he couldn’t even start in the Chiefs secondary.

12) Jacksonville Jaguars - 1999 – Prince (212) - That’s the last time the Jags were in the playoffs. Unless they win four out of their last five, it’ll stay that way.

13) Baltimore Ravens - I’m Waiting for the Man – The Velvet Underground (159) - The Ravens are waiting for Jamal Lewis the same way Lou Reed was waiting for his heroin dealer. If Lou’s guy never shows, maybe he could borrow Jamal’s cell phone to set something else up.

14) Carolina Panthers - Respect – Aretha Franklin (5) - I’ve been on the Panthers’ case since before the season, so it’s only fair that I give them some R-E-S-P-E-C-T for winning three straight. Don’t look now, but 8-8 is not out of the realm of possibility.

15) Houston Texans - We’ve Only Just Begun – The Carpenters (405) - Next season the Texans will be a playoff team. And how was this song only one spot behind Visions of Johanna?

16) St. Louis Rams - Crazy – Patsy Cline (85) - Down 11 last night at Lambeau Field and facing a 42 yard field goal attempt, Mike Martz unbelievably tries a fake field goal. It, of course, backfires and the Packers quickly scored to put the game out of reach.

17) Seattle Seahawks - What’s Going On? – Marvin Gaye (4) - Both the Seahawks and this song were/are vastly overrated.

18) Cincinnati Bengals - That’ll Be the Day – Buddy Holly (39) - Nice defense Marvin Lewis. If you ever lived up to your hype as a coach, maybe the Bengals wouldn’t have to be so terrible.

19) Tennessee Titans - Should I Stay or Should I Go – The Clash (228) - Titans QB Steve McNair said he’s pondering retirement after the season.

20) Oakland Raiders - California Dreamin’ – The Mamas and The Papas (89) - After battling in the snow for three hours on Sunday night, the Raiders must have been dreaming for that lovely California weather.

21) Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Kicks – Paul Revere and the Raiders (400) - Martin Gramatica missed three field goals in the Bucs seven-point loss to the Panthers.

22) Kansas City Chiefs - Crying – Roy Orbison (69) - Does Dick Vermeil cry when he loses, or is that just when he wins?

23) Arizona Cardinals - New Year’s Day – U2 (427) - John Navarre will start at quarterback this weekend for the Cardinals. The last time he played in a meaningful football game was January 1, in the Rose Bowl.

24) New York Giants - Fortunate Son – Creedence Clearwater Revival (99) - Nice game Eli. Maybe daddy can get you traded to San Diego.

25) New Orleans Saints - A Change is Gonna Come – Sam Cooke (12) - If Jim Haslett was the president of Wal-Mart the company would only be slightly more profitable than the Bowflex kiosk at the mall.

26) Dallas Cowboys - Personality Crisis – New York Dolls (267) - Are the Cowboys a team still in the playoff hunt or a squad that needs to give up and get Drew Henson some time to develop.

27) Chicago Bears - Rain – The Beatles (463) - It’s a gloomy day anytime a team needs to be bailed out by Jeff George.

28) Washington Redskins - Nowhere to Run – Martha and the Vandellas (358) - Clinton Portis ran for 17 yards against the Steelers and is averaging a meager 3.9 yards per carry for the season. Willis McGahee had more rushing touchdowns in the second half of his game Sunday than Portis does all season. These are what I like to call “ouch” stats.

29) Detroit Lions - Mannish Boy – Muddy Waters (229) - Or maybe Joey Harrington is a boyish man. Either way, he’s a terrible quarterback.

30) Cleveland Browns - Loser – Beck (200) - Don’t fret Butch Davis, Steve Spurrier was a better college coach than you but he never made the NFL playoffs.

31) Miami Dolphins - California Love – 2pac (346) - It took a trip to San Francisco to get the Dolphins their first road win of the year.

32) San Francisco 49ers - Smells Like Teen Spirit – Nirvana (9) - I don’t know if it’s teen spirit, but something definitely does smell in San Francisco.

Sorry for the light postings recently. Come back tomorrow for thoughts on week 12 of the NFL season. Hopefully I still won't be feeling like crap.

Pick: Green Bay over St. Louis

Week 12 Picks

Jacksonville at Minnesota
Pick: Minnesota

San Diego at Kansas City
Pick: Kansas City

Tennessee at Houston
Pick: Tennessee

Cleveland at Cincinnati
Pick: Cincinnati

Tampa Bay at Carolina
Pick: Tampa Bay

Washington at Pittsburgh
Pick: Pittsburgh

Philadelphia at New York Giants
Pick: Philadelphia

New Orleans at Atlanta
Pick: New Orleans

Buffalo at Seattle
Pick: Buffalo

Miami at San Francisco
Pick: Miami

New York Jets at Arizona
Pick: New York Jets

Baltimore at New England
Pick: New England

Oakland at Denver
Pick: Denver

Thanksgiving Picks

Indianapolis over Detroit
Dallas over Chicago

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday Afternoon Cornerback and The Chaz Rankings: Week 11

In the words of some crappy rock band whose song I inexplicably know the lyrics to, “It’s been a while” since I’ve written something for the blog. Yes, I know those aren’t the exact lyrics, but do you think I’ve really listened to any more of that song once I hear the chorus? It sounds like the lead singer for the band is imitating Cartman fronting that Christian rock band.
Anyway, sorry for not posting for a while. Please forgive me. I was in Saint Robert, Missouri visiting my newlywed sister and her husband, Jimbo. Dammit, I meant to start calling him Jimbo this weekend (his name is Jim, his last name starts with Beau – Yeah, I’m not clever at all) but forgot. Well, that’s what Christmas will be for.
Anyway, I was there from Thursday to Sunday and yesterday I was recovering from the 15 hour drive in the car.
But I’m back, just in time to take two days off for Thanksgiving.
What follows is a recap of everything I’ve missed since Thursday, in the guise of an edition of Monday Morning Cornerback. Also included are the Chaz Rankings. They won’t be in order. Instead, I’ll mention all 32 NFL teams somewhere in my ramblings and their new ranking will be in parenthesis.

Weekend Thoughts

- Ron Artest, of the Pacers (a team that plays in the same city as the Indianapolis Colts (4)) – is double parenthesis the right move there? – man, now the punctuation for this sentence is all sorts of messed up... should have been suspended for a long time.
I know I wrote differently on Saturday (one day before the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (17) beat the San Francisco 49ers (32)) but I was still adjusting to the killer eastern to central time jet-lag. Alright, car-lag.
But while I believe Artest's suspension was just, I don’t blame him for what he did. Everybody has been quick to jump on him, mainly because in the past he has shown a penchant for craziness.
In this instance though, Artest was wrong, but as Chris Rock said about O.J… “I understand”.
Just like a fan doesn't expect a player to charge him in the stands, a player like Artest doesn't expect to get hit with something while playing. Artest snapped and went to rightly beat the guy up. Yes, rightly beat the guy up.
If you throw something at somebody, you deserve an ass-kicing. Just because you don't expect to doesn't mean it shouldn't happen.
Somebody who throws something from the stands doesn’t expect to get beat up. They think that the invisible border between the court and the seats protect them. If that bald fool who threw the cup saw Artest in a restaurant, do you think he’d throw his bottle of Miller Lite at him? Of course not.
Now, I know Artest went at the wrong guy, but hey – he’s crazy.
That being said, David Stern did what he needed to do by suspending him for the year.
He really had no other choice. Stern had to get the point across that charging the stands won’t be tolerated. With Artest set to lose a couple million because of the suspension, you can bet no other NBA player will be doing anything similar any time soon.
As for the other suspensions, I have three beefs.
1) If Artest is gone for the year, then Stephen Jackson should be too. At least Artest was provoked. Jackson just went in looking for somebody to hit. Maybe he’s mad that his barber convinced him to get those ridiculous looking dreadlocks and was trying to take it out on somebody.
2) Ben Wallace should have received a suspension equal to half the number of games that Artest got (36). Wallace started the whole thing, so all of this is on him (and the fan that threw the cup). While Artest was laying on the table (which was meant entirely to piss Wallace off, yet still didn’t give fans permission to throw stuff or Wallace permission to keep griping), Wallace kept the fracas going and had to be held back. At one point he threw a towel. For this, he only gets six games?
None of this would have happened if he had just taken the foul and bricked his free throws like a man.
In reality, nobody would have gone into the stands whether Stern had suspended Artest for 30, 50 or 70 games. It hadn’t happened before and it wouldn’t have happened again. But people will still throw punches and start fights after hard fouls. Had Stern imposed a stiffer sentence on Wallace, maybe that would have changed.
3) Jermaine O’Neal shouldn’t have been suspended for any games. Zero. He came to a teammates defense and punched a guy that should never have been on the court in the first place.
I understand that players can’t go into the stands. But if that’s the case, then the opposite must hold true also. Fans can’t be on the court, and those that are can’t attack players.
O’Neal was protecting his teammate from somebody who wanted to inflict bodily harm on him. Maybe if O’Neal had been standing close to the action he would have held the guy back or simply pushed him. Instead he was about eight feet away and needed to run over and throw a huge punch in order to stop the guy. That’s fine with me.
Those two guys deserved to have the crap kicked out of them and Artest did a good job on moron #1. After that idiot was decked his portly friend got knocked down and started to get up to attack Artest again. Enter O’Neal who landed one of the best punches in recent memory – just knocked him out. I thought I was seeing Clubber Lang out there for a minute.
That’s all I have to say about that.

- It was quite dangerous listening to the Washington Redskins (29) – Philadelphia Eagles (3) game as I was driving in the mountains of Pennsylvania Sunday afternoon. After the Skins managed to turn a first-and-goal from the 10 into a third-and-goal from the 30 and missed a field goal later in the drive, I was a little more liberal braking around the sharp mountain bends.

- Some of you might be surprised that the Pittsburgh Steelers (2) aren’t #1 in the Chaz Rankings this week. Since week six the Steelers have held the top spot and after a win this week knocking them down doesn’t make sense.
But, after watching last night’s New England Patriots (1) – Kansas City Chiefs (21) game on Monday Night Football, the Pats had to be #1.
No, it’s not because they beat the Chiefs. In fact, the Pats play was pretty ragged, especially when considering the Chiefs were playing without Priest Holmes.
The reason the Patriots have reclaimed the top spot in the rankings is because if any game they’re in is ever close, the referees will not let New England lose.
Whether it’s a bogus roughing the passer call or good ball spots or (like last night) two uncalled pass interferences on a game changing interception, the refs have been bailing the Patriots out all season and there is no reason to think they’ll stop now.
New England is not the best team in the NFL. They aren’t even the best team in the AFC (that would be the Pittsburgh Steelers (2)). But as long as the refs keep treating them like they’re Duke playing at Cameron Indoor, the Pats will not lose.

- I’m sorry. But if the Atlanta Falcons (8) can only score 14 points against a depleted New York Giants (18) defense, then how are we, the football viewing public, supposed to take them seriously. Sorry (well, actually I’m not, but that’s what one usually writes in this instance), but the Falcons look a lot like the team that was bounced by the Eagles in the 2002 Divisional Playoffs: Dangerous with Vick, dangers to themselves on defense.

- OK, it might be a bit played out, and even a bit cheesy, but admit it… You love when Chris Berman and Tom Jackson sing “San Diego… Superchargers (5)!” on NFL Primetime.

- Speaking of Berman and Jackson, I was kind of surprised that ABC didn’t have a tearful apology last night about the Terrell Owens/Nicolette Sheridan thing, a la NFL Countdown after the Rush Limbaugh-Donovan McNabb “controversy” last year.
It would have been great. Al Michaels could have welled up while talking about how "he always looks forward to Monday nights, the pageantry and the excitement. But after last week all that innocence was taken away in the drop of a towel."
Then the camera would have cut to John Madden, already in tears, talking about how he didn’t sleep at all last week knowing he could have stopped it, but didn’t.
After that, the camera could have switched to a wide shot and Michael Irvin, dressed in a turtleneck sweater and houndstooth sportcoat, would have walked in, stood next to Madden and put his arm around Michaels while talking about how, as a black man, he agreed with Tony Dungy and would never view the Eagles or Desperate Housewives the same again.
Then Nicolette Sheridan would have come into the booth, dropped her towel, and Irvin would have blown lines of coke off her naked torso.
Let's call it an opportunity missed.

- Mike Tice will be fired at the end of the year, maybe because Minnesota Vikings (12) owner Red McCombs doesn’t want to pay him market value or maybe because Tice hasn’t been doing that great a job.
I, for one, think Tice is a fine coach, but won’t complain about the firing because Tice endangered the Vikings season when he played Randy Moss against the team doctor’s suggestion.
Now Moss has been ineffective or on the sidelines for over a month and the team has spun into a freefall.
Tice will coach again but might have to take a coordinator job before he does.

- Not that this will come as a surprise to anybody, but the Detroit Lions (25), New Orleans Saints (26), Dallas Cowboys (27), Cleveland Browns (28), Oakland Raiders (30) and Miami Dolphins (31) are all really, really bad. I’m talking Hardee’s bad here people.
That reminds me: Around the Horn is a terrible television show. Back when I was in college I would alternate watching Boy Meets World, Lizzie McGuire and The Christopher Lowell Show at 5:00 just to tide me over until PTI.
The fact that any sports fan would go out of their way to not watch Around the Horn (and I know I’m not the only one) should tip off ESPN that it’s time for the show to go.
Whatever happened to Up Close? That show was great. Sure, it was no Unscripted with Chris Connelly but besides Seinfeld, what is?
Anyway, among the hundreds of reasons to hate ATH is Bill Plaschke. He’s terrible.
He’s like a dumber version of Woody Paige, if that’s possible.
I always turn ATH on at around 5:27 and catch the “showdown” which is Latin for “two morons taking differing positions on an issue simply because that’s the format of the show.” Anyway, Plaschke (who lives in Los Angeles, a city that the Denver Broncos (6), Jacksonville Jaguars (13) and Cincinnati Bengals (22) have not been rumored to be moving to) has always infuriated me the most because he seems to have no sports acumen and always takes the most ridiculous positions for the most ridiculous reasons. Last week one of his comments made me hate him all the more, but first, an aside.
ATH and all other shows of its ilk are rip-offs of PTI in format, content and personality. At first ATH only stole the first two from Wilbon and Kornheiser. But as the ratings fell ATH tried to become cute and branched out to talk about more non-sports stuff a la PTI.
Last week’s showdown topic about which hamburger was better - one from In-N-Out Burger or Burger King - is a good example of this.
Yet another aside - In-N-Out Burger is great, but they're only located on the West Coast.
I'm sure a whole bunch of people in the Atlantic states have never heard of the burger chain, unless they've seen The Big Lebowski or have had the pleasure of eating one of their tasty burgers.
Asking about In-N-Out Burger is like posing a question about Utz potato chips, the excellent snack company that only ships their product to mid-Atlantic states. One shouldn't ask questions that leave 70% of the intended audience confused. But, this is why these people work for Around the Horn instead of Nightline.
Wow, I’m going way off topic here. Anyway, Plaschke protested the question and claimed that Hardee’s burgers were the best and said that Hardee’s was his favorite fast food place.
If you’ve read this blog before you know Hardee’s is up there on my list along with Derek Jeter, Jason Williams and people who dress up their dogs in sweaters.
That was a lot of words to describe my hate of Bill Plaschke. It's OK. I really don't like him.

- I had three main points in my preseason NFL preview:
1) The Seattle Seahawks (14) were overrated and wouldn’t make the playoffs.
2) Kevan Barlow (not of the Baltimore Ravens (7) or St. Louis Rams (16)) was a terrible fantasy football pick and you should stay as far away from him as possible.
3) The Carolina Panthers (an expansion team once, just like the Tennessee Titans (15) weren’t) would be terrible this year.
Check and mate.

Superlatives

Game of the Week: Green Bay Packers (10) over Houston Texans (19)
According to the ESPN Sunday night crew, Brett Favre is the best active quarterback in the NFL, the best quarterback in NFL history, an artist on the field, throws the ball harder than anybody in history, is sexier than Leonardo DiCaprio, was originally selected to be the third tenor, could give Milton Berle a run for his money in the heat packing department, has, since the death of Mother Teresa, become the world’s foremost humanitarian, is smarter than everybody on earth except for George Will, is a mean Parcheesi player, can make a delicious beef burgundy and plans to discover an AIDS cure in the offseason. Oh, and he loves, and I mean loves, to play the game of football.

Upset of the Day: Carolina Panthers (24) over Arizona Cardinals (20)
Alright, so it was a pretty slow week in the upset department. While the Panthers beating the Cardinals isn’t shocking, the fact that an anemic Carolina offense put up 35 is pretty shocking.
And I’m using anemic way too much when describing NFL offenses. I need to get a new thesaurus. On second though, I need to get a thesaurus.

Predictions

Went 11-5 this week. Just like a full slate of NFL games, I’m back baby.
I have no clue what my record is for the season. I’ll find that out sometime later this week, just as soon as I figure out why I ranked the Buffalo Bills (11) and Chicago Bears (23) so high.

The Chaz Rankings: #9

9) New York Jets - Quincy Carter has two more wins than Drew Henson. And he probably would have been a better third baseman too.

This is a momentous day in the history of Chris’s Sports Blog. Every day after I write each entry in Word, I run the spellcheck. For the past 204 entries, I have misspelled a word. Today, except for the obligatory stops on Artest and Blog and Nicolette and other proper names and words not in the dictionary, I was totally clean.
If that’s not an excuse to crack open a beer before 4:00 p.m., what is? And by crack open a beer I mean crack open my fourth beer.

Tomorrow Morning: Tuesday Morning Cornerback AND The Chaz Rankings
Wednesday: Something Loosely Related to Thanksgiving

Sorry for the lack of updates the past few days. That all changes tomorrow when I'll post for two consecutive days and then take Thanksgiving off for no apparent reason.

Week 11 NFL Picks

I've been in Missouri since Thursday, which is why I haven't posted anything since then.
Before I get to the NFL picks, some thoughts on yesterday's rumble in Detroit:

• Ben Wallace should be suspended three games for hitting Artest after a hard, but not dirty, foul.
• No other players should be suspended. Once that punk threw the cup at Artest, he was fair game and any other fan that threw a punch, held somebody back or came onto the court deserved an ass kicking.
• The NBA should force Detroit to play their next home game (tomorrow vs. Charlotte) in an empty stadium.
• This whole thing was set-up by the NBA. After all, the next time these two teams play: Christmas Day, in a nationally televised game.
• Man, the NBA is so terrible. Not because of fights, but because it's just terrible. I've seen better shooting at elementary school gyms.

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati
Pick: Pittsburgh

Indianapolis at Chicago
Pick: Indianapolis

Arizona at Carolina
Pick: Arizona

St. Louis at Buffalo
Pick: St. Louis

Dallas at Baltimore
Pick: Baltimore

San Francisco at Tampa Bay
Pick: Tampa Bay

Denver at New Orleans
Pick: New Orleans

Detroit at Minnesota
Pick: Minnesota

Tennessee at Jacksonville
Pick: Jacksonville

New York Jets at Cleveland
Pick: Cleveland

Miami at Seattle
Pick: Seattle

San Diego at Oakland
Pick: San Diego

Washington at Philadelphia
Pick: Philadelphia

Atlanta at New York Giants
Pick: Atlanta

Green Bay at Houston
Pick: Green Bay

Last Week: 7-7

2004-2005 College Basketball Preview

Maybe you haven't heard, but college basketball has been dead for years.
With underclassmen leaving school early to play in the NBA, high-schoolers never getting to college for the same reason and a corporate pall hanging over every big-time game, collegiate basketball has been ruined; at least, it has if you believe what major sports publications say.
Each year nostalgic sportswriters pen obituaries of the sport in which they lament the state of today’s game when compared with the one of yesteryear, where players stayed until they graduated and guys like Lew Alcindor, Bill Walton, Pete Maravich, Ralph Sampson and Patrick Ewing were household names before they hit it big in the NBA.
While it’s true that the exodus of marquee players to the pros has hurt college basketball a bit, it has not, and will not, kill the sport. College basketball is bigger than a few players. Nobody misses LeBron James or Carmelo Anthony or Shaun Livingston once the ball is tipped in November.
The sport is cyclical, and whether stars stay one or four years doesn’t matter too much in the long run. What matters is the tradition, the fans and the passion.
Duke will always be Duke, no matter if Luol Deng stayed for his sophomore year or not. The fans at Kansas would have missed Wayne Simien had he gone pro, but it wouldn’t have affected their love of the Jayhawks. March Madness will be just as mad in 2006 if Chris Paul, Rashad McCants, Rudy Gay and Ike Diogu aren’t there.College basketball will never die.
Sure, expansion, realignment and player defections will hurt the game, but as long as there are players putting on jerseys and representing their universities with fans in the crowd to cheer them on, the college game will always survive.

Chris’s Sports Blog Preseason Top 25

#1 Wake Forest - Every scholarship player returns to a team that went 21-10 last season and was a few plays away from reaching the Elite Eight.
Watch out for the Deacs point guard, a little guy named Chris Paul, who I’m predicting will have a big season. He’s kind of flying under the radar now, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that he might have an All-ACC season in him. Nobody else is predicting that, but that’s why you come to Chris’s Sports Blog: Analysis you won’t get anywhere else.
Besides Paul, who’s so good that he likely would have been a Top 3 pick in the NBA Draft after his freshman year (and been NBA ready, unlike another ACC freshman that went to the pros), Wake features a healthy Vytas Danelius (a preseason All-ACC pick last season who battled injuries all season), Jamaal Levy (a preseason CSB All-ACC selection), Eric Williams (who has so many Chinese character tattoo’s you could order take-out off of him) and Justin Gray.
Gray has kind of been forgotten about with all the hype surrounding Chris Paul, but the junior might be even more dangerous than his backcourt counterpart. Opposing teams will focus on Paul, especially in the fast break situations that the Deacs thrive on, leaving Gray with open jumpers he rarely misses. Don’t forget, it was Gray, not Paul, that was a first-team All-ACC selection last year. ACC teams won’t sleep on Gray – they’ve seen what he can do – but non-conference teams might, especially early in the season.
Wake’s Achilles heel is their defensive play. Last night’s game against George Washington didn’t suggest the Deacs have improved that much on the defensive side of the ball, but then again, it was just the first game. Jamaal Levy and Vytas Danelius should be rebounding machines, but they can’t stay inside and wait for the play to come to them. Both need to guard the perimeter better and become more aware of opposing offenses.
If they can improve just a little on defense and Eric Williams can stay out of foul trouble, the Deacs will be a Final Four team.
If they can’t, Wake Forest will be the biggest disappointment in college basketball.

#2 Kansas - High expectations are nothing new in Lawrence. Jacque Vaughn was supposed to lead the Jayhawks to their first national title since 1988, but fell short. Same with Raef Lafrentz and Paul Pierce in 1998 and Kirk Hinrich and Nick Collison in 2002 and 2003. This year, it’s Wayne Simien, Keith Langford and Aaron Miles’ turn to bring a championship back to Allen Fieldhouse. The Jayhawks shouldn’t have any trouble in what looks to be a down year for the Big 12, emphasis on shouldn’t. This is a Kansas team that barely won games last year against such Midwest powerhouses as Kansas St. (73-67 at home), Texas A&M (71-65 on the road) and lost to Iowa State and by 19, yes 19, to Nebraska.

#3 Syracuse - As long as Gerry McNamara is in the game, Syracuse can never be out of it. With Billy Edelin back from a mysterious disappearance, the Orangemen – I refuse to call them the Orange since it’s not politically incorrect to give a masculine name to a men’s team. Wasn’t the Syracuse women’s basketball team called the Orangewomen. This is why I don’t like people. Let me start over. With Edelin back, the Orangemen look poised to return to the Final Four. And I haven’t even mentioned Hakim Warrick.

#4 Arizona - They’re only up this high because I refuse to rank ACC teams consecutively in the Top 5. Yes, I think North Carolina will be better than Arizona, but Arizona will roll through the Pac-10 while UNC will lose a few in the ACC.

#5 North Carolina - Rashad McCants infamously said that playing at North Carolina was like being in prison. With the way he acts off the court, I wouldn’t be surprised if he soon finds out how wrong he was.The honeymoon is over in Chapel Hill and if Roy Williams can’t get the Tar Heels back to the Final Four, the “can’t win the big one” characterization will grow to Mickelsonian heights.

#6 Michigan State - Might be a little high, but the Big 10 is terrible and somebody has to beat the Northwesterns and Ohio States of the world.

#7 Duke - For the first time since the Pete Gaudet era, Duke is not the team to beat in the ACC. You think Coach K won’t mention that a couple thousand times during practices?

#8 Texas - With Mack Brown coaching the football team and Rick Barnes leading the basketball team, UT sports fans might want to find a new hobby.

#9 Louisville - The Cardinals were ranked #2 in the AP Poll at one point last season, before falling out of the rankings all-together a few weeks later. The team’s fall came when Taquan Dean hurt his abdomen. He should be healthy this year, and if he is, he and Francisco Garcia can take Louisville back to their first Final Four since they won it all with Pervis Ellison in 1986.

#10 Illinois - Every year there is one team from the Big 10 that is vastly overrated in the preseason. Usually, this team has a heralded backcourt that is often called “the best in the nation”, but in reality wouldn’t even be the third best in the ACC. Quite often this team will have advanced to at least the Sweet 16 the previous season, eventually losing to a team that ended up going to the Final Four. Sometimes the overrated team will have a coach that has never won anything and has a middling record in the NCAA Tournament. In case you’re a little slow, Illinois is that team this year.

#11 Georgia Tech - Originally I had the Yellow Jackets at #16 in my preseason rankings, but I moved them up when I found out they were ranked below Providence. Last year, everything went right for Paul Hewitt and company.
This year, I don’t see that happening and I think the team will stay in the middle of the pack in the ACC, which is where they were last year.
Georgia Tech surprised everyone last year by bursting out of the gate and winning the preseason NIT, but they only won nine ACC games, two fewer than NC State. They peaked at the right time in the NCAA Tournament, but didn’t face a great team until the Final Four.
Alabama did the dirty work in the region by beating Kentucky, so all Tech had to do was top Nevada and Kansas. Their feat was still impressive, but the 2003 Yellow Jackets weren’t the world beaters that everyone is making them out to be.

#12 Maryland - The Terps were a bubble team last year until the week before the ACC Tournament. They quelled their at-large anxiety by winning the tournament, but that win doesn’t change the fact that Maryland’s frontcourt struggled all season and the team abysmal free throw shooting lost them important games.
Maryland returns four starters, including ACC Tournament MVP John Gilchrist who seemed to discover his game during the team’s run in Greensboro. The loss of Jamar Smith will help the team’s free throw shooting percentage, but the Terps rebounding will suffer unless Travis Garrison or Nik Caner-Medley steps up to fill Smith’s void.

#13 Wisconsin - Devin Harris is gone, but the Badgers easy non-conference schedule should be enough to give them a high seed in the Tournament.

#14 Providence - When Ryan Gomes decided to return to Providence for his senior season, the Friars season was saved.

#15 Oklahoma State - They probably don’t have another Final Four run in them, but Eddie Sutton’s Cowboys should still have a solid season with John Lucas III running the show.

#16 North Carolina State - Since Marcus Melvin has moved on to greener pastures (presumable to try out for a role in a live-action Spongebob Squarepants movie), the Wolfpack will need to fill his spot as a powerful frontcourt presence with long range capabilities.
Unknown in national circles, Ilian Evtimov will take over nicely and perhaps even be an improvement over Melvin. Evtimov was injured last season after a breakout freshman year in which he instantly became the heralded “Foreign guy every ACC fan hates”. Along with Engin Atsur, they will bring red staters and blue staters together with jingoistic pride.

#17 Kentucky - Because they always seem to hang around the Top 20.

#18 Florida - Because they can’t be as bad as last year… can they?

#19 Connecticut - The Huskies are ranked 8 in the AP Poll and 7 in the Coaches Poll. Now, preseason polls are meaningless, but #7 for a team that lost two players who went #2 and #3 in the NBA Draft? I don’t care that they won the National Championship last year. They had Okafor and Gordon then. This year the Huskies will be good, but will struggle early. Once Rudy Gay is ready to contribute, UConn will win some big games and make the tournament as a #5 or #6 seed. But without Okafor and Gordon, back-to-back is out of the question.

#20 George Washington - They have a guy named Pops Mensah-Bonsu. How can they not be good?

#21 Gonzaga - Gonzaga’s pitiful performances in the NCAA Tournament gives credibility to those that say the mid-major conferences shouldn’t get multiple teams into the field of 64. For the record, I’m on the side of the Southern Illinois’ and Butler’s of the world, but as long as the Zags keep choking in March, it’s tough to say that the #2 team in a mid-major conference deserves a spot over the 6th ACC team.

#22 Alabama - Once I saw that I only had 2 SEC teams ranked so far, I realized I needed to include another and there was no way I was putting Mississippi State on this list.

#23 Memphis - They have all the makings of a #7 seed that loses to a superior team with a #10 seed. Even though this will be obvious, Clark Kellogg will still insist it’s an upset.

#24 Southern Illinois - Like I said above, I’m all for mid-majors making the tournaments. It’s much more fun to watch Southern Illinois go for the upset than it is to see a limping Michigan team lose by 20 in the first round. That being said, if Southern Illinois was in the ACC this year, they would probably finish 9th.

#25 Arkansas - Stan Heath was in his first season as coach at Kent State when he took the Golden Flashes to within a few minutes of a Final Four berth. Arkansas hired him to replace Nolan Richardson soon after. But do you think that the Arkansas brass knew that Heath had only coached one year? Maybe this was a Wally Backman situation, except without the drunk driving and assault arrests. Don’t ask me why I have them ranked #25. I just have a feeling, but that could be the just-consumed Mexican Pizza talking.

Preseason All-Americans

I hate All-American teams that pick four guards and a forward. No team plays like that, so why would the All-American team? So I try to pick five players that an actual team would have on the floor at the same time. That might be three guards and two forwards, or vice-versa. It’s tough to pick the normal two guard, two forward, one center line-up because centers have gone the way of Dave Bliss’s coaching career. There are so few true centers out there that my team would be compromised by having to pick, say, Luke Schenscher just because he’s a center.

1st Team
G – Chris Paul, Wake Forest
G – Rashad McCants, North Carolina
F – Wayne Simien, Kansas
F – Hakim Warrick, Syracuse
F – Ryan Gomes, Providence

2nd Team
G – Julius Hodge, North Carolina State
G – Deron Williams, Illinois
G – Francisco Garcia, Louisville
F – Sean May, North Carolina
F – Lawrence Roberts, Mississippi State

3rd Team
G – Jarrett Jack, Georgia Tech
G – Gerry McNamara, Syracuse
F – Kennedy Winston, Alabama
F – Taylor Coppenrath, Vermont
F – Shelden Williams, Duke

ACC Predictions

I’m all cried out over the ACC realignment. To sell-out the soul of a conference built around basketball just to get a conference championship game for football is disgraceful. I hope every year the game is Georgia Tech vs. Maryland and the TV ratings rival that of anything on CNBC. John Swofford will always – well, now my blood pressure is rising. I can’t do this again. If you want to read my thoughts about the ACC expansion, click here.

1) North Carolina
2) Wake Forest
3) Maryland
4) Duke
5) Georgia Tech
6) North Carolina State
7) Virginia
8) Florida State
9) Clemson
10) Miami
11) Virginia Tech

UNC is ahead of Wake, even though I ranked Wake #1 in the rankings. I think the Deacs will slip in the ACC as Skip Prosser tries to work out the many kinks in his team's defense. Maryland is ranked third because they have the easiest ACC schedule of all the contenders, but I can't talk about that because it'll just make me mad that I'm discussing an ACC schedule that isn't a double round-robin. Where's my Valium?

Preseason All-ACC Team

This could just as easily be the All-American team:

G- Chris Paul, Wake Forest
G – Rashad McCants, North Carolina
G – Julius Hodge, North Carolina State
F – Sean May, North Carolina
F – Jamaal Levy, Wake Forest

I realize that I have Shelden Williams listed as a 3rd team All-American and not on the All-ACC team. This is for three reasons:
1) National sportswriters overvalue Duke players all the time. I wouldn’t be surprised to see J.J. (I can’t do anything but shoot, and I don’t even do that well anymore) Redick on the All-American team either.
2) Shelden Williams will eat up non-conference competition, but in the familiar ACC won’t be able to dominate as much.
3) Wake Forest will do better than Duke. Voters will want to reward the team’s success by loading the All-ACC teams with Demon Deacons. Levy, who could average 15 and 10, will likely be the beneficiary.

NCAA Basketball Thoughts

- I follow ACC basketball pretty closely. I grew up watching Maryland, except for those two years where you couldn’t watch Maryland, and attended Wake Forest. I watch every game those two teams play on television and many, many more not involving them. I would consider myself pretty knowledgeable about the players and teams of the Atlantic Coast Conference.
That’s why I was in such utter disbelief when I read that Julius Hodge was only a senior. Seriously, I couldn’t believe it. I had to look it up, and even then, I was still in disbelief.
How could I not know this? How was Hodge still in college? Wasn't he a freshman in 1996? I could have sworn he played under Les Robinson?
To make sure that I wasn't the only one who thought Hodge had graduated and been picked in the 2nd round of the NBA Draft (I even thought I knew who had drafted him: Milwaukee), I talked to two people who follow ACC basketball intently also. Neither of them could believe it either – one convinced me that I was getting bad information, and even though I had confirmed this crazy news, I still bought into what he was saying.
Starvin’ Marvin is still in college? Has he been taking lessons from Jason Kapono? How is this possible? Is Herb Sendek pulling a fast one on us? I’m still convinced this is some sort of mistake.

- ESPN has hired a bunch of new analysts for the upcoming season, one of whom is Jason “Jay” Williams. So, obviously, he’ll have Duke bias, which will fit him in nicely at a network that employs both Duke Vitale and Jay Bilas.
Mike Jarvis and Rick Majerus are two other newbies and the first time they were on TV under contract with ESPN they were slurping the Blue Devils so much (during a Wake-GW game, no less) that I thought I was watching a Coach K tribute show. I would be angry about this, but with all the Duke love up in Bristol, that’s, like, four or five blog entries that will write themselves.

- Speaking of Duke love: The aforementioned Jay Bilas put J.J. Redick on his preseason All-American team. That’s just ridiculous and I’ll leave it at that.
You would think Bilas would try to mask his Duke love by not picking overrated Duke players for his All-American teams. Apparently not.
By the way, I don’t mind that Bilas has Duke love. He played in Durham, so he should love Duke. Plus, he’s evil, which gives him more reason to love Duke. But Billy Packer went to Wake Forest and to hear him call a Wake game you’d think the Demon Deacon ran over his mother with an 18-wheeler.
OK, Bilas is a homer. Not too surprising. But The Sporting News is a national publication. They shouldn’t love Duke. So when I read in their college basketball previews that TSN named J.J. Redick “Best Shooter” in the country, I practically choked on the blue raspberry Jolly Rancher I was eating.
An aside: I don’t think anybody liked the lemon Jolly Ranchers, so I’m happy that they’re not included in with the regular Jolly Rancher flavors anymore. But blue raspberry is terrible. I mean, it’s Vanilla Coke bad. Where is the strawberry flavor hiding? I recall eating a fruit punch Jolly Rancher a few years ago that was fantastic. Would it kill them to develop a tangerine JR?
And what’s with blue raspberry flavored stuff anyway? Are there blue raspberries? Why wouldn’t it just be raspberry? Is there orange apple stuff? Or yellow grape? I don’t get this. But I digress.
Back to Redick being named the best shooter. Redick wasn’t even the best shooter in the ACC. Yes, his free throw percentage was the best, but he was 5th in three point percentage and had a lower field goal percentage than jump shooters like John Gilchrist, Tim Pickett and Justin Gray. Redick wasn’t even the best three point shooter on his own team! Daniel Ewing was.
The Sporting News said that nobody's shot instills fear in his opponents like Redick. That might have been true at the beginning of last year, but as the ACC season progressed it became clear that Redick was only effective when he was shooting from a set position. When he was coming off screens or darting back to the line his shots rarely went in. Teams figured this out and Redick couldn’t seem to make those big shots ACC fans had grown accustomed to.
Combined with the fact that Redick can’t dribble, doesn’t play defense and has backne, he is the most overrated player in the ACC and will suffer this season without Chris Duhon there to draw attention.

- If you love college basketball like I do, then you need to bookmark Yoni Cohen’s College Basketball Blog.

Final Four Picks

Wake Forest
Syracuse
Kansas
North Carolina State

NCAA Tournament Final: Kansas over North Carolina State

Snyder's Folly

When the Washington Redskins went shopping for a quarterback this off-season coach Joe Gibbs, fresh off a 12 year absence from football, wanted to get a smart, veteran quarterback who would be able to run the team's complex offense.
Instead, he got Mark Brunell.
Now, Brunell has been benched and replaced with the equally ineffective Patrick Ramsey, and the critics (who applauded the trade in February) are coming out of the woodwork to criticize Gibbs.
Dont get me wrong, the blame for his acquisition lies squarely with Gibbs. He wanted Brunell, so Dan Snyder got him Brunell. But the mess the Redskins are in isn't entirely Gibbs' fault.
After nine of the worst weeks at quarterback that the city has ever seen, the 34 year old Brunell still has $36 million left on his contract (and a prorated $7.4 million of his signing bonus still off the cap). That contract is now the organization's latest problem.
Brunell will likely be cut after this season, since he clearly can't start anymore, even if that means salary cap suicide for the 2005 season.
If and when Brunell is cut, and the Redskins' free agent pursuits are hamstrung by the cap hit, Gibbs will take all the blame, because that's the kind of guy he is. Nobody will argue, because after all, he's the one who wanted Brunell in the first place.
But just because Gibbs wanted Brunell to run his offense doesn't mean the coach should be the only one culpable because of the QB's failure.
Dan Snyder and his minion, Vinny Cerrato, were the ones who signed Brunell to the ridiculous contract. Joe Gibbs is not a general manager (neither is Snyder's cabana boy Vinny, for that matter). He didn't say "sign Brunell for $43 million" he just said "sign Brunell".
Snyder did that, but he signed him for way too much. Despite what his contract might indicate, there wasn't much of a market for Brunell last February. The Cowboys and Dolphins had expressed some interest in the QB, but neither team pursued a trade with any vigor.
The only team that really wanted Brunell was the Redskins. To give him a $43 million contract with a huge signing bonus was a miscalculation and indicative of the way that Daniel Snyder has run the team since buying it in 1998: With salary cap realities blinded by the allure of marquee names.
Blame Joe Gibbs for wanting Mark Brunell. Don't blame him for the salary cap mess that will be caused by his release.

For some reason I keep thinking that I'll be able to write when I get home from subbing at the elementary school, I seem to forget that every time I get home all I want to do is crack open a cold beverage, munch on some Cheez-Itz and play a game of Madden while waiting for PTI to come on.
As a result, you get this small, pretty crappy entry today before I post Chris's Sports Blog College Basketball Preview tomorrow morning. Until then, Go Deacs.
I initially put some exclimation points after "Deacs" but I couldn't bring myself to keep them there.

Week 10 Picks

Here are my quick-hit picks for the week. I might change some of these tomorrow morning because, after reviewing my predictions, I could be looking at my first sub-.500 week. That Buffalo-New England game is going to be of those where I'll watch the whole game assuming I picked New England and then be shocked when, after the Pats win, I find out that I didn't.
Onto the picks:

Kansas City at New Orleans
Pick: Kansas City

Detroit at Jacksonville
Pick: Jacksonville

Houston at Indianapolis
Pick: Indianapolis

Pittsburgh at Cleveland
Pick: Cleveland - Yeah, I said Cleveland

Tampa Bay at Atlanta
Pick: Atlanta

Chicago at Tennessee
Pick: Tennessee

Seattle at St. Louis
Pick: Seattle

Baltimore at New York Jets
Pick: Baltimore

Cincinnati at Washington
Pick: Washington

Carolina at San Francisco
Pick: San Francisco

Minnesota at Green Bay
Pick: Green Bay

New York Giants at Arizona
Pick: Arizona

Buffalo at New England
Pick: Buffalo

The Chaz Rankings

1) Pittsburgh Steelers (Last Week: 2) - Merrill Hoge says that the reason rookie quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has been so successful is because Steelers offensive coordinator Ken Whisenhunt has simplified the offense so Big Ben doesn’t have to do too much. I don’t doubt that the straightforward offense has helped Roethlisberger, but it’s not the only reason for his early triumphs. I feel this way partially because Roethlisberger looks so poised in the pocket and seems to anticipate what his receivers will do better than anybody in the NFL not named Peyton. Mainly though, I disagree with Hoge because he picked the following teams to win their divisions this year: Buffalo, Tennessee, Kansas City, Washington and Carolina. And a man with a track record that bad can’t be trusted. Just ask John Kerry about Bob Shrum.

2) Philadelphia Eagles (1) - Eagles fans have no reason to get nervous based on how their team played Sunday. Not even Karl Rove could figure out a way to beat Ben Roethlisberger now. Alright, no more campaign strategist references, which is good considering I can’t name another campaign strategist. Where was I? Right, the Eagles. No, the loss wasn’t the bad part about Sunday. Seeing Terrell Owens yelling at Donovan McNabb on the sidelines was what should make Philly residents a wee bit tense this week. After playing great football for 420 minutes, T.O. snapped after a bad 20. Oh, I know how they are spinning it up there in the City of Brotherly Love: “He was encouraging him and trying to psych him up.” Well, either Donovan gets pumped up by looking pissed off or T.O. is the worst motivational speaker since Matt Foley. Donovan was furious and should be commended for not turning around and hitting Owens in the throat and the stomach. T.O. will snap again, it’s only a matter of time. The honeymoon is over in Philly. Whether the marriage will last is the next question.

3) New England Patriots (3) - With a banged-up team that forced a wide receiver into defensive duties, the Patriots had one of the more impressive victories of the season on Sunday. So why aren’t they ahead of the Eagles? Because anytime Bill Belichick faces Mike Martz it’s like watching an MIT grad play Connect Four with a six year old.

4) San Diego Chargers (9) - On the day of the 2001 NFL Draft I was hoping the Redskins would trade down from #15 so they could get some more picks and take Drew Brees late in the first round. They didn’t, and took Rod Gardner (nice job with that one Vinny), and up until a month ago I never lived down my love affair with the Purdue quarterback. Now, he’s all of a sudden Brees is the next big thing, and I’m thinking, “what took so long?” The problem is, Brees probably isn’t nearly as good as he’s been this year, nor is he as bad as he was in his first three. He’s probably like a Jake Delhomme-type: Good enough not to lose games by himself. My fear is that after this season Dan Snyder will wonder why he didn’t take Brees when he had the chance and then overpay him by $20 million like he did with Mark Brunell. But more on Brunell when we get further down the rankings. Way further.

5) Indianapolis Colts (7) - Funny… You don’t seem to hear the words “Tony Dungy” and “defensive genius” in the same sentence anymore. What happened there? I know the roster isn’t stacked like it was in Tampa, but Gregg Williams seems to be doing fine with a bunch of no-names in Washington, so that theory is shot. Nobody’s talking about Dungy being on the hot seat, but with Edgerrin James and Marvin Harrison both becoming free agents at the end of the season, the Colts window of opportunity is closing faster than screens showing Surviving Christmas.

6) New York Jets (5) – Don’t read too much into the loss to Buffalo. The Bills are solid (well, as solid as a team can be with Drew Bledsoe at quarterback) and Chad Pennington got hurt in the second half. Although, if you were watching the game you would have thought that Pennington was being benched since that’s what Dan Dierdorf kept insisting, even as Jets team doctors were attending to the injured QB. I guess it shouldn’t be surprising that the network responsible for keeping Dierdorf on the air is the same one that turned down both Desperate Housewives and The Sopranos. TV executives should make a rule: Anytime a show features both Teri Hatcher and a petite and promiscuous Latina, don't pass on it.

7) Minnesota Vikings (6) – Playing without Randy Moss, the Vikes almost beat a team with the best offense in football on their own field. Can I really move them behind a team that lost by 46 points to the Chiefs? No. No I cannot.

8) Atlanta Falcons (12) - After ripping on the Falcons all season, you’re probably surprised to see them ranked #8 this week. Let’s look at this as less of a vote of confidence for Atlanta and more of a disparaging commentary on the ability of the 24 teams ranked below.

9) Denver Broncos (16) - (See above)

10) Green Bay Packers (13) - Have you ever seen those quarterback challenges they used to show on NBC where guys like Bernie Kosar and Neil Lomax would compete to see who the “ultimate quarterback” was? They had this one event where the QB’s would throw balls at moving targets that were set at various distances. To make things a bit more “difficult” there would be a cut-outs of defensive players on the field that never seemed to be near the target or even close to the action at all. That event is what I imagine playing quarterback against the Packers secondary is like.

11) Seattle Seahawks (15) - If Madden 2005 can keep track of how many drops a wide receiver has, why can’t the NFL? If they did, I bet there would be a “Koren Robinson Watch” in your sports page every Monday.

12) Jacksonville Jaguars (11) - OK, I failed Spanish at Wake Forest, so bear with me. Jack Del Rio is the Jags coach. Del Rio is Spanish means "The River" or something like that. So Jack Del Rio could be known as Jack The River. So shouldn't he be nicknamed Jack The Ripper? Or at the very least, Jack Tripper? Anyone?

13) New York Giants (4) - The Giants are so not the 13th best team in the NFL right now. Don’t ask me why I ranked them #4 last week, I don’t know what I was thinking; it must have been a three Percoset evening. With Michael Strahan and Keith Washington out for the season, the Giants are now, maybe, the 12th or 13th best team in the NFC – that is, if you’re feeling generous. So, I think it’s about time for Ernie Acorsi to find out how much he overpaid Eli Manning. Yeah, I know that was a long set-up for not much payoff.

14) St. Louis Rams (14) - Everything written above was done last night. I am now writing on Thursday afternoon after dealing with 30 1st graders for the past five hours. I’m going to make this quick. I'm going in again tomorrow which means my Friday night plans have changed from: "Go out at 10, home around 2" to "Try to stay up past Jeopardy".

15) Baltimore Ravens (17) - Onterrio Smith received a four game suspension for violating the league’s substance abuse policy, most likely for a positive test for marijuana. Jamal Lewis pled guilty to, essentially, conspiracy to traffic cocaine and only had to sit for two games. My outrage about this is only partially due to the fact that I have Onterrio in two of my fantasy leagues.

16) Buffalo Bills (23) - They’re good. Not a Mexican Pizza from Taco Bell good, but good.

17) Houston Texans (10) - Was I hanging out with Onterrio Smith before writing last week’s rankings? The Texans at #10?

18) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (26) - If Michael Pittman doesn’t watch out he might actually start to live up to his potential.

19) Kansas City Chiefs (8) - They’re the Christina Aguilera of the NFL. One minute they’re hotter than Lindsay Lohan in a tube top and the next they’re looking like they’re working the corner of 17th and Martin Luther King.

20) Tennessee Titans (19) - So tired, must press on. Today one of the kids in the class told me, in detail, about the dead deer he saw on the side of the road this morning. He didn't seem to care that I was eating a turkey sandwich at the time.

21) Cincinnati Bengals (27) - Their game against the Redskins this week will determine whether Cincinnati should gear up for a playoff run or for the off-season.

22) Washington Redskins (25) - Their game against the Bengals this week will determine whether Washington should gear up for a playoff run or the off-season.

23) Cleveland Browns (21) - I can’t imagine Butch Davis being employed too much longer.

24) Chicago Bears (28) - The Bears won a game that nobody outside their locker room thought they could win. Which is the polar opposite of what the Cubs did all year.

25) Detroit Lions (18) - A 4-4 team this low? If what have you done for me lately is the question then “lost to Dallas and Washington” is the answer.

26) Arizona Cardinals (24) – Moving down after a win? They beat the Dolphins. Me, Frank Stallone, Uncle Jesse and eight other guys could beat the Dolphins.

27) Oakland Raiders (29) - Don’t care, don’t care, don’t care.

28) New Orleans Saints (22) - Outside of maybe Jim Haslett’s mother, I don’t think there’s a single person in the United States that cares about the Saints season anymore.

29) Dallas Cowboys (20) - Do these people that are calling for Vinny’s head really think that Drew “I haven’t played organized football in four years” Henson will do much better? Oh, they do?

30) Carolina Panthers (30) - What amazes me isn’t how bad the Panthers are doing this year, it’s how many people are truly surprised by their drastic turnaround.

31) San Francisco 49ers (31) - If you can name eight guys who played for the 49ers on Sunday, I’d be very impressed.

32) Miami Dolphins (32) - Prior to this season Dave Wannstedt was an impressive 41-23 as head coach of the Dolphins. I was shocked – no, SHOCKED – when I saw that. Critics will say that Wannstedt has only won one playoff game in those four seasons, but that’s exactly one more win than offensive genius Mike Shanahan has in a similar stretch. I’m not saying Wannstedt was a great coach, because he’s not. But to heap the blame on him for the Dolphins failures this season is unfair. It's not his fault Ricky Williams makes Onterrio Smith look like Pat Boone and wanted to smoke the herb full-time. Although, I suppose nobody forced Wanny to go into the season with A.J. Feeley and Jay Fiedler as his quarterbacks. Maybe he got a contact high from Ricky or something.

Substituting in the morning; check back at 2 p.m. for updated Chaz Rankings.
And if you haven't already, bookmark this page because... Well, just because.

Tony, Toni, Tone

In celebration of Tony Kornheiser's return to the radio, Chris's Sports Blog will be taking the day off. If you live in or around D.C. listen to Tony live on 980 AM from 9 a.m. to 11 a.m. or on the rebroadcast from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. If you live somwhere else, listen at:
http://www.sportstalk980.com.

Here's what you can expect in the coming days on Chris's Sports Blog:

Thursday: The Chaz Rankings: Week 9
Friday: Week 10 Picks
Monday: Chris's Sports Blog College Basketball Preview
Tuesday: Monday Morning Cornerback: Tuesday Edition

I had tried to have the College Basketball Preview ready by tomorrow because the season officially tips off in the evening, but rushing it would have only led to an inferior product and you, the readers, deserve better than that. Plus, I vow only to publish crappy posts 40% of the time and I'm well over my quota for the month already and it's only the 10th. And even though the season starts tomorrow, the first good game is on Monday in the preseason NIT when the #2 Wake Forest Demon Deacons welcome this year's "it" team, the George Washington Colonials, to Winston-Salem.
So, come back tomorrow for the Chaz Rankings and stay around until Monday where you can get my preseason Top 25, preseason All-American teams, preseason All-Central American teams, Dick Vitale season predictions, NCAA Tournament projections and whatever other filler I can dredge up. My vow is this: The College Basketball Preview will be so comprehensive that you'll be able to kill 30, maybe even 45, minutes at work easily.
Holler.

An Open Letter to Ray Lewis

Dear Ray Lewis,
I caught your Sunday Conversation on ESPN Sunday night and I have to say, your act has grown as tired as your on-field performance.
You officially jumped the shark on Monday Night Football a few weeks back when Tony Richardson blew you up on a block. Since then, you’ve gone downhill quicker than Jean-Claude Killy in church shoes.
Your “Mic’d Up” segments have become more amusing than inspiring, starting with your pre-game pep talk to Jamal Lewis about your respective court cases. It's nice to know that in today's NFL two teammates can still bond over multiple felony indictments.
When you aren't discussing how to shower in prison with your running back, you can be seen screaming at other teammates as they try to catch their breath on the sidelines. Whenever the cameras show you doing this (and it's quite often, as I'm sure you're aware of), it’s fun to watch the other players facial expressions, which indicate that they’d rather you go elsewhere and try to psych up somebody else.
Your "woe-is-me" attitude is wearing on me too. Yesterday on Sportscenter you tried to gain sympathy by discussing the “dark moments” of your life. I can only guess that you were referring to the time you were in a club with two friends, one of whom murdered someone.
If I’m not mistaken, Ray-Ray, you then decided to lie to police about what you knew until they put you on trial for the murder. You eventually pleaded out to a misdemeanor on the condition that you narc on your boys.
I have no problem with that Ray, it was clear that you didn’t murder anybody and you kind of got railroaded into a trial that’s sole purpose was to elicit a statement from you.
But I wouldn’t exactly consider those dark times. Dark times are when a father can’t afford to put food on his family’s table. Dark times are when a loved one passes away. Dark times do not begin in the VIP room of a club with a bottle of Cris on ice and your boy about to shank somebody.
It wasn’t like the man was holding you down Ray. You did a fine job of that yourself by voluntarily refusing to give a statement to the police about an incident in which somebody died. That’s your own doing, not somebody else’s.
You weren’t the victim, as you've claimed. You were a witness. You made yourself the victim.
You chose your friends and you decided upon your actions, or lack thereof. It was nobodies fault but your own, the same way its only Jamal Lewis’ fault he will be spending the off-season in prison.
As for you, I’m glad you kept your head up during your “dark times” and I feel sorry that your life was inconvenienced for a few weeks back in 2000 when you had to go to court. Those 12 months of probation must have been real dark. I hear meeting with a parole officer once every two weeks is like being in the fifth circle of hell. With gas prices the way they were, those drives to your P.O. must have cost you 80 or 90 cents round trip.
Dark times indeed.
That time in your life must have been terrible, much more so than it was for the family of the person whose murder you lied about.
At least you’ve turned your life around, I respect you for that. Lesser men would have gone the other direction, but you’ve done an about face and for that you should be commended. But do we really need to hear about it every time you’re on national TV? All you seem to talk about in your interviews is how you’ve changed and you are a man of God and how respected you are throughout the league.
Talking about how you’ve changed kind of defeats the purpose of your transformation. Can one really be humble if they continuously let everybody around them know it?
Ray, you seem to think that because you’re now a model citizen, people want to hear what you have to say. Honestly... nobody cares. Shut up and go play football.
And by the way, what’s with your repeating of every third sentence in interviews.
“I love Terrell Owens. I have no beef with him. He’s my brother. He’s my b r o t h e r."
It’s like listening to a ghetto Rain Man.
Speaking of T.O., what’s the deal with that? Last Sunday after he humiliated you by imitating your lame dance moves in the end zone, you said that it didn’t bother you and you wouldn’t even think about it. Could have fooled me; you wouldn’t stop talking about it in your interview.
But I guess you showed T.O. on the field though. What, you didn’t? Oh, right. You lost to the Eagles and you didn’t make a big play all game.
Come to think of it, when is the last time you made a big play? I saw you get beat on Sunday night by Aaron Shea (Aaron Shea? I remember there was a time when you could have stopped Mike Ditka. Now Aaron Shea is blowing up your spot?) on what would have been the go-ahead touchdown, but didn’t really see you during the earlier part of the game. Sure, you were always around the pile after a tackle was made, but you were rarely underneath it.
I know you were credited with seven tackles, but those tackle totals never seem to match up with what really happened. I think the criteria for awarding you tackles is that if you’re within three yards of the ball carrier when he is tackled, you get credit. Maybe you should try breathing on ball carriers, I bet you’ll get at least an assist.
If you keep this up, maybe they’ll put you on trial as an accessory to a tackle. You’ll probably plead to a lesser offense, like imitating an All-Pro linebacker.
You used to be a great player Ray. Now you are just another overrated loudmouth that makes big hits and talks a lot, but doesn’t back it up on the field.
There was a time when you were fun to watch, but now you’re just a bore.
Stop talking so much and focus on football. You’re much better when you do.

Sincerely,
Me

Monday Morning Cornerback

The Bears have beat the Packers. The Packers have beat the Lions who, earlier this year, topped the Giants. Last week the Giants destroyed the Vikings, a team that has won a game against the Cowboys. On a Monday night back in September, the Cowboys topped a Redskins team that beat the Buccaneers on opening day. The Bucs later beat the Saints, one week after the Saints outlasted the Rams in overtime. The Rams have beat the Cardinals, who have beat a Seahawks team that leads the NFC West but has yet to beat a team with a winning record.
The NFC is a mess. After the Eagles, there is a jumble of teams in the conference that will awkwardly fight for the five remaining playoff spots. The old cliché is that only the strong survive. The motto of the 2004 NFC might as well be “only the least weakest hang on by a thread.”
Thirteen teams (14 including Atlanta) all fighting for five playoff spots. What do they all have in common?
Well, they’re all terrible for starters.
Would you be scared to see any of these teams lying ahead on the schedule?
The Cowboys just got lit up by a Bengals team that looked like they were dressed to go deer hunting. The Vikings have a potent offense but no defense. If they played in the NBA’s Pacific Division circa 1984 this wouldn’t be a problem. Unfortunately they play in the NFC, which means that their proclivity for shootouts will be rewarded with a few wins against inferior competition, but won’t advance them in the playoffs at all.
But hey, at least the Vikings have an offense. I bet the Bears, Redskins, Saints and Cardinals wouldn’t mind switching places with Minnesota for a week or two.
Question #2: What do the following numbers represent: 16, 14, 18, 13, 10, 13, 14, 17?
If you said “the ages of the guests at Michael Jackson’s next slumber party” you’d technically be right, but that wasn’t what I was going for. No, those are the points that the Washington Redskins have scored in their first eight games. That’s right, Joe Gibbs’ offense hasn’t cracked the magical 18 point barrier so far this season.
That’s not even the worst of it. The Saints, who have the same 3-5 record as the Redskins, have given up 101 more points. The Cowboys have been outscored by 62.
Yet all three of these teams could be in the playoffs. Don’t laugh, they could be. Every team in the NFC has weaknesses. The Redskins have no offense at all, yet if two bogus penalties hadn’t been called on the team, the Redskins would be 5-3 right now and in the driver’s seat for a playoff berth.
They probably won’t make it, but somebody will. There’s a great chance that you’ll be seeing a Wild Card game between Detroit at Seattle. Nothing is more evocative of the NFL playoffs than the Lions and Seahawks live from Qwest Field.
Oh, the woeful NFC.
The conference’s best team, the Eagles, just got demolished by a team starting a rookie quarterback and a running back that’s knees have seen more action than Paris Hilton. And the team with the second best record has stuck its all-world quarterback into an offensive system that is suited for guys like Brad Johnson. Plus, their coach is a Mora.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is your 2004 NFC.
I hope all this dreadfulness will finally put to rest all the talk of expanding the playoffs from 12 teams to 14 teams. It’s quite likely that a 9-7 team will make the postseason this year, and even possible that a team finishing at .500 might too. That’s well and good for the NBA where a .450 winning percentage gets you two home playoff games and a series against Tim Duncan, but not for the NFL.
The league prides itself on battling on 17 Sundays and then picking the best teams when the dust settles. If the playoffs expand, then 8-8 and 7-9 teams will routinely play in January. It’ll be like settling for a Datsun when all you wanted was a Cadillac.
With the one-and-done NFL playoff format, it would only be a matter of time before one of those mediocre teams made it to the Championship game, or even worse, the Super Bowl.
I’m done playing doomsday prognosticator for the day.

Sunday Thoughts

- Mike Martz is to clock management as the NHL Players Association is to contract negotiation. In the fourth quarter of yesterday’s game against the Patriots, Martz had his Rams team running an effective no-huddle offense with 11 minutes to go in the game. Then, oddly, when the Rams were down 18 with four minutes left and inside the Pats 10 yard line, Martz had Marc Bulger huddle after each play and burned two minutes off the clock as a result. The capper was when Bulger called timeout with the play clock at one second and the Rams facing third-and-goal from the two. The Rams had burned 39 seconds off the game clock before calling the timeout and effectively ruined any chance they had at winning the game.

- I can see why Chiefs running back Larry Johnson was mad when Dick Vermeil said it was time for him to take off his diapers and play like a man. After watching LJ get stuffed at the line of scrimmage on consecutive running plays from the one-yard line, I’m thinking that LJ is probably a Pull-Ups man.

- Warren Sapp gets a lot of credit for coming in once every four or five games and blocking on goal-to-go situations. He doesn’t really do anything except give the offensive line another huge body and it doesn’t take any new skill for Sapp to do what he does. Other coaches would do the same thing if they had a guy on their team more concerned with his own image than the team’s well being, which is exactly what Sapp does. He doesn’t go and block and become an eligible receiver because he wants to help the team, he does it so he can get on Sportscenter and get more endorsements, which all leads to a bigger contract in free agency.
That being said, what Troy Brown did yesterday was all about the team and exemplifies the Patriots team-first mentality. The Pats have a bunch of guys like Brown on their team and that’s why they’ve won two of the last three Super Bowls.

- For those that had week 9 in the Terrell Owens outburst pool, congratulations. E-mail me at thebigfalkowski@comcast.net for your prize.

Superlatives

Game of the Day: Pittsburgh 27 – Philadelphia 3
It wasn’t much of a game, but it signified that Pittsburgh (and Ben Roethlisberger) is for real and that Terrell Owens hasn’t changed at all. Kudos to Donovan McNabb for handling a potentially incendiary situation with class. But if the Eagles get off to a slow start next week, watch the fireworks fly.

Upset of the Day: Tampa Bay 34 – Kansas City 31
I think Richie Cunningham could coach the Kansas City defense better.

Line of the Day: Redskins Special Teams – 3 punts downed in opponents three yard line, 1 blocked punt, 1 TD
James Thrash downed three, count ‘em THREE, Tom Tupa punts inside the three yard line yesterday. The Skins also blocked a Detroit punt and returned it for a touchdown, the first time that had been done by a Redskins team since 1982.

Ryan Leaf Line of the Day: Vinny Testaverde – 18/30, 208 yards, 3 INT – 41.4 passer rating
Paging Drew Henson.

Best Fantasy Day (Faulk/Holmes Division): Shaun Alexander – 160 rush yards, 2 TD – 28 fantasy points
It was quantity over quality when it came to big fantasy days yesterday. 19 players scored 20 points or more in traditional scoring leagues, but there wasn’t a huge day among them except for Michael Pittman’s 35-point performance against the Chiefs.

Worst Fantasy Day (George/Burress Division): Donovan McNabb – 15/24, 109 yards, 1 INT – 3 fantasy points
Donners has been money all season long, so a three point day against the hottest team in the NFL shouldn’t send fantasy owners scrambling for Carson Palmer.

Best Fantasy Day (Boldin/Patten Division): Bears Defense – 2 INT, 7 sacks, 3 fumble recoveries – 21 fantasy points
Michael Pittman starts in too many leagues to be considered for this award. The Bears defense does not, so they get the nod for their stellar performance against the Giants.
Speaking of which, this is the Giants team everybody expected to see this season. Interceptions by a gun-shy Kurt Warner, lots of fumbles, a miserable offensive line and Tom Coughlin one snap away from a massive coronary on the sidelines. Giant players better be getting to meetings about 45 minutes early this week.

Predictions

A weak 7-6 on the day. I would have been 8-5 if I hadn’t decided to get the Wolfman’s take on the Bears game. A re-creation of the conversation:

Me – I’m thinking about taking the Bears over the Giants. Your opinion?
Wolfman – The Bears are so bad they make the Cubs look like the friggin’ Yankees.
Me – So I shouldn’t pick them?
Wolfman – Craig Krenzel and Anthony Thomas are starting. If Keith Jackson and Bob Griese were calling the game, I’d swear I was watching Ohio State-Michigan circa 2000.
Me – So, the Bears are a bad pick then?
Wolfman – The Bears make the Cubs look like the friggin’ Yankees.
Me – You already said that one.
Wolfman – Sorry, I lose track of things now that I’m reaching my third month of unemployment.
Me – So, the Bears over the Giants?
Wolfman – The Bears make the Cubs –
Me – Alright, I get it. Don’t pick the Bears.
Wolfman – Right. So… which Bush twin do you think is better looking?

The Chaz Rankings: Top Two

1) Pittsburgh Steelers -Will lose next week at Cleveland.
2) New England Patriots - Might lose next week to Buffalo, but probably won’t.

Who I Like on Monday Night and I Certainly Don’t Mean the Guys on ESPN’s Monday Night Countdown

Glitter, glisten, gloss, floss, the Vikings can’t win wit’out Randy Moss.
Pick: Indianapolis 34 – Minnesota 27

Week 9 NFL Picks: Jeter's Gold Glove Edition

The biggest surprise of Election Day wasn’t that the exit polls were so incorrect or that George W. Bush carried the popular vote so handily or that Chris Matthews can keep his head from doing Linda Blair-esque rotations during his rants about the importance of provisional votes.
No, the big shocker of the day came in the early evening when Major League Baseball announced that Derek Jeter was the recipient of a Gold Glove.
Now, I rip on Derek Jeter a lot because he’s, well, Derek Jeter. Sometimes I can be a bit irrational (I know, I was shocked too), maybe even a bit mean (well, maybe not mean). Sometimes I think I let my opinion of the most womanly man in professional sports cloud my judgment of him.
But this is not one of those situations.
Derek Jeter is, at best, an average defensive shortstop.
Below, along with my week 9 NFL predictions, are 13 reasons that Derek Jeter did not deserve his first Gold Glove award.
(Note: I have written before of my disdain for fielding statistics and only use them below because Gold Glove voters do