Memorial Day Predictions

Sorry for the late, short entry. The power was off all day and the good people at PEPCO just got it running.
Some weekend predictions:

Friday

NBA Playoffs
Detroit over Indiana

MLB Baseball
Boston (Martinez) over Seattle (Piniero)
Cubs (Clement) over Pirates (Wells)
Montreal (Vargas) over Cincinnati (Lidle)
Los Angeles (Alvarez) over Arizona (Johnson)

Saturday

NBA Playoffs
Minnesota over LA Lakers

NHL Finals
Calgary over Tampa Bay

MLB Baseball
Seattle (Garcia) over Boston (Wakefield)
San Diego (Tankersley) over Milwaukee (Obermueller)
Kansas City (Reyes) over Minnesota (Santana)

NCAA Lacrosse Final Four
#4 Syracuse over #1 Johns Hopkins
#2 Navy over #6 Princeton

Sunday

NBA Playoffs
Detroit over Indiana

MLB Baseball
Oakland (Hudson) over Cleveland (Davis)
Detroit (Maroth) over Baltimore (Bedard)
Boston (Schilling) over Seattle (Franklin)
San Francisco (Schmidt) over Colorado (Kennedy)

Indianapolis 500
Winner: Helio Castroneves

Memorial Day

NBA Playoffs
LA Lakers over Minnesota (Clinch Series)

NHL Finals
Tampa Bay over Calgary

MLB Baseball
Boston (Lowe) over Baltimore (Lopez) - But neither pitcher makes it past the 5th
Chicago Cubs (Maddux) over Houston (Oswalt)

NCAA Lacrosse Championship
#4 Syracuse over #2 Navy

Movies
1) Shrek 2 - $82 million
2) The Day After Tomorrow - $69 million
3) Raising Helen - $18 million
4) Troy - $17 million
5) Soul Plane - $8 million

Mailbag

Why is it that Red Sox fans have to unite in their hatred for Derek Jeter? Is it because he has more hits in the league than anyone since his rookie year in 1995? Is it because he has a hand full of World Series Rings? Is it because he has won the Rookie of the Year Award, All Star Game MVP award and World Series MVP Award? I understand that as a sports fan, you have a rival and what better play to pick out than the captain, but I feel that Red Sox fans take it too far. All they talk about is the sexuality of Jeter. Why is that a topic even discussed? I hate the Red Sox just as much as the next Yankee fan but I never go on to make websites about Nomar loving dudes. Maybe its just years of disappointment bottled up. Maybe its all that hope instilled at the start of the year that slowly fades as the postseason rolls around. I respect the Boston franchise and the moves they have made as of late. I think it is great for baseball and just adds to the most storied rivalry in sports. Why cant the s--- talking stick to the actual game played on the field? Jeter could be the biggest prick in the world for all I care...it still wouldn’t change the fact that he is a born leader and a winner at the highest level of competition. When do fans go to far?

- Jarred Grossman - College Park, MD

You make a good point Jrod. Red Sox fans are pretty hard on Derek Jeter. I am guilty of this myself and frankly, wouldn’t have it any other way. Here’s why.
I think Jeter is vastly overrated with the glove, is a decent hitter whose numbers have benefited from hitting ahead of Big Stein’s collection of sluggers over the years and finally, gets way too much credit for being the Yankees leader.
You know too much about baseball to argue with my first point, you would probably contend my second point and definitely disagree with my final statement. But I’ll try to convince you anyway.
The reason the Yankees won four World Series in five years was because they had a great team. Derek Jeter was part of that team, and for that he deserves credit. But to suggest that Jeter played a more important role than Bernie Williams, Tino Martinez, Scott Brosius, Paul O’Neill, Andy Pettite, David Wells or Roger Clemens is ridiculous. Some people might say those were Jeter’s teams, but they weren’t. Those Yankees didn’t have a clear-cut leader, they were a team in every sense of the word. Now the Yankees are made up of individuals. The team chemistry isn’t there. If Jeter was the leader everybody suggests, then maybe he’d have some more rings. And maybe he’d be playing third base like he should be.
That’s right. If Jeter was a born leader then he would have given up his spot at shortstop to Alex Rodriguez. A. Rod is clearly a better fielder, yet Jeter remained at shortstop and is having the worst season of any marquee player in recent history. He’s hurting the team by staying at short, yet doesn’t seem to care.
“He’s playing hurt,” Yankees fans will say. So? I’m sick and tired of people making excuses for athletes because they are injured. If you’re hurt, then sit on the bench. If you can play, then play. Chris Webber was clearly hurt during the Kings-Lakers series. But he thought he was good enough to play, and in the end, hurt his team by doing so. But he decided to play. And if you do that, you can’t fall back on an injury as an excuse for playing poorly. If you’re hurt so bad, don’t play.
So if Jeter is indeed battling a hand injury, then he should take a rest and go on the 15-day D.L. to get better. He’s batting .197 with a .258 OBP. Even Homer Bush or Miguel Cairo could improve on that. A real leader would take a seat if an injury was causing him to play that poorly.
And as for jealous Sox fans (and that’s what they all are, jealous), I think their hatred of Jeter boils down to one key thing: Yankees fans have the ultimate trump card in any argument with a BoSox fan.
If a Sox fan says “Jeter sucks!” all a Yankees fan has to respond with is “how many rings does Nomar have?”. BAM. Right there, the argument is over. The Sox fan has no logical comeback. So an irrational questioning of Jeter’s sexuality becomes the last resort.
And you have to admit, he does look kind of girly when he’s up at the plate.

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Chaz its Antzo,
My first question, statement, or post relates to the Detroit Pistons/Bullets. They might very well make it to the NBA finals this year, but no one has ever said anything about how they messed up so bad in last years draft when the took that character named Darko over Carmello. I find it quite displeasing that they could have had Carmello and where would their team be with him instead of Darko.
Second question relates to Marcus Vick, if he wanted to hook up with a girl that was under the age of 18 why didn't he shoot for the moon and go after the chick from mean chicks, or that Hillary Duff girl, or he could have probably had both the Olsen twins at the same time because he is Michael Vicks little brother.
Third question, Shannon Sharpe or Deion Sanders, who would you rather have in the booth, remembering how great of a job Sterling Sharpe did on ESPN?
Forth question, will Shrek 2 make more money than the new Harry Potter movie?
Fifth question or statement, France really hates the US and it seems our men's tennis players hate France just as much, Andre Agassi and Andy Roddick both lose at the French Open in the first week. They must have spent too much time in their hotel rooms watching all that free porn the French put on T.V.
Thanks for your time...

Sincerely,
Antzo

- Alex Antzoulatos – Potomac, MD

Antzo, I’m going to answer the fifth part first, the third part second and then go from there.
- First, I don’t understand why everybody acts surprised that Agassi and Roddick lost at the French. Agassi is old and his dominating ground strokes aren’t as effective on the slow clay at Roland Garros. Roddick is a Pete Sampras-clone and without his 142-mph serve (again, the clay), his game isn’t all that impressive. (Remember, Pete never won at the French.) As for the French Sunday night porn, that’s the best show on Sunday night TV since Murder, She Wrote.
- If you read my blog on Tuesday you would know my feelings about the Sharpe-Deion thing, fool.
- Back to your first question –Where have you been? Everybody has been ripping the Pistons for taking Darko over Carmelo. I think Stephen A. Smith actually got a noise violation from the NYPD after he ranted for 15 minutes on the subject during Fastbreak Tuesday
My question is, why is everybody so quick to write off Darko? Was Tracy McGrady good in his rookie year? Jermaine O’Neal? Kobe Bryant? Kwame Brown? No. But nobody was proclaiming them as busts after their first season. Well, maybe Kwame. But I digress.
Darko is still just 19 years old. He has plenty of time to improve, or to prove himself a Sam Bowie-esque mistake. Either way, he still needs time.
Maybe Detroit should have taken Carmelo. But even if they had, he still wouldn’t be getting major minutes for the Pistons because Larry Brown doesn’t like to play rookies. And frankly, I think Dwayne Wade is going to the best of the three anyway.
- I’m surprised Marcus Vick and other Virginia Tech players were convicted of some crimes earlier this month. Usually the Hokies don’t fall apart until November.
- As for the box-office showdown (first of all you know the name of the “chick from mean chicks” is Lindsay Lohan and you also know the name of the movie was Mean Girls. I know you watch TRL, don’t act like you don’t.)
Anyway, I cannot accurately predict which movie will gross more. However, I can say (with some certainty) that you will be the first in line to see The Chronicles of Riddick.

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Do you think Dusty Baker chews on the same toothpick for 9 innings? Or could he possibly have a fiberglass toothpick that he keeps in a special case?

- Greg Falkowski – Philadelphia, PA

Be honest… on the day you wrote this e-mail, how much actual work did you get done?

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Two questions for you: How bad is michael olowakandi if he can't start over the horrible earvin johnson? I understand the kandi man was hurt, but come on, earvin johnson is brutal.
And
how bad is eastern conference basketball? My roommate loves it and defends it to the death, because he's obviously an idiot, but do people actually enjoy watching the pistons score 9 points in a quarter and actually win?

Nick Streit – San Diego, CA

Earvin Johnson is so old that when he plays against Kevin Willis, Kevin Willis says “damn Earvin, you real old.” And Olowokandi is so bad that he’s jealous of Jim McIlvane’s career.
And if given the choice between watching any Eastern Conference basketball game and a marathon of Juwanna Mann, I’d choose Juwanna Mann. At least she can hit a jump-shot on occasion.

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How does it feel to share the same general cyber-space (blogspot.com) with that Senate staff assistant who was nailing all of those dudes?

- Matt Roper – Washington, D.C.

For those of you outside the Beltway, the blog Mr. Roper speaks of was written by a young, female staffer who worked in the office of Sen. Mike DeWine (R-Ohio). Jessica Cutler (a 24-year old staff assistant from Syracuse who is not nearly as good looking as she probably thinks she is) wrote the salicious blog that detailed her sexual dalliances with six Capitol Hill men, including one “high-level federal employee.” She has since been fired and is now milking her 15 minutes of fame.
Anyway, in regards to the question, I generally don’t like to kiss and tell like Ms. Cutler, though one time I did see Ted Koppel in the soup aisle at Giant. I think he was buying some sort of bisque.

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Heya chaco,
so here's my thing..you know i've been raised to love deacs and hate dook and the goats, and I kinda thought about going to ncsu.
but personal reasons aside, john swofford is stupid.
the acc is getting enough loot, do they really need to make illogical divisions for that extra little $$ the dook-terp game will bring espn twice a year...c'mon, when expansion is all said and done, there's four ACC teams in the cakilaca del norte, four below, four above. And the majority of their games against each other came when the campuses were within 25 miles of each other....crazy old rivalries, sure terps an hoos have long been around, i don't want to play the jackets twice every year in hoops-maybe so if they had the ramblin wreck in hoops...it burns me up when little ole wake forest doesn't get home and away w/ dook and unc in my beloved acc hoops....so whatcha think about all this? i wanna know what the terp bias can conjure(sure they had a good rivalry going with dook, been going for a while, but these great games are likely to have already ended, and lately the dook game is eveyone's big game, heck even the leon county civic center gets rockin.
later, nicks gettin the hot dogs cookin. ooh ooh, S.

- Scott Spencer – Waxhaw, NC

Scotty, John Swofford will either be remembered a visionary or a greedy fool. My money is on the latter. The ACC has always been a basketball conference. It was started that way and even after adding Florida State in the early ‘90s, it remained that way. Now the ACC has no identity, except as money-grubbing conference-raiders.
Seriously, does the ACC really need another renegade football team from Florida? They already have Florida State. And isn’t Virginia Tech just Clemson North?
All this was done to get some more TV money from ABC and ESPN (which they did - unfortunately that money now has to be split 12 ways instead of 9) and to stage a conference championship game at the end of the football season. The Associated Press reported that a championship game would bring in a whopping $6 million in extra revenue. Wow… a whole six million? Florida State pays that much every year in bail money.
Essentially, the ACC sold their basketball soul for $6 million dollars and a couple of cookie-cutter schools.
While football season might be a bit more exciting (ie, have fun seeing Miami blow out your favorite school, if FSU isn’t on the schedule), the basketball season will be forever ruined.
Gone is the ACC’s double-round-robin schedule. Now teams might see Duke and North Carolina once during the regular season yet have a home-and-home with Virginia Tech and Clemson. I can see the half-empty arenas now.
To combat this, the ACC is designating two “rivals” for each school. For instance, Duke’s rivals are rumored to be North Carolina and Maryland. If that is the case, they would play a home-and-home with each school every year.
I agree with you about how everybody is Duke’s rival. Maryland does have a better case than most because they won a National Championship recently and have had some epic battles with the Dookies over the past few years. But every college team has down years, so what happens when Wake Forest is a Top 5 team (like they will be next year) and Maryland is struggling to stay in the Top 25 (as they likely will be next year)? The ACC gets stuck with some awful games while missing out on battles between two top schools. It’s bound to happen sooner rather than later.
Anyway, hope I answered your question Scotty… if you did indeed have one.

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Chirs,
After reading your column about wedding etiquette, I feel the need to remind you that my wedding happens to fall on the second to last yankees-red sox game of the season and 8th to last overall game. The game is at the same time as the reception. I think I have already come to expect that I may have to drag Jim, as well as every last groomsmen, you included, (6 red sox and 1 yankees fan among you all) out of the bar from time to time. Jim's suggestion is to put a tv in the reception hall...I don't think so. I just hope that the red sox are far enough ahead that the series doesn't matter at that point.
Love, Your Sister Steph

- Stephanie Chase – Ft. Leonard Wood, MO

First of all, it’s spelled Chris, not Chirs. I don’t call you Stefani, do I?
You make an interesting point. However, seeing as how the wedding is in Maryland, the game probably won’t be on TV.
So, I suggest designating one member of the bridal party as the score-retriever. He can use whatever necessary means (phone calls, text messages, ESPN ticker checks) to get the score once every 20 minutes. Then he can tell one person at the head table who will in turn tell the person next to them until the score reaches the other end. It will be like that kids game, Telephone.
That means, when the score-getter updates the table with “5-3 Sox, Bottom Six, Bellhorn homer”, the guy at the end of the table will think the score is “Jive Free Fox, Got them chicks, yellow stoner.”
Then everything will be great and the wedding will go off without a hitch. Unless that lone Yankees fan starts talking about how great Derek Jeter is.

Interesting Facts from USA Today’s 2003 NFL Salary List

- The teams with the six highest payrolls in the league (New Orleans, Tampa Bay, Minnesota, Cincinatti, Atlanta and Washington) all missed the playoffs. On the flip-side, seven of the eight teams with the lowest payrolls in the league missed-out on the postseason as well (Denver being the lone exception.) Looks like it pays to be in the fat part of the curve.

- Stories in the press always seem to suggest that the New England Patriots success has been due to a different front-office strategy that focus less on marquee free agents and more on low-priced talent. While it’s true that the Patriots don’t look to make a huge splash by signing big names during the off-season, the Super Bowl champs still had the 9th highest payroll in the NFL (and highest in the AFC).

- 11 of the 12 highest team payrolls belong to teams in the NFC. The NFC team with the lowest payroll (San Francisco, $60 million) spent $15 million less then the next-lowest conference team (Carolina, $75 million).

- The team that paid the least for each win: New England with $5,866,303 per win.
The team that paid the most for each win: Arizona with $20,258,732 per win.

- Brian Urlacher was the highest paid player in the league last year. The Bears linebacker received $15.05 million. Redskins WR Laveraneus Coles was next ($13.53), followed by Rams WR Torry Holt ($13.08), Vikins QB Daunte Culpepper ($12.44) and Packers DE Kabeer Gbaja-Biamilia ($11.65).
In addition to KGB, other surprising names on the Top 25 list include Kyle Turley ($11.47), Keith Brooking ($11.21), Flozell Adams ($10.54), LJ Shelton (who? $9.34) and Jonathan Sullivan ($8.25).

- James Stewart made more than Marshall Faulk, Shaun Alexander, Travis Henry, Clinton Portis, Rudi Johnson and Domanick Davis combined.

- Chris Weinke, Aaron Brooks and Tim Couch all made more money than Tom Brady.

- Browns punter Chris Gardocki made five times more money than Rams quarterback Marc Bulger. Kurt Warner made 13 times as much as Bulger.

- 2002 salary king Michael Strahan went from making $20.6 million in 2002 to $2.1 million in 2003. Nobody’s seen a pay-cut like that since John Travolta, post-Battlefield Earth.

- After making no more than $500,000 per year with the Bucs, Dexter Jackson parlayed his Super Bowl MVP performance into a $5 million salary with the Cardinals. Which breaks down to $2.5 million per big play that Jackson made in Tempe.

- David Sloan was the highest paid tight end in 2003. And some guy named Mike Solwold earned more for the Ravens at the same position than Pro Bowler Todd Heap.

- And despite four million reasons to the contrary, Donovan McNabb and John Lynch are still the most overrated players in football.

Later this week: MAILBAG. Please send in any questions, comments, turn-ons or turn-offs to chrisachase@comcast.net

Answers To Questions Directed Towards Somebody Else

Chris Mortensen hosted a chat May 19th on ESPN.com. As usual, Mort answered the questions clearly and concisely and provided readers with his unique insights on the NFL. Today, I’ll select a few of those questions and answer them as if they were directed towards me.

Amro(Fredericton, Canada): what are your thoughts on the Ravens in general and Kyle Boller in particular. Do you think the passing game will improve? and will this team be a contender for the superbowl?

With the Ravens apparently interested in Brad Johnson (assuming Rich Gannon signs with the Bucs and Johnson is cut), next season Kyle Boller will be spending more time on the bench than Judge Judy.
As for the Ravens Super Bowl chances, they’ll probably be good. But I can’t imagine living in a world where Brian Billick has two Super Bowl coaching victories, so I’d bet against B’more.

JOE ST LOUIS: Mort what do you think the chances are for the Seahawks to win the big one this year? Or will they flop like every other year?

I like the Seahawks chances this year… to be everybody’s vogue preseason Super Bowl pick and then limp to the finish with a sub-.500 record.
And by the way, let’s put a moratorium on calling Mike Holmgren and Mike Shanahan geniuses until they can win something without Hall of Famers at quarterback.

Tom (Newbury Park, CA): Mort- are football writers' pens at half-mast today with the retirement of Shannon Sharpe?

Tom, I like where you were trying to go with the half-mast analogy, but think about this logically: even if one wanted to, how would they get their pen at half-mast? Besides a cold shower.
Anyway, Shannon Sharpe is one of those guys who has crazy opinions just for the sake of having crazy opinions. The problem with the CBS pre-game show wasn’t Deion and it won’t be Sharpe. The show suffers because Boomer Esiason and Dan Marino have less personality than Al Gore on valium. And Jim Nantz’s turtleneck sweaters aren’t helping things either.

Shaun, Boyne City, MI: Is there any truth to the rumors that Kurt Warner could be coming to Detroit? If so, do you see that as a good move for the Lions?

As long as the Lions don’t overpay for Warner, then it makes sense to bring him in. With Joey Harrington demonstrating that Oregon quarterbacks are equivalent to Penn State running backs in the NFL, Warner would be a nice fit in Steve Mariucci’s west-coast offense. Of course, if Warner’s hand is still bothering him, then he’ll be throwing about as accurate as Donovan McNabb in an NFC Championship Game.
But, there are pluses to going to Detroit. A young receiving corps, a new running back and best of all - the Lions have field-turf at Ford Field, so Brenda Warner can forego trips to the salon and instead get her hair done by the head groundskeeper.

Jerry: What kind of number do you think J. Jones from the Cowboys can put up on his rookie season? Will he REALLY be a upgrade from Hambrick's numbers last year?

First of all, John Paul Jones would be an upgrade for the Cowboys at running back. Troy Hambrick averaged 3.5 yards per carry last year behind a good offensive line and had one less fumble than he did touchdowns. And take away his two games against the Redskins (54 carries for 289 yards) and Hambrick’s average slips to 3.01 per carry. (What is it about Cowboy’s running backs getting big days against the Redskins. Jerry Jones should have a reality show to find the Cowboys next running back and the winner starts a game versus the Skins… the guy would easily get at least 120.)
That being said, Julius Jones wasn’t all that great at Notre Dame. But running in a Bill Parcells system will make Julius be more Jerome Bettis than Tony Fisher.

John Albany, NY: Mort- Don't you think it would be wise for the Giants to look into trading Strahan while he still has value since he has made it pretty clear he isn't looking to rebuild?

Rebuilding only happens to French airport terminals and on The Swan. The word has no meaning in the NFL, not after teams like the Rams, Patriots, Panthers and Ravens all made huge jumps from mediocrity to the Super Bowl.
If the Giants do throw Eli into the fire (a big mistake) then this year will clearly be a wash. But Manning will certainly be expected to take the Giants to the playoffs in ’05.
Strahan will stay in New York for two reasons:
1) His cap-number is too big
and
2) Those Campbell soup ads where he goes up to strangers on a cold New York day and offers them soup just wouldn’t work if they were set in Tampa.

Frank (San Juan, Puerto Rico): What is going on with the Dolphins organization? They are having problems with staff, and now with Ricky Williams and David Boston? What are they doing?

Frank (which I assume is some sort of nom de plume seeing as how I doubt there are too many guys named “Frank” living in San Juan), you failed to mention the biggest problem in the Dolphins organization: Dave Wannsteadt.
Can you believe he’s still the coach? He is 81-79 in his head coaching career and only has one playoff win during his tenure in Miami despite Super Bowl expectations every summer.
But hey… at least Norv Turner is finally gone.

Mark (Clifton, VA): Mort, What do you think about the Redskins chances in a tough NFC East? Gibbs seems very optimistic for so early. He has always been very upfront with us fans and he seems more optimistic then usual.

Joe Gibbs is optimistic by nature, so I wouldn’t read too much into his statements on the team.
What has excited me most about the Redskins so far this off-season is what the players are saying about the new coaching staff.
In year’s past guys like Lavar Arrington and Chris Samuels have been saying all the right things about Marty Schottenheimer and Steve Spurrier. They haven’t criticized their new coaches, but have been reserved in their praise of them.
However, after the first two mini-camps under the Gibbs regime, every player interviewed raved about the coaching staff and said they are having so much fun despite working so hard.
After the Chiefs lost to the Colts in last years AFC Divisional Playoff, Johnnie Morton cried during his post-game press conference. When asked why he was so upset he responded that he was disappointed in himself because he let coach Dick Vermeil down.
I think the Redskins will play with the same emotion this year. They see how hard Gibbs and guys like Joe Bugel and Ernie Zampese work and will play hard for them.
A team’s season is defined by a few key plays. A third-down conversion here, a defensive stop there and that’s the difference between a 10-6 or an 8-8 record.
I think Gibbs and his staff are worth two wins just by the way they plan for and coach games. With the additions of Clinton Portis, Mark Brunell, Sean Taylor and others, look for the Skins to be in the middle of the NFC playoff race.

Eli (Orlando,Fl): Any prediction on Carson Palmers stats if he stays healthy? He has some pretty good talent around him.

Even though Jon Kitna had a fantastic year last year, Marvin Lewis had to make the move to start Carson Palmer in the upcoming season.
Palmer is in a difficult situation though. He has all the pressure on him because of his huge contract and also has to look over his shoulder at a Pro Bowl quarterback on the bench.
Look for Lewis to keep Palmer on a short leash, which could devastate the young QB’s confidence.

Trent, St. Louis: what about the Bears, can they move up in the North?

Moving up would mean finishing second in the NFC North, as the Bears finished 3rd last year, ahead of only the Lions. At this point, I think the Lions will again finish in the cellar, so the Bears would have to finish ahead of either the Packers or Vikings.
If Rex Grossman plays well, then the Bears could easily finish above .500 and land in second place. If he plays poorly, it could be another cold winter in Chicago. That is, unless the Cubs win the World Series.

Chris (Seattle): Mort, for all of the success that the Panthers enjoyed last year, I've barely heard a murmur about them leading up to this coming season. What can we expect?

Do you notice how every question about a team has come from somebody not in that team’s city? Weird.
Anyway, the Panthers were five plays from being 6-10 last year. They had a magical run through the season that resembled the Bears 2001 campaign.
Look for teams to figure out ways to beat the Panthers defense this year and for Stephen Davis to get injured mid-way through the season.

Nick (phila): Morty,,,,what do you think about them eagles

There goes my city-theory.
All I hear about is how the Eagles improved themselves in the off-season. And while its true that Terrell Owens is a huge improvement at wide receiver, isn’t everybody being a bit overly-optimistic in believing that T.O. won’t start running his mouth after he finds out that Donovan McNabb’s passing is about as accurate as bad guy’s shooting ability in Die Hard movies?
And as T.O. has shown in San Fran, a great receiver doesn’t win games all by himself. It helps to have a good supporting cast (think Jerry Rice and John Taylor), and Todd Pinkston, Freddy Mitchell and Billy McMullen don’t fit the bill.
Jevon Kearse will help on the D-line, but he isn’t the same player he was three years ago. Plus, Philly lost Troy Vincent and Bobby Taylor from their secondary and got rid of John Welbourn and Duce Staley too.
The Eagles will be in the hunt for a playoff spot and could go to the Super Bowl, but I just don’t see why everybody in Philly is so excited this year.

Elliott Austin, TX: Please say something positive about the Chargers. As much as it may hurt!

Those powder-blue throwback unis are fantastic. And Philip Rivers will be better than Eli Manning eventually.

Brian NYC: What about Testaverde to the Giants?

Brian, you live in New York. Surely you saw Vinny play last year for the Jets? I think a drunk, kiss-seeking Joe Namath would have had more mobility in the pocket. Plus, with the Giants offensive-line the wreck that it is, Vinny would be getting hit like he was in a Sopranos episode.

MLB Power Rankings

Power rankings are kind of like bikini models at car shows. They serve no real purpose, but sure are fun to look at.
Onto the list:

#1 – Anaheim Angels
A couple of years ago the brilliant minds at Disney decided that cross-promotion was the next big thing and changed the name of the California Angels to the Anaheim Angels, which helped promote both Disneyland and the NHL’s Mighty Ducks. (This is also why you see George Lopez guest-starring on NYPD Blue as a Mexican comedian who witnesses a murder.)
Good move Disney. Changing your location name from California to Anaheim is like a guy named Pierce changing his name to Lester.

#2 – Boston Red Sox
Give me the Sox and Angels in a seven-game series and I’ll take the Sox. But for the purposes of this little exercise, the Angels and their 29-15 record have to be at the top of the list.

#3 – Chicago Cubs
Kerry Wood is slowly turning into Grant Hill right before our eyes.

#4 – New York Yankees
You know you’re hurtin' when a 1-5 day at the plate actually raises your batting average, as it did for Derek Jeter yesterday. And by the way, with the signing of Tanyon Sturtze, the Yanks might want to start printing up World Series tickets. Tanyon Sturtze? Are the Yanks serious? It’s almost like Steinbrenner isn’t trying anymore.

#5 – Houston Astros
Can we please stop with all the stories about Roger Clemens coming back from retirement to pitch for the Astros. It’s fine to write about how amazing it is that a 41-year old power pitcher is dominating the National League, but one thing needs to be straightened out.
Roger Clemens never retired. He just said he was going to retire. There’s a big difference.
And how dumb must those fans in Miami feel after giving Clemens a standing ovation during the World Series last year. Has there ever been anything so ridiculous? You don’t give a standing ovation to an opposing pitcher in a World Series under any circumstance, unless he saves a baby from a fire while beating up Osama Bin Laden all while pitching a perfect game.
Where was I? Oh yeah, get off Clemens’ jock.

#6 – Philadelphia Phillies
Eagles lose in NFC Championship Game. Flyers lose in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals. If things progress as I think they will, look for the Phillies to sign Mitch Williams in late-September.

#7 – Chicago White Sox
Does anybody outside the south side of Chicago care about the White Sox? They’re like the Golden State Warriors of baseball.

#8 – Minnesota Twins
The Twins sport a 25-18 record yet have been outscored by opponents 217-227. According to Bill James’ Pythagorean equation, the Twins should have a 21-21 record. What does this all mean? I don’t know, except that it took me about 5 minutes to spell a word that resembled “Pythagorean” enough for the Word spell-check to pick it up.

#9 – San Diego Padres
The official team of Chris’s Sports Blog keeps rolling and ends the week in a tie with the Dodgers atop the NL West. One can’t help but wonder if Scott Spencer has anything to do with this.

#10 – Florida Marlins
Even after winning the World Series last year, the Marlins rank 20th in the majors in home attendance. Still glad you chose Miami and Tampa over D.C. Bud Selig?

#11 – Texas Rangers
If the Rangers were Genesis then A. Rod would be Peter Gabriel and Michael Young would be Phil Collins. And Brad Fullmer would, of course, be Mike Rutherford.

#12 – Los Angeles Dodgers
The MLB Extra Innings package would be worth it just to listen to Vin Scully call a baseball game. When I was in L.A. a few years ago I listened to a radio broadcast of a Lakers playoff game announced by Chick Hearn then heard Scully call a Dodgers game right after that. No wonder Randy Newman loved L.A.

#13 – Oakland A’s
Fans in Oakland still haven’t forgotten about Eric Byrnes failure to touch home plate in Game 4 of the A’s-Sox series last year. In fact, every time he comes to the plate at home he is showered with boos from the entire crowd. Except for one guy in section 423 who is saying “Booooooooo-yrns”.

#14 – Cincinnati Reds
I’m beginning to wonder if Cincinnati really exists. Think about it. Have you ever met anybody from Cincinnati? Neither have I…

#15 – St. Louis Cardinals
I don’t know what surprised me more. That Ray Lankford was still on the Cardinals or that Ray Lankford still exists.

#16 – New York Mets
Do you think Rudy Giuliani would have gone to all the Mets games and worn Mets hats and Mets jackets had it been the Mets that were the dominant New York team during his terms as mayor? I bet he would have. And for some reason, that really pisses me off.

#17 – Milwaukee Brewers
I bet the Brewers were a bit miffed when Squiggy signed on to be a scout with the Mariners.

#18 – Baltimore Orioles
In the 10 years that Camden Yards has been open nobody has hit the warehouse with a homerun. However, things might change this season when the San Francisco Giants roll into Baltimore for a three-game series. Yup… I think Yorvit Torrealba just might do it.

#19 – Detroit Tigers
Detroit really should think about hiring that tiger that mauled Roy as their new mascot. It’s not like he’s doing anything these days.

#20 – San Francisco Giants
Say it with me now: Yorvit Torrealbla. yor-VEET tor-EE-all-buh. I dare you to say that out-loud and not have a smile creep up on your face.

#21 – Pittsburgh Pirates
News reports said that Raul Mondesi left the Pirates because he had to tend to family matters. But I think I know the real reason: scurvy.

#22 – Cleveland Indians
Imagine if Yorvit Torrealbla got scurvy. That’d be comedy gold.

#23 – Colorado Rockies
Despite playing in the thin-air of Colorado, Denny Hocking has zero homeruns in over 100 at-bats. I guess Hocking’s only hope of going yard is if the Rockies build a new stadium on Mir.

#24 – Atlanta Braves
With the Braves dynasty dying a slow death, those fair-weather fans in Atlanta will have to wait for Michael Vick’s next injury before they have another bandwagon to jump off of.

#25 – Arizona Diamondbacks
I wonder if Richie Sexson and Randy Johnson share clothes.

#26 – Toronto Blue Jays
Carlos Delgado is batting an anemic .230 for the season. But even with this horrific start to the season, the Blue Jays slugger is still batting a cool 40 points better than Derek Jeter.

#27 – Seattle Mariners
Who would have thought Edgar Martinez would last longer in Seattle than Frasier.

#28 – Tampa Bay Devil Rays
I have July 8th in the “Lou Pinella’s Head Explodes” pool.

#29 – Montreal Expos
Yes, the Expos are the worst team in baseball. But I refuse to put a team that has played only eight games in their home city at the bottom of this list.

#30 – Kansas City Royals
Just like the Chiefs, the Royals have no defense. Unlike the Chiefs, however, the Royals also have no offense.

My 2004 (Way too Early) All-Star Ballot

It’s probably, nay – definitely - too early to be discussing baseball All-Star teams, but that didn’t stop the marketing geniuses at Major League Baseball from releasing the fan ballots about 12 days into the season.
A lot can change between now and mid-July, yet fans everywhere (except in Montreal and Atlanta where attendance numbers routinely look like the first four digits of pi) are figuring out who they will vote for and how they can find something thin enough to punch holes in the ballot cards while sitting at a ballgame.
I decided to take a look at the ballot and pick my “Way-Too-Early-To-Decide-All-Star-Team”. I followed a couple of rules:
1) I am only voting for people listed on the original, asinine ballot. This means, no David Ortiz at 1B for the AL or Todd Walker at 2B for the NL. However, I am free to vote for Karim Garcia and Jose Reyes, should the mood strike me.
2) No write-in votes. People that write-in votes on the All-Star ballot are about as sad as that guy who sits in a strip club all day and is convinced that Dakota actually has a thing for him. Write-in votes are about as worthless as absentee ballots.
3) No voting for anybody who plays on the Milwaukee Brewers. Sure, Scott Podsednik is having a pretty decent year. But until baseball moves a team to Washington DC, I refuse to acknowledge Bud Selig’s “team” in the Midwest.
4) I’m not punching the ballot for anybody I haven’t seen play. Lyle Overbay (who I wouldn’t vote for based on rule #3) is having a pretty great year. But because I’ve never seen him play, I wouldn’t know the difference between him, Lyle Alzado and Lyle, the “dude” from the “Summer of George”.
5) No bias allowed in my picks (see AL 1st base). However, if two players are very close, my tiebreaker is who I like better and would rather see play (see NL 3rd base).
Note: My picks are in bold, my predictions for who will be voted in by the fans appear in italicized parenthesis.
Onto the picks:

American League

C – Ivan Rodriguez, Detroit Tigers (Jorge Posada)
I originally had Javy Lopez here, but then I looked at the numbers again and realized that Pudge has better hitting stats and is more of a force behind the plate. Plus, he’s been the catalyst for the Tigers 12-game improvement compared to the same time last year.

1B – Jason Giambi, New York Yankees (Giambi)
A surprisingly thin position for the AL this year, which gives Giambi the nod by default. Carlos Delgado has been choking in the last year of his contract, Rafael Palmeiro looks noticeably smaller (as does Giambi) and Darin Erstad has zero homeruns in 129 at-bats. Even if David Ortiz was on the ballot, Giambi is the choice here.

2B – Ronnie Belliard, Cleveland Indians (Alfonso Soriano)
It’s still amazing to me that the Yankees have Enrique Wilson and Miguel Cairo alternating days at second base. The crop of AL second basemen is hardly inspiring, but even Walt Harris and Luis Rivas would be an improvement over those fools the Yanks have.

SS – Michael Young, Texas Rangers (Nomar Garciaparra)
Alex who? The Rangers haven’t missed A. Rod one bit, as Michael Young has stepped into his position and batted .357 with a .986 OPS. Still, Young won’t win the fan vote and neither will Derek (I’m Batting .188 and get $20 million per year) Jeter. If the Orioles could draw any fans, Miguel Tejada could win, but Nomar will still probably get the start in Houston, even if he can’t play.

3B – Hank Blalock, Texas Rangers (Alex Rodriguez)
Last year’s All-Star hero will earn his second straight appearance in the mid-summer classic, but it won’t be because of the fan vote. A. Rod will cruise at 3B, and after his early-season swoon, he might even deserve it.

OF – Manny Ramirez, Boston Red Sox (Ramirez)
OF – Vladimir Guerrero, Anaheim Angels (Guerrero)
OF – Carlos Beltran, Kansas City Royals (Ichiro Suzuki)
Manny and Vlad are no-brainers. They are both hitting over .340, have over nine homeruns and more than 25 RBI’s. Oh, and their OPS’s are 1.075 and .977, respectively. Throw in Vlad’s cannon of an arm and Manny’s improved play in left and it makes the choices even easier. Even the fans should get these two spots right.
The third outfielder should be Beltran, but with the popularity of internet voting in Japan, Ichiro and Matsui will probably duke it out for the final starting slot.

National League

C – Johnny Estrada, Atlanta Braves (Paul Lo Duca)
A toss-up (which is the theme of the NL ballot) between Estrada and Lo Duca, I went with Javy Lopez’s replacement because he has more fielding win shares. You can’t go wrong with Lo Duca though.

1B – Jim Thome, Philadelphia Phillies (Albert Pujols)
Sean Casey and Lyle Overbay are also having great years, but Thome’s OBP and homerun total give him the edge in my book. Pujols, last years leading vote-getter, will win again (this time at 1B), even though he wouldn’t be in the top-four on my list.

2B – Mark Loretta, San Diego Padres (Jeff Kent)
While the first two NL positions were toss-ups between players having great years, this one is more of a “who-sucks-least” competition. And the winner of this prestigious award is the Padres Mark Loretta, who is on pace for career bests in batting average, OPS, homers, doubles and RBI with men on second base and less than two outs in day-games on turf.

SS – Edger Renteria, St. Louis Cardinals (Renteria)
Comparing AL shortstops with NL shortstops is like comparing the casts of Friends and Yes, Dear.

3B – Mike Lowell, Florida Marlins (Scott Rolen)
The toughest selection on the entire ballot. Adrian Beltre, Scott Rolen and Lowell all deserve a spot (and probably will receive one after the manager’s selections), but Lowell gets the nod because of a superior OPS, more homers and the fact that he’s not Scott Rolen.

OF – Barry Bonds, San Francisco Giants (Bonds)
OF – Lance Berkman, Houston Astros (Sammy Sosa)
OF – Steve Finley, Arizona Diamondbacks (Jim Edmonds)
This is probably a topic for another day… but, I find it really interesting that the media gets all worked up over the possibility of Barry Bonds cheating by using steroids after they essentially gave Sammy Sosa a free pass after he was caught cheating (with his corked bat) last season.
It seems that a big smile, charisma and public apology is all you need in this country to make people forget things.
Anyway, Bonds is the only slam-dunk on this board. Berkman clearly has All-Star numbers this year (which surprised me, I figured that Berkman’s 2002 was going to give Brady Anderson’s 1996 a run for its money on the list of greatest steroid seasons of all-time), but will probably be a reserve. Sosa, a fan favorite, will be voted in after narrowly missing last year.
My third selection is a little trickier. There is no clear-cut third outfielder from the National League. Andruw Jones’ fielding alone gets him in the All-Star game most years, but his batting numbers have suffered in the anemic Braves offense. Pat Burrell is playing well in Philly, as is Brian Giles in San Diego. Adam Dunn is having a career year, but he will be voted to plenty of All-Star teams by the time his career is over, so I didn’t choose him either.
I went with Finley for a few reasons. The 39-year old outfielder already has more homeruns this year then he did in six previous full seasons. (He is on pace for 54, which would top his career best by 20 – his career season average). Finley’s OPS is .910, which would be another season best. And even at 39, Finley (a four-time Gold Glove winner) is still one of the best outfielders in the league.
Mainly though, I just like Steve Finley.

I’ll be punching my ballot again next month and will do the same in July before the All-Star game. A lot should change before then, but I think one thing is clear: Derek Jeter will have some days off in mid-July to work on his swing.

Perfect Game Thoughts

Some thoughts on Randy Johnson’s perfect game:

- The way ESPN has been reporting Big Unit’s perfecto, one would think that a 27-up, 27-down game is common.
On the ticker the network declared that this perfect game was Johnson’s first of his career and on their Web site ESPN breathlessly announced that he is the oldest player to pitch a perfect game.
Both of these facts are, of course, true, but at the same time irrelevant. Randy Johnson pitched only the 17th perfect game in Major League history. Out of the hundreds of thousands of games played during the past 100 plus years, only 15 of them have resulted in a perfect game. This is one of the rarest events in all of baseball.
So of course it’s Randy Johnson’s first (no pitcher has pitched more than one). And the fact that he’s the oldest isn’t all that remarkable either.
The feat itself is what’s amazing. ESPN doesn’t need to gussy up this stat like they do to so many others. A perfect game can stand on its own.

- How lame are Atlanta Braves fans? They were witnessing history, yet Turner Field was quieter than the audience at a Margaret Cho comedy special. Unless your team is getting no-hit by a rival, you have to cheer them on like they were one of your own. And what’s with all the empty seats in Atlanta? It’s not like people had a Hawks playoff game to go watch.

- Skip Carey makes Chip Carey sound like Jack Buck. And that feat might even be more amazing then Unit’s pitching performance.
As my buddy Nick puts it, “you would think it’d be difficult for a guy that sounds like a frog to get a job in broadcasting.” It’s true. Skip should be doing voice-work for Spongebob Squarepants but instead he is calling games on a national television station.
Of course Carey only has his job because of his last name, but he's also the beneficiary of what I call the John Clayton-effect.
ESPN’s John Clayton has a face for AM radio, yet has a job with the biggest sports network in the country. This only happens to men.
If he was a woman, Clayton wouldn’t be able to get a job talking football at the UPN affiliate in Duluth.

- I only watched the last three innings of the game last night, but from what I saw on the highlights, it looks like Johnson pitched one of the best games of my lifetime.
I’d rank it up there with Kerry Wood’s 20-K night, one-hit night against the Astros, Pedro Martinez’s relief outing against the Indians in Game Five of the 1999 ALDS and any Rockies game started by Denny Neagle.

- On Major League Baseball’s official list of perfect games, Harvey Haddix and Pedro Martinez’s names appear under a “special mention” heading.
For those who aren’t familiar, Haddix pitched 12 perfect innings for the Pittsburgh Pirates in 1959, only to lose the perfect game, no-hitter and game in the 13th inning. When he was with the Expos Pedro Martinez retired the first 27 batters in a 1995 game versus the Padres, but gave up a leadoff double in the top of the 10th and was taken out of the game.
I flip-flop with my opinions on how these games should be classified. I’m totally against rain-shortened no-hitters and eight-inning losses that are no-hitters (Andy Hawkins and Matt Young did so in 1991 and 1992, respectively), but with these perfect-games, I think I would count them.
Would Johnson’s feat last night have been any less special if his team hadn’t scored any runs? The answer should be “no”, but it is most certainly “yes”.

- It’s not nearly as aesthetically pleasing when a pitcher throws a perfect game and the other team has committed some errors. Because then you have a final scoreboard that looks like this:

Diamondbacks 2 8 0
Braves 0 0 3

- Last night’s game might be the final nail in the coffin of the Braves playoff-run. (Calling the Braves recent success a dynasty is like calling the Red Sox and Yankees a rivalry. In a rivalry, both teams need to win every now and then. And a dynasty produces World Series victories, not division titles over the Expos, Phillies and Mets.)
Of all the teams that have been the victim of a regular season perfect game since 1922, only two of ten have gone on to have winning records. (The Dodgers did so in both 1988 and 1991 after being victimized by Dennis Martinez and Tom Browning, respectively). (Tom Browning pitched a perfect game? That’s like finding out that Major Dad won a Peabody.)
Way too many parentheticals there.
Anyway, the Braves now sit at 17-20 and it looks like their reign atop the NL East is over.
That leaves the door open for the Phillies, who will in-turn choke in the NLCS.

Tuesday Thoughts

- Smarty Jones will not win the Triple Crown. This I guarantee. It’s not because the Belmont track is longer than the previous two legs of the Triple Crown, or because of his “sprint-oriented bloodlines” or for any reason that has anything to do with actual thoroughbred racing.
No, the reason Smarty Jones will fail in his quest to become the first Triple Crown winner since 1978 is because of his stupid name.
Take a look at the names of the past five Triple Crown winners: Affirmed (1978), Seattle Slew (1977), Secretariat (1973), Citation (1948), Assault (1946).
Do you really think that a horse named Smarty Jones can join a group like that? Affirmed invokes thoughts of a strong, powerful stallion. It’s name belongs in the pantheon of great horses. Smarty Jones sounds like he’s Mr. Ed’s second cousin.
Do you think it’s coincidence that in recent years Real Quiet and Funny Cide have failed to win the Belmont after taking the Derby and Preakness? Of course not. Their names were awful too.
In all, 19 horses have won the first two legs of the Triple Crown, but failed to complete the trifecta - among them Tim Tam (1958), Carry Back (1961), Kauai King (1966) and Canonero II (1971).
Only Spectacular Bid (1979), Sunday Silence (1989) and War Emblem (2002) had names cool enough to take the Belmont.
So look for Imperialism or Lion’s Heart to win at Belmont Park on the first Saturday June. And if not because Smarty Jones’s doesn’t have the etymological greatness of War Admiral or Citation, then because he’s from Philadelphia and they love to choke on a grand stage in Philly.

- Kevin Garnett shouldn’t have retaliated against Anthony Peeler after Peeler elbow-punched KG in the face during Game 6 of the Timberwolves-Kings series. It’s what Peeler wanted him to do and Garnett wisely didn’t take the bait.
A lot of people are criticizing the MVP for doing nothing after the cheap shot. They claim that now Garnett looks weak to the Kings and they’ll keep harassing him in Game 7 and cause him to get off his game.
Yeah. I really think Garnett is scared of Chris Webber and Peja Stojakovic. The Kings are about as tough as the guys in the Ice Capades. Anybody who is scared of a team that has Doug Christie on their roster probably also sleeps with the light on and only walks in crosswalks for fear of a jaywalking ticket.
The scariest person on the Kings is Doug Christie’s wife, and she isn’t even on the court.
Chris Webber is so soft that he’s in talks to become the next Charmin baby.
Alright, that’s enough of that.

- New York has about as much chance of being awarded the 2012 Olympics as Ashton Kutcher does of winning an Oscar. The US had an Olympics in 1996, and when Vancouver was awarded the 2010 Winter Games, the chance of North America getting another games was dealt a serious blow. Look for London or Paris to get the nod. Besides, doesn’t the city of New York have more pressing issues than figuring out where the Beach Volleyball competition should be held?

No post today, just got back from graduation at Wake Forest. Check back tomorrow for some flimsy observations about an as-of-yet undetermined topic.

NBA Gets Assist on Fisher’s Shot

It might have been one of the best finishes in NBA history. Three lead changes in the last 11 seconds (two on shots by future Hall-of-Famers) and a miracle at the buzzer by a forgotten role player guaranteed that Game 5 of the Western Conference Semi-finals between the L.A. Lakers and San Antonio Spurs will be remembered for having one of the best endings in sports history.
Most people will want to congratulate Derek Fisher for his buzzer-beating heave that put his L.A. team up 3-2 in the series. Others will criticize Manu Ginobli for playing the softest defense on that play that the NBA has seen since Kareem was patrolling The Forum.
Some will praise Kobe for freeing up Fisher, a few will find fault with Gregg Popovich for double-teaming Bryant and leaving a bevy of good shooters open for the Lakers.
Tim Duncan will also gets some props for his circus-shot that put the Spurs ahead.
Me? I give credit to none of them.
Instead, I’m going to praise the morons in the NBA league office that made the rule that says a team calling timeout after a made basket gets the ball beyond half court.
Tell me… did it make any sense that the Lakers got to inbound the ball near their own basket after Tim Duncan drained his shot with .4 left? (Duncan can’t even make a free-throw in a regular season game vs. the Warriors, yet can drain an off-balanced 18-footer with Shaq in his face, in the waning seconds of a pivotal playoff game.)
Of course it didn’t. (To be fair, the Spurs called a timeout of their own after Kobe’s shot and got the ball in a similar location, but they had 11.2 to move the ball.)
Duncan made the shot. The Lakers should inbound under their own basket. But, by the magic of the NBA rulebook, they called one of their 43 time-outs and magically advanced the ball over half-court.
Do the Rams get the ball at the Packers 45-yard line after Brett Favre throws a touchdown pass in the NFC Championship to put his team up 31-30? Of course not. There are no free yards in the NFL. You have to earn them.
It’s the same with college basketball. You can’t advance the ball by calling time-out. A team can only inbound the ball above half court if they call a timeout after getting over the timeline. You have to earn your spot on the court.
Apparently the NBA sees it differently.
The Lakers were essentially given 40 free feet after Duncan’s make, thus allowing the team to set-up a shot without having earned their position on the floor.
Had the Lakers been forced to inbound under the Spurs basket, there would have been almost no chance of making a game-winning buzzer beater. It took Christian Laettner about 1.3 seconds to catch, pivot and shoot his miraculous shot against Kentucky in 1992. The only thing the Lakers would have been able to do is throw a hail mary and hope that somebody could re-direct the ball with a tip towards the basket.
Instead, Gary Payton threw a short pass to Fisher who was able to catch and shoot in under .4 seconds because the pass was right in his hands. Now the Lakers have a 3-2 lead in what some are calling the “real” NBA Finals.
It’s insane. Kudos to Derek Fisher for making the shot. But he should really be thanking the NBA Rules Committee for allowing him to do so.

Thursday Thoughts

- Ron Artest’s mustache just might be the best facial hair on an athlete since Shaq shaved his head and left only mutton chops a few years back. Take a look at Artest. With his Billy Dee Williams ‘stache and mini-fro, doesn’t he kind of look like a black Harvey Kietel?

- Has any fad of the past decade been more disturbing than bobblehead dolls? Those have to be the freakiest things to become popular since Billy Bob Thornton. I got a bobblehead of Jerry Hairston Jr. last year at an Orioles game (yeah, I was upset I couldn’t get the Luis Matos one also) and I didn’t know what to do with it. I felt like if I threw it away it would crawl out of the trash can like Chucky from Child’s Play and slowly jitter its way to my bed, looking like a crackhead in need of a fix, and smother me with a pillow.

- Last night Dodger Alex Cora fouled off 13 of Matt Clement’s pitches, and then on the 18th pitch parked a homerun in the right-field seats. Vin Scully called it one of the best at-bats he had ever seen. Of course, if Vin Scully said David Paymer is the next big thing, I’d probably believe him… cause, hey… he’s Vin Scully.

- Did you see the video that Mexican Air Force pilots shot that allegedly shows 11 UFO’s in the night’s sky? Check it out. The pictures raise so many questions. Are we really alone in the universe? Will these aliens be friendly or hostile? And finally… Mexico has an Air Force?

- I’d like to make a confident prediction about tonight’s Lakers-Spurs game, but the truth is, nobody knows what’s going to happen in this game or the rest of the series. Who knows how Kobe will perform after his unbelievable 42-point performance that came hours after pleading not guilty in a Colorado courtroom. Tim Duncan surely won’t have another flat night from the field, but nobody thought he would in Game 3 either. But, just for kicks – Spurs win tonight, Lakers take Game 6 back in Cali and then…. the Lakers steal Game 7 on the road.

- Whatever happened to that guy who won ESPN’s Dream Job? Weren’t they going to give him an on-air contract? Yet, he’s had less face time on the network than Chris Berman.

- - Why is everybody in such a tizzy about teams intentionally walking Barry Bonds? Giants players complain about it, columnists are suggesting new rules to get around this (yeah, like pitchers then wouldn’t throw four “non-intentional” balls out of the strike zone) and fans complain that they don’t get to see the best player in baseball hit.
There is a solution to this problem, and it’s not a rule-change. THE GUYS BELOW BONDS IN THE BATTING ORDER NEED TO HIT. There’s a reason Barry wasn’t intentionally walked like this in his 73 homerun year. He had Jeff Kent behind him. If Bonds was on-base every time, Kent would have driven him in. This year, Edgardo Alfonzo and company have left Bonds on base 50 out of 67 times. It’s their fault that Bonds gets walked so much. If they could hit a little, then pitchers might be forced to throw Bonds something hittable.

- The Pacers scored two more points in the first quarter than the Timberwolves scored in the entire first-half. And by the way, Kevin Garnett shouldn’t have been the NBA MVP. You think it was just coincidence that Garnett had a great season when Sam Cassell and Latrell Sprewell showed up in town? Either Tim Duncan should have won, or my pre-season favorite: Etan Thomas.

- In NBA circles, bashing Chris Webber has become the new black. And with good reason. He looks like he doesn’t care when he’s on the court and his hustle is reminiscent of Manny Ramirez running out a ground ball. He dropped 28 last night on the T-Wolves, but you could see the sense of relief on C. Webb’s face when it became apparent that he wouldn’t have to handle the ball in any late-game situations. A few days ago I wrote about Byung-Hyun Kim’s inability to get over the two World Series homeruns he gave up. Conversely, Webber still can’t escape the memories of his time-out against UNC in the 1993 NCAA Championship Game (which only happened because the refs missed a blatant walk by Webber in the backcourt.) Webber has been battling injuries for most of the last three years. He is still a top-notch player when he wants to be, it’s just that most of the time, he looks like he wishes he was somewhere else.

- Peter King reports that Redskins draftee Sean Taylor doesn’t want to be a Washington Redskin. I think that the allure of a $15 million signing bonus will quickly change Taylor’s mind, but I can’t help but think how he’d be reacting now if the Skins had passed on him and he had to play in Cleveland. It’s a toss-up, I guess. Playing in the nation’s capitol under a Hall-of-Fame coach or playing on the Cuyahoga River under a guy named Butch. Hmmmmmm…

Interesting Tidbits from ESPN.com’s Baseball Page

- Ron Belliard (.383) and Melvin Mora (.372) are leading the American League in batting average. This is kind of like if Obinna Ekezie and Kendall Gill lead the NBA in scoring.

- Jarrod Washburn has as many wins (6), with a 5.14 ERA then the top four ERA leaders – Freddy Garcia (1 win, 2.11 ERA), C.C. Sabathia (1, 2.34), Jake Westbrook (2, 2.67) and Tim Wakefield (2, 2.75) - have combined. Reason #38 that the Win is the most overrated statistic in baseball.

- Julio Franco is the leading 45-year old hitter in baseball, which is as much of a compliment as saying that Keanu Reeves is the best actor named Keanu.

- This season the Houston Astros will pay Richard Hidalgo $12.5 million. Hidalgo parlayed one of the all-time great steroid-aided seasons (44 HR’s, 122 RBI – career highs by 16 and 34, respectively) into that huge contract. Now the Astros are stuck doling out 18% of their total payroll to a solid, but unspectacular, right-fielder. Look at it this way: Hidalgo makes more money then Roger Clemens, Andy Pettite, Morgan Ensberg, Adam Everett and Brad Ausmus combined. It could be worse, the Mets are paying Mo Vaughn $17.5 million this season to eat Krispy Kremes.

- If you squint enough, Jayson Stark looks like he could have been on The Brady Bunch as a youngster.

- It’s official. The Yankees are interested in acquiring every single player in baseball.

- Getting off-topic for a minute, I’m watching the Astros-Marlins game on my Extra Innings package and two things come to mind: 1) I still can’t believe Shawn Estes couldn’t hit Roger Clemens in that Mets-Yankees game a few years ago when it was Clemens first at-bat against the Mets since he threw a broken bat at Mike Piazza in the 2000 World Series. Everybody in the stadium knew Estes was trying to hit him, but then he completely missed. He threw behind him! What, was he auditioning for the role of Rick Vaughn in Major League: The Musical? and 2) Juan Pierre always looks like he is being fast-forwarded.

- The Arizona Diamondbacks, Kansas City Royals and Montreal Expos are a combined 29 games under-.500. So that means you should expect to be seeing two of the following three players – Randy Johnson, Carlos Beltran, Jose Vidro - wear pinstripes before the season is over. Somewhere, in his underground lair in Tampa, George Steinbrenner is laughing maniacally like Dr. Claw in Inspector Gadget.

- Speaking of Inspector Gadget, there are three C-Spans, a food network, about 40 Discovery Channels and you’re telling me somebody, somewhere can’t fork over some dough for a classic cartoon channel? Think of the afternoon/evening lineup:

3:00 p.m.. – The Smurfs
3:30 p.m. – Snorks
4:00 p.m. – He-Man
4:30 p.m. – Muppet Babies
5:00 p.m. – Ducktales
5:30 p.m. – The Flinstones
6:00 p.m. – The Jetsons
6:30 p.m. – Alvin and the Chipmunks
7:00 p.m. – G.I. Joe
7:30 p.m. – Thundercats
8:00 p.m. – Transformers
8:30 p.m. – Inspector Gadget
9:00 p.m. – Garfield and Friends
9:30 p.m. – MASK
10:00 p.m. – Scooby Doo
10:30 p.m. – Fat Albert

Come on. Who wouldn’t watch that? People would be taking off work for He-Man marathons and TiVo sales would skyrocket because people would be waiting for that episode of Alvin and the Chipmunks where Mr. T guest starred and they all formed an animated A-Team. Man that was awesome.

BK: Not Having It His Way

It’s about time.
After getting torched again last night, Red Sox pitcher Byung-Hyun Kim has finally been dropped from the BoSox rotation. Bronson Arroyo will replace the embattled Kim as the Sox fifth starter, and Theo Epstein and the rest of the Boston front-office will decide whether to send Kim to the bullpen, to Pawtucket or to the team’s rehab center in Florida.
The demotion came after Kim got shelled last night at Fenway. And whether it was because of his injury (his fastball topped out at 86 mph) or his mental makeup (Kim gets more nervous under pressure than Ray Finkle), BK has never lived up the grand expectations that came with him from South Korea.
The Sox traded for Kim last spring (for Shea Hillenbrand) and since coming to Boston, Kim has been a decent pitcher (ERA in the mid-3’s, 9-6 record, 16 saves), but has hardly become the star he was projected to be.
Granted, Kim is still only 25 and is coming off a stint on the DL because of inflammation in his pitching shoulder. But the young Korean has more problems than loss of velocity and some soreness in his arm.
This is the same pitcher who gave up game-winning homeruns on back-to-back nights in Yankee Stadium during the 2001 World Series, then rebounded from that with an All-Star season in 2002, only to fall apart late last season with the Sox (a season that ended with BK flipping the bird to the fans in Fenway and getting left off the team’s ALCS roster.)
Since 2001 Kim has shown flashes of why he was considered the best Korean prospect in history when the Diamondbacks signed him in 1999, but more often than not, he looks like a shell-shocked war vet when opposing teams start getting hits off him.
Last night when he gave up two runs in the first inning (off line-drives that nailed the Monster) and only got outs on deep fly balls, it was obvious that Kim was done for the night. He lasted only 2 1/3 more innings and his final pitching line looked like the winning Powerball numbers.
It’s apparent that Kim is still smarting from those World Series homeruns that are looking more and more like they will be the defining moments of his career.
After giving up the game-winning homerun to Derek Jeter in Game 4 of that World Series (which came after serving up a gopher-ball to Tino Martinez two innings earlier), Bob Brenley put Kim into Game 5 in another save situation, in which he promptly gave up a game-tying homerun to Scott Brosius.
Thank goodness for Brenley that the Diamondbacks were able to score runs off Mariano Rivera in Game 7 of that Series to take home the title. Because if the Yankees had managed to win that series, Brenley’s name would be up there with Grady Little in the Pantheon of all-time managing blunders.
Kim should never have been put back in Game 5. And no, this is not one of those “hindsight is 20/20 deals”, I was going nuts about this when Brenley put Kim in the game back in November of 2001. A pivotal game of the World Series isn’t a time to build up a young pitcher’s confidence. But that’s what Brenley did, and in the process, he shattered it even more.
The knock on Kim has always been that he is immature (the one-finger salute at Fenway and a recent arrest in Korea for allegedly assaulting a photographer proves that). But he is now 25 years old and that excuse is wearing thin.
Kim still has a chance to become a great pitcher in this league. Once his arm heals the Red Sox need to put him back in the bullpen as a middle-reliever and keep him there until he builds some sort of confidence in his pitching. Maybe then they can think about putting him back in the rotation.
Some pitchers have never recover from giving up big homeruns (Mitch Williams and in the most extreme example, Donnie Moore, who killed himself a few years after Dave Henderson hit a go-ahead homerun in the 1986 ALCS), but others like Dennis Eckersley and Goose Gossage have.
The next two seasons will determine which list Kim’s name belongs upon.

Weddings and Sports: A Guide to Proper Etiquette

As I was sitting in the St. Francis By the Sea Church in Hilton Head, South Carolina this weekend witnessing the marriage of my friends Tim and Jessica, one thought was running through my head: I wonder how Schilling is pitching against the Royals?
Sure, I was happy to see two people I care about celebrate their love by joining together in holy matrimony, but I also really wanted to see if the Sox could extend their winning streak and how Game One of the Lightning-Flyers series would turn out.
And I wasn't the only one. In the receiving line after the service, in the midst of a congratulatory hug with the groom (an ardent Lightning fan) he whispered in my ear "I hear it's tied 0-0 mid-way through the first."
Later on in the day I asked him how many times he honestly thought about the game (which started midway through the service) during the wedding.
"Only once," he said. And his bride was so beautiful, I think I might have actually believed him.
But this was only game one of a hockey series. What if Wake Forest had been in the Final Four when Tim was saying "I do?" Or what if he was a die-hard Red Sox fan and his wedding reception started at the same time as Game 6 of the World Series? What is one to do in those situations?
A lot of couples actually move their wedding dates around, as not to coincide with sporting events. I've heard about a guy who had to wait until the Tennessee football schedule came out before he would plan for a fall wedding.
While that might be a bit extreme, it makes a tiny bit of sense. After all, a groom can't exactly be glancing at a television set during his first dance.
But what about the guests? What is the proper etiquette for checking scores during a church service or reception? Is it acceptable to bring a Walkman? How long can you spend at the hotel bar watching a game? And is it ever acceptable to heckle?
Here are some thoughts on the subjects, with assistance from my girlfriend Allison, who has already been warned that Game One of the World Series falls on the same night as a wedding we are going to in October.
"First of all, anything involving an earpiece is totally inappropriate," Allison begins. I briefly think about presenting a counter-argument (after all, if ladies can wear dangly earrings, why can't a guy have dangly headphones), but since Al's debating skills rival Frank the Tank's in Old School ("That's the way you debate") I instead wisely let her continue.
"For a short service you should just stay patient," the beautiful blond says. "After all, a Presbyterian wedding is about as short as a pit stop at a NASCAR race. But for a full Catholic mass, checking the phone is the VERY most you should do and should only be reserved for pennant races and championship games."
It’s great advice, but as television money has come to dominate sports, most big games take place in the evening, which means during the reception.
I was in Los Angeles two years ago and watched Game 7 of that amazing Lakers-Kings Western Conference Finals series in a hotel bar. About half of the guests were in the bar area watching the game. Every now and then the ring bearer would run in and say everybody had to come back for the toast, or the first dance and everybody would abide. But five minutes later they all returned. Keep in mind, this was Game 7 of one the best NBA playoff series in recent memory. But was it kosher? (The watching, not the wedding.)
When Allison told me the date of that wedding in October was the same as Game 1 of the Series, my initial response was "I hope you know I'll be in the coatroom with a transistor radio if the Sox are in it."
Her response, "'Checking the score' is not an excuse for getting out of dancing at the wedding."
Seeing as I dance about as well as Mark Madsen at a victory parade, I need all the excuses I can get. But I realized a David Ortiz at-bat wasn't going to get me out of dancing to a Temptations song.
So I asked what could get me out of the ballroom and into the bar with the TV.
"You can definitely get out of dancing or any other obligation if it's the bottom of the ninth inning," Allison explained, "but not because it's the third inning and you want to see if 'Pedro has his stuff' tonight."
She also says that it is alright to check the score on your phone and receive text messages and phone calls for updates as long as their is no ringing and you aren't talking during an important moment in the reception.
But checking scores and getting phone calls from your buddy can only go so far. If there is a TV near the reception hall, is there an acceptable ratio of time spent in the party vs. the bar?
Allison ponders this question for a minute.
"I feel like this depends on a number of factors," she finally says. "First of all, how many people are at the wedding. If you'll be missed, then you shouldn't go. Second, how important the game is. Game 7 of the Series, OK. Maryland-Northern Iowa football, no. Three, how far the bar is away from the reception. Also, if the groom is watching the game, then you can do the same. On the whole, I'd say a 3:1 to ratio of reception time to game time is about right."
She adds that every situation is different and everything depends on the circumstances. If you're in the wedding party, for example, then the 3:1 ratio is null and void.
"If you're the best man you have responsibilities that severely hamper your ability to leave the reception," Allison cautions. "Use your best judgment. There is no right answer.
Besides, being able to talk knowledgably about the big game makes you a good mingler and that makes the wedding a success. After all, you want them to be happy, right?"
On Saturday night, everybody was happy. The weather had been absolutely perfect in Hilton Head, the church service went off without a hitch, everybody had a good time at the reception, the band had guests young and old getting jiggy with it on the dance floor, the food was exquisite, the drinks were flowing and most importantly, the newlyweds looked like the two happiest people on earth.
And it didn't even seem to matter to the groom that earlier in the day, the Lightning had won their game.

Quick Thursday Thoughts


- The Lakers are now down 2-0 to the Spurs. L.A starts four future hall-of-famers, and they can’t even get past a team that starts Hedo Turkoglu and Rasho Nesterovic. At this rate, the next championship Kobe will win will be during exercise time in the yard at Eagle County Prison.

- The Friends finale is tonight. Be honest, are you really looking forward to it? This season has by far been the worst of the show’s ten-year run (and I’m including the first season where Joey’s bangs made him look like a 1984 class picture and half of the plots revolved around a monkey). Expect a crappy and cheesy finale that either ends with a) all of them leaving the coffee shop, b) all of them leaving the apartment or c) Chandler finally admitting he’s gay.

- Tonight’s show is being dubbed as the biggest finale since Seinfeld went off the air in 1998. (What, the end of Shasta McNasty wasn’t a watershed cultural moment?) And with all the Seinfeld references come the obligatory derogatory sentiment towards its finale. It seems that most people didn’t like the final Seinfeld. To which I say, most people are idiots.
Seinfeld’s series-finale was fantastic. The final episode perfectly encapsulated the nihilistic tone that the show had spent nine seasons building. By putting the foursome on trial and bringing back the Soup Nazi, the Bubble Boy and other characters from the show’s past to be character witnesses, the writers were able to celebrate the show’s past without compromising what it had been about.
A regular episode finale wouldn’t have worked because there would have be no finality to it. And a sugarcoated love-fest where Elaine and Jerry got together, George won the lottery and Kramer finally opened up PB&J’s would have been even worse. Instead Jerry and his friends finally had to pay for their years of nothingness with some time in jail.
And to end the show with a conversation about the second-button being the key button on a shirt, the same conversation George and Jerry were having when we first met them in the pilot episode, was a good touch.
Also underrated is Jerry’s comedy routine in the prison that was showed during the final credits.

Jerry: So what is the deal with the yard? I mean when I was a kid my mother wanted me to play in the yard. But of course she didn't have to worry about my next door neighbor Tommy sticking a shiv in my thigh. And what's with the lockdown? Why do we have to be locked in our cells? Are we that bad that we have to be sent to prison, in prison?
You would think the weightlifting and the sodomy is enough. So, anyone from Cellblock D?
Prisoner 1: I am.
Jerry: I'll talk slower. I'm kidding - I love Cellblock D. My friend George is in Cellblock D. What are you in for,sir?
Prisoner 2: Murder one.
Jerry: Murder one? Oooooo, watch out everybody. Better be nice to you. I'm only kidding sir - lighten up. How about you, what are you in for?
Prisoner 3: Grand theft auto.
Jerry: Grand theft auto - don't steal any of my jokes.
Prisoner 3: You suck - I'm gonna cut you.
Jerry: Hey, I don't come down to where you work, and knock the license plate out of your hand.
Guard: Alright, Seinfeld, that's it. Let's go. Come on.
Jerry: Alright, hey, you've been great! See you in the cafeteria.

- I just finished watching the Red Sox-Indians Game 5 from the 1999 ALDS on ESPN Classic where Pedro Martinez comes on in the 4th inning with the score tied 8-8 and then pitches six innings of brilliant no-hit ball. For my money, that was the greatest pitching performance of this generation.

- Short entry today, I had a job interview and the internet was down most of the afternoon. Don’t know if I’ll be able to post tomorrow, as I’m headed down to South Carolina for a wedding. Have a good weekend and if there’s no entry tomorrow, see you Monday.

Trading Places

Well, that was quick.
One week ago the sports world was asking “what’s wrong with the Yankees?” Theories abounded that Mike Mussina’s arm was shot, Derek Jeter was having elbow problems and A. Rod couldn’t handle the spotlight of the Big Apple.
The Yanks had just been swept by the Red Sox and fell 5 ½ back of their rivals. The Bronx Bombers were on pace for their first losing April in more than a decade.
The city was in a frenzied state.
Everybody had an opinion on what rash action George Steinbrenner was going to take. Was he going to publicly scold Torre (after he repeated promises this off-season that he would not do so), fire Cashman or try to grab a marquee pitcher? Nobody knew anything except this: the Yanks were in trouble.
Fast forward to today, where just one week later, the Yankees have won six-straight games and sit atop the American League East tied with the Boston Red Sox.
So much for that theory.
The two teams share identical 15-11 records, but are moving in drastically different directions.
The Sox are in the midst of a dreadful five-game losing streak. And while a five-game losing streak always tends to be bad, this one is even worse than it appears.
Boston hasn’t been able to hit with men in scoring position (twice on Monday they had the bases loaded with only one out and couldn’t score a run), Bill Mueller looks more like Engelberg from The Bad News Bears then the reigning American League batting champion, Pedro Martinez mouthed off to the press about his contract and then proceeded to get shelled in Texas (note to Pedro: complaining about making $17 million a year doesn’t endear you to the fans) and Derek Lowe’s sinker just isn’t sinking.
And in one of those karmic retribution things that my crystal-collecting hippie friend used to tell me about, the Sox seem to be paying for their good fortune of last year.
Except for Pedro’s obligatory stint on the DL in the early summer, the Red Sox managed to get through last season injury free. This year Nomar and Trot Nixon have started the year on the DL. And while Nixon is supposed to receive a rehab assignment soon, no timetable has been set for Nomar’s return.
This season the Sox also seem to be losing a lot of games that last season they found ways to win. For instance, tonight the Sox were down 7-2 in the top of the 9th. After a Gable Kapler single scored Brian Daubach, Johnny Damon launched a three-run homer that cut the score to 7-6. Mark Bellhorn followed with a single, and David Ortiz came to the plate with Manny Ramirez on-deck.
Last year D.O. would have hit a towering double that would have scored Bellhorn and the Sox would have tied the game. It happened in the playoffs against the A’s, in the regular season vs. the Angels and countless other times throughout the year. But in this season, Ortiz hit a groundball that got the lead runner and should have been a double play, and Manny Ramirez struck out swinging on a weak fastball from Cleveland closer Rafael Bentancourt to end the game.
In 2003 the Red Sox won games they had no business winning. This year, they are losing those games, and in bad ways. They scored one run against the Indians on Monday night and left 21 men on base. Four hits against R.A. Dickey the night before. They could only muster four hits against R.A. Dickey? That’s like an NBA team scoring under 80 points when playing the Mavericks.
The Sox are hitting .218 with runners in scoring position, .222 in late-game situations, and an abysmal .179 with the bases loaded. That’s bad… Derek Jeter bad.
A year after breaking the 1927 Yankees Major League record for team slugging percentage, the Sox are slugging 20% less this year as a team.
Even in their wins this year, the Red Sox still aren't hitting the ball that well. Without Nomar and Trot on the field, there are huge holes in the batting order.
Last year the Sox lineup was so stacked that Jason Varitek hit 16 of his 25 homeruns from the #9 spot. This year, Tek has been batting 5th or 6th and has no protection behind him, thanks to Nomar and Trot’s injuries. Pokey Reese and Cesar Crespo are fine players to have as late-inning defensive replacements, but they shouldn’t be responsible for driving in the heart of the lineup.
Even so, the season is very young. And the Sox problems are small and easily fixable. Get Nomar and Nixon healthy, and the hits and runs will follow. Set a solid rotation and D. Lowe will find his groove. All these rainouts and doubleheaders and odd travel times haven’t helped the team either. Once things settle down, the Red Sox will be fine.
There are still 137 games to be played this year and it’s much too early to panic.
But why should Yankee fans have all the fun?

The Toughest Sports in the World

Some thoughts on ESPN.com’s ranking of the toughest sports and my own Top 10:

- I have no problem ranking boxing as #1. I tried to put the sport a little lower in my rankings (any images of George Foreman or Larry Holmes boxing with their trunks up to their necks and looking like bowling balls would probably cause the same reaction in any voter), but realistically, could I really put the sweet science behind ice hockey? At their core, both sports are about fighting, but at least boxing knows it.

- The ESPN rankings were based on 10 catagories that were then ranked on a 1-10 difficulty scale. 60 sports were ranked based on the following: endurance, strength, power, speed, agility, flexibility, nerve, durability, hand-eye coordination and analyic aptitude.
Nerve is a factor? Come on… it takes a lot of nerve to jump out of an airplane, but that doesn’t make it a tough sport. And if flexibility were a sign of athleticism, then that dude who put himself in a box on Ed Sullivan would be better known then Willie Mays.
And incidentally, gymnastics takes more nerve than rugby? Yeah, I think I’d be more afraid of the pommel horse than a 240-pound toothless bald guy charging at me with that Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest look in his eye and a smell that suggests he just bathed in a vat at the Guiness factory.

- Basketball is ranked #4 overall, ahead of wrestling, soccer, rugby, lacrosse, swimming and track and field and many others. If basketball is so tough, old men nationwide wouldn’t play in pick-up games, John “Hot Plate” Williams would never had earned a dollar playing the sport and seven-foot stiffs with no athletic ability wouldn’t be considered franchise-players simply because of their height (Chris Kamen anyone?).
Basketball also ranks #4 in analytic aptitude. In their description of the ranking, ESPN gave these examples of analytic aptitude: Joe Montana reading a defense and a basketball point guard on a fast break. I agree with the former. To the latter, I say: point guard Chris Whitney once got a 480 on his SAT. He has since played in 579 NBA games. I understand that he’s no Cousy or Magic, but he’s a decent backup point guard and it’s probably safe to assume that he thinks analytic aptitude has something to do with how high planes fly.
Basketball in general is also ranked higher than gymastics in strength. Have you seen those guys on the rings? Do you think ANYBODY in the NBA has the strength to do that? Besides Yao, of course?

- The category called “durability” is ranked based on “the ability to withstand physical punishment over a long period of time. Example: NBA/NHL players”.
What, may I ask, physical punishment do NBA players suffer? I know I suffered mental punishment watching the Nets-Pistons game last night. But physical? Unless you’re Shaq or playing against Bill Lambieer, the physical punishment in basketball is relegated to jogging down the court and getting hit in the crotch by Kevin Garnett.
Football players, boxers and hockey players are durable. Long distance runners and swimmers are durable (despite their low rankings in this category, which puts the two sports behind baseball, volleyball, speed skating and diving. Swimming and track got jobbed in these rankings. Auto racing ranks ahead of both of them, as does badminton, fencing, surfing and volleyball. Did you ever see the volleyball team at your high school? There were no athletes on it because they were all playing real sports.) If basketball players were so durable, why would there have to be a four-day break between Game 1 and Game 2 of the Nets-Pistons series? Does New Jersey really need four days to recover from scoring 39 points in three quarters? When these guys were young they would play basketball all day at camps and tournaments. Now they need a four day break? Tennis players sometimes have to play five sets in the scorching heat, then turn around two days later and do it again. Kenyon Martin, who jogs up the court and tries to post up Ben Wallace for 40 minutes and then has to do it again 96 hours later is more durable than that?

- Cheerleading is not a sport. Sure it’s an athletic endeavor, but any activity that was invented solely to support another activity cannot be a sport. Plus, they don’t keep score. And yes, I’ve seen Bring it On, probably more times than I’d like to admit. But just because some over-caffeinated women and an obligatory guy jot down notes on a clipboard and vote on a winner, doesn’t make jumping around with pom-poms, doing leg kicks and getting thrown in the air for no apparent reason a sport.
The same goes for figure skating, skateboarding, surfing, diving and ski jumping. If an activity can’t be settled on the field, then it’s not a sport. Yes, I know that most boxing matches are decided upon by judges, but that only occurs if nobody wins during the match.

My Top 10 Toughest Sports

#10 – Cycling – Distance
Just watching the Tour de France makes me tired. Of course, so does Judge Judy so that might be something else all together.

#9 – Soccer
I give soccer a hard time… cause, well… it’s soccer. If I were making a list of exciting sports, soccer would rank right between curling and duckpin bowling. But soccer players only have a