Final Olympic Thoughts & Toto Too

- For as much as I complain about gymnastics, I actually don’t mind watching it in the Olympics. I could have gone without coverage of the gymnastics gala, or whatever it was called, where all the medallists did the same routines they did in the real competition, except this time it was set to music that never seemed to be in synch with the actual exercise. But I digress.
Once every four years I can sit through a few nights of tumbling, twisting and stuck landings as long as there are some medals on the line.
My patience doesn’t extend to gymnastics distant, in-bred cousin: diving.
Q: What kind of people are divers?
A: Unathletic people and a**holes.
In my county, high-school swimming is, for some reason, combined with diving. I fear that this is not an isolated situation. Why is this so… because both take place in a pool? What? I don’t see volleyball and basketball teams combining forces on a single team just because they both play on hardwood floors.
Yet, the swim team had to let divers on it and, worst of all, had to watch it during the meets. If you haven’t seen a dive meet, let me sum up: Diver jumps off board after 30 seconds of concentrating. Scores given after 30 seconds deliberation (“Should I give it a 5.5 or a 6.0. Were the toes pointed correctly? Was the flip in line with the board? Was there good body control? How am I supposed to remember all of this, the whole dive took about .8 seconds.”) Repeat 44 times.
Swimmers who worked hard year-round, swimming mile upon mile, lifting weights and practicing at the crack of dawn actually had to take a break in the middle of their meet to watch people cut from J.V. volleyball attempt front flips with a half-twist. What a joke. I sometimes can still hear the judge’s scores in my nightmares.
Anybody can be a good diver. Well, anybody except somebody with a hint of athletic ability, because those people would be competing in a real sport and not wasting their time jumping off a board and trying not to make splash.
Seriously how not fun is that. The main joy of jumping off a diving board is seeing how big a splash you can make. Diving sucks the fun out of that and does the opposite. It’s like having a race and seeing who can go the slowest.
Simply put: diving is for losers.
Chris, can you really make a sweeping generalization of an entire sport like that?
Yes. Yes I can. Why? Because it’s diving.
The good news is, the Americans were shut out of medals at the Olympics in diving for the first time since 1912. Hopefully, this will mean that NBC will not devote hours of primetime coverage to this non-sport in Beijing. One can only hope.

- Don’t hate on the NBA players that earned bronze at the Olympics. Team U.S.A. easily could have packed it in against Lithuania in the bronze-medal game, but instead came out with the same intensity as in all their previous games and earned a hard-fought victory.
It’s not Allen Iverson’s fault that the USOC picked eight of the same exact players for the team. And it also wasn’t the players fault that Larry Brown was more concerned with complaining about the officiating or the roster or the etiquette of finger-pointing than he was with working on an effective game plan.
Seriously, how many times did Lithuania have to break the zone in the first match-up before Brown put Dwayne Wade back in the game to defend the perimeter?
And yes, the refs were unfair to Tim Duncan, but playing him with three fouls early in the 2nd half of the Argentina game was just asking for trouble.
Most of the players on the team (with the exception of Carmelo Anthony and Amare Stoudamire) conducted themselves with class, even as they were getting beat by the likes of Puerto Rico and Argentina and getting ridiculed back in the States.
It’s easy to knock the NBA guys because they took home the bronze, but if you watched the basketball competition, no team worked as hard as the U.S. at getting loose balls or hustling down court. These guys wanted to win, but were handicapped by the roster, their coaching staff and their own lack of fundamentals, something that the NBA doesn't require anymore.
The fact that the team came out and played hard every game, were gracious in defeat and didn’t mail it in after losing in the semi-finals says a lot about the character of the players that did play.
Larry Brown deserves a good share of the blame on this one, because you know he would have received the lion’s share of credit if his squad had won the gold.
The big winner in all of this, however, is Allen Iverson.
AI has his detractors, mainly because of his dreadlocks, tattoos and ghetto exterior. Most of the people who profess a dislike for Iverson don’t really have a reason; they just don’t like him because he’s a “thug”.
Hopefully those people were watching and listening to him in Athens. If they did, they would have seen a man playing hard and without fear of injury, somebody who repeatedly called out his NBA colleagues who failed to show up in Athens and spoke about what an honor it was to represent the country that allowed him to become a millionaire.
That’s the real Allen Iverson. It’s hard for people to look beyond the hair, ink and image. Maybe, after these Olympics, they finally have.

- I wonder where all of those people who talk about the beauty of the NBA game are today? You know these morons: The guys who will try to convince you that the NBA is the greatest game on earth, with the most athletic players and the truest form of basketball on the planet.
Seriously, where are they today? Bill Simmons, care to pen a 5,000 word NBA slurp this morning? The Olympics proved that the NBA is full of me-first players that don’t know how to pass, make a jump shot or break a zone defense. In other words, the NBA is boring and is not the greatest game on earth.
You could see a better grasp of fundamentals on a well-coached high-school team than you would in the current crop of dunk-or-die NBA players.
AAU travel teams, major camps sponsored by shoe companies and crippling NCAA rules have ruined the American game. Instead of practicing, young players are playing in five games a week, trying to become high-flyers because that’s what grabs the eye of coaches and scouts. And in college, the NCAA restricts practicing during the summer, so players are off playing on the playground for three months instead of practicing in a structured environment.
Any failure by a U.S. basketball team should cause the U.S. basketball establishment to reconsider the structure of the youth game. This wasn’t a fluke. If kids grow up in the United States trying to get on Sportscenter by dunking in games like LeBron instead of working on their jump-shot, then the American team should get used to standing on the bronze medal platform. If they’re lucky.

- Back in the first week of the Olympics some fool jumped off a diving board dressed as a clown and received five months of weekend jail time for his actions.
On Sunday some idiot tackled the leader of the men’s marathon and got off with only a suspended sentence and a warning.
Jumping off a board and harming nobody or interfering with a competition by blindsiding a runner and pummeling him to the concrete, thus possibly changing the outcome of the most important race of the Athens Olympics? Yeah, the punishments seem about right.
I bet Martha Stewart tries to deck the leader of the New York City Marathon in November. Maybe then the judge will show her some leniency.

- Two thoughts from the USC-Virginia Tech game:
1) I don’t know what looked worse. The ACC logo on the front of Virginia Tech’s helmets or the Hokies orange and burgundy pants. It looked like they swiped those things off a HAZMAT truck.
2) Virginia Tech fans: Generally the “overrated” chant is best left for the end of the game, not before kickoff. Just when I think I can’t think any less of VT fans, they force me to.

- I watched the rerun of the MTV Awards last night, and jotted down a few things.

• Roles in Living Single, Jungle Fever, Set It Off, The Bone Collector and House Party 2 sounds likes the resume of a career porn star, not Hollywood royalty. Yet, for some reason, Queen Latifah is apparently now an A-List star and has surpassed Paris Hilton as the most inexplicably famous person in the country. The way MTV cameras kept stalking her last night, you would have thought she was Princess Di, circa 1983. And what’s with the Revlon commercials? I don’t get this at all. Am I the only one?
• Chaka Khan came out to sing the hook in Kanye West’s “Through the Wire” (which was sampled, in-part, from her ‘80s hit “Through the Fire”), but Kanye failed to announce who Chaka was until his second verse. I wonder how many people in the American Airlines Arena crowd didn’t know who she was when she came out and said, “man, Toni Braxton’s really let herself go.”
• The current state of rock & roll is so bad that the only rock acts MTV included in the show were lumped into a three-group medley of popular, crappy songs. Oh, how I long for the days of Slayer.
• Speaking of which, is the lead singer for Hoobastank the Asian guy from Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle?
• Christina Aguilera apparently hired Annie’s hairstylist and stole Doc Brown’s time machine, went back to 1984 and raided Cyndi Lauper’s closet.
• Wait, let me take back what I said about Queen Latifah being the least deserving famous person. That role certainly belongs to Farnsworth Bentley.
• I don’t know what’s better. Awkward hugs between Olympic gymnasts or awkward man hugs between dorky white actors (Matthew Lillard) and rappers (Jay-Z).
• It wasn’t cool to boo John Kerry’s daughters when they came on-stage. Don’t boo family members of politicians, that’s just wrong. (Family members of Duke players, however, are fair game.) But then I realized that maybe the audience thought Kerry’s daughters were actually the stars of White Chicks. Seriously, take a look. It’s a bit scary.
• Who dressed Beyonce… John Stockton?
• I thought it was pretty neat when Stevie Wonder joined Alicia Keys on “If I Ain’t Got You”. But until Sway and that Carson Daly wanna-be repeatedly told me so, I didn’t realize just how historic the performance really was. Thank you for enlightening me MTV.

- I’m glad that, four months after the draft, my hatred of Eli Manning hasn’t diminished at all. I kind of hope Kurt Warner stinks up the joint early in the season (although, admittedly, it would be pretty hard to stink up the Meadowlands more than it already does) so Manning can come in and suffer through more 4/14, 2 INT days like he had this weekend. It’s called karma Eli. And when you're more overrated than The Daily Show, you need all the cosmic help you can get.

- How does Larry Bowa still have a job? The Phillies, expected to run away with the N.L. East this year, are sitting in third place, one game under .500. Bowa is the Dave Wannstedt and Wes Unseld of baseball.

- That’s it for today. I gotta run… Need to be at diving practice in 20 minutes.

Tomorrow: NFL Preview - AFC East & North
Thursday: AFC South & West
Friday: NFC East & North
Monday: NFC South & West
Tuesday: Postseason Predictions
Wednesday: Award Predictions & Fantasy Football Breakdown
Thursday: I still don't know what I'm having for lunch, so planning this a week ahead is a bit much.

The Athens Olympics: A Look Back

The Olympics kind of came and went, didn’t they?
It seems like just yesterday the infield of the Olympic Stadium was flooded with water and a guy and a girl had a wild, amorous romp in the pool, the byproduct of which was an odd, illuminated fetus in the womb of the female, which of course was followed by Yao Ming carrying the Chinese flag, Allen Iverson wearing a beret and the lighting of the Olympic cauldron.
Last night, just sixteen days later, that flame was extinguished, thus ending the most successful Olympiad in recent memory.
All the pre-Olympics worries about the Greek’s preparation, or lack thereof, were overblown. The empty seats of the first week gave way to a nightly packed-house at the track & field events, the traffic and security problems that were envisioned in nightmare scenarios never materialized and even the pall of the ongoing steroid controversy managed to be brushed aside by more deserving stories of those who didn’t cheat.
Three weeks ago most people would have predicted that the Athens Olympics would be most remembered for chaos and terrorism. Instead, the Games went off without a major hitch, Athens provided the greatest visual backdrop in Olympic history, and the true stars of the Games were the athletes, as they should be.
The most major star, of course, was Michael Phelps. He ruled the first week of competition with eight swimming medals, but even with his dominance in the pool, others like Ian Thorpe, Pieter van den Hoogenband, Natalie Coughlin, Inge de Bruijn and Aaron Piersol still got their deserved due.
Two of the more unheralded swimmers (at least in the U.S.) were Poland’s Otylia Jedrzejczak and Yana Klochkova from the Ukarine. If these two women were American, or were as attractive and outspoken as Thorpe or Inge de Bruijn, their Olympics performance (two silvers, one gold for Jedrzejczak, two golds for Klochkova) wouldn’t have been as overlooked.
Along with swimming, gymnastics also dominated the first week, even though most Athenians couldn’t have told you that.
Competing in front of sparse crowds, the U.S. gymnastics teams took silver in both the men’s and women’s competition and also swept the all-around event with golds from Paul Hamm and Carly Patterson.
Hamm’s gold wasn’t without controversy, or a preposterous letter from the head of the International Gymnastics Federation, but he earned his medal and should be proud of his performance. He should still work on his vault landings though.
As swimming ended (and gymnastics seemed to drag on forever), athletics (as track & field is known in Europe) took center stage.
The Americans dominated the men’s sprints, taking home eight of the nine medals awarded (only the silver in the 100-meter dash went to a non-American).
The women didn’t fare as well, but the U.S. track team should be pleased that two young ladies who can’t legally drink (Allyson Felix and Lauryn Williams) earned medals and should usher in a new era of U.S. track, along with Justin Gatlin, Shawn Crawford and Jeremy Wariner.
While the Americans ruled the sprints, the king of the track was Hicham El Guerrouj. After two disappointments in Atlanta and Sydney, El Guerrouj broke through and finally won the race he has dominated internationally for a decade, the 1,500 meter run. As if that wasn’t enough, El Guerrouj also took gold in the 5,000, becoming the first man to complete that double since Paavo Nurmi in 1924.
In diving, the Chinese dominated, putting the Americans on notice that China will be a serious threat to win the medal count and overtake the U.S. when the Games go to Beijing in 2008.
Don’t tell that to the American women’s teams though, as they ran through the competition in softball, basketball and soccer.
Many of the mainstays from those three teams don’t figure to compete in four years, but the U.S. should still be prohibitive favorites in those events.
As for the men’s basketball competition, the performance of the United States could have one of two reactions. The USOC could be fed-up with the pros, as they did with the college kids after they earned bronze in 1988, and make a switch back. Or, the loss could serve as a wake-up call to all the prima-donnas who skipped the Olympics and the U.S. team in Beijing will have a Kobe, a Kevin and a Shaquille in its starting line-up.
Either way, no team is guaranteed of anything in Beijing, not with Lithuania, Argentina and Serbia now major forces in the international game.
There was a lot more that happened in Athens besides swimming, track and basketball, way too much to detail here.
Greece won six gold medals, including an improbable victory in the men’s synchronized diving. Cael Sanderson won a gold medal in freestyle wrestling, while American legend Rulon Gardner earned a bronze to go with his gold from Sydney. Iraq played its way into the medal round of soccer, giving a war torn country something to cheer about, albeit briefly. Argentina won the men’s soccer competition, giving the country its first gold medal in 52 years (!). They then had to wait about 20 hours for their next one, as their basketball team knocked off Italy in the gold medal game. The Dutch field hockey team took silver, but looked real good doing it, an Israeli won the first gold in the country’s history and Iraqi and Afghani women competed in the Olympics for the first time ever.
The Games of the XVIII Olympiad were a rousing success and not just because they exceeded low expectations.
In the eyes of a skeptical world, the Greeks came through and put on a first-class show that would have made Pierre de Coubertin proud.
In 1997 when the IOC announced the Athens would get the 2004 Games, there was some grumbling that the small nation of 10 million didn’t deserve it. The country was either too small, too poor or too incompetent to put on the greatest event in the world.
Not only did Greece prove the naysayers wrong, they showed that Athens didn’t just deserve the Games, but that the Games deserved Athens.
It was only fitting that the Olympics returned to the place they were founded, thousands of years ago and brought back to life before the turn of the 20th century.
From the fields at Olympia to the track at Panathinaiko Stadium, Athens is the Olympics.
It just took them a little while to come back home.

Tomorrow: Final Olympic/Weekend Thoughts. Wednesday: NFL Preview (Day One)

Potent Potables

Even though there are still three more days of competition, I’ve already begun the first stages of Olympics withdrawal.
The shakes, sweaty palms, a feeling of despair that can only be brought on by the thought of my imminent separation from Jim Lampley… man, I’ve got it bad.
So, I won’t talk about the Olympics today. It would just be too hard.
Besides, it was a pretty boring night of coverage.
The 200 meter final was great, but other than that, the pickings were slim. Does anybody really want to watch 45-minutes of diving? Come on. Every diver is either a failed swimmer or a failed gymnast. They’re like the dentists and chiropractors of the sporting world.
There I go, talking about the Olympics again. I’ll save all those tears for Monday.
Onto other headlines from the past few days:

NCAA Denies Mike Williams Reinstatement

The NCAA is the most hypocritical, tightfisted and cowardly organization in America. On my list of most despised organizations, I rank them #2 below PETA and right ahead of The Dave Matthews Band Fan Club.
I’m too tired and groggy to make any decent argument here, which disappoints me because I’m really mad about this.
This move by the sanctimonious suits at the NCAA was nothing more than a flexing of muscles. “You want to defy us and try to join the NFL Mike Williams? Fine. Oops, didn’t work out for you? Screw you, we’re not going to let you back in to college out of spite.”
The NCAA could have let Mike Williams back if they wanted. It was an unprecedented situation, and since Williams paid all the money back and re-enrolled at school, it should have been a no-brainer.
But when a no-brainer decision is made by people with no brains, then things can get sticky.
I guess it’s alright for the NCAA to use college athletes to make billions of dollars, but the instant one of those athletes tries to help their own cause, the NCAA kicks them to the curb.
Look at Colorado football player/Olympic skier Jeremy Bloom. He made money used for expenses so he could qualify for the Olympics. Surely he would be allowed to play college football.
Nope, the NCAA says it can’t bend the rules. Oh, it’s OK to change the BCS every year to appease the television rights holder and bylaws can be hastily rewritten to bring in more money, but changing the rules to benefit a student? Of course not.

Correll Buckhalter Out for Season

I like Brian Westbrook. He went to high school around where I live and matriculated to Villanova, a college that I tend to root for.
But Eagles fans are crazy if they think the 5’9, 200 pounder can handle the running load all season in Philadelphia. The guy has never attempted more then 15 carries in an NFL game. Now, he’s penciled in for 25 a game for 16 weeks?
The Iggles will again disappoint their fans this year, but far before the NFC Championship Game (like usual).

College Football Season Opens Saturday Night

Since Virginia Tech is playing their first game in August this year instead of September, does that also mean the Hokies’ season will start unraveling a month earlier too?

Leinart, White and Sproles Early Favorites for Heisman

Every year there is a preseason Heisman candidate that gets a lot of publicity, then falls off the radar in week six and is never heard from again. Last year it was Kevin Jones, the year before that, Rex Grossman.
This year, Darren Sproles can probably save himself a trip to the kid’s section at Men’s Wearhouse… he won’t get a December invite to New York.

Ichiro Reaches 200 Hits for Fourth Straight Season

Ichiro joins nobody on the list of players who have had 200 hits in their first four seasons. To do that in today’s hitting era is simply ridiculous, almost akin to Barry Bonds reaching base 60% of the time or Manny Ramirez’s hair.
Ichiro is on pace for 258 hits, which would break a record that many consider to be unbreakable (George Sisler had 257 in 1920). While the diminutive Japanesian will probably fall short, it’s amazing that there is even a possibility of this happening, since Ichiro batted a feeble .255 in April.
Since then, he has hit .391, including an astonishing .462 since the All-Star break. Like Hansel and Paul Bettany, Ichiro is so hot right now.
And yes, I made up Japanesian.

NFL Preseason Gears Up For Exciting Third Week

I thought Redskins and Broncos fans had the market cornered on preseason scheduling rage, after both teams were forced to play five exhibition contests instead of the usual four.
But Rams fans have a pretty good beef too. After appearing on Monday Night Football this week, the Rams only had three days of practice before their next game, tonight against the Redskins.
Who’s making these schedules? Somebody who… makes… bad… schedules??

On that note, I need to try to go to sleep. Again, please pardon any errors, grammatical, factual or spelling that likely appeared above. I'm still a bit groggy from the pills, as evidenced by the fact that I fell down today like the "I've fallen and can't get up" lady.

Dammit, freestyle wrestling is on MSNBC. Now that I’m trying to fall asleep, where’s diving coverage when I really need it?

In the Pill of the Night

Three days of popping pain pills has taken its toll on me. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep and for about three terrifying minutes this morning I actually thought that Ellen DeGeneres was funny. (I’d rather not discuss it.)
This foot surgery thing is becoming more of a nuisance than I had planned. Yeah, I knew I wouldn’t be able to drive for a few weeks while my foot’s in a cast and also figured that my recuperation would be going pretty much as it has, but I never thought there would be a situation where I would have to watch 45 minutes of Cold Pizza because I dozed off while watching ESPN2 earlier in the night and upon waking up couldn’t move the two feet necessary to get the remote. Finally, I bit the bullet and sacrificed my foot to change the channel after this one guy on the show who calls himself Kane (dude, come on) started interviewing Isaiah Thomas and sucked up to him like he was Ahmad Rashad on ecstasy interviewing MJ.
I had never watched Cold Pizza before, and I’m thinking that was a pretty good decision. It was like a cross between The Best Damn Sports Show Period and the morning announcements at a local high school.
There’s been some other ill effects of the medicinal alleviation.
Which is more disturbing:
1) That I have been staring at a blank computer screen for 20 minutes thinking of something to write, and all I have put down (and erased numerous times) has been, “Diving: Dumb, Stupid or Both?”
or
2) Losing 24-6 to the Texans in Madden on Pro level, which I had switched back to after All-Pro proved to be too difficult, what, with my engaging eight every down on defense and running Clinton Portis on a halfback-counter for 16 consecutive plays on the other side of the ball.
Ahh, but now the foot is starting to act up again, so I’m going to retreat back to the couch, wait until midnight-thirty so I can take my Oxycontin again, elevate my foot, and flip on the TV to see what obscure Olympic sport is on Bravo.
I’m sure I’ll have some thoughts throughout the night, so I’ll grab the computer when necessary.

1:01 a.m. - Why a hammer throw? Who decided that one? Out of all the things to throw, I’m sure they could have come up with something better than a hammer. Who throws a hammer? They should have made the object something that people actually throw, like beer bottles, the remote control or the 1919 World Series. How much cooler would it be if Tom Hammond sent it down to Dwight Stones for the 19-inch TV throw? 53 times cooler, I’d say. And do screwdrivers and saws and wrenches get jealous? Does the hammer make fun of them in the tool shed?

1:19 a.m. - In the last 40 games the four teams contending for the A.L. Wild Card spot are a combined 33-7. (Three of those teams are contending for the A.L. West title, also.) Oakland and Boston have gone 8-2 over that stretch, only to lose ground to Anaheim, a team that has reeled off eight straight wins. That’s amazing. Three weeks ago, it looked like 89 wins would be all it took to grab the Wild Card. Now, it will probably take 95 to do it. Too much thinking. Back to Detroit Rock City and Greco-Roman Wrestling.

1:41 a.m. - By the way, if you haven’t noticed, the top of this page has changed, thanks to Blogger. Instead of ads, there is now a search bar that can be used to search through the archives to this blog. I’ll probably be the only person to get use out of it, but it’s a pretty cool feature nonetheless. There’s also a button that will send you to a random blog. I just got directed to a blog that somebody seems to have mistaken for their diary. In it, I have learned that “The Pants” (the name the blogger listed as his own), via a four-page narrative, finally told his crush of three years his true feelings. Shockingly, this didn’t turn out well for Mr. The Pants.
In an earlier entry, the sad sack wrote something about a moth’s wings, which I think was a metaphor for his profound unhappiness. I bet this guy watches Six Feet Under.

2:16 a.m. - This has been bugging me for a while, and I just thought about it when Lester Holt mentioned Misty May’s name on MSNBC.
During the beach volleyball coverage this week, the announcers kept making a point of mentioning that if Misty May and her ostrich-looking playing partner (Walsh, something… maybe Kristy?) won a gold, it would be the first such medal for an American team in the history of the event. This was also mentioned in the men’s competition when a Brazilian team won that country’s first gold in beach volleyball.
That’s all and good, but this is only the THIRD OLYMPICS that beach volleyball has been contested in.
Not exactly a lengthy drought. I’ve been trying to think of what to write in the next line for the past 10 minutes. A witty analogy maybe, a John Stamos reference. Something. But here the effects of no sleep, shooting pains and prescription drugs are showing off.

2:51 a.m. - Competitors in the judo events look like snowmen. Or snowwomen.

2:53 a.m. - By the way, need to mention four words for you: Dutch Field Hockey Team.
Do yourself a favor, watch tonight at 6:30 on Bravo. It’s like they got 12 Anna Kournikova look-alikes to play on the team.

3:31 a.m. - Well, looks like ESPN’s coverage of The World Series of Poker has become a victim of its own success. I TiVo’d the first part of the main event the other day and just started watching it, and it’s awful. I’ll write more about this another day when I’m able to piece together coherent sentences, but with all these amateurs in the tournament, it like watching poker night at your buddy’s place.
And Dutch Boyd and his “crew” have to be the biggest bunch of losers I’ve ever seen in my life. This one fool is talking trash to Doyle Brunson. Son, I don’t care if Norman Chad just said you won two titles this year. You don’t talk smack to a legend. I stopped watching the show because it seems to have gotten as unwatchable as Baseball Tonight, but I’m hoping Brunson schooled that moron and that Chris Moneymaker lost all his money of the first day. Man, do I hate that smug, overconfident putz. Just because you won last year doesn’t mean you’re any good. Getting lucky on hands that you had no business being in doesn’t mean you’re a good poker player, jackass. They said you hadn’t been doing well on the Poker tour. What a shock. If you sat in at my weekly game, I don’t think anybody at the table would be afraid of you. Maybe Pfeffer.
One day soon, after the NFL Preview appears on this site (and it will Wolfman – speaking of which, it’s been a while since Questions from a Wolfman made its debut. I, along with other readers, are waiting for another installment), I’ve gotta write about the ridiculousness of the whole poker craze.

3:54 a.m. - Live triathlon coverage is about as exciting as taped triathlon coverage. And the woman who is the analyst for this event just might be the worst announcer at the Olympics, which is no small feat considering that Tim Daggett and that chick who calls diving are also in the mix.
Do you think there is a prerequisite in order to be a color commentator that says you must have the most annoying voice ever?

4:20 a.m. - Did Helen Hunt really win an Oscar for her performance in As Good As It Gets? (No need to answer, I just looked it up on imdb.com, but I figured the question was a good way to start.)
I ask because the movie is on TBS right now, and listening to Hunt’s accent go from non-existent to a New Yorker’s every 15th word is blowing my mind. What, did the Academy feel they had to give Hunt the award after ignoring her work in Twister? Or was the Oscar a reward for having to work with Paul Reiser for the better part of seven years?
Seriously, Helen Hunt is awful in this movie. Yes, it doesn’t help that she’s acting opposite Jack Nicholson for a bulk of the film, but that is no excuse. The scenes they’re in together kind of remind me of when Al Pacino and Keanu Reeves shared the screen in The Devil’s Advocate.
If you want an indication of just how bad I think Helen Hunt is, I just switched from her to the lady calling the triathlon, and I actually think I made the right choice.

5:02 a.m. - A guy wearing black jeans, a white, long-sleeve dress shirt with a tie and sneakers is judging the taekwondo fights. I don’t know what’s more surprising. The fact that an Olympic referee is wearing that or that the IOC was able to get Jerry Seinfeld to be said judge.

5:55 a.m. - I’m kind of amazed that wearing Cadillac keys as earrings, a la Alicia Keys, never caught on. Wait, no I’m not.

6:49 a.m. - Alright, I think I dozed off for a bit. Either that or the triathlon woman actually did just announce an Olympic taekwondo competition between myself and a Cadillac key-attired Helen Hunt, in which Hunt beat me with two roundhouse kicks, queens full of deuces and a controversial call by Newman.
I’m going to try my hand at sleeping. I might run a spell-check on this, but there’s no shot of me proofreading at the moment, so please excuse any grammatical errors or things of that nature. If you don’t like it, please don’t say anything. You might hurt Mr. Pants’ feelings.

Hazy Shade of Summer

After my foot surgery yesterday, I was convinced I'd be able to keep up with the blog this week. But after only two hours on my painkiller cocktail, I realized laying on my back and watching The Price is Right was a much better use of my time, and yours. Unless, of course, you like 1,000 word entries that consist of exactly two sentences, and a 45-line dissertation on why Mona was actually the answer to the titular question, Who's the Boss?
For now, Chris's Sports Blog is on a brief hiatus. I hope to get back to writing tonight or tomorrow, but I also would like my foot to stop feeling like I ran it through the garbage disposal.

Weekend Olympic Thoughts

- Six gold’s, two bronze; that’s the final medal haul for Michael Phelps in Athens.
Not only did the 19-year old swimmer live up to the hype, he far surpassed it.
Consider:

• In the four events that Phelps was the heavy favorite in (400 IM, 200 Fly, 200 IM, 4x100 Medley Relay) he earned gold’s.
• In the one event where he went up against the two best freestylers in the world, Phelps held his own and earned a bronze.
• Phelps’ 4x200 freestyle relay team took an unexpected gold, besting the heavily favored Australian team. It took great swims by Phelps (a lifetime best relay split) and his other teammates, particularly Klete Keller who outlasted Ian Thorpe, after the Thorpedo brazenly swam his first 50 in 24.03 seconds, much too fast for the opening lap of a 200 meter race.
• Halfway through the 100 Fly, Phelps was behind world record holder Ian Crocker by a full body length. With 10 meters left, Phelps was still in second by a considerable margin. But after a remarkable final surge, Phelps came in first, for his fourth individual gold of the Games.
• The 4x100 meter freestyle relay was lost after Ian Crocker’s lethargic 50.05 leadoff leg crippled any U.S. hopes of gold.

Phelps won the four races he was supposed to, two he wasn’t, came in exactly where he was supposed to in the 200 freestyle and missed out on a higher medal in another relay because the U.S. swim coach didn’t sit a swimmer who had been complaining of a sore throat.
In all, Michael Phelps surpassed even the grandest expectations he or the media put on . No, he didn’t get seven gold medals. That doesn’t matter though. Six is impressive enough.
Phelps put on the best performance in the history of Olympic sports since Jesse Owens broke or tied four world records in a 70-minute span at the 1935 Big Ten Championships.
What Phelps did wasn’t just unprecedented, it was unimaginable as recently as three years ago. To swimmers, eight Olympic medals was right up there with DiMaggio’s hitting streak and Mike Powell’s long jump record. Matt Biondi got seven in 1988, but he was a sprint freestyler. To win two medals in both the IM and fly, plus another one in freestyle (in what happened to be the most stacked race in swimming history) is a Ruthian feat.
The 2004 Athens Olympics will always be remembered as the Games of Michael Phelps. He went into the XXVIII Olympiad with considerable hype and as many naysayers as he had supporters.
He left with the greatest performance in Olympic history.

- After Carl Lewis, Dennis Mitchell and Linford Christie retired from competition, the sprinting world lost a bit of its luster. Even with Maurice Greene dominating the sport over the last six years, the 100 meter dash never was as popular as it had been in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s.
Maybe it’s because Mo never had a real rival. Tim Montgomery broke his world record a few years back, but because of injuries, rumors of Montgomery’s steroid use and a lack of big-time matchups, there never was a full-fledged rivalry. Without another consistent sprinter to contend with Greene, the sport suffered.
Justin Gatlin and Shawn Crawford seem ready to change that. Both are charismatic, good interviews and real fast. Gatlin’s gold in the 100 continues the reign of American men in the race and he and his best friend, Crawford, will usher in a new era of American sprinting. Along with Jamaican Asafa Powell, the trio could reignite interest in a sport desperately in need of a spark on the track, not in the lab.

- American gymnast Paul Hamm didn’t deserve the gold medal in the men’s all-around competition and not because the judges screwed the bronze medal winner out of one-tenth of a point.
Hamm doesn’t deserve it because he fell, and the two South Koreans didn’t. Period.
I’ll never pretend to understand the complexities of gymnastics or diving, but I know what I saw.
I saw the eventual gold medal winner fall down after his vault and have to be held-up by the outstretched hands of a judge.
Al Trautwig and Tim Daggett can try to convince me that Hamm’s high bar routine was more difficult and that his performance on the pommel was exquisite, but the fact of the matter is that he still fell.
That’s why gymnastics is a joke. Not the athletes; those guys and girls are ridiculous. I was watching that Russian gymnast, who looks like she’s perpetually sucking on a lemon drop, during the floor exercise and thought to myself “she just did two flips and a twist in the air from a running start” and she somehow managed to make it look routine. The vault, the balance beam, the pommel horse, the bars; what gymnasts do is amazing.
The “sport” is a joke, however, because of the judging. Don’t tell me that four people can accurately assign point totals to flips, twists and tucks that are completed in mere seconds.

- I’ve noticed that women’s volleyball teams get real excited after winning a point. They huddle up, hug and celebrate after every one they get. Now, I’m all for women hugging each other, especially when Logan Tom is involved, but does this really need to happen after every single point? I mean, these volleyball teams usually win about 100 points per game. Does every single point deserve a hug? I mean, can you imagine if the U.S. men’s basketball team did this after each jump shot? That’d be like, what, three or four hugs per game?

- About a year ago Hardee’s was in the midst of an advertising campaign that consisted of a single camera shot of a person talking about how they always thought Hardee’s sucked, but after going there against their will they found out it wasn’t as bad as they thought.
Do you remember these? There was that one where the guy said his car broke down and he was real hungry, so he went into Hardee’s for fries because “even Hardee’s couldn’t mess that up.” He then ended up getting a burger and it wasn’t as crappy as he expected.
Anyway, after seeing that ridiculous ad campaign that could have been named “Hardee’s: You Should Be Able to Choke It Down”, I vowed never to eat at a Hardee’s again.
Not that that is too much of a sacrifice, but one time I was real hungry on a road trip and said I would stop at the next fast-food restaurant I saw. Ten miles later I saw a Hardee’s, but, true to my word, I kept on driving. True story people.
Now there are two new commercials that are being played endlessly during the Olympics that are drawing my ire.
The first is a Capital One commercial where David Spade says “no” on the phone in for the duration of the ad’s 30 seconds.
I’m not an advertising executive, but isn’t the whole point of a commercial to entice people to use your product? And if that’s the case, then why on earth would anybody hire David Spade to do that? Does David Spade have any redeeming qualities? Do you know anybody that admits to being a fan of David Spade? Besides Tommy Boy and Black Sheep do you enjoy anything that he’s been in?
And this is not the same thing as those awful 1-800-COLLECT ads with Carrot Top or David Arquette. Those were annoying on purpose, intentionally repetitious to hammer the phone number into the viewer’s head.
The Capital One ad is just so grating that it makes me want to stop racking up huge bills on my Capital One credit card, just to spite them. But that would mean I’d have to stop racking up huge bills on my Capital One credit card, and I’m juts not prepared to do that. After all, my Best Buy shopping sprees aren't going to pay for themselves.
The other commercial that makes me instantly reach for the remote, even if it involves me moving more than four body parts, is the McDonalds ad where an apparently schizophrenic woman, dressed in green and wearing an odd hat indoors, is defending her chicken strips from imaginary breaded fried cutlet thieves.
Normally, making fun of mental illness always gets me craving boneless chicken breasts with a choice of dipping sauces, but not this time.
Who is trying to get her strips? Why would they be trying to steal them? Wouldn’t it be more effective to take her wallet so a larger quantity of the McDonald’s Select Chicken Strips could be accrued? And what’s with her karate move at the end? That’s, like, so fake. She clearly has never waxed on or off.
An honorable mention goes to that Coke commercial where the singing chick gives bottles out to everybody on the street. Kind of a lame premise, playing off the old Coke ads of the ‘70s, but in this one the singing lady touches the opened top of every bottle she hands out to strangers. Not exactly promoting sanitary soda drinking are we, Coca-Cola?

- Does anybody know why countries are allowed to send three competitors for the track & field events but only two for the swimming? I always assumed that the reason only two swimmers get in is because the IOC doesn’t want the Olympic finals to be dominated by Americans and Australians (or back in the day, the Soviets or East Germans).
But in most of the track sprints the U.S. has three participants in the finals and in the long distance races Kenyans and Ethiopians sometimes sweep events.
And since many of the third-place finishers in the U.S. swimming trials could qualify for the finals of Olympic swimming events, just like they often do in track, I think it’s kind of unfair for the swimmers.
I’m not necessarily in favor of sending three swimmers per event, I just think there should be some uniformity to the Olympic policies. Perhaps they could start with banning Rowdy Gaines.

- I wonder what Greece is going to do with all the venues for obscure Olympic sports after next weekend.
The Olympic stadium will get plenty of use, and the swimming venues can always be used for future World Championship meets, but what about the whitewater course or beach volleyball venue? What are they going to do with those?
I ask, because the whitewater course would make a mean lazy river. I’m just saying.

- I’m watching the Olympics on one TV and the Red Sox game on another, and just saw Manny Ramirez, fresh off a game-tying homerun, fall to his knees while trying to catch a routine fly ball. Manny missed, the ball got by him and Roberto Alomar went to second base. The official scorer ruled this a double for Alomar.
To recap: routine fly ball, Manny falls, nearly gets a glove on it, double.
Official baseball scorers are worse than gymnastics judges. At least gymnastics judges try to be impartial. Well, except the French.
These days, any baseball play that doesn’t include four bobbles or overthrowing the first baseman by five feet is ruled a hit. This is mainly due to the fact that official scorers don't want to upset players and want to pad their stats as much as possible. If the scorer had ruled the aforementioned play an error, Manny would have been charged with one and Alomar's batting average would go down. Instead of upsetting two people, why not please both of them. This isn't new, scorers have always made hometown calls. Recently though it has become ridiculous, and baseball should do something about it.
MLB likes to make the claim that it is the only sport where statistics are sacred, and they’re right. No other sport places such a focus on stats.
But when “hits” like Alomar’s are ruled legit, then the stats that baseball considers holy become tarnished. Much like the homerun records… but that’s a whole other topic.
One day I’ll write more about this.

- Well, I guess it technically wouldn’t be a lazy river, maybe they could call it the invigorating river. OK, I’m not saying my name is the best, but I still stand by the idea.

- Speaking of the Red Sox, after six straight wins, the Boston nine have managed to climb within 5 ½ games of the suddenly reeling New York Yankees.
The Sox and their fans, however, would do best if they kept the same attitude they had one week ago – the Yankees can’t be caught.
The Yanks really aren’t worth focusing on. If it happens, so be it. But the Sox always tend to do this late in the year and it ends up being a big tease.
In actuality, it would have been better for Boston if the Yankees had swept the Angels this weekend instead of the opposite happening. That would have dropped Anaheim four back of the Sox in the Wild Card race, and made it a two-team race (between the Sox and Oakland/Texas) for the Wild Card (at least temporarily).
Yes, it’s nice that the Sox are only 5 ½ back of the Yanks, and it would be great if they could win the AL East. But it’s not going to happen. The Sox have had a hard enough time knocking off five games from the Yanks lead. It took six straight wins and six losses out of seven for the Bronx Bombers to make up those games. Who wants to bet the Sox unbeaten streak and the Yanks slump continues for another week? Not many people would.
Instead of keeping up with the Yanks, pay more attention to the scores out west and hope the Sox can keep their slim lead in the Wild Card race.
Until further notice, that’s still the best hope for a trip to the postseason.

- All the Greeks singing their national anthem in Panathinaiko Stadium last night after Dimosthenis Tampakos won the rings competition kind of reminded me of the beginning of the Rocky-Drago fight in Rocky IV, where all the Soviets do the same thing. Except in Greece, Talia Shire wasn’t there, nor was a Mikhail Gorbachev look-alike and the whole thing was a lot less creepy. That, plus Tampakos' speech to the crowd afterwards won't ultimately have a hand in the breakdown of communism. The Greek's broken-English, however, was just as good as Stallone’s.

Indecent Proposal

Dear John Swofford,

I hope money can buy happiness, because after the events of the past few weeks, that might be the only shot you have.
Since you announced that the ACC would expand by three, first with Miami and Virginia Tech and then later with Boston College, the move has provided nothing but bad publicity and public outcry.
First, the University of Miami, the crown jewel of your football-based expansion effort, admitted a football player with a lengthy rap sheet. How long? Let's just say that if he as many sacks next year as he does prior arrests, he'll be first team All-American.
Of course, Willie Williams might be an All-American anyways, but I'm sure that didn't play any role in Miami's decision-making process.
Then, Virginia Tech, a school that you never wanted in the first place but only reluctantly took because the governor of the state pulled a Vito Corleone to your Jack Woltz, suspended their starting quarterback for the year after multiple arrests.
During one of said arrests, the player, Marcus Vick, was arrested with two other VT football players. I guess when your brother is Michael Vick and you play in an environment with no consequences for football players, you think you can do anything you want.
Not bad Swoff.
You sold the soul of your conference for two schools; one which heralds its non-existant integrity and the other which makes no such claims.
Then, when it seemingly couldn't get any worse for you, the ACC announced the 2004-2005 basketball schedule.
Usually, this announcement was greeted by back-page stories in newspapers throughout ACC country.
But not yesterday.
Every major paper representing an ACC school had a front-page story on Wednesday heralding the release of the basketball schedule, a schedule which didn't include the double round robin system that makes ACC basketball so special. Needless to say, people aren't too happy.

"It hasn't set in yet that we will not play in places like the Comcast Center or Smith Center [North Carolina] this season. That's the collateral damage of expansion. While we'll miss playing longtime rivals, you hope that it's counter-balanced with new rivalries against Virginia Tech and Miami."
- Skip Prosser, Wake Forest Basketball Coach

Prosser would have every reason to be happy about the new schedule. His Demon Deacons, which could be the #1 ranked team in the country in the preseason polls, don't have to play tough road games against Maryland or UNC, instead playing a home-and-home with Miami and playing at Virginia Tech.
Instead of two probable losses, Wake can look forward to three likely wins, wins which will go a long way to securing a #1 seed in the NCAA Tournament.
That Virginia Tech game will be a first for Prosser and his Wake Forest team: an easy ACC road game.
But Prosser isn't happy about it. Even though he's only coached in the league for three years, he understands the tradition and the meaning of playing each team twice. He knows that a road game against Virginia Tech won't prepare his team for the NCAA Tournament the way playing at the Comcast Center would.
And no amount of games played in Blacksburg or Coral Gables will change that.
The ACC lost something today. And Prosser, the other coaches, the players and the fans are upset for good reason. The tradition is gone.
You think Mike Kryzewski is happy that his team won't go on the road to Charlottesville, a place that has always been tough for Duke?
Or that Gary Williams is pleased that his young Terrapins won't be tested by Wake's backcourt twice during the season?
Sure, Prosser says he is looking forward to new rivalries with tradition-less basketball schools like Virginia Tech and Miami, but one can almost hear the sarcasm in Prosser's voice as he says it.
Some other lowlights of the schedule:

- Maryland will not play rival Virginia in the final game of the regular season for the first time in years. Instead, they will play their other arch-rival, the Hokies of Virginia Tech.
- Fans at Clemson and Virginia will not be able to heckle J.J. Redick and Duke.
- Wake Forest will not play at North Carolina, robbing basketball fans of a rematch of the wild opening season, triple-overtime classic in which Wake prevailed last season.
- February 2, 2005 and February 19, 2005 - Virginia Tech at Miami, Miami at Virginia Tech.
- Wake Forest, my alma mater, will not travel to College Park to play the Terrapins, thus depriving me a chance of seeing Chris Paul and company in action until, hopefully, I go to the ACC Tournament at the MCI Center. There are thousands of other people in different locations that won't be able to see their favorite team in person either.
- Three Thursday play-in games at said ACC tournament.

You've managed to ruin perfection.
I wish I could say I'm not going to watch any ACC basketball this season as a form of protest against the new schedule. But I can't do that, I love it too much.
You're not a dumb guy John. You knew there would be backlash against the basketball scheduling, that's why you announced it during the Olympics, three weeks later than the ACC usually releases the schedule.
You also know that ACC fans, like me, are loyal and will keep watching no matter how much you screw them.
While we'll complain this year, and into the future, about the schedule, you know that we also still watch the games and in time, get used to the horrible new system.
I won't like it, I never will, and I'll still talk about the good ol' days when every team played each other twice, but I'll get used to it just like when Popeye's changed their sweet & sour sauce, or The Washington Post started using color or when Capn' Crunch added green and blue crunch berries. I fear change, but I'll eventually come around.
Not today though. And not this year. ACC basketball season will never be the same because of you and your pocket-stuffing cronies in Greensboro and I can't forgive that in the blink of an eye. The resentment will always linger.
I saw that you guys just announced that Jacksonville will be the site of the ACC Football Championship Game in 2005 and 2006.
Those better be two great games. Because those 120 minutes of football are the reason you ruined the greatest basketball conference in the country.

Enjoy the money,
Chris Chase

Olympic Thoughts

Today, we’ll take a break from the Fantasy Football Extravaganza, and focus on the Games of the XXVIII Olympiad.

- Do you think the horses from the equestrian events get medals? I doubt they do, but that’s pretty unfair. They should at least get to stand on the medal podium and hear the theme song from Mr. Ed.

- Paul Hamm’s come-from-behind victory in the men’s gymnastics all-around will go down as one of the best moments in American Olympics history. Hamm gutted out a victory after falling on the landing of his vault, a mistake that seemed to erase any hope the reigning world champion had at a medal. But after two amazing performances on the parallel bars and high bar, Hamm became the first American man ever to win a gold medal in the all-around competition.
When the judges announced Hamm’s score on the high bar, a 9.837 that propelled him from fourth place to the gold medal, it was a true goosebump moment that could only happen in the Olympics.

- I’ve been watching way too much gymnastics. I dropped my spoon while eating a bowl of Capn’ Crunch this morning and I instantly started calculating how much the judges were going to deduct from my score.

- Be sure to watch Michael Phelps in the final of the 200 IM tonight and tomorrow night in the 100 butterfly, so you can say that you watched the greatest performance in the Olympics since Jesse Owens in 1936. And for all those convinced that Phelps is a failure because he didn’t break a goal set by a star-craved media, read what I had to say about all that last Thursday.

- Why isn’t rugby an Olympic sport? I bet this has something to do with the French.

- Something about NBC gymnastics analyst Tim Daggett bothers me.
Actually, many things about NBC gymnastics analyst Tim Baggett bother me.
First, what’s the deal with him and Elfi Schlegel. There’s some sort of weird tension going on there.
Then there’s Dagget’s shrill voice. It haunts me whilst I sleep.
And please don’t get started on his penchant for overpronouncing the names of Eastern European contestants.
“Up next on the uneven bars, el-LEEEEE-NAAAAAAA nemenSHIYAAAA.” Yes, we get it, you’ve been studying your pronunciation key in the media guide. Kudos.
And I think he might have a thing for Carly Patterson.
But all of that stuff is minor compared to what really butters my biscuits.
I can’t stand how Daggett seems to take some sort of masochistic joy in gymnasts’ mistakes. It’s like he gets excited when somebody messes up.
For example, a gymnast could be doing unbelievable things on the uneven bars, flipping around, doing ridiculous twists, dangling with one arm, making an origami duck during the dismount, and Daggett will seem bored.
But if in the course of all the amazing acrobatics, the gymnasts hand slips off the bar for a half-second, Daggett calls it like he’s announcing the Hindenburg explosion.
“Li Xao Sung’s turn for the floor exercise. Starts off with a back handspring, double back, double twist… landed nicely, but had a bit of a hop at the end. Here’s his big combination now, a full-twisting front-pike salto, double tuck into a half-Yurchenko, looking good, OH MY GOD!!! HE STEPPED OVER THE LINE, ELFI THAT’LL BE A DEDUCTION OF AT LEAST ONE-TENTH OF A POINT. HE WAS GOING GOOD UP UNTIL THEN, COMPLETED THE THREE FLIPS IN THE AIR NO PROBLEM, BUT OH MY GOODNESS, HIS LEFT FOOT WAS SIX INCHES OUT. THERE GOES THE GOLD MEDAL, THE SILVER, HIS LIFE, AND THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT. ALL HIS HARD WORK DOWN THE DRAIN, HIS DREAMS CRUSHED AND THE END OF THE WORLD WILL SOON BE UPON US, WHERE THE HUMAN RACE WILL BE SUBSERVIENT TO A NEW SPECIES OF SUPER DOLPHINS THAT WILL RULE THE EARTH. JUST AN UNBELIEVABLE TURN OF EVENTS HERE IN ATHENS.”
That's an actual transcript, by the way.

- I can’t believe U.S. volleyball captain Logan Tom cut her hair. She used to be hot, now she looks like Ashley Judd playing a lesbian death-row inmate. I haven’t been this upset about a hottie-overhaul since that one Olsen twin decided to take all her meals nasally.

- The IOC has two judges per lane watching the swimming events, yet somehow both judges missed Kosuke Kitajima’s dolphin kick during his pullout in the 100 breaststroke final. I mean, the judges only job is to watch one lane for a total of 59 seconds. If Kitajima had come off the turn and done sprint freestyle into the wall, the judges probably would have missed that too.
The Japanese swimmer should have been disqualified, despite his protestations that what he did wasn’t illegal. How interesting then that in the three heats of the 200 breaststroke (which followed the 100), Kitajima didn’t use his “legal” maneuver once.

- Sometimes I get the feeling that Bob Costas isn’t being totally honest with us.

- At this moment Natalie Coughlin is beating out Amanda Beard and Jennie Finch in a neck-and-neck race for the cutest Olympian. But don't count out that one Japanese gymnast, Isao Yoneda. That guy is just plain adorable.

- The sports page today said that sailing was going to be on MSNBC at 1:30 a.m. I’m trying to watch as many sports as I can during the Olympics, so about two hours ago I found MSNBC (channel 61), but the screen was just blank. I did some research and found out that the ratings-starved news network’s feed had crashed under the weight of unprecedented viewership: me and some guy in Vermont named Steve who couldn’t find his remote.

- Nothing against the men that won fencing medals; but I really think that if the guy who played Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride entered the Olympics, he would have won gold faster than you can say “inconceivable”.

- Staying with The Princess Bride theme, I have no doubt that Wallace Shawn would make a far better gymnastics announcer than Tim Daggett. For that matter, so would Steve from Vermont.

Fantasy Football Extravaganza: Part II – Tight Ends

Yesterday, in the first part of Chris’s Sports Blog Fantasy Football Extravaganza, we ranked the quarterbacks, so today, naturally, we’ll take a look at the tight ends.
Uhh… naturally? Wouldn’t it make more sense to go with the running backs next?
Perhaps, but I’m currently drafting in my two fantasy leagues, and I can’t be divulging any tips about my late-round RB sleepers. And as I have already selected my tight ends in both of those leagues, the position seemed like a natural fit for Part II of the F.F.E.
Onto the list:

1) Tony Gonzalez – Kansas City Chiefs

Tony Gonzalez: Other NFL Tight Ends

a) Popeye’s: Kentucky Fried Chicken
b) The Godfather: Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle
c) Women's Beach Volleyball: Men's Field Hockey
d) Frank Stallone: Don Swayze
e) All of the Above
The Deal: Once the top four wide receivers are taken (Randy, Torry, Marvin, Chad Johnson – and no, Terrell Owens is no longer a marquee wideout), take ToGo. He’s good for 900 yards and at least 9 TD’s, which is leaps and bounds better than what any other tight end will bring in, giving you an instant advantage in most games. Yes, receivers besides the big four will put up bigger numbers than Gonzalez, but have fun guessing which ones. How many of you got burned picking Donald Driver and Joey Galloway early last year?

2) Todd Heap – Baltimore Ravens

Heap’s numbers fell last season because of Brian Billick, but the third-year tight-end will still get enough touches in the Ravens offense to make him the clear #2 fantasy tight end.
Don’t you mean that Heap’s numbers fell last year because of Kyle Boller?
No, because it’s not Kyle Boller’s fault that he sucks. The blame for Boller’s crappiness lies squarely on the shoulders of Brian Billick.
I’m not following…
Let’s review, shall we?
Kyle Boller was the starting quarterback at Cal for two seasons. In his junior year, Boller led the Golden Bears to a 1-10 record, while completing 49% of his passes. Amazingly, he lost the Heisman Trophy balloting to Eric Crouch.
The next season, Boller played a bit better in a new offense, raising his completion percentage by a whopping 4 points, as the Bears went 7-5, missing out on a bowl bid.
Boller’s completion percentage was 77th in Division I-A, behind such quarterback luminaries as Jose Fuentes, Tyler Gooch and Gino Guidugli.
Completion percentage isn’t everything, but even Boller’s QB rating was good enough for only 47th in the country.
So it makes perfect sense that a quarterback with those scintillating numbers was taken with the 19th pick in the NFL Draft the following year.
I didn’t really mean to rip on Kyle Boller all that much, but the point is that Brian Billick, the genius, thinks this guy can be a winner, even though he was anything but that in college. The Ravens offense and Heap will suffer as long as Boller is the starting QB.
One more thing… how many more times are you planning on asking yourself italicized questions?
The world will never know.
The Deal: After Heap and Shockey, the tight ends thin out like Matt Hasselbeck’s hairline. If you’re content with your starting RB’s and have at least one wideout, you can think about grabbing Heap in the 4th or 5th round (between picks 40-50).

3) Jeremy Shockey – New York Giants

Quick, who has more touchdowns over the past two years: Jed Weaver or Jeremy Shockey?
Well, you probably picked Jed Weaver because you guessed where I was going with this, but both are tied with four. I bet you can guess who has been the subject of more Sportscenter features and magazine covers though.
Now that John Lynch and Jason Sehorn have been exposed, Jeremy Shockey has snatched the title of the most overrated player in the NFL.
He doesn’t catch touchdowns, he drops way too many balls, his run blocking is non-existent and he’s injured more than Grant Hill.
That doesn’t mean Shockey isn’t a good tight end, it just means that he isn’t going to revolutionize the position like some people had predicted.
If Jeremy Shockey was drafted by the Seattle Seahawks instead of the New York Giants, you’d think he was a pretty good pass-catching tight end. But because he plays in New York, NFL fans have been force-fed stories on how Shockey is the greatest thing since TiVo (I think it’s time we moved beyond the sliced bread comparison.)
With the Giants QB situation the way it is, Shockey’s numbers might dip a bit this year (if he stays healthy, that is), but he is still one of the three best TE’s.
The Deal: I tried to put Shockey a little lower on these rankings because of his injuries, his aversion to scoring and the fact that he will catch balls from both the loser and the guy only slightly better than the loser of the Warner/Manning QB skirmish. But, Shockey will still be a productive fantasy tight end. Don’t reach for him too high, his situation is too volatile. But, just like with Heap, if you have a spot for him, grab him while he’s available.

4) Alge Crumpler – Atlanta Falcons

With Michael Vick back on the field, Crumpler might see less catches this season, but should probably increase his touchdowns.
The Deal: The difference between the #4 and #12 tight ends is negligible. One dropped ball here, one touchdown there… it’s a crapshoot. Stock up on backup running backs, quarterbacks and receivers before taking any tight end not named Gonzalez, Heap or Shockey.

5) Itula Mili – Seattle Seahawks

Did you know that Mili is 31 years old? I just assumed he was a young guy who burst onto the scene last year. Instead, he’s three years older than Tony Gonzalez.
The Deal: Mili will grab about 40 catches. His touchdown total is anybody’s guess.

6) Boo Williams – New Orleans Saints

Jim Haslett says that he wants to increase Boo Williams touches inside the red zone this year. Of course, Jim Haslett also wants the Saints not to choke late in the season, and we all know how that story ends.
The Deal: Boo is one of those “rising stars” at the position. That doesn’t mean you should take him in the 6th round of your fantasy draft though (Ellenberg, I’m looking in your general direction.)

7) Randy McMichael – Miami Dolphins

You’ll see McMichael a lot higher on most draft boards, and his talent is undeniable. But with the loss of Ricky Williams and David Boston, McMichael is now the second biggest weapon in the Dolphins offense, behind Chris Chambers.
Randy Moss is a weapon. Michael Vick is a weapon. Chris Chambers and Randy McMichael are about as intimidating as a rubber band and a toothpick.
The Deal: Avoid Dolphins at all costs… says the man who just drafted a rubber band to be his second receiver. Dammit.

8) Kellen Winslow Jr. – Cleveland Browns

Winslow recently called out his teammates of six days after an “uninspired” performance in a preseason game. The rookie, who ended his two-week long holdout only days before the game, said “I wasn’t here last year… but they only won five games.”
Yes Kellen, but I bet even the Browns could have beaten Virginia Tech.
The Deal: For this year, at least, I’d avoid drafting Winslow because that would mean you actually have to root for him. Wait until he proves himself before you have to subject yourself to that. But, for those of you who don’t share my loathing, Winslow is a solid late-round pickup. Don’t be the guy (or gal) who takes him in the 4th though.

9 & 10) Marcus Pollard/Dallas Clark – Indianapolis Colts

Flip a coin.
The Deal: Seriously, flip a coin. Both will catch over 30 balls and one will probably have four touchdowns versus two for the other. If you don’t want your TE sharing time, take a look at some of the players below.

11) Jason Witten – Dallas Cowboys

With Keyshawn attracting attention in the middle of the field, look for Bill Parcells to make second-year player Jason Witten a more integral part of the Cowboys offense. Witten had 35 catches last year and should improve on that even with Vinny at the helm.
The Deal: Witten is a tight end sleeper that probably won’t go in your draft. Draft a proven tight-end in the 10th or 11th round and then pick Witten up in the 14th or 15th. Worst case scenario: he doesn’t produce and you cut him early in the season. Best case scenario: becomes a Mark Bavaro for the new millennium.

12) Freddie Jones – Arizona Cardinals
13) Daniel Graham – New England Patriots
14) Bubba Franks – Green Bay Packers

Freddie is underrated because he always plays on lousy teams, so he should be available in the late rounds. He’s good for a couple TD’s and about 400-500 yards. Graham and Franks had similar stats last season, but Graham’s were an improvement while Bubba’s were a disappointment.

15) Desmond Clark – Chicago Bears
16) Anthony Becht – New York Jets
16) Antonio Gates – San Diego Chargers

These players should be looked at as nothing more than bye-week filler.

Fantasy Football Extravaganza: Part I - Quarterbacks

The NFL regular season kicks off in a mere 23 days, which means that office productivity nationwide has plummeted as a large chunk of America’s workforce spends its day reading fantasy football magazines, surfing the statistics page on ESPN.com and debating the merits of Domanick Davis and Rudi Johnson.
That’s right… it’s time for fantasy football.
Over the next few days on this site you’ll find advice for your fantasy football draft, with rankings for various positions and draft strategies. Today, we’ll begin with the quarterbacks.

1) Daunte Culpepper – Minnesota Vikings

I wonder how many times headline writers in Minnesota have put “PURPLE REIGN” in 72-point font on the front page of the sports section after a big Vikings win? I bet they try to do it every year, but have to hold back and only break it out in special occasions.
Where was I? Oh yes, Daunte Culpepper, who is clearly the best fantasy quarterback available this year.
Daunte throws for a lot of yards and touchdowns and does the same on the ground (he led QB’s in rushing yardage last year). Having Randy Moss line-up on his side doesn’t hurt too much either.
Culpepper has also curbed his enthusiasm for throwing interceptions (he was down to 11 last year after having 23 picked in 2002).
The Deal: After the seven marquee running backs are taken, snag Daunte. Rinse. Repeat.

2) Peyton Manning – Indianapolis Colts

If there’s one player on the board who you can draft, pencil in as a starter and not worry about for the next four months, it’s Peyton Manning.
He’s like the Tom Hanks of football, always performing at the highest level with mind-numbing consistency.
Peyton’s never missed a game in his six-years as the Colts starter, throws for 4,000 yards nearly every season and is good for at least 25 TD’s.
True, he’s so slow that his time in the 40 is measured with a sundial, but when you’re as accurate as Peyton, it doesn’t matter.
The Deal: Take Manning somewhere after Randy Moss goes, but before Edgerrin James.

3) Michael Vick – Atlanta Falcons

If Jay Bilas was describing Michael Vick’s potential as your fantasy football quarterback, the word “upside” would be liberally peppered throughout his analysis.
And it’s true, Vick has the most “upside” of any quarterback available. He has the potential to run for 150 yards and two touchdowns while doing the same throwing.
But, there are two problems with Vick, and they every bit as important as his advantages
First, Vick will always be susceptible to injury in the NFL with his reckless running style. He might have learned his lesson after his broken fibula last year, but even if he slides a bit more and runs out of bounds every now and then, Vick is still leaving himself open to big hits during his mad dashes. And if he is more tentative, then obviously he loses his biggest weapon, his speed.
Second, Vick isn’t all that good a passing quarterback. He’s got a cannon for an arm, but so did Jeff George. For his career, Vick has completed only 52% of his passes and that number is unlikely to rise too much, even with a better receiving corps in Atlanta.
With those numbers, Vick will have plenty of games where he passes for under 150 yards. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing for the Falcons, but is for your fantasy team.
The Deal: Vick is a huge gamble in the first-round. Let somebody else experience the roller coaster numbers that Vick will put up, unless you can steal him in the mid-20’s.

4 – Trent Green – Kansas City Chiefs

In traditional scoring leagues, Trent Green was the third-best quarterback last year. The Chiefs will continue to have an explosive offense this season, so expect Green to throw for around 4,000 yards and toss 25 touchdowns.
The Deal: After Vick, the quarterbacks are bunched-up like the bathing suits on beach volleyball players. Seriously, have you seen this at the Olympics? Those chicks get more wedgies than a foreign-exchange student at summer camp. Pick up your second running back or first receiver before taking a quarterback other than the big three. There is much more value later in the draft at the quarterback position. Last year, the difference between the fourth best fantasy QB and 12th best was 36 points. The difference between the 4th and 12th running backs was 109.

5 – Mass Hasselbeck – Seattle Seahawks

Hasselbeck will throw he ball around 30 times a game, complete it about 60% of the time and will get you about 26 touchdowns during the season. You could draft him because of those numbers, or because you feel bad that he’s only 29 and needs so much Rogaine he has to buy the stuff at Price Club.
The Deal: Same thing as with Trent Green. Don’t jump the gun on Hasselbeck if you have other needs.

6 – Marc Bulger – St. Louis Rams

Not that I would wish an injury upon anybody (except for Derek Jeter, J.J. Redick, the guy who thought up the Verizon ad campaign … wait, let me start over.)
Not that I would wish injury upon Marc Bulger, but I’m kind of curious to see whether the Rams quarterback situation is similar to what the Broncos have with their running backs.
Could anybody have success in the Rams system?
And how is Terrell Davis getting serious consideration for the Hall of Fame? He played for six seasons, and played at a high level in only three of those. What, one 2,000 yard season is grounds for enshrinement in the Hall of Fame? TD didn’t even break the single-season rushing record. Roger Maris isn’t in the Baseball Hall of Fame, and he actually had a productive career. Terrell Davis played well for three seasons. But I digress… back to Bulger.
Bulger’s season will be similar to the two guys ahead of him on this list. The Rams are pass-happy, particularly with Marshall Faulk beginning the twilight of his career.
The Deal: Bulger’s solid, but the system is king. If you do take him, think about grabbing backup Chris Chandler in the later rounds as an insurance policy.

7 – Jeff Garcia – Cleveland Browns

In the final four games of 2003, Jeff Garcia put up 124 fantasy points (in leagues with traditional yardage and touchdown scoring) which was the most any QB put up in any four consecutive games during the season.
Garcia did that as a lame-duck quarterback, with a decimated 49ers O-line, a petulant receiver who often threatened him before games and hobbled by nagging injuries that kept him out of three games earlier in the season.
Now, in a new situation in Cleveland, Garcia is getting no respect and drawing little interest from most fantasy owners.
Maybe people are scared off by Garcia’s injuries. Maybe they think that the Cleveland receivers aren’t good enough to help Garcia put up big numbers. Or maybe they think that Terrell Owens meant that much to Garcia’s success.
But, mark it dude: Garcia without Owens will have more success than Donovan McNabb with Owens.
And don’t forget that Garcia also runs well and scored more rushing touchdowns last year than Fred Taylor, Eddie George, Curtis Martin, Duce Staley, Warrick Dunn or Tiki Barber.
The Deal: Garcia should be available after everybody in your league takes a quarterback. Keep tabs on other owner’s selections and take Garcia sometime in the 6th or 7th round. Draft another QB with your next pick as an insurance policy.

8 – Donovan McNabb – Philadelphia Eagles

Don’t believe the hype. Donovan McNabb and the Eagles will not be a better football team because of Terrell Owens. That’s not to say that the Eagles won’t be a good football team, but it will be for other reasons besides T.O.
Owens is a clubhouse cancer and a ticking time bomb on the sidelines. He’s all buddy-buddy with Donovan right now, but just wait until McNabb throws some of his patented one-hoppers. It might not be pretty. After all, when T.O. gave crap to Jeff Garcia he took it. I doubt Donovan will do the same.
How does this affect McNabb’s fantasy prospects? He’ll still put up decent numbers, mainly because of running ability. The touchdown passes might go up a bit (from 16 last year), but look Donovan’s interception numbers to rise, as he’ll likely throw some picks trying to force the ball into T.O.
The Deal: With his injury history, taking Donovan is always a gamble. The addition of T.O. only adds another question mark. McNabb will likely go in the second round. If he does, let it be to somebody else. If he’s still there in the third, nab him. No pun intended. Seriously, I didn’t even realize that the lame pun was there until I proofread this. You know, I hate when people say “no pun intended” when a pun was fully intended.

9 – Aaron Brooks – New Orleans Saints

If the Saints offensive line can improve from last year, Brooks could put up huge numbers. If not, he’ll still be a quality starter.
The Deal: Except for Deuce McCallister, I’d be weary of drafting anybody on the Saints offense. There’s just too many question marks. However, if you wait to draft a quarterback until the middle-rounds, Brooks would be a solid pick-up. But, just like with Garcia, draft somebody else soon after as insurance.

10 – Steve McNair – Tennessee Titans

If McNair is healthy, he is one of the six or seven best fantasy quarterbacks in the NFL. But, McNair often is not healthy and that should be a major consideration for anybody thinking about drafting him.
The former Alcorn State quarterback is as tough as they come, but he can’t do your fantasy squad any good sitting on the bench in street clothes.
The Deal: Don’t waste a high pick on McNair, he’s too susceptible to injury. If you do take him, grab another QB soon after and take Billy Volek in a later round for insurance.

11 – Chad Pennington – New York Jets
12 – Brett Favre – Green Bay Packers
13 – Tom Brady – New England Patriots

All three of these QB’s would make good starters and should be available in the later rounds (although Brady’s Super Bowl successes might make him go higher than he should to the one person in your league who takes Emmitt Smith in the second round every year. Redemer, I’m looking in your lovable direction.)

14 – Mark Brunell – Washington Redskins
15 – Jake Plummer – Denver Broncos

Jake Plummer has a bad case of Michael Westbrook Syndrome. Be careful around him, it’s contagious. I’ve come down with a bad case of it in the 9th and 10th rounds the past two years. We’re now getting into the fantasy backup area. Brunell is a good choice as a #2 quarterback, and with Joe Gibbs at the helm, he could be a steal in the later rounds.

16 – Byron Leftwich – Jacksonville Jaguars
17 – David Carr – Houston Texans
18 – Jake Delhomme – Carolina Panthers

These three are safe gambles as backups. Delhomme probably won’t put up numbers like he did last year (remember, Cinderella had to give her stuff back by midnight), while Leftwich and Carr are at the fork-in-the-road stage of their careers and this year should tell whether they become stars or journeymen.

19 – Brad Johnson – Tampa Bay Buccaneers
20 – Drew Bledsoe – Buffalo Bills
21 – Tommy Maddox – Pittsburgh Steelers
22 – Rich Gannon – Oakland Raiders

Johnson is so low because he seems to be on a short leash with Jon Gruden and I’d be surprised if he makes it through the year as Tampa’s starter. Maddox and Gannon are question marks and shouldn’t be looked at as anything more than bye-week filler.

23 – Joey Harrington – Detroit Lions
24 – Carson Palmer – Cincinnati Bengals
25 – Josh McCown – Arizona Cardinals

These guys might draw some interest late in the draft, and I’m sure a few web sites and fantasy magazines have them rated as sleepers. But, ask yourself this. At this point, would you feel comfortable knowing you had to start one of these QB’s even once during the season? Didn’t think so.

Weekend Olympic Thoughts

- While Michael Phelps and his 4x100 freestyle relay teammates were no doubt disappointed with the bronze medal they earned last night, the poor finish might end up working to Phelps' advantage. Leadoff swimmer Ian Crocker limped to the wall with a 50.2 for the 100, a time which would have placed him 14th at the U.S. Trials (Crocker came in second with a 49.29). How does this help Michael Phelps? Well, Crocker is Phelps' main competition in the 100 butterfly. If he swims anything like he did in the relay last night, Phelps will have no problem overtaking his rival en route to another gold.

- By the time you read this, the men's 200 freestyle will be completed (the race goes off at 12:16 eastern time), but try to avoid going to espn.com and finding out how it ended. It should be one of the best heats in the history of Olympic swimming, and certainly is the highlight of the Olympics thus far. World record holder Ian Thorpe, defending Olympic champion Pieter van den Hoogenband, Michael Phelps, Grant Hackett and Klete Keller are all medal contenders, and each swimmer could end up with either a gold or a 5th-place finish. Like I said on Friday, all the attention will be on Thorpe or Phelps, but don't be surprised if van den Hoogenbad successfully defends his title. His anchor leg last night in the freestyle relay was blazing.

- What idiot at the PGA decided to schedule the PGA Championship for the first weekend of the Olympics? I watched exactly three minutes of the weekend coverage and I imagine others did the same.

- Men's field hockey? Seriously? What's next, women's wrestling? Wait... what?

- After the IOC award centennial Olympic Games to Atlanta, Greeks were furious that the 100th anniversary of the first Olympiad wouldn't be in Athens. Eight years later, when they finally got the Games they were ecstatic and promised that they would be the best Olympics ever. While the opening ceremonies were wonderful and the venues were completed in time, the attendance has been shockingly low. Last night's gymnastics competition, usually the toughest ticket at the Games, had more empty seats than a showing of Gigli. Granted, yesterday was a major religious holiday in Greece, but I'm watching a Japan-Argentina field hockey game now and there seems to be about 200 people in the stands. The Greeks wanted the Olympics badly, but apparently they didn't want to support it.

Lucky Seven?

The path to seven gold medals will be considerably harder for Michael Phelps than it was for Mark Spitz. While it’s not impossible for Phelps to get seven, it’s not likely either.
Chris’s Sports Blog projects that Phelps will win five gold medals, two silvers and a bronze at the 2004 Olympic Games.
Although that medal haul won’t match Spitz, it will surpass his 1972 performance as the greatest in Olympic swimming history.
Here are predictions for each of Phelps’ events, with the date of the final in parenthesis.

400 Individual Medley (Saturday)

Phelps is the world record holder and defending World Champion at this distance. Hungarian Laszlo Cseh came within 1.7 seconds of Phelps at the 2003 World Championships in Barcelona, but he won’t get that close tomorrow.
Prediction: Gold

4x100 Freestyle Relay (Sunday)

This is the big unknown for Phelps and the Americans. Phelps did not swim the 100 freestyle at the U.S. Trials, and traditionally the top six finishers at the trials make up the relay team, which would mean that unless Olympic swimming coach Eddie Reese makes an exception for Phelps, he might not swim.
Here’s the way the relays work in the Olympics: there is a preliminary heat and a finals heat. Countries can use different swimmers in each of the heats, meaning somebody who swims in the prelims doesn’t necessarily have to swim in the finals.
Normally, the third through sixth finishers for the 100 freestyle at the U.S. Trials swim in 4x100 freestyle relay prelims, and then the third and the fourth finisher join the swimmers that came in first and second for the finals.
Anybody who competes in any heat receives a gold medal.
Confused? Probably.
In the prelims in Athens, the U.S. team will likely consist of Gary Hall, Jr., Neil Walker, Nate Dursing and Gabe Woodward, the third through sixth place finishers at the U.S. Trials in the 100 free.
Since Michael Phelps didn’t swim, some contend that the fastest two swimmers from the preliminary relay should get the chance to swim in the finals (along with Jason Lezak and Ian Crocker).
But, Michael Phelps swam a 49.05 in the 100 freestyle earlier this year, a time that would have placed him second in the U.S. Trials. The third through sixth finishers came in between 49.3 and 49.5.
Eddie Reese has a decision to make. Should he let Phelps and his faster time swim in the relay, even though he didn’t earn his spot?
Reese wouldn’t be taking a gold medal away from anybody if he let Phelps swim (assuming the Americans win, which we’ll get to in a minute). After all, those who swim in the prelims still get a medal.
The coach has yet to decide, but did say that if the swimmers in the morning heat swam quick (48.5 was the time Reese determined as “quick”), then they he would have to put them on the finals squad.
The 48.5 time is over 7 tenths of a second faster than any of the prelim swimmers swam at the U.S. Trials, so Phelps looks like he’ll be a shoo-in to swim.
But… not so fast.
Relay splits are faster than normal times because of the advantage gained in the start. Most estimates say that there is a .6 or .7 second difference. So, except for the leadoff man, the other three swimmers in the morning would only have to swim around a 49.1 to meet Reese’s definition of fast, and that isn’t out of the question.
So what will Reese do? Either way, it’s a tough choice. If he lets Phelps swim, then he is denying a swimmer who earned his way onto the relay a chance at swimming for a gold medal.
On the other hand, if Reese doesn’t let Phelps swim he will be slammed in the media and will always be known as the coach who didn’t give Michael Phelps a chance at another medal.
Whatever Reese decides though still doesn’t guarantee the Americans a gold medal in the relay.
The U.S. lost this race for the first time in Olympic history at the 2000 Sydney Games to the host country, Australia.
The Aussies will be defending their title, while the Americans will be out for revenge.
It should be a close race, with the U.S. favored slightly. But what if the Americans lose and Phelps isn’t on the team?
Eddie Reese can’t take that chance. The pressure to win the medal (and from the media) will influence his decision and he will swim Phelps in the relay final, along with Lezak, Crocker and Gary Hall.
That team will avenge their loss in 2000 and take the gold.
Prediction: Gold

200 Freestyle (Monday)

Monday will be the day where the world will see a chink in Michael Phelps’ armor as the 200 freestyle will likely be the most competitive event on the men’s schedule.
Phelps, world record holder Ian Thorpe, 2000 gold medalist Pieter van den Hoogenband and Aussie Grant Hackett, as well as Phelps own teammate Klete Keller will all contend for gold.
Anybody who says they know how this race will turn out is lying. Thorpe was heavily favored in 2000 but was touched-out by van den Hoogenband. Grant Hackett has the second fastest time in the world this year (behind Thorpe and ahead of Phelps) and Keller was only 6 tenths behind Phelps at the U.S. Trials.
All the pre-race focus will be on Thorpe and Phelps, but don’t be surprised if neither win gold.
Prediction: Bronze

200 Butterfly (Tuesday)

Phelps will be well-rested for this event after not swimming any races in the Tuesday morning session. Look for him to break his own world record.
Prediction: Gold

4x200 Freestyle Relay (Tuesday)

Ten minutes after standing on the medal podium for the 200 fly, Phelps will swim in the finals of an event which the Australians won by five seconds in Sydney. Even with the addition of Phelps, the U.S. won’t be able to overtake Ian Thorpe and company.
Prediction: Silver

200 Individual Medley (Thursday)

His easiest race.
Prediction: Gold

100 Butterfly (Friday)

Phelps’ teammate, Ian Crocker, holds the world record in this event and beat Phelps in the Trials and at the 2003 World Championships.
Crocker has taken two of the three races against Phelps in this event during 2004, and would undoubtedly like to make it three of four.
As an added bonus, the winner of this race will represent the Americans in the final of Saturday’s 4x100 medley relay.
This is the toughest race to call of all.
Prediction: Silver… barely

4x100 Medley Relay (Saturday)

The U.S. has never lost this event in Olympic competition, and they won’t this time either.
Whether Phelps swims in the prelims or the finals, he’ll get a gold.
Prediction: Gold

A Golden Failure?

Nine days from now, swimmer Michael Phelps could conceivably be the owner of eight Olympic medals, a total which would be the most medals ever won in one Summer Games.
Yet, even if Phelps accomplishes that remarkable feat, his performance in Athens still might be considered a failure.

With the media focused on Phelps' attempt to break (or tie) Mark Spitz's record of seven gold medals in a single Olympics, anything less than those seven golds will be a disappointment.
But can five gold and three silver medals really be a letdown?
It will be for NBC, who will make Phelps the showc