Fantasy Football Advice

If you play in a fantasy football league and use any online advice as the basis for who to start, you’re an idiot.
Hector & Victor, ESPN.com’s two resident fantasy football “gurus” attempt to predict the final fantasy score for every NFL player each week and their about as accurate as a Rick Ankiel fastball.
There’s no way to guess whether Chris Brown is going to score a touchdown against the Jags or that Brett Favre will throw one, but not two, interceptions against the Bears. It’s all a big crapshoot.
Fantasy football prognostication is a lot like meteorology. Predictions are based upon good information, but ultimately nobody has any clue what’s really going to happen.
It’s easy to say that Chris Brown wasn’t going to have a good total last week against a stacked Jacksonville defense, but he ended up gaining over 100 yards and scoring a touchdown. And who would have thought LaDainian Tomlinson would only have 50 rushing and 30 receiving yards against the Broncos. After all, didn’t Priest Holmes light Denver up for 150 and three touchdowns in a meeting earlier this year?
You can’t know. But you can make educated guesses.

Always start your top running back, no matter who they’re playing against.
I don’t care if Edgerrin James is playing the Patriots or Jamal Lewis is facing the Jaguars and you’ve got a hot tip that your waiver wire pick-up is going to carry the ball a lot against the Chiefs. There’s a reason that your top RB was a first-round pick and that the guy you got with the 6th waiver wire pick was passed up by other people in favor of the Falcons defense and John Carney. Hot fantasy tips are like hot stock tips. If they were so hot, you wouldn’t know about it.

Unless you have one of the top five receivers, mixing it up is encouraged.
Always start the following receivers: Randy Moss, Marvin Harrison, Terrell Owens, Torry Holt and Hines Ward. Beyond that, select based on match-ups. If you have a team’s #2 receiver (think Javon Walker, Reggie Wayne) playing against a miserable secondary (Chiefs, Packers, one with Mike Rumph), start them and bench your underperforming #1. I don’t care if you think “Eric Moulds is due.”

Unless it’s one of your #1 starters, don’t start anybody playing against your favorite team.
Rooting for a fantasy player when they’re playing your beloved team is the worst offense in sports and would be punishable by stoning in some Middle Eastern countries.
I don’t care if the Redskins are playing the Eagles and Donovan McNabb is your QB in the fantasy Super Bowl. If you’re a Skins fan, you hope for LaVar to sack him every time he drops back to pass and then you hope LaVar breaks his legs whilst mid-sack.
I understand that you have to start guys like Priest Holmes’ against your favorite team, but that doesn’t mean you have to root for him. Same thing goes with any big-time player.
But, if every week you’re deciding who to start among your four mediocre receivers, your choice is easier if one of the players opponents is your team.
Moral of the story: Avoid any conflict of interest between real football and fantasy football.
One more thing… if your playing against a player on your favorite team (for example, I played Clinton Portis last week), you still have to root for them and can’t be upset if they score on a long touchdown. You can, however, root for other players on the team to score instead.

Never start the following players under any circumstances: Ashley Lelie, Drew Brees, Antonio Bryant, Keyshawn Johnson, Emmitt Smith, William Green, Mike Alstott.
These guys are the Mo Vaughn’s of fantasy football.
You keep them around on your roster, hoping they’re going to break-out one day. After a couple of games where they score a touchdown and maybe get some yardage points while riding the pine you finally decide to start them in a critical late-season game. You hope against hope that this will finally be the week that they pay dividends, but in the back of your mind you know it’s a distinct possibility that they won’t. When your worst fears are realized, you’re not really mad or even disappointed. You just kind of knew this was going to happen and you get mad at yourself for even getting your hopes up.

Don’t kick yourself if you make the wrong start.
This is an important one. Let’s say that you did start Jamal Lewis against the Jaguars and he only earned you nine fantasy points, but a player you benched managed to blow up for two touchdowns and 100 yards. You’re probably feeling pretty low right now, particularly if you lost by the point difference of the player you didn’t start.
Well, don’t be upset. Yes, it sucks that you didn’t win even though you could have. But if you’re happy with your starts on Sunday morning, you have to be happy with them Sunday night, no matter what happens. It’d be like a manager second-guessing himself for starting Curt Schilling in an ALCS game after he gave up six runs and wondering if maybe Bronson Arroyo would have been a better choice. You stick with the people that got you there.
Of course, if you benched Javon Walker last week in favor of Reche Caldwell, well, then maybe fantasy racquetball is more your style.

Fantasy Football Advice is an occasional feature on this site.

Return of the Swing

The Nation’s pastime is finally back in the Nation’s capital.
Major League Baseball will return to Washington D.C. after a 33-year absence, the Associated Press reported late Tuesday night. An announcement is scheduled for Wednesday.
I said last week on this blog that I wouldn’t believe the Expos were headed to the District until they played at least three games in the city.
Now, with an announcement that the team from Montreal will indeed move south supposedly forthcoming, I’ll instead drop my skepticism when I see Marion Barry throwing out the first pitch at RFK Stadium.
I’ll be back later with more thoughts on baseball’s return.

Tuesday Afternoon Cornerback/The Chaz Rankings

It would be easy to blame the referees for the Redskins 21-18 loss to the Dallas Cowboys Monday night. The officials did blow two huge calls, both on pass interference in the endzone, which benefited the Cowboys and led to an eventual 14 point swing for Dallas.
To blame the refs though, would let the Redskins off the hook. Indeed, if the officiating had been solid the entire night, the Redskins probably would be 2-1 right now and the Nation’s Capital would be abuzz this afternoon, instead of lurching through a rainy day while trying to stay awake at work.
It’s not the referees fault that the Redskins couldn’t get in from the one-yard line on three plays at the end of the second quarter, or that Laveranues Coles dropped three balls or that the Redskins couldn’t stop Dallas on a crucial 3rd and 8 late in the game or that the offense burned two timeouts in the second half and wasted another on a worthless challenge, leaving the team with no way to stop the clock on Dallas’s final drive.
No, the referees didn’t lose the game for the Redskins, they managed to take care of that all by themselves.
For the past two weeks the Redskins haven’t looked like a Joe Gibbs-coached team. Sacks, pre-snap penalties, burned timeouts and clock mismanagement are all hallmarks of the post-Gibbs era. Those things happened to Norv Turner and Steve Spurrier teams, not ones led by Joe Gibbs. What’s going on here?
My cousin George (listen to him weekends on WTOP.com, or 1500 AM if you’re in the Washington D.C. area) made an interesting point last night as we were in the midst of our weekly post game commiseration.
“If Steve Spurrier were coaching this offense,” he said, “everybody would be calling for his head.”
He’s exactly right. Spurrier would be roasted in the media if his teams performed like this. Actually, Spurrier did get roasted by the press because his teams did play like this last season. Some of Spurrier's final games in Washington were eerily reminiscent of the last two Gibbs-coached games.
In each, the Redskins failed to convert key opportunities, turned the ball over at inopportune times, yet always managed to creep back into the game just as Al Michaels’ was beginning to look ahead to next week.
Ultimately, the comeback attempt would fail and the team and fans were left thinking, “hey, at least we were close.”
But close only counts in horseshoes and if you’re trying to avoid catching something from Paris Hilton. Close was good enough for Steve Spurrier, but won’t be for Joe Gibbs.
The difference between Gibbs and the previous regimes is that this team isn’t content in losing close games.
Last year when the Redskins would lose there would be laughter in the locker room, smiles everywhere and the ol’ ball-coach would start his post-game press conference with, “well, we gave it our best shot today, but they just up and whooped us pretty darn good.” It was almost as if losing was expected and winning was a nice bonus for an easy work week. There was no winning mentality at Redskins Park.
Last night there were no smiles, no laughs and the one Redskin who had reason to be happy with himself, Rod Gardner, looked like somebody had just run over his dog.
That is all a byproduct of Coach Gibbs. He has brought that winning mentality back to his franchise, but has yet to bring back the actual winning.
That will come. Joe Gibbs knows that, Mark Brunell knows that, Gregg Williams knows that, LaVar Arrington knows that, Clinton Portis knows that. Portis, in fact, said as much last night when he told a reporter that the Redskins were close to firing on all cylinders and when they do, “watch out.”
There hasn’t been much to watch on the football field this season in Washington just as there wasn’t a whole lot cheer about when Gibbs first coached the Redskins in 1981.
That team started 0-5, but then reeled off wins in 30 of their next 36 games.
Maybe it just takes Gibbs a little time to get those cylinders warmed up.

The Chaz Rankings

We’re going to do it a little different today. Instead of comments for each of the 32 NFL teams, I’m going to break them up in groups of four. Why? Because it’s 4:12 and I haven’t eaten yet.

1) New England Patriots (2-0, Last Week #1)
2) Philadelphia Eagles (3-0, #3b)
3) Indianapolis Colts (3-0), #2)
4) Seattle Seahawks (3-0, #7)

Right now, I think the Eagles and Colts are the two best teams in football. Donovan McNabb looks like the quarterback that everybody always assumed he was and Peyton Manning’s offense is hotter than Gisele Bundchen in the Christmas 2003 Victoria’s Secret catalog.
Until New England loses though, they retain their spot at the top of the Chaz Rankings. As for the Seahawks, I will start to prepare my plate of crow tonight, but I’m going to marinate it for the next few weeks before I sit down for the actual meal.

5) New York Jets (2-0, #6)
6) Atlanta Falcons (3-0, #12)
7) Jacksonville Jaguars (3-0, #10)
8) Baltimore Ravens (2-1, #11)

Who knows how many more 150 yard games Curtis Martin has in him, but if he keeps running well, there’s no reason to think the Jets won’t challenge the Pats for the AFC crown.
I’m still not sold on the Falcons yet (while you’re reading all the stories about how great Jim Mora Jr.’s defense is remember two facts 1) holding the Cardinals to three points is as much of an achievement as crossing the English Channel… by boat and 2) Jim Mora Jr. once coordinated a defense that featured Mike Rumph as the top corner), but they’re undefeated and any team with Michael Vick is a threat to win any game they play.

9) Minnesota Vikings (2-1, #3a)
10) Denver Broncos (2-1, #13)
11) Tennessee Titans (1-2, #5)
12) Carolina Panthers (1-1, #9)

The Vikes defense stinks, Quentin Griffin has carried the ball 37 times for 73 yards (2.3 average) in his past two games, Steve McNair might not play this week and the Panthers win over the Chiefs is becoming less impressive by the second.
Sorry for the cynicism, but I’m still in a bad mood because I impaled my good foot on a miniature version of the Eiffel Tower three days ago while hopping around my room.

13) New Orleans Saints (2-1, #14)
14) Dallas Cowboys (2-1, #17)
15) Green Bay Packers (1-2, #8)
16) Pittsburgh Steelers (2-1, #18)

Darren Sharper might want to file assault charges against Peyton Manning, because he got beat down on Sunday afternoon. The Packers secondary is atrocious, and without Mike McKenzie and Ahmad Carroll on Sunday, Green Bay could be looking at a 1-3 start.
The Cowboys are only this high because of all the bad teams below them. Can you remember an NFL season that had more bad teams? Look at all the 16 squads listed below. Would you be afraid to play any of them right now? Heck, include the four teams from 13-16 also. And yes, I said “heck”. I’m trying to make the blog more family-friendly, people. That doesn’t mean the Derek Jeter gay jokes will stop though.

17) Detroit Lions (2-1, #21)
18) Oakland Raiders (2-1, #24)
19) New York Giants (2-1, #27)
20) Washington Redskins (1-2, #16)

Haikus about each four teams:

Detroit

Tough loss to Philly,
Though they’ve won more than they’ve lost.
Roy Williams: The Truth.

Oakland

Rich Gannon is out.
Do you know what this means, folks?
Kerry in ’04.

New York Giants

Hey, Mr. Warner
The Devil just called. He’s mad.
Thought your deal was done.

Washington

Gibbs can do no wrong.
Three Super Bowls, three QB’s.
Dewey green meadow.

21) Houston Texans (1-2, #31)
22) Kansas City Chiefs (0-3, #15)
23) Cincinnati Bengals (1-2, #23)
24) St. Louis Rams (1-2, #19)

I don’t care how bad the Chiefs are (and I don’t think they’re that bad, hence the ranking), anytime a team goes into Arrowhead and wins, that’s pretty impressive.
The Chiefs won’t finish 0-16 and won’t finish 4-12 either. They’ll scrape together some wins, a la the 2000 Rams, and end up closer to .500 than anything. They still have Priest Holmes people.
As for Tampa, I tried to put them lower, but when I got down to the Browns, I knew Gruden’s team was as low as they could go.

25) Cleveland Browns (1-2, #25)
26) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-3, #26)
27) Chicago Bears (1-2, #20)
28) San Diego Chargers (1-2, #28)

The Bears aren’t in the last foursome because they’ll be residing there the rest of the season and I figured I’d give the Wolfman a break. No Rex Grossman, no Charles Tillman and no Mike Brown equals trouble. Well, not as much as the following six words: Now starting at quarterback, Jonathan Quinn. In 2001 Quinn didn’t attempt a pass, but did apparently kneel down the ball twice for the Jaguars. I don’t think he’ll ever get an opportunity to practice that technique while playing for the Bears.
And for all you people who picked LaDainian Tomlinson first in your fantasy draft… were you not aware he played for the Chargers? Yes, he’s great. But when his team falls down by two touchdowns early in the game, it’s tough to stay with the run.

29) Buffalo Bills (0-2, #29)
30) Arizona Cardinals (0-3, #30)
31) San Francisco 49ers (0-3, #22)
32) Miami Dolphins (0-3, #32)

I bet the Seahawks are licking their chops. Six games against the 49ers, Cardinals and Rams. Think that the Eagles are a bit jealous?
By the way, The Chaz Rankings were the first on the internet to have the Dolphins as the worst team in football. I don’t think they’ll be going anywhere for a while.
Holler.

Monday Morning Cornerback - Abridged

My sister got married on Saturday and I'm still recovering from the celebration. I also wasn't able to watch too much football yesterday, hence the lack of any football analysis today.
Check back tomorrow for the Chaz Rankings.

Monday Night Prediction

I honestly have no clue what to expect in this game. The Redskins haven't been able to run the ball effectively this season, while the Cowboys have been even worse.
Both teams have stacked defenses, so we could be in for a low scoring affair tonight, especially with rain expected.
As always, turnovers will probably dictate the outcome.
Pick: Redskins 17 - Cowboys 13

Week 3 NFL Picks

Houston at Kansas City
Only in Texas could a pro sports team name themselves after the state they play in. That’s a little bit pretentious, especially for a state that prides themselves on wearing cowboy boots, going to the rodeo and drinking Budweiser straight from the can. Too bad Texas didn’t stay seceded from the Union after the Civil War. I don’t think anybody would have missed them.
Pick: Kansas City

Arizona at Atlanta
Alphabetically, this is a match-up between the two top teams in the NFL. That’s about all I can say about this one.
Pick: Atlanta

Chicago at Minnesota
Say the first name of the Bears coach aloud. Now say it quickly. It sounds kind of like “love you”. I bet this makes for some awkward post-game handshakes.
Pick: Minnesota

New Orleans at St. Louis
Last year Aaron Stecker only carried the ball 37 times on a roster that included Thomas Jones and Michael Pittman. That’s like singing backup behind Ashlee Simpson and Britney Spears.
Pick: St. Louis

Pittsburgh at Miami
One can only hope this game is moved to Saturday because of Hurricane Jeanne. Then we won’t have to put up with CBS Game Breaks showing Lamar Gordon fumbling off hand-offs from a semi-mulleted A.J. Feeley. Hey dude, you earn millions of dollars a year. Stop getting your hair trimmed at Super Cuts.
Pick: Pittsburgh

Baltimore at Cincinnati
Is this the game Jamal Lewis finally breaks out, or will he have to wait for prison to do that?
Pick: Baltimore

Cleveland at New York Giants
The Browns play an inter-conference game on the road against a sub par NFC East opponent and CBS doesn’t feature the game as its national telecast? Shame on you. Tiffany network my pitoot. Last week the nation was captivated by Vinny Testaverde and Jeff Garcia’s interception parade, with Kurt Warner taking the place of the pink cosmo drinking Garcia, we could have had fumbles and picks. It’s be like some sort of multicultural parade.
Pick: Cleveland

Jacksonville at Tennessee
The Jags have given up only 16 points this season. Advantage: Jacksonville.
The Jags have scored only 20 points this season. Advantage: Tennessee.
Eddie George left the Titans this off-season. Advantage:
Pick: Tennessee

Philadelphia at Detroit
Andy Reid added the bounce pass to the Eagles offense this week, in hopes that referees will continue to rule every throw from Donovan McNabb to Terrell Owens a completion.
Pick: Philadelphia

San Diego at Denver
If Jake Plummer were an actor, he wouldn’t even be Keanu Reeves. At least he was in The Matrix. Plummer won a playoff game a few years back. I guess that kind of makes him like David Paymer.
Pick: Denver

San Francisco at Seattle
Unlike last year where I started 0-6 picking Vikings games, en route to a 1-15 overall record for the team, I’m going to change gears with the Seahawks. What does this all mean? San Francisco in a rout.
Pick: Seattle

Green Bay at Indianapolis
The Colts are six-point favorites in this game, in spite of the fact that Edgerrin James is listed as questionable. That’s good enough for me.
Pick: Indianapolis

Tampa Bay at Oakland
Did you know that Jon Gruden once coached the Oakland Raiders? Did you also know that he left the Raiders to coach the Buccaneers and the year he did the Bucs and Raiders met in the Super Bowl? Furthermore, were you aware that a former Buc player who some consider a star, Warren Sapp, left Tampa via free agency and now plays in Oakland? I just thought I’d tell you this because I don’t think ESPN will make a big deal about this on Sunday night.
Pick: Oakland

Last Week: 10-6

Season to Date: 19-13

Baseball to D.C.? Don't Get Your Hopes Up

By next Friday, Major League Baseball plans to announce the fate of the Motreal Expos. Don’t hold your breath though, this is the third such self-imposed “deadline” that baseball has set in the past year, each of which have passed without so much as a whimper from Bud Selig and company.
Washington D.C., a city which hasn’t had a baseball team since the Senators bolted to Texas in 1971, is the supposed front runner to land the Expos, but a whole number of issues (namely, a large-nosed Greek who lives about 45 minutes north) could keep the nation’s capital from getting a team.
Orioles owner Peter Angelos has done everything in his power, short of standing in front of a tank at Dupont Circle, to ensure that his baseball team is the only game in town.
It has been rumored that Angelos went so far as to put an inferior team on the field in 2001 and 2002 so attendance at Camden Yards would sag and he could turn to baseball and say, “look, my team doesn’t have any fans as it is; moving the Expos to D.C. would kill us all together.”
These rumors were only perpetuated by Angelos when he claimed that the Orioles had made sizable offers to a number of key free agents (Ivan Rodriguez and Mike Mussina among them), only to have the players tell the media that they were never contacted by the Orioles.
So far, the Angelos strategy has worked. Baseball has allowed a bad situation (the 29 other baseball owners are all part-owners of the Expos) to turn into a worse one (“home” games in Puerto Rico and no money to sign any reasonable free agent), all because Bud Selig doesn’t want to upset Peter Angelos.
The Orioles owner claims that over 45% of fans come from Washington while other independent studies have showed that only 20% come from D.C. The real number is probably somewhere in between. It's interesting that Angelos would acknowledge that there are people in D.C. who like baseball, because he has been claiming for years that baseball wouldn't work in the nation's capital because there are "no baseball fans there."
Yet, the Orioles have a team store located in the heart of downtown D.C. and hold a "Fan Fest" there twice a year. If there are no baseball fans here, then why does Angelos continually try to court them?
Baltimore and Washington teams can co-exist if given the chance. It works in San Francisco and Oakland, why not on the east coast?
Because, baseball doesn't want to move the Expos to D.C. If they did, they'd already be here.
D.C. Mayor Anthony Williams has done everything that baseball has asked of him, including securing public funding for a stadium and pledging money to refurbish RFK Stadium, which would be used until a new ballpark could be built. So far, D.C. is the only city who can make promises of a stadium to play in next season and a state-of-the-art ballpark for the future. Still, the Expos remain in limbo, despite the fact that it the only relocation site that makes sense is the nation’s capital.
Does any rational person really believe that baseball would be better off shipping the Expos to Norfolk or Portland or Las Vegas? Yeah, like anybody in Vegas is going to want to sit outside in the 100-degree heat and watch baseball when they could be sitting inside that sweet, re-circulated, oxygenated air gambling away their child’s college fund at the MGM Grand.
Washington D.C. has the population (4th largest metropolitan area in the country) and disposable income (by far the most of any city without baseball) to make baseball work.
Selig has known that for the better part of a decade, yet hasn’t awarded D.C. an expansion team (instead opting to open up shop in such baseball-loving locales as Miami and Tampa) and has dragged his feet on the Expos.
With every passing day, the likelihood of baseball returning to D.C. becomes slimmer. This is the fourth time in my life that D.C. was “guaranteed” of getting a team. The first was in 1991 when Washington, along with Denver, were going to be the beneficiaries of baseball’s first expansion in 15 years. Then, Miami got a team at the last minute.
Two years later the Houston Astros, in need of a new publicly funded stadium, were packing their bags. A last minute referendum to build what became Enron Field stopped that. The same thing happened with the San Francisco Giants a few months after that.
Being a baseball fan in Washington D.C. has become one big tease.
This time though, it’s supposed to be different. The Expos really are going to come.
Excuse me for being cynical, but I’ve gotten my hopes up before. That’s why I’m not holding my breath for an announcement before October 1 or buying into all the hype that the Expos are on their way.
Even if baseball were to announce next week that the Expos were moving to Washington, I still don’t think I’d believe it.
Tom Boswell wrote in yesterday’s Washington Post that he’ll only start to believe once the D.C. team has played two games in Washington.
Me? I’m thinking it’ll take at least three.

Answering Questions Directed Towards Beano Cook

A few days ago, ESPN college football analyst, and resident curmudgeon Beano Cook, hosted a chat on ESPN.com’s Sportsnation. Today, I’ll answer some of those questions as if they were directed towards me.

bill kenny, bridgewater , nj: what record must be acheived by notre dame coach ty willingham in order to retain his job

Notre Dame has always honored their coaches first five-year contract, so don’t look for Willingham to leave South Bend in the near future.
But unless he leads the Fighting Irish back into the Top 10, Willingham won’t get a break from the school’s boosters or the national media. And despite what Michael Wilbon thinks, it has nothing to do with skin color.
Gerry Faust and Bob Davie were under the same intense scrutiny at the start of their ND coaching careers and and both were white. This isn’t a racial thing, it’s a football thing. And so far, Ty Willingham hasn’t delivered.
The Irish are 2-1 this season but that record is a bit deceiving. The team’s lone loss came to a BYU team that finished 4-8 in 2003 and was blown out by Stanford a week after “upsetting” Notre Dame.
A win against Michigan was next for the Irish. At the time, it was considered a huge upset. But the Wolverines are having a down year and wouldn’t be ranked in the Top 25 if they weren’t wearing maize and blue.
Last weekend Willingham and company routed Michigan State, a win that would be impressive in most seasons. But there must be something in the water up there in the Great Lakes State because the Spartans lost to Rutgers, a team that proceeded to get beat by Division I-AA New Hampshire, who subsequently lost to William & Mary.
If the Irish don’t win a bowl game this year, the cries for Willingham’s ousting will be louder then ever. But all the Notre Dame Athletic Director has to do to calm the boosters down is let them know that with Willingham at the helm, the Fighting Irish should never have a problem beating William & Mary.

Jim (NorCal): Why does everyone love Georgia? Greene has to be the most overrated QB in SEC history!

For all we know, Georgia might win the National Championship this year. So far their season has resembled Ohio State’s in 2002; winning games, but just barely. And as they say (who “they” are, I couldn’t tell you), a win is a win.
That being said, the Georgia football team is without a doubt the most overrated team in the country. A #3 ranked team doesn’t need to hang on to beat Marshall at home or need two late touchdowns to squeak past South Carolina. Georgia has done absolutely nothing to show they were deserving of all the preseason hype.
And that’s all their #3 ranking is… hype. The Bulldogs are only ranked that high because a bunch of college football beat writers thought they were going to be a great team back in July. So, when they cast their first ballot for the Associated Press poll they put Georgia near the top. Thre’s nothing wrong with that, at the time people thought Georgia would be the third best team in the country.
Since then, the Bulldogs have played nothing like it, but because they haven’t actually lost a game since the initial poll came out, writers don’t think they can justifiably move other teams ahead of them in the rankings, despite the fact that those other teams are clearly playing better football.
College football (and basketball) need to get rid of preseason polls and begin ranking teams in the sixth or seventh week.
That way, over-hyped teams that come out flat can be ranked behind teams that are out-performing preseason expectations.
The University of Virginia is playing much better football right now than Georgia. Even Mark Richt would agree with that. Yet the Cavaliers are only ranked #12 in the AP Poll. The same goes for teams like Auburn (#9), Utah (#14) and Fresno State (#17).
Every voter in the Associated Press poll knows those four schools are playing better than Georgia. But because each was ranked way below the Bulldogs in the first preseason poll, their climb to the top of the rankings will be dependent on their own success and the failures of higher ranked teams.
If the first Associated Press poll was released next Monday, all of those teams would be ranked in the Top 10. Georgia would be somewhere near 20.

Daniel (Starkville, MS): What do you think Mississippi state's chances of getting to a bowl game this year are?

About the same as Britney Spears and Kevin Federline ever celebrating a one-year anniversary. Sylvester Croom’s team lost to Maine last weekend. Yes, Maine. Apparently they have a football team. In Maine.
They play in Division I-AA, but they do exist.
When an SEC team loses a game to a school that counts Hofstra and Northeastern as rivals, then focusing on Bowl games seems like a bit much. A much better goal would be, say, keeping LSU from covering the probable five-touchdown spread.

dee (daytona beach, fl): i think chris rix is the right qb 4 fsu. what about u?

First of all, what’s with this “4” and “u” nonsense. Did you pass Beano a note written in pink and purple gel pen and folded four ways to ask this question during 4th period chem?
As for your Chris Rix question, the only way to explain your thoughts on his quarterbacking prowress is that you accidentally drank a beaker full of hydrochloric acid instead of your bottle of Dasani.

Monty (New York ): At what point do we take Ohio State as a serious contender. Defense has not lost a step. Offense is better, with a new QB. Plus they lost 14 to the NFL.

I’ll start taking Ohio State seriously the same time I start taking a guy with the name “Monty” seriously.

Don (D.C.): What are your thoughts on Maryland--could this be the year for the Terps?

Well, this won’t be the Terps year after their loss to West Virginia on Saturday, a game in which the Terps still had a chance to win despite a plethora of turnovers.
Joel Statham looks confused at quarterback, but should continue to improve. With the addition of Miami to the ACC (I refuse to acknowledge the existance of Virginia Tech), it will be tough for the Terps to sneak into a BCS bowl like they did in 2001, but an 8-3 record with a young team will be a success. If they finish closer to .500, then the blame can be squarely placed on their new multi-colored uniforms. They make the Bengals uniforms look like they were designed by Armani.

Reese (Dallas): What do you see Texas doing this year?

I think they’ll lose to Oklahoma and then Mack Brown will reveal that he and Bob Huggins were actually separated at birth.

Chuck (Memphis, TN): What do you think the potential is for the Vols with these 2 freshmen QB's?

Danny Ainge’s nephew looked pretty solid against Florida and from what I saw of Brent Schaeffer, he didn’t look too bad either. But when a coach says he has “two good quarterbacks” that means he has zero great quarterbacks.
Phil Fullmer needs to make a decision and stick with it. After the “win” against UF, Erik Ainge looks to be the man, despite the fact that he can’t even spell his own first name.

Jason (AnnArbor): Will Braylen Edwards get any love for the Heisman?

No.

!!!!Big Dude (!!!!Memphis, TN): What are your thoughts on the chances of Cadillac Williams getting the Heisman???

Cadillac’s chances were hurt by his Pontiac-like performance against LSU (18 carries for 75 yards). Much like Darren Sproles (my preseason candidate for overhyped Heisman hopeful), Cadillac is racking up big numbers against weak opponents but struggling against teams in the Top 25.

Buzzmaster: It’s time for Beano’s lock of the week.

Beano is 0-2 in his “locks” of the week so far, so I’ll try to fare better than him:
Notre Dame 27 – Williams & Mary 14.
What? They're not playing? Oh, my bad. I thought you were talking about hypothetical locks. In that case, my lock of the week is: The Penn State-Wisconsin game will be so boring that ESPN executives will be tempted to cut away from the action to show reruns of Unscripted with Chris Connelly.

Answering Questions Directed Towards Beano Cook is an occasional feature on this site.

The Chaz Rankings (NFL Power Rankings) – Week Two

When it comes to sports analysis, Chris’s Sports Blog strives for something different than all the other sports Web sites offer. Not too different mind you, just enough to avoid any copyright laws and things of that nature.
The day after NFL Sundays, ESPN and SI.com have their “Monday Morning Quarterback”. That’s good enough for them, but at chrischase.com (or chazsports.blogspot.com, on your AM dial – tell your friends) we have “Monday Morning Cornerback”. It’s pretty much the same thing, except I run backwards when I’m writing mine.
And on Tuesday where all the sports sites have their Power Rankings, here you’ll find the Chaz Rankings. (Think NFL Power Rankings with a different title.)
Yes, I’ll still rank all 32 NFL teams based on their relative supremacy and clout (thank you Microsoft Word thesaurus), but without the pedantic pontificating of a Len Pasquarelli-type. In essence, nothing has changed from last week’s rankings, except the name. But, oh, what a switch it was.
One more thing, the Chaz Rankings are guaranteed to be the first NFL Power Rankings posted on the internet every week. This, loyal readers, I promise you. Well, that is, they'll be the first until I’m too tired one Monday night and have to do it on a Tuesday morning. But until then… the earliest on the internet folks. Right here.
Anyway, onto the list:

#1) New England Patriots (2-0, Last Week #1) - The Pats winning streak will end October 3rd in Buffalo, ironically, 75 years to the day that the country of Yugoslavia was formed. Well, it’s not literally ironic.

#2) Indianapolis Colts (1-1, #6) - In a game played on a neutral field with neutral fans, I’d take the Colts over the Patriots. But I’d probably take Switzerland to beat them both.

#3a) Minnesota Vikings (1-1, #5) - Chris, didn’t the Vikings lose to the Eagles no more than 2 hours ago? Yes they did italicized conscience, but I have my reasons for ranking the Vikings slightly ahead of the Eagles. Does this have anything to do with your hatred of Donovan McNabb and Terrell Owens. No, and did I ever tell you that I like my bolded conscience better?

#3b) Philadelphia Eagles (2-0, #2) - That’s what I’m talking ‘bout g. Let’s go get our drink on.
You’re both morons. Before you go kill whatever brain cells you have left, you still need to explain why the Eagles are #3b and the Vikings #3a.
Alright, here’s the deal. Even an Olympic gymnastics judge could have seen that Terrell Owens 45 yard touchdown reception had the following things wrong with it: 1) He didn’t have possession of the ball. 2) His right knee landed out of bounds. 3) The ball didn’t cross the plane of the end zone. All three of these facts were clearly visible in the replay (which, thanks to the miracle of TiVo, I watched a dozen times to make sure my biases didn’t affect my judgment) and should have been seen by the back judge. Had he noticed just one of the three details, the play wouldn’t have resulted in a touchdown. Instead, the ref blew all three and the Eagles took a 15 point lead.
So if it was such a bad call, why didn’t Mike Tice just throw the little red flag? Replay is a part of the game and if the Vikings failed to challenge the play, the blame lies squarely on their shoulders. Uhhhhh…. Amstel Light alright with you bolded conscience? Solid.

#5) Tennessee Titans (1-1, #7) - In just three halves of football this year, Chris Brown has more rushing yards (252) than Eddie George had in the first five games of last season (244).

#6) New York Jets (2-0, #11) - Curtis Martin’s Underrated Stat of the Week: Barring injury, Curtis Martin will likely have the fifth-most rushing yards in NFL history at the end of the season. By the way, Martin’s been to four Pro Bowls, one more than Kimble Anders and Chris Warren.

#7) Seattle Seahawks (2-0, #8) - Which NFL team has allowed the fewest points this season? Well, I guess it’s a bit obvious now. The Hawks have only given up 13 points in the first two games. The Chargers, conversely, allowed 14 points in a little over four minutes on Sunday.

#8) Green Bay Packers (1-1, #3) - Mike Sherman should make Ahman Green carry around a football all day, a la the guy Omar Epps played in The Program. And Derek Jeter should go lie in the middle of a two-lane highway, a la the guy Stephen Dorff played in the same film.

#9) Carolina Panthers (1-1, #12) - Carolina is like an enigma wrapped inside a riddle wrapped inside teal uniforms and helmets featuring non-menacing pictures of what appears to be a Panther.

#10) Jacksonville Jaguars (2-0, #14) - I bet even if Byron Leftwich really wanted to buy a Jaguar as his next automobile he probably wouldn’t do it because it’d just be too damn cheesy. A Jaguar driving a Jaguar? That’s like dressing in matching outfits with your girlfriend.

#11) Baltimore Ravens (1-1, #21) - I think the fact that Britney Spears-Federline has now managed to out-skank Christina Aguilera has to be one of the most amazing celebrity feats in recent memory. Christina was like the Michael Jordan of trashiness and seemed to be so firmly entrenched in the top-spot of skanktivity that the possibility of her dethroning wasn’t even fathomable. Do you remember the “Dirrrty” video with Redman? To skanky girls that was like the moon landing. Now it’s but a memory and Britney has grabbed the torch (actually a 99 cent disposable Bic lighter) as Queen of the Skanks. Simply remarkable.

#12) Atlanta Falcons (2-0, #15) - Atlanta fans don’t deserve to have Michael Vick play on their team. They’re like the guy you know who treats all his girlfriends like crap and then ends up with the perfect girl who he never is able to appreciate.

#13) Denver Broncos (1-1, #4) - The Broncos were caught cheating the salary cap and the NFL only fined them a 3rd round draft choice? Are you kidding? They deliberately cheated and tried to cover it up and will only lose the opportunity to draft an overrated running back from the Big 10.
If this were the NCAA the Broncos would have lost scholarships, TV appearances and bowl eligibility. In Saudi Arabia they’d lose their hands. And in nearby Eagle, Colorado they’d be investigated for 14 months by the district attorneys office at a cost of nearly $4 million and then would have had the case dropped days before trial.
Just think, if O.J. had lived in Colorado, he probably wouldn’t have had to sell his Heisman.

#14) New Orleans Saints (1-1, #18) - The one they call Deuce, has cooked his own goose, for his ankle bone be loose, and his ball playing use, has now been reduced, and he cannot produce, lest his foot take abuse, so he should get himself loose and become a recluse, or seduce a nice moose with some Welch’s grape juice.

#15) Kansas City Chiefs (0-2, #10) - With Priest Holmes likely out for next week’s game, the Chiefs really should start basing their offense around Tony Gonzalez. This suggestion has nothing to do with the fact that I drafted Tony Gonzalez in the 4th round of my fantasy draft and he has given me a whopping seven points in the first two weeks. Nothing, I say.

#16) Washington Redskins (1-1, #9) - All I can say is that Rod Gardner better hope he never has to go to jail.
I’ll give you a minute… checks watch…take your time… twiddles thumbs…. There you go.

#17) Dallas Cowboys (1-1, #25) - With Julius Jones out for two months with a broken shoulder, there is a good chance that Eddie George might finally break a record that has been just out of his reach over the past four years: over 20 carries in a game for under 20 yards.
If he does accomplish the remarkable feat, I hope they would stop the game to have a ceremony where the Cowboys would award Eddie a Nerf Turbo football and a beat-up ’72 El Camino.

#18) Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1, #16) - John Travolta was on Oprah today. There was one woman in the crowd who broke down at the sight of the man who produced and starred in Battlefield Earth. It kind of reminded me of the time I saw a woman go nuts when Louis Gossett Jr. was on an episode of Maury.

#19) St. Louis Rams (1-1, #13) - If the TV cameras never showed Mike Martz on the sidelines, I would swear that the Rams were being coached by Rich Kotite.

#20) Chicago Bears (1-1, #24) - After their impressive win against the Packers at Lambert Field, I wanted to move the Bears higher up in the Chaz Rankings. I was having trouble figuring out how high to put them when I realized that no Bears fans will care if I have their team too low. Chicago fans are so pessimistic they make Eeyore look like Katie Couric.

#21) Detroit Lions (2-0, #22) - I know the Lions beat the Bears, but come on folks... their quarterback is named Joey.

#22) San Francisco 49ers (0-2, #30) - Even though they’re winless, the Niners are probably the biggest surprise of the NFL season. Everybody thought they’d be the worst team in the league, instead they’re probably only the eighth or ninth worst. Way to go guys!

#23) Cincinnati Bengals (1-1, #20) - Dear NFL, After WKRP in Cincinnati there was really no need to show anything remotely related to Cincinnati on primetime television again. Sincerely, Chris.

#24) Oakland Raiders (1-1, #26) - Now that Ronald Curry has pushed Jerry Rice further down the depth chart, rumor has it that the best receiver in NFL history is in danger of losing his roster spot to either Darian Durant or Jason Capel.

#25) Cleveland Browns (1-1, #17) - Word out of Cleveland is that Courtney Brown will miss the rest of the season because of a foot injury. That means Brown, the #1 overall pick in the 1999 draft, will finish the season with two tackles. Well, at least he’s right around his average.

#26) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-2, #19) - Chris Simms looked alright in the second half against the Seahawks. He looks like he could have a bright future in the NFL, as long as the league doesn’t expand to Oklahoma.

#27) New York Giants (1-1, #31) - Four spots is all you move up when you win by less points (6) than your opponent’s turnover total (7).

#28) San Diego Chargers (1-1, #27) - Two things about “The Music City Miracle”:
1) That’s such a lame name for a play. The Immaculate Reception. The Catch. The Shot Heard ‘Round the World. Those are catchy. The Music City Miracle? What? Because two-thirds of it are alliterated? And Music City is a lame name for a city anyway, I don’t care how good the music scene is. Is that how we nickname things now? Just taking a singular trait of a town and throw it in before “City”?
Do we call Baltimore “Kind of Smelly, But Not Necessarily In a Bad Way City?” Or refer to Los Angeles as “Silicon City”? Or call New York “Really Smelly and Definitely In a Bad Way City?” I don’t think so people.
2) Even though the Frank Wychek to Kevin Dyson pass probably went a little forward, I’ve always been happy that the Titans beat the Bills in that game. Not because I’m a Titans fan or hate the Bills or anything. I just didn’t like how Doug Flutie started 15 games for Buffalo and then was benched by Wade Phillips in favor of Rob Johnson for the Wild Card game. I hated it then, and I hate it now. Flutie equals victory.
Oh yeah, Flutie played a bit for the Chargers yesterday, hence this whole rant.

#29) Buffalo Bills (0-2, #23) - How to Find a Head Coach: Tip #15 – Never hire a coach whose last name (Mularky) is a homophone of a word that can be used in derogatory headlines (ie, “Bills a Bunch of Mularky”).

#30) Arizona Cardinals (0-2, #29) - By the end of the season the Cards could very well have as many moral victories as an After School Special.

#31) Houston Texans (0-2, #28) - Let’s see: The Astros are in the thick of the N.L. Wild Card race due in large part to a pitcher who once played for teams in Boston and New York and was lured out of retirement to give it a final go in Houston. If it worked in baseball, it might work in football too, so don’t be surprised to hear that Charley Casserly is making calls trying to plead Zeke Mowatt to come back for one last season.

#32) Miami Dolphins (0-2, #32) - Ricky Williams doesn’t have anything in his possession that could make watching a Dolphins game interesting.

Monday Morning Cornerback

Bad losses are nothing new for the Washington Redskins of the 21st century. Under Norv Turner, Marty Schottenheimer and Steve Spurrier games like the one played yesterday were common.
Four interceptions, three lost fumbles, four sacks allowed, six dropped passes and five pre-snap penalties. Hell, for the 2003 ‘Skins that might have actually been a good day.
But when Joe Gibbs is the coach, a team shouldn’t make 22 mistakes. They usually don’t even make half of that. Last week versus Tampa Bay the Redskins only had three such gaffes. So what happened?
Yesterday at the Meadowlands nearly everything that could have possibly gone wrong did for the Redskins.
Mark Brunell got hurt, Clinton Portis did his best Tiki Barber impersonation, the ‘Skins O-line couldn’t create any holes, receivers dropped balls, officials missed calls, kickers missed kicks, Brunell’s replacement, Patrick Ramsey, attempted passes that made Jake Plummer’s left-handed throw look like Montana-to-Rice and the Redskins defense gave a shell-shocked Kurt Warner his confidence back.
Even with all of that, the Redskins still had four opportunities to score the go-ahead touchdown in the 4th quarter, a fact that is probably more revealing about the play of the Giants than anything.
Mistakes are inevitable in football. Clinton Portis can make the same up-the-middle run on 3rd down 100 times and he’ll maybe fumble the ball once. Mark Brunell could have thrown the same screen pass dozens of times and Fred Robbins wouldn’t have picked it off. Those things happen every now and then. But even without those miscues, there are some serious problems facing the Redskins.

· For the second straight week, the offensive line couldn’t create any holes for Clinton Portis to run through. Taking away his big touchdown run against Tampa (which was caused by the Bucs safeties biting on the counter and Portis breaking it to the other side) and a 21-yard run on a 3rd and long draw play yesterday, and C.P. has run the ball 47 times for only 132 yards for a 2.8 yard average. Those are Eddie George numbers. Randy Thomas and Chris Samuels are playing well on the line, but Lennie Friedman, Derrick Dockery and Kenyatta Walker will have to make big improvements if Portis is to become the kind of clock-controlling back that Joe Gibbs needs.
· Rod Gardner can’t catch. The second receiver for the Redskins, who Gibbs wanted to be an Art Monk type possession receiver, dropped three easy balls that were in his hands, including one that would have led to a touchdown and another that would have given the Skins a key first-down.
· At this point, Patrick Ramsey doesn’t look like he can play in the Joe Gibbs offense, which relies on patience, smarts and accuracy. Two of Ramsey’s three interceptions came on balls that never should have been thrown. And two of his sacks could have been avoided with a quick sidestep. Nobody’s asking Ramsey to be Michael Vick, but even Vinny Testaverde can step-up in the pocket to avoid a pass-rush.
· Safeties Matt Bowen, Andre Lott and Sean Taylor have been beat badly four times in the first two weeks of the season which won’t fly in Gregg Williams’ blitz-happy defensive packages. The safeties can’t let receivers get behind them when Williams sends in seven, but that’s exactly what they’ve allowed to happen.

If there’s any coaching staff in the NFL that can correct these problems, it’s the one in Washington. Joe Gibbs and his cronies have a long week to plan for the Cowboys and work out the kinks in their system.
They should start by benching Rod Gardner and activating Darnerien McCants. Dropped balls are inexcusable. If Gardner could catch the Redskins would probably be sitting at 2-0.
Joe Bugel also needs to work with the right side of the offensive line and maybe think about making a switch at center. Lennie Friedman has been terrible, which I guess isn’t all that surprising considering he went to Duke.
And if Mark Brunell can’t play against Dallas, Gibbs should give serious thought to starting Tim Hasselbeck instead of Patrick Ramsey.
Considering all the mistakes the Redskins made, it has to be somewhat pleasing to Gibbs that his team had every opportunity to win the game yesterday. The defense played well, only giving up the play-action touchdown after a Brunell fumble, and the offense moved the ball well when they weren’t coughing it up.
The Redskins are far from being a great team but they aren’t a bad team either. And with parity dominating the NFL (after tonight only four teams in the NFC will be 2-0), that might be good enough.

Sunday Thoughts

- I’ve always thought that the consecutive games with a catch record was pretty overrated. That’s saying a lot, because my favorite NFL player of all-time, Art Monk, once held that record. I guess I just can’t excited about a streak that will stay alive when a player gets one catch for four yards.
Even so, Jerry Rice’s record of 274 straight games with a reception which dated back to December 1, 1985, is pretty remarkable. Consider these two facts:
1) Rice has only had three games during the streak where he made only one catch.
2) One of Rice’s fellow Raider receivers, Johnnie Morant, was only three years old when the streak started.

- Since all anybody could talk about last week was how amazing Quentin Griffin was, based on his stellar performance against the worst defense in the league, I fully expect to hear this week about how disappointing Quentin Griffin (25 car, 66 yds, late fumble) was against Jacksonville. But, that’s not the way things work in the media, so I assume that the hype this week will focus on Steve Mariucci and the Detroit Lions after their two wins against NFL juggernauts Chicago and Houston. And expect to see a few stories about DeShaun Foster and how he came in and stepped in for Stephen Davis in a crucial game for the Panthers. Try to ignore the fact the Foster, like Griffin before him, racked up huge numbers against the Chiefs.

- Thank goodness ESPN has stopped using the Monday Night Football music on it's Sunday night telecast. To me that always seemed like playing Christmas music on July 4th, eating pizza on Thanksgiving or wearing white after Labor Day.

- I watched a little bit of the Emmy Awards last night and had a few quick thoughts:
1) Since Sarah Jessica Parker talks and acts exactly like her character on Sex and the City, should she really be winning the award for Best Actress? That'd be like giving Ricky Williams an Oscar for starring in The Bob Marley Story: Music, Weed, Love and Weed... and Weed.
2) That was actually the only thing I had to say about the Emmy's.

- Florida sophomore quarterback Chris Leak is going to be a huge star in the NFL. The improvement he’s made from his freshman year to now is amazing. Leak has a cannon for an arm, great speed and sees the field better than any college quarterback I’ve seen in a while. The last time I got excited about a college QB his name was Michael Vick.

- I think it’s safe to say that Kyle Boller isn’t going to be a very good NFL quarterback. This isn’t at all surprising, considering he wasn’t a very good college quarterback. Brian Billick is going to have to make a change soon, because opposing defenses disrespect Boller so much that they are putting eight men in the box to stuff Jamal Lewis, and having great success doing so. They simply aren’t afraid of Boller beating them deep.

Superlatives

Best Game: Saints 30 – 49ers 27 - This game would have turned out a bit differently if Saints running back Deuce McCallister hadn’t gotten hurt in the first quarter. The Niners showed they aren’t going to roll over just because of low expectations and Aaron Brooks had one of his four annual 250 yard, 3 TD days. All of this means that next week, when you start Brooks on your fantasy team, he’ll throw for 93 yards and two picks. Guaranteed.

Upset of the Day: Bears 21 – Packers 10 - Wait. Ahman Green fumbled near the goal line? I don’t believe it. Next you'll try to convince me that Eddie George had under 3.4 yards per carry against Cleveland.

Players of the Day: Peyton Manning - Facing the possibility of an 0-2 record headed to Lambeau, Manning led the Colts to 28 second-half points en route to a huge victory against the Titans.

Line of the Day: Michael Vick – 14/19, 179 yds, 1 TD, 109 rsh yd - Vick had 79 more rushing yards than the entire Rams team.

Ryan Leaf Line of the Day: Jeff Garcia – 8/27, 71 yds, 3 INT - It’s going to take a few more pink cosmos than usual for Garcia to forget about this one.

Best Fantasy Day (Faulk/Holmes Division): Edgerrin James – 124 yds, 2 TD – 24 fantasy points - Not a whole lot of big fantasy days on Sunday, but the resurgence of Edge is making people who passed him up in favor of Fred Taylor, Jamal Lewis or Deuce McCallister kick themselves.

Worst Fantasy Day (George/Burress Division): Shaun Alexander – 45 rsh yds – 4 fantasy points - Would have been better off starting Aaron Stecker (5 points). Ouch.

Best Fantasy Day (Boldin/Patten Division): Giants Defense – 4 INT, 4 Sacks, 3 Fumbles, 1 TD – 25 fantasy points - Great fantasy day, yes. But don’t think go picking up their defense and expect them to do this every week. The Giants didn’t cause the turnovers, the Redskins did it to themselves.

Predictions

Went 9-6 on the day, bringing my season total to a mediocre 18-13. Those damn Seahawks are going to be a thorn in my paw all season.

Power Rankings: Top Two

1) New England – Still haven’t lost, but got challenged by the Cardinals.
2) Indianapolis - They're better than the Pats.

Monday Night Prediction

I’ve gone back and forth on this one all morning. Part of me thinks that Randy Moss is going to put on a show in front of Terrell Owens and a national TV audience while the other part of me thinks that Donovan McNabb will try to force the ball into T.O. and pay for it.
So that means both parts think the Vikings are probably going to prevail. Well, then this won't make any sense.
Pick: Eagles 23 – Vikings 21

NFL Week 2 Picks

Denver at Jacksonville
Let’s get something straight people: “Q-Griff” is not a nickname, it’s a lazy person’s attempt at cutting the four-syllablic name “Quentin Griffin” in half. What happened to the good ol’ days where “Crazy Legs”, “The Big Dipper”, “Magic”, “The Yankee Clipper” and “Teddy Ballgame” passed for nicknames. Now, if you’re name starts with an odd letter, or your last name can be cut into one syllable that sounds vaguely like a word that’s all you need.
Pick: Jacksonville

Indianapolis at Tennessee
Some people are calling this a “must win” for the Colts. Those people were probably the ones writing off the Yankees after their poor start in April and burying the Eagles last year when they started their season 0-2.
Pick: Indianapolis

San Francisco at New Orleans
The Miami team that Ken Dorsey led to the 2003 BCS Championship is probably better than the team that surrounds him in San Francisco.
Pick: New Orleans

Chicago at Green Bay
The last time the Bears beat the Packers, Bill Clinton was president, Madonna’s “Music” was the #1 song in the country, Troy Aikman was the Cowboys quarterback and LeBron James was in eighth grade.
Pick: Green Bay

Carolina at Kansas City
Houston at Detroit
Two former third-string quarterbacks and two former backup running backs playing on opposing 0-1 teams face-off in one game, while in another, two teams starting former top-three draft picks at QB and highly-touted backs and receivers will meet up. Try and guess which game is which.
Picks: Kansas City/Detroit

Pittsburgh at Baltimore
I’m in a hurry, so I’m going to be breezing through these. Bear with me. Tommy Maddox? What’s he… like 80?
Pick: Baltimore

St. Louis at Atlanta
What is Michael Vick doing on the cover of Sports Illustrated? Were the editors that impressed with Vick’s stellar 13-22, 163 pass yd, 1 TD, 1 INT, 10 rush yd performance against one of the worst defenses in the league?
If mediocre performances by mega-stars are all it takes to get on the cover of the nation’s premiere sports magazine then Donovan McNabb should have been on the cover thirteen times by now.
Pick: St. Louis

Washington at New York Giants
Earlier this week Tom Coughlin fined his wife for not making him eggs in the morning after he dreamed about eating pancakes.
Pick: Washington

Seattle at Tampa Bay
I’m picking against Seattle until I’m right. This worked wonders for me last year when I picked against the Vikings every week during their blazing 6-0 start, then started to believe in them only to see them pull a Munson down the stretch.
Pick: Tampa Bay

Buffalo at Oakland
This game reminds me of the old days when NBC showed AFC football. I half-expect Don Criqui and Merlin Olsen to be calling this one.
Pick: Buffalo

Cleveland at Dallas
This is the game that CBS selected as it’s 4:00 national telecast. Seriously.
Pick: Dallas

New England at Arizona
Well, in retrospect, maybe Cleveland/Dallas doesn’t look too bad.
Pick: New England

New York Jets at San Diego
Looks like the U.S. Ryder Cup team took lessons from the U.S. Basketball squad. At noon on Friday they’re down by a total of 13 holes in four matches. What does this have to do with New York-San Diego? Nothing.
Pick: New York Jets

Miami at Cincinatti
The Bengals are hosting their first primetime game in seven years. Miami has a quarterback controversy brewing between A.J. Feely and Jay Fiedler.
Other Sunday night viewing choices include: Titanic on NBC, Speed on FOX, The Emmy Awards on ABC, Fight Club on FX, The Wire on HBO, Seven on TNT (two Brad Pitt movies on one night? Am I in heaven???), a Britney Spears biography on E! and Book Events on C-Span 2.
Pick: Cincinatti

Last Week: 9-7

Questions from a Wolfman

The Wolfman grew up in Morton Grove, IL. During his formative years he played soccer, rooted for Notre Dame and the Green Bay Packers, was smooth with the ladies and never, ever looked like a tough guy on class picture day.
Against the advice of many football scouts who claimed that he could have “played D-III”, the Wolfman attended college at Wake Forest University, in Winston-Salem, NC where he didn't play varsity, but did make a mean catch on a Hail Mary to win the Flag Football (Division B) Finals in 1999.
Today he resides in San Diego, CA with his college roommate, who once nearly burned down his freshman dorm because he was making hot-wings.

After a football weekend that repeatedly made me feel like i had been punched in the face, i have some observations: First, of course, I'll start with the Bears.
I thought you were supposed to be asking questions here? Hence, “Questions from a Wolfman”. But just like a skeptical judge on Law & Order, I’ll allow it… for now.

Rex Grossman has been under a lot of scrutiny after his final minute interception.
However, I think he looked pretty good.
Define “a lot of scrutiny”. The last time I heard somebody mention a Bear on ESPN they were talking about this.

The guy has started 4 games in the NFL and his #1 receiver is David Terrell, give him a break. He got no protection all day and the running game average under 3.5 yards a carry. Even when he did make plays, the Bears would shoot themselves in the foot, such as Desmond Clark catching a 28 yard pass to move the ball into the Lions territory and then fumbling given the ball back to the Lions.

Is there a question buried here somewhere? As for Rex Grossman, do I have to remind you where he went to college? Aren’t you the same person who hated on Shane Matthews? Do you not recall the Danny Wuerffel era in Washington? Why am I the one asking all the questions here.

With that inexperienced of a quarterback, some other guys have to be playmakers and they simply weren't. And yes I know I was the one a few years back singing Brad Johnson's praises, so we'll see.

I was in the Brad Johnson camp as well. If Dan Snyder never had his fling with Jeff George, Brad Johnson might still be the Redskins quarterback. Johnson was the only QB to lead a Redskins team to the playoffs in the post-pre Joe Gibbs era. Had he been given a vote of confidence by the front office, the Skins might have not imploded in their infamous 2000 season and Norv Turner still might be coach. On second thought, I’m glad that moonshine drinking hillbilly got out of town.

(With all that said, I don't know if Grossman can throw a good deep ball, but they jury is still out on that one)

Did you know that Oprah was on a jury a few weeks ago? I think it was for a murder trial, but I don’t think the other jurors got cars at the end.

One of the playmakers should be David Terrell. He did make some plays in the game, but he still flashed the same idiocy that he did his previous 3 years in the league. The first Bears fans got to hear about Terrell in the game was on their second offensive play when Terrell was flagged for offensive pass interference on an 8 yard curl. In the 2nd half, with the Bears deep in their own territory, Grossman completes a pass down the sideline to Terrell for 35 yards to about the 50, great. Oh, but Terrell gets a taunting call, moving it back 15 yards. His comment after the game? 'They (the refs) made bad calls.' I have an idea Terrell, shut up and play the game. You have a young quarterback who needs a safety valve, step up and take some responsibility. Sounds like a little MWS to me.
If doctors would quit spending so much time on “real” diseases and focused on Michael Westbrook Syndrome, I think David Terrell would have a chance of breaking the record for most appearances on the cover of the New England Journal of Medicine
Let’s compare:

- Michael Westbrook – 4th pick of the 1995 draft (4th pick?!)
- David Terrell – 8th pick of the 2001 draft

- Michael Westbrook attended Colorado
- David Terrell attended Michigan

- Michael Westbrook’s biggest play ever was against Michigan when he caught “The Catch” from Kordell Stewart.

- Receptions in Michael Westbrook’s rookie year: 34
- Receptions in David Terrell’s rookie year: 34

Now, all David Terrell has to do is beat up Adrian Peterson on the sidelines and draw a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty from David Boston’s father, and the metamorphosis will be complete.

I could talk about the Bears all day, but I'll spare the readers.

Sparing the readers would have meant ending your Bears thoughts at “First, of course, I’ll start with the Bears.”
And this also assumes that there are still readers at this point for what has become Wolfman’s Bears Rant Page.

I wish after Brett Favre got sacked, an announcer would say 'I bet he'll go home and get all doped up on painkillers.' God I hate that guy.

Now that’s not nice. What if every time something bad happened to you I said “I bet he’ll go to a park in Austria and get seduced by a wealthy Asian man.”

It's great to talk to the media after you win a game and it's all smiles for you, but how about talking to the media after blindly throwing an interception to Brian Dawkins or having Atlanta come into Lambeau and handing it to you in the playoffs.

I’m starting to get the feeling that you don’t care for Brett Favre.

He better hope Ahman Green gets some holes to run through in the playoffs, otherwise you might be headed for another six interception day like in St. Louis a few years back.

Well, Favre is no Cade McNown, that much is certain.

Favre really reminds me of a certain effeminate shortstop who's a favorite of the blog.

You know, for a Wolfman you’re not very jolly. But let’s not compare Brett Favre to Derek Jeter. Favre likes to go mow his lawn. Jeter likes to go out and pretend that he’s interested in the supermodels he cavorts around Manhattan with. Favre hasn’t missed a start in 191 games. If there was a sale at Barney’s, Jeter would definitely miss the front-end of a doubleheader with Tampa Bay. Brett Favre single-handedly led the Packers to two championships. Derek Jeter once made a play in an ALDS game that was considered amazing but wouldn’t have been remembered if Jeremy Giambi had just slid into home plate. Plus, the Yanks lost that World Series anyway.

I think the most hated athlete I could imagine is Brett Favre's son, sure to be equipped with a hillbilly name like Merle, playing quarterback for Notre Dame. What would your most hated possible athlete be?

Duke point guard Derek Jeter.

Okay, I need to calm down, I'm more wolf than man right now.

Do you find it ironic that you once dressed as Alex P. Keaton, a role played by Michael J. Fox and that at one time you also were a teenager who had wolf-like tendencies or a “Teen Wolf”, a role that was also played by MJF? It’s like rain, on your wedding day. Or a free ride, when you’ve already paid.

I want to thank the Hurricane for the picture of Jeff Garcia's girlfriend.

I want to thank Jeff Garcia’s girlfriend for the picture of Jeff Garcia’s girlfriend.

Did you see Tony Danza has a new talk show? What a time to be alive.

Tony Danza has a TV show and Blair Underwood is back on primetime television. I think we as a society have peaked.

Since the blog hasn't discussed baseball in a while, what are some predictions for the wild card races and the playoffs, it's getting to be that time you know. That was quite the prediction Kerry Wood winning the Cy Young.

Compared with my Derek Lowe for A.L. Cy Young pick, the Kerry Wood prediction makes me look like Nostra-friggin-damus.
I’ll go over this in depth when the season ends, but here are my postseason predictions:

Divisional Series

Minnesota Twins (AL Central Champs) over New York Yankees (AL East Champs)
Boston Red Sox (Wild Card) over Oakland A’s (AL West Champs)

St. Louis Cardinals (NL Central Champs) over Los Angeles Dodgers (NL West Champs)
Chicago Cubs (Wild Card) over Atlanta Braves (NL East Champs)

Championship Series

Boston Red Sox over Minnesota Twins
St. Louis Cardinals over Chicago Cubs

World Series

Boston Red Sox over St. Louis Cardinals

I’m not really sold on the Cardinals. It’s getting late, so I’m not going to go into it. They have the best record in baseball, but a postseason rotation of Matt Morris, Woody Williams and Jeff Suppan won’t scare the Red Sox who will throw out Pedro, Schilling and D-Lowe.
The Cubs and Giants will fight until the last weekend for the Wild Card berth, but the Cubbies easier schedule gives them the slight edge.
The Braves will choke as usual, the Yanks will get shut down twice by Johan Santana and not be able to sweep the other three non-Johan games.
Here are my picks for the postseason awards. It’s not who I necessarily think will win, but who I think deserves to win.

AL MVP – Manny Ramirez, Boston
AL Cy Young – Johan Santana, Minnesota
AL Manager - Eric Wedge, Cleveland

NL MVP – Barry Bonds, San Francisco
NL Cy Young – Jason Schmidt, San Francisco
NL Manager - Bobby Cox, Atlanta

Has a team ever had both the MVP and Cy Young winner and not made the playoffs? It could happen this year. Manny gets the edge over Sheffield, Santana over Schilling and Wedge beats out Buck Showalter, unless the Rangers get hot and win the AL West.
Bonds should win the NL MVP unanimously, Schmidt tops Clemens because of his strikeout totals and if Bobby Cox doesn’t win the NL Manager of the Year, then the award should be discontinued.

Questions from a Wolfman usually entails the Wolfman asking questions and is an occasional feature on this site.

Chris Answers PTI’s Questions

Headlines

How long should Frank Francisco’s suspension be for throwing a chair at a fan?

Bud Selig needs to send a stiff message to players that folding-chair throwing should only be practiced by professional wrestlers and Bobby Knight. Francisco clearly needs to be suspended for the remaining 18 Ranger games this season and probably for at least 40 next season.
That being said, there needs to be more security around Major League bullpens in order to prevent this sort of thing from happening again. Yeah, Francisco shouldn’t have thrown a chair, but this whole thing started because the husband of the woman who got clocked with the chair was drunk and yelling at Texas reliever Doug Brocail.
This moron, probably eight or nine beers deep, had allegedly been heckling Brocail and the rest of the Texas bullpen for the previous few innings and things got heated in the ninth.
Yelling and cursing doesn’t give a player the right to fight a fan, but baseball players are normal people and have a breaking point.
Fans earn the right to heckle players when they buy their ticket, but if it crosses a line it is up to stadium security to control the situation. Where were they? If this guy is yelling, why couldn’t an usher ask him to quiet down or ask stadium security to do the same? It’s up to the ballparks to control this, players shouldn’t have to.
One more thing: if the chair had hit the heckler instead of his wife, I would have applauded the throw.
Here’s why: Craig Bueno, the guy yelling at Brocail and the intended recipient of the chair to the head, would never, under any circumstance, heckle a Major League Baseball player if he saw one on the street or in a restaurant. Why? Because he knows he would get the s*** kicked out him. But when these idiots sitting in the stands have a few too many they think they’re invincible because of the barrier between the playing field and the spectators. If you watch Bueno during the argument you’ll see him make the “come on” motion to the Rangers bullpen, indicating that he wants to fight. Think he would do that if he was walking by the Rangers in an airport?
My rule is, don’t provoke a fight unless you are prepared to get into one. This guy clearly wasn’t. He thought that he was protected by his role as a spectator, and when you’re cowardly enough to do that, then you deserve to get your ass kicked.

Are the Packers good or are the Panthers bad?

I’ve been on the record here saying that the Panthers were overrated last year and had one of those magical years where their players stayed healthy, all the bounces went their way and every player on the team seemed to peak.
That rarely happens two years in a row, and I predicted the Panthers to finish this season at 7-9 and miss the playoffs.
Jake Delhomme is a solid quarterback, but his M.O. during the playoffs last year was that he was good enough to not lose games on his own, but not necessarily good enough to carry a team on his shoulders. What happened in the past six months to change everybody’s mind? (Same thing with the Packers-Panthers spread. The Pack were three point dogs on Monday, but if they had beaten the Eagles to play in the NFC Championship game, they probably would have been favored by one or at the least, one-point underdogs. But because the Panthers played the Patriots close in the Super Bowl the whole opinion of the team is changed?)
Back to ripping the Panthers.
Stephen Davis is getting close to that inauspicious 2,000 career carry mark and is clearly on the decline.
With Steve Smith getting hurt, Carolina Offensive Coordinator Dan Henning won’t be able to stretch the field at all since the rest of his receiving corps are all possession receivers.
As for the vaunted Panthers defensive line? I’m not sold. The Packers abused the Carolina front-four en route to 152 rushing yards.
Brentson Buckner is one of the more underrated players in the NFL, but that makes up for Julius Peppers who is one of the most overrated. How many times did you hear Peppers name on Monday night? He’ll make a big sack, but is ineffective against the run and takes plays off.
It’s still too early to write the Panthers off or to declare the Packers the best team in the NFC, but at the moment it looks like the Panthers aren’t as good as last season and the Packers are just about the same. Remember, they were one fluky Donovan McNabb pass away from a match-up with the Panthers in the NFC Championship Game.

Is Tom Coughlin old school disciplinarian or is he clinically insane?

Playing on the Giants under Jim Fassel was like going to summer camp. Playing on the Giants under Tom Coughlin is like being in a supermax prison.
Three New York players were fined last week for being early to team meetings. Apparently, they only showed up four minutes early when Coughlin wants them to be five minutes early.
I understand that Coughlin needs to toughen up a bunch of players that were pampered under Jim Fassel, but if you want the meeting to start at 2:55 then don’t schedule it for 3:00. It’s that simple.

Why are the Mets waiting for fire manager Art Howe?

Because then the front office would have to admit that they messed up by mortgaging the team’s future in July to make a futile run at the playoffs. The Mets traded away all of their top prospects for Richard Hidalgo, Kris Benson and Victor Zambrano, in order to make a push for the postseason that wasn’t at all realistic.
When the Mets made the Benson trade on July 30 they were four games under .500 and seven back in the N.L. West and Wild Card race, with numerous teams ahead of them. It seemed like a curious move, to get a pitcher who will be a free agent at the end of the year in exchange for a young third baseman and two highly-touted prospects.
Of course, it didn’t pay off and now the Mets are 19 games under .500 and behind the Rockies in the Wild Card race, just 17 games and nine teams behind the leading Giants.
It’s not Howe’s fault the Mets suck, but somebody has to take the blame.

Oprah: Selfless Humanitarian or Corporate Shill?

In case you haven’t heard (which I doubt), on the premiere of her 19th season, Oprah gave away a Pontiac G-6 to all 276 members of her studio audience.
It was a brilliant move by both Oprah and Pontiac, who will pay about $7 million for the cars, but earn that back five-fold because of all the publicity.
But is Oprah selfless or a shill? She’s both, and that’s OK. Oprah is the most powerful person in America and uses that clout for good. Just because Pontiac used her show as a launching platform for their new mid-size sedan doesn’t make her a bad person.
Now, let’s just hope that Stedman makes an honest woman out of her one day.

Toss Up

More impressive: Pats or Eagles

I’m going to say the Eagles. Losing three straight NFC Championship games, including two at home, is pretty darn impressive.

Who’s your wideout: Terrell Owens or Randy Moss

This is going to come as a shock to most of you, but I’m going to go with T.O.
When motivated, Moss is the best receiver in the history of the NFL. All Daunte Culpepper (or whoever) has to do is lob the ball somewhere in Randy’s vicinity and no corner can do anything about it.
But that’s only when Moss is motivated. And that is maybe eight or nine games a season. In the others, Moss just seems to go through the motions. If he knows a play isn’t going his way, Moss won’t block, instead, he’ll just stand around the line of scrimmage.
I don’t want that kind of player on my team.
I’m not going to defend Owens, because his sideline tirades and off-field behavior are despicable, but at least he works hard every time he steps on the field.
And frankly, I’d rather have Marvin Harrison.

More likely to keep it going: Butch or Mooch?

Keep what going exactly? They won one game for crap’s sake. As the Wolf says in Pulp Fiction, “let’s not start -“, well… you know how it goes.
The Lions will be better than the Browns this season, but that’s like saying that Hawaii is going to be a better TV show than Rodney.

What will happen first: Ty Willingham wins the title or gets the boot?

One week ago people couldn’t wait to fire Ty Willingham, now just because they beat a Michigan team that has lost its previous five road openers (despite being ranked in the Top 11 each time), we’re supposed to take his ring size?
This team lost to BYU last week. The question should really be: What will happen first: Ty Willingham wins the Insight.com Bowl or gets the boot?
Even then, I’d have to put it at 50/50 either way.

More fun to watch: The hit on Eli Manning or the hit on Jeff Feagles?

Reason #415 TiVo is the greatest invention of the past decade: Rewinding the Eli Manning hit over and over. It’s like watching the career ending hit that Lavar Arrington put on Troy Aikman, it just makes me so happy.

Big Finish

Contract extension for Terry Donahue?

Let’ see: Fired Steve Mariucci, got rid of Jeff Garcia and Terrell Owens, hired Dennis Erickson and went into this season with Tim Rattay as the starting quarterback. Yeah, I think a contract extension is about right.

Ken Dorsey will start for 49ers?

Kudos Terry Donahue, kudos.

Sammy Sosa back on track?

If by “back on track” you mean, still striking out at a Reggie-esque clip and hitting meaningless solo homeruns late in games that are already decided, then yes.

Why isn’t Tony on Dream Job?

Because when a friend asked a few months back which show I thought was worse, Dream Job or Playmakers, I actually had to think about it for a few minutes.

Will Roger Clemens get #17 tonight?

Yes. And as a reward, Oprah is going to buy him a new Pontiac G-6.

Chris Answers PTI's Questions is an occasional feature on this site.

NFL Power Rankings: Week 1

1) New England Patriots - Until they lose, the Patriots will stay atop the Power Rankings. Do I think they’re the best team in the league? No. Do I think they’ll win the Super Bowl? No. Am I starting to sound like Arnie, the guy on Seinfeld that broke up with the chick from Will and Grace because George said she could do a lot better than him? I believe I am.

2) Philadelphia Eagles - The Philadelphia Inquirer is reporting in their final editions that today on the Eagles off-day, Donovan McNabb and Terrell Owens will fly to Massachusetts to be legally married. Brian Westbrook will be the best man and Donovan’s niece will handle the flower girl duties after T.O.’s first choice, Jeff Garcia, declined the offer.

3) Green Bay Packers - John Madden says the Panthers defensive line is the best in football, but that didn’t phase Brett Favre, Ahman Green or the Packers O-line at all. Of course, John Madden also says Tinactin is tough-actin’ when the product is actually more affable than anything.

4) Denver Broncos - Quentin Griffin looked great against the Chiefs, but he’ll come back down to earth Sunday when he’ll face a Jaguars defense that ranked second against the run last season. I have no sarcastic comments to follow.

5) Minnesota Vikings - Daunte Culpepper is on pace to throw 80 touchdown passes this season. Even if he does that, Barry Bonds will still probably win the MVP.

6) Indianapolis Colts - If Mike Vanderjagt can be nicknamed “Money”, then Gilbert Brown should be called “Slim”.

7) Tennessee Titans - They get a pass on their stinker versus the Dolphins because just being in the city where Ricky Williams once lived probably gave them a contact high.

8) Seattle Seahawks - When two overrated, over hyped teams play, somebody has to get the W. Just look at the Notre Dame – Michigan game.

9) Washington Redskins - Too high you say? Being a homer, am I? Maybe I am. But for all you Joe Gibbs skeptics out there, here’s a little stat for you. The Redskins have been playing football since 1932, a total of 71 seasons. Joe Gibbs coached in 12 of those seasons, plus one game. Yesterday’s win gave the franchise a total of 500 wins, 125 of which were under Joe Gibbs.

10) Kansas City Chiefs - Gunther Cunningham did as much for the Chiefs defense as Dennis Miller did for Monday Night Football. Speaking of which, what’s what ABC putting the names of the directors and producers at the beginning of the MNF telecast. It’s a football game, not an episode of Two and a Half Men.

11) New York Jets - There are only two things more underrated than Curtis Martin: Ed and Cherry Coke.

12) Carolina Panthers - As I wrote yesterday, a team’s season isn’t decided by their first-week result. Regardless, that was a pretty uninspired effort from the defending NFC champions. Taking a cue from Oprah, Panthers owner Jerry Richardson is going to buy the entire team cars to cheer them up.

13) St. Louis Rams - The Greatest Show on Turf? More like The Greatest Show on the Turf of a Field That’s Near a Big Arch.

14) Jacksonville Jaguars - I’m kind of upset that Monday Night Football isn’t having that football musician battle this year during halftime. I really enjoyed seeing Joey Harrington on piano duking it out against a rapping Marcellus Wiley.

15) Atlanta Falcons - Michael Vick not taking advantage of a secondary that features Mike Rumph is like a thief not stealing from an open bank vault.

16) Pittsburgh Steelers - People in Pittsburgh probably don’t have too much to look forward to this season. But at least Teri Hatcher is back on network television on ABC’s Desperate Housewives. Seriously, how has it taken her so long to get back on the small screen? NBC will green light crap like Inside Schwartz and Father of the Pride, yet couldn’t find a way to get Teri Hatcher on TV? Have you seen her body? They’re real and they’re spectacular.

17) Cleveland Browns - That’s two Seinfeld references in one posting. That beats my previous record of... one.

18) New Orleans Saints - The Deuce wasn’t as much loose as he was reduced.

19) Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Yesterday at the Redskins-Bucs game Shawn King, wife of Larry King, sang the National Anthem. When they announced her name, I thought they were talking about Shaun King, the Bucs third-string QB. Then when I got home I read an article about NFL player Shawn King, who talked about how he loves smoking the Ricky-icky-icky. I didn’t know if the article was about Shaun King, QB, or Shawn King, Larry King’s eighth wife. It wasn’t until I clicked on the link that I found out that it was about a former Colts defensive lineman named Shawn King. That’s three Shawn/Shaun King’s in one day. I haven’t had an experience like that since my Jason Williams debacle of 1999.

20) Cincinnati Bengals - Does the spelling of Rudi Johnson’s first-name make him a) more girlie, b) less girlie, c) none of the above?

21) Baltimore Ravens - Every time a team coached by self-proclaimed genius Brian Billick scores less than a touchdown, a person gets their MENSA membership. Or maybe an angel gets their wings. I can never remember.

22) Detroit Lions - Speaking of Teri Hatcher, it’s been a while since there’s been a Lawrence brother on television.

23) Buffalo Bills - I’ve seen a total of three highlights from the Bills-Jags game, so really don’t have much to say about either. So instead, I’ll talk about that Gatorade commercial where everybody thanks Mia Hamm for, presumably, being Mia Hamm. I have two thoughts: 1) Is there anybody more annoying than Brandi Chastain? She’s like that annoying chick from that one sorority you hate that always seems to be in one of your history classes, answering questions and giving you dirty looks when you get called on and clearly don’t know what you’re talking about and end up just piecing together an answer culled from what other people have said and general statements about “leadership” and “visionaries”. Surely this has happened to other people besides the Wolfman? 2) Check out Michael Jordan’s jeans. It looks like he stole them from A.C. Slater’s closet.

24) Chicago Bears - Will Rex Grossman be more like Danny Wuerffel or Shane Matthews? Only time will tell.

25) Dallas Cowboys - The Eddie George era is off to a blazing start.

26) Oakland Raiders - Jerry Rice is now behind Doug Gabriel on the Raiders depth chart. In other news, NBC announced Tom Brokaw’s replacement on The Nightly News will be Pauly Shore.

27) San Diego Chargers - Did everybody underestimate Drew Brees or overestimate the Texans defense? I think it’s a little from column A and a little from column B.

28) Houston Texans - Did everybody underestimate Drew… oh, right.

29) Arizona Cardinals - In most places there are no such things as moral victories. Well, most places aren’t Arizona.

30) San Francisco 49ers - I had a really good joke about Jeff Garcia and his girlfriend, Playboy Playmate of the Year Carmella Decesare (thanks for the pic, which is safe for work, Hurricane Riley), but since both my mom and an alleged ten-year old (who e-mailed me to tell me that he loves my blog and Wake Forest Basketball) both check this site regularly, I’ll keep it to myself. But if you want, try to piece it together this way: Garcia, girlfriend, “She’s into it?”, surprise!, Derek Jeter?

31) New York Giants - I don’t know what I liked more: Eli Manning going 3 for 9 in his NFL debut or Eli getting hit so hard by Jerome McDougle that even Archie was hurting. Wait, I’m lying. I enjoyed Eli getting pummeled so much more.

32) Miami Dolphins - The only thing that will make this season tolerable in Miami is some of that real Ricky-icky-icky.

Monday Morning Cornerback

After a blowout victory over the Giants yesterday, fans in Philadelphia probably think that Donovan McNabb and Terrell Owens are going to become the most prolific quarterback-receiver tandem since Montana and Rice.
Meanwhile, a little further south in