Top 10 Athletes in Sports: Part II

Continuing yesterday’s Top 10 List of the Best Male Athletes in sports, but first… ESPN’s ranking of the hardest sports is the most derisory attempt at list-making since Q Magazine slotted U2’s “One” in its 1001 greatest songs ever recorded. (This list also ranked Destiny’s Child “Independent Women” at #7 on its 1001 song listing (which is absurd. Everybody knows that “Bootylicious” was much better) and has DMX appear twice on the list before Bob Dylan’s name appears once.) But I digress.
Boxing was #1 on the ESPN list, which I don’t agree with, but won’t argue against. Basketball at #4 however, is a whole different story that I won’t get into here.
Auto racing above Track & Field? Hit gas, turn left. Done.
Diving over swimming? In diving you jump off a board and twist. This last about two seconds. Sure, it’s difficult, but so is the Bar Exam.
Anyway, I’ll rant a whole lot more about this next week. And probably about that greatest songs list too. No “Visions of Johanna” or “Dre Day”, but Avril Lavigne’s “Complicated” made the list? And “Born to Run” at #920? Aaargh, this is upsetting me so much.
Onto the list:

A quick recap from yesterday:
#10 – Chris Drury
#9 – Joe Mauer
#8 – Tony Gonzalez
#7 – Michael Phelps
#6 – Lance Armstrong

#5 – Allen Iverson
AI was named both Mr. Football and Mr. Basketball in Virginia during his senior year in high school. And he also proved his worth as a boxer when he got in a brawl at a bowling alley that same year, a tussle that landed him in jail for five months (unfairly).
Had Iverson gone the football route, he probably would have been a star halfback or cornerback (I can’t imagine he would have stayed at quarterback if he had played in college). But he stayed with the roundball and is now unquestionably the toughest and quickest player in the league.

#4 – Peter Reid
In order to finish the Ironman Triathlon world championship, athletes have to swim 2.4 miles in the ocean, bike 112 miles in the hot sun and run a marathon, back-to-back-to-back. Frankly, I wouldn’t argue if somebody wanted to put everybody that finishes an Ironman competition as tied for #1 on their own best athlete list.
But Reid is the man who has won three Ironman titles (one more than American Tim DeBoom). In his 2003 victory the Canadian finished his swim in 51 minutes, averaged nearly 24 mph on the bike and ran the marathon at a 6:23 per mile pace.
Yesterday I said that part of my criteria for these rankings was how an athlete would do in another sport. I don’t care if Peter Reid throws like a girl, plays basketball like Uncle Jesse and thinks that a quarterback is what you get when you pay a dollar for a Snickers… he can be on my list any day.

#3 – Michael Vick
Did you see that run Vick had in overtime against the Vikings two years ago? Enough said.

#2 – Tom Pappas
The winner of the Olympic decathlon is generally regarded as the World’s Greatest Athlete. Pappas hasn’t won that yet, but since he is the favorite headed into Athens, he lands at #2 on this list.
There are faster people than Pappas. There are those that can jump farther and higher, hurdle quicker and throw the javelin longer. But together, nobody does those things quite as well as Tom Pappas.

#1 – Barry Bonds
I think it’s probably safe to assume that if Barry Bonds was once on steroids, he’s probably off them now.
And all Bonds has done this year is hit 10 homeruns in 51 at-bats, walk 36 times, hit for a .490 average and reach base 70% of the time. Seven-Zero.
Those numbers are crazy. Mariah Carey-crazy.
And these aren’t April anamolies either. Bonds could make a serious run at .400 this season and is on pace to shatter all kinds of on-base records. His home run record is untouchable, but then again, so was Mark McGwire’s.
Bonds critics and baseball purists (groups that I consider myself a member of) will tell you that his numbers are so good because the ballparks are smaller, the pitching-talent has become diluted by expansion and he might have been on the juice for the past few years. But, hey… Babe Ruth didn’t play against any black players, rarely had to face relievers and didn’t have to deal with cross-country travel. Tomato, Tomato. That doesn’t work as well in print.
Consider this also: Bonds gets maybe one or two pitches a week that are to his liking. And he hits them out of the ballpark.
Case in point… a few weeks back Bonds faced the best pitcher on the planet, Eric Gagne. To his credit, Gagne pitched to Bonds, mixing the heat with some off-speed stuff. Bonds jumped on one of Gagne’s 99-mph fastballs and pulled it 500-feet foul. Yes, he was out in front of a 99-mph fastball. The next pitch, also fastball but this time hitting triple-digits on the radar gun, Bonds hit over the fence. Simply nasty stuff. Bonds’ past three-seasons are probably the best three-season stretch in baseball history.
And Bonds isn’t just a one-dimensional player.
Back in his younger days, he used to steal bases (he is the lone member of 500-500 club, as well as the 400-400 club) and even at 39 still manages to play well in the field (his lack of arm strength has been the only knock on him throughout his career… well, that and his reputation for a world-class prick).
With Barry’s talent, desire, coordination, speed and attitude, I bet he could have been a star in the NFL, NBA, PGA, ATP, MLS or NHL. Well… I don’t know about hockey.

Some other athletic thoughts:
Greatest Athlete of All-Time: Tie: Bo Jackson, Jim Brown
Best Current Female Athletes: #1 - Serena Williams
#2 – Marion Jones
#3 – Mia Hamm
Greatest Athletic Feat in History: Michael Johnson’s 19.32 in the 200 meter finals at the Atlanta Olympics
2nd Greatest Feat: Bob Beamon’s Long Jump in the ’68 Mexico City Games
3rd Greatest Feat: Roger Bannister’s Four Minute Mile
Most Overrated Current Athlete: Derek Jeter
Most Overrated Athlete, All-Time: Deion Sanders
Most Overrated Seinfeld Character: The Soup Nazi
Most Underrated Seinfeld Character: Joe Mayo

E-mail me and let me know your top athlete, athletic event and/or most underrated Seinfeld character.
On that tip, I really like Marcelino too, but that scene where Elaine is explaining why Joe Mayo is making her buy him a new fur coat pushes the anti-glass-tapping, no-massage-chair-having party-thrower to the top.
Have a good weekend. And in the word's of Joe Mayo "just... have fun!"

Top 10 Athletes in Sports: Part I

Chris,
In regards to ESPN's best athlete in the world series, I was wondering who you would pick as the top 10 athletes. I think it is a pretty tough call b/c everyone has a different opinion on which sport requires the most athleticism. For instance, I don't think a tri-athlete should be number 1 because I think eye-hand coordination is a big factor in being athletic, and whose to say that the tri-athlete can catch a football any better than some of the morons that I play with. I think you have to look at the person, and decide how many different sports that person could have excelled at had they chosen a different path. I really can't decide who that person is.
I think the number one women is a lot easier to pick. I believe that Serena Williams is hands down the greatest female athlete. I bet she could have been a pro athlete in any sport her dad had wanted her to.
- Stephanie Chase, Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri

Stephanie, I have been paying attention to ESPN’s listing of the best athletes in the world, but until now have put off from writing about it because I thought it would be too hard to decide. But since your e-mail is the first I have received in a few weeks that hasn't tried to a) sell me Windows Millenium b) increase my width and girth or c) advertised a Hall & Oates/Average White Band concert, I figured I had to respond.
I’ll do the bottom five today and complete the top five tomorrow.
I’m not going to even begin to discuss what defines an athlete. Is it harder for Lance Armstrong to bike up the hills the Pyrenees during the Tour de France or for Kobe Bryant to find an open man while on the fast break? Oh wait, Kobe doesn’t pass anymore… bad example.
What’s tougher? Running a marathon or sweating through two-a-days in Alabama? Swimming 15,000 yards-a-day or scrambling away from 250-pound linebackers while trying to throw to a spot where your receiver will be in two seconds?
You can’t compare them. Sure, it’s harder to run a marathon then to make it through a football practice, but that doesn’t mean that all marathoners are better athletes than football players. And just because Michael Vick couldn’t make it through two minutes of a local club team swim practice, doesn’t mean that the swimmers could shoot a basketball any better than him.
So what I’ve tried to do with this list is rank athletes based on the athletic prowess they show in their own sports, plus, how I think they could compete in other sports. Shaq is the most dominant player in the NBA since Wilt Chamberlin. But that doesn’t mean I think he could play any sport besides basketball. He doesn’t make the list.
I’m sure I will leave some deserving people off the list, and probably will include somebody that you disagree with.
E-mail me with your own thoughts, criticisms, additions and deletions.
Onto the list.

#10 – Chris Drury
Hockey player for the Colorado Avalanche. Drury sneaks onto the list because of his memorable pitching performance against Taiwan in the 1989 Little League World Series Championship Game, but more so because now my buddy Phil won’t have to write to complain that I haven’t included any hockey players on this list.

#9 – Joe Mauer
The Minnesota Twins rookie catcher was selected #1 in the 2001 MLB draft, ahead of Mark Prior. It says a lot about Mauer that people in the Twins organization are still convinced they made the right pick.
After a quick start to his first season in the big leagues, Mauer suffered a knee injury and was placed on the disabled list.
In addition to being the top baseball prospect in the country out of high school (while playing the most physically demanding defensive position), Mauer was the highest-rated quarterback prospect in the country and signed with Florida State.
He eventually chose to play minor league baseball instead of taking snaps in Tallahassee and quickly ascended through the minors and was named Minor League Player of the Year by Baseball America.
Other sports are littered with ex-baseball prospects who couldn’t cut it in the minors (Chad Hutchinson, Drew Henson, Josh Booty, Chris Weinke, etc.) but it’s rare to find a pro baseball player who abandoned another sport (only Devil Rays pitcher Mark Hendrickson comes to mind, but I’m sure there’s been more).

#8 - Tony Gonzalez
ToGo (why hasn’t that caught on) is one of the best pass-catching tight ends in NFL history, and probably could have been a pro basketball player had he chosen to focus on that sport while at Cal. Plus, I think he’s the only person in the NFL that can boast ethnicities that include Indian, Jamaican and Cape Verdien.

#7 – Michael Phelps
If Michael Phelps was forced to practice with the San Antonio Spurs, he would have no problem getting through the day. If he had to spend a day training with the Florida Marlins, again, no worries. Same with the New England Patriots and whoever it is won the Stanley Cup last year.
But if you put every single one of the players on those four teams in the pool to practice with Michael Phelps, they’d last five minutes… tops.
Phelps isn’t too famous now, but if he come close to breaking Mark Spitz’s record of seven gold medals in swimming this summer in Athens, he’ll be huge. Rory Calhoun huge.

#6 – Lance Armstrong
Yes. It’s true. The mighty Lance Armstrong doesn’t crack the prestigious Top 5.
Here’s why… Armstrong is the best cyclist in the world. He has concrete thighs and determination so fierce that he makes Ray Lewis look like Katie from the Real World/Road Rules challenge. But he’s only a cyclist.
I don’t think that Armstrong could have any sort of success in another sport and, frankly, I’m only including him on this list because he somehow landed Sheryl Crow. Bravo my friend. Bravo.

Tomorrow: The Top 5

Tuesday, Wednesday, Happy Days

- Believe me when I tell you I’m saying this in the most un-biased way possible: Luol Deng is making the right choice by leaving Duke after his freshman year to enter the NBA Draft.
OK, maybe I’m a bit biased. After all, I was an advocate for Maryland’s Chris Wilcox staying in school after the Terps won the National Championship in 2002, but hey… if John Kerry can flip-flop on positions, so can I.
Deng’s departure (and it is a departure, Duke fans. Don’t hold out any hope that Deng is coming back just because he has yet to hire an agent. He’s projected to be a top-3 pick along with Emeka Okafor and Dwight Howard) is a crippling blow to a Duke team that also loses emotional leader and all-around tough-guy Chris Duhon and superstar reserve Nick Horvath. (In case you’re a new reader of Chris’s Sports Blog, please note that the last sentence is dripping with sarcasm, except for the crippling blow part.)
Without Deng, ACC teams will feel free to focus their big men on Shelden Williams and put a little defender on J.J. “I create shots as poorly as Jewel creates music” Redick to shut down the Devil’s offense.
And to add insult to injury, if point guard signee Shaun Livingston spurns Duke for the NBA (he is also projected as a lottery pick), the Dukies would be left with Daniel Ewing and Sean Dockery battling it out for starting point guard.
Ouch.
Ewing has zero ball-handling skills and Dockery hasn’t played much in the past two years. That’s great for college basketball fans with a soul, but for Dukies it might suggest that tough times are on the horizon.
If Deng and Livingston do decide to go pro (and frankly, who can blame them. If you’re a guaranteed lottery pick, you have to enter the draft. Passing up millions to play in college for free and risk a career-ending injury is crazy. Taking the money is not.) then Duke will be hurting come November, especially with Wake Forest, North Carolina, Georgia Tech and Maryland returning most of their starters from last year’s tournament teams.
Giddy up.

- Derek Jeter has zero hits in his last 28 at-bats, and is batting a frigid .169 on the year which lands him at dead last in the American League among players with enough at-bats to qualify for the batting title.
The Yankee captain is also slugging an anemic .205 which puts him behind perennial power-hitters Pokey Reese, David Eckstein and Mark Bellhorn. Jeter is second-to-last in that catagory with only teammate Bernie Williams behind him. (Resist the jokes, resist the jokes.)
Deng leaving Duke, Jeter having historic struggles in the Bronx… ahhh, if it wasn’t 70 degrees outside I’d probably think it was Christmas.

The Redskins 2004 Draft

On February 4, 2004 I wrote the following:

“In short, don't expect Kellen Winslow II (don't even get me started on that II) to be wearing the burgundy and gold.”

And since the end of the NFL regular season I’ve been telling anybody who would listen (a list that grows shorter by the day) that there was no way that a Joe Gibbs-coached team would select Kellen Winslow in the NFL Draft. I was adamant about this. I even got into an argument with a guy at Jiffy Lube about this very topic; an argument that ended with me making fun of his Prius and then stealing the TV antenna so he and all the others waiting for their “30 minute” oil change couldn’t watch Judge Joe Brown.
But then for some reason, I backed off. It wasn’t until recently that it happened, but at some point I began to believe the Redskins might take KWII. I even wrote this in my mock draft:

If they do stay at #5, Gibbs will probably go with Winslow.

I don’t know why I changed my mind, but I suspect it had something to do with all the experts who claimed that Gibbs couldn’t resist a do-it-all tight-end. And maybe all the press reports about “inside sources” (ie, the UPS guy who delivers to Redskins Park) claiming the Redskins were going to take Winslow got to me also.
I should have known better. I did know better. But I was, as Manfred Mann said, blinded by the light; revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night.
There was never any way Gibbs was going to take Winslow. I don’t care about the press reports that said the Redskins only decided to take Sean Taylor 48 hours before the draft started. I think that deep down, Joe Gibbs always wanted a Chris Cooley-type player, a prototypical tight-end who can run-block, pass-block and catch the ball when needed.
That’s not what Kellen Winslow is. Winslow will be like Tony Gonzalez. He’ll catch 75 balls, have five touchdowns and average about 11 yards-per-catch. He’ll make the Pro Bowl, have lots of catches that show up on NFL Primetime and he’ll be the best pass-catching tight-end in the league.
But the knock on Winslow has been his blocking. It won’t matter to the Browns who will build their offense around Winslow’s receiving talents. To the Redskins though, Winslow’s inferior blocking skills did matter.
Gibbs needs a guy like Clint Didier. A player who can line up as an H-back or tight end. A guy who will need to grab 35 receptions, usually for 12-15 yards, and 5 or 6 in the end zone.
Winslow will be the focus of opposing team’s secondary. A Gibbs guy should be the focus of opposing team’s defensive lines and linebackers. And when that happens, the tight-end should free up for a few plays a game for big receptions. He won’t be a main target, he’ll be more of a not-so-secret weapon.
The selection of Sean Taylor and rejection of Kellen Winslow should serve as a reminder that:
1) Joe Gibbs is running the show, not Dan Snyder
and
2) Never listen to the press.

Sean Taylor, Safety, University of Miami
5th pick, 1st Round
It was a bit discomforting to see Drew Rosenhaus, an agent who gets his clients so much money that he probably could have gotten J. Lo $3 million to star in Gigli Returns, sitting in Taylor’s pad in Florida. Rosenhaus' presence means that Taylor is going to get paid. It will probably take a signing bonus in excess of $15 million to get him into camp.
That’s a lot of money for a safety, but apparently he’ll be worth it. Some say he’ll be just like the Cowboys Roy Williams.
If he is, Dan Snyder better keep his checkbook in his pocket because Williams was probably the most overrated player in football last year.
Listen, big hits don’t make you a great safety. They’re fun to watch, but they don’t make up for average coverage skills. Williams is one of those guys that everybody thinks is good because his reputation says so. Kind of like Derek Jeter.
Williams will be alright because he has Bill Parcells as his coach. And if there are holes in Williams’ game, then you know Parcells will have them fixed by September.
Sorry about digressing like that, I’ve had that Roy Williams thing on my mind for a while now.
The Redskins needed defensive line help, but without any marquee d-line prospects in the draft, their hands were tied picking at #5. (Tommie Harris was the first defensive lineman drafted, he went to the Bears at #15.) And since there were apparently no enticing offers to trade down, the Redskins made the right pick with Taylor.
Now Matt Bowen can move back to strong safety, his original position and Fred Smoot and Shawn Springs will get some much-needed help in the secondary.

Chris Cooley, Tight End, Utah State
81st pick, 3rd Round
The Skins essentially traded a second-round pick next year for Chris Cooley.
Under Dan Snyder and his trained-puppy Vinny Cerrato, the Redskins have been handing out draft picks like they were flyers for strip clubs in Times Square.
But this is a player Washington has had their eye on for a while and under Gibbs he should prove worth the investment.
The 6’4 tight end was one of only a few players brought in to Redskins Park that wasn’t projected to be a first-rounder. And Gibbs is said to be enamored with Cooley’s potential as an H-back and red-zone threat.

Mark Wilson, Tackle, California
151st pick, 5th Round

Jim Molinaro, Tackle, Notre Dame
180th pick, 6th Round

Wilson, a durable tackle from Cal, and Molinaro, more of a project pick, will be penciled in as backups for the season. And with the way the Redskins o-line gets banged up during the year, that means they should get ready to play.
It seems strange that the Skins didn’t pick up any defensive lineman late in the draft. True, the team hasn’t had much success picking defense in the late rounds (Mario Monds, Greg Scott), but it is still the most glaring need for the team.
Does selecting two tackles signify that Chris Samuels is on his way out in Washington? It’s no secret that Samuels and his agent (Jimmy Sexton) don’t want to renegotiate his contract for this season, when Samuels will have an $8.75 million cap hit. The Skins can afford that this season, but in 2005 Samuels will count an unwieldy $10 million against the cap, and if he doesn’t renegotiate, he could be cut.
Who makes these contracts in the first place? Do Snyder and Cerrato have no foresight? Don’t answer that.

2004 Redskins Draft Grade: Draft grades 48 hours after a draft finishes are even more stupid than people who dress their dogs up in sweaters. I refuse to give one.
In 2000 Peter King gave the Bears a C- for a draft that included Brian Urlacher and Mike Brown. The Steelers got a B+ from King for the same draft. His rationale? “I have a sneaking suspicion that [5th round pick]Tee Martin will be the Pittsburgh quarterback late in the season.”
Of course, this is the same guy who insisted that Danny Wuerffel would lead the Redskins to the playoffs in 2002.

NFL Draft Thoughts

- Eli Manning might be a great quarterback in the NFL. He also might be a mediocre one. At this point though, it is impossible to tell. Unlike his whiny counterpart John Elway and brother Peyton, scouts were not unified in their belief that Manning will be a star in the NFL. Some think he might be, others disagree.
On some draft-boards Philip Rivers was ahead of Manning. On others Ben Roethlisberger was too. I guess the Giants saw things differently.
For all their maneuvering, the G-Men get a quarterback who never won anything substantial in college and wasn’t considered one of the best QBs in the game last fall. There are Elway-esque expectations for Eli, but he has little credentials to earn that sort of hype.
So why did Giants GM Ernie Acorsi give up a third-round pick this year and a first- and fifth-round pick next year, plus Philip Rivers for Manning? It’s insane.
Let’s put it this way. Look at the picks the Giants gave up to get Manning. If you do, you’ll see that Acorsi thought that Manning was better than Rivers, Randy Starks (drafted in the third-round), Jonathan Vilma (#12 this year, even though the Giants will probably hand the Chargers a Top 10 pick next year) and Chad Lavalais (5th round) combined.
Who knows? Maybe Manning will be better then Rivers and all the players the Chargers will stockpile with those draft picks. But even if Eli is an NFL-version of LeBron, the Chargers still could get the better end of the deal.
And if Eli doesn’t live up to expectations? Well, at least the fans in New York will be understanding.

- The only thing worse then watching Eli Manning get his way in the end was listening to Chris Berman defend his actions. Berman used the word “classy” when talking about Manning more times than Mel Kiper used the word “upside” when breaking down players.
I have been souring on Berman ever since his holier-than-thou soliloquy on Sunday NFL Countdown after the Rush Limbaugh “controversy” and I think his performance on Saturday was his jump-the-shark moment with me.
Chris, it’s not classy when a guy goes up on stage to shake hands with the commissioner and hold up a jersey (and refused to wear the hat) of a team he has repeatedly said he would not play for, all while having a look on his face that made it seem like he’d been drafted to go to Vietnam instead of San Diego.
It’s also not classy to sit in an interview with Suzy Kolber and say “I told the Chargers what would happen if they drafted me, and now they’re going to find out.”
The Waldorf-Astoria is classy. Eli Manning is a brat.

- Why is Kellen Winslow’s son known as Kellen Winslow II instead of Kellen Winslow Jr.? What is he, the Pope?

- If the University of Miami had six players drafted in the first-round this year and have had 20 in the past five years, how aren’t they winning the National Championship every season? A better question might be, how does a team with Sean Taylor, Kellen Winslow, Jonathan Vilma, D.J. Williams and Vernon Carey start Brock Berlin at quarterback? That’s like Larry Bowa managing the ’27 Yankees.

- 2004 NFL Draft All-Name Starting Lineup
Offense
QB – Jeff Smoker
RB – Mewelde Moore
WR – Jericho Cotchery - Sounds like a biblical STD.
WR – Triandos Luke
TE – Kris Wilson - Is your new team name spelled Kiefs? Didn’t think so, loser.
T – Travelle Wharton
T – Kevin “I Wanna Talk To” Sampson
G – Rex Hadnot
G – Sean Locklear - Not related to Heather, but claims to be.
C – Dominic Furio - You should have never made eyes at Carmela.

Defense
DE – Kenechi Udeze
DE – Travis LaBoy
DT – Igor Olshansky
DT – Ryon Bingham - Ryon? Seriously?
OLB – Keyaron Fox
OLB – Colby Bolckwodt
ILB – Niko Koutouvides - Holla at your boy.
CB – Dunta Robinson - It’s pronounced DON-TAY. Yup.
CB – Von Hutchins
FS – Deandre’ Eiland
SS – Guss Scott

- Did John Navarre really get drafted? I think we’re all taking this Tom Brady thing a bit too far.

- Maryland’s Randy Starks probably thought he was going to be a late-first or early second-round draft pick. And for good reason too. Most of the mock drafts had Starks as a top 30 pick. Well, everybody was wrong about that, as Starks had to wait until the 71st pick to be selected. Then, in the ultimate kick-in-the-groin, Randy suffered the indignity of seeing a kicker (Nate Kaeding) taken before him. Probably should have stayed in school, dog. I refuse to spell that “dawg” by the way.

- If everybody in the NFL Draft turns out to be as good as Mel Kiper Jr. says they will be, then the Pro Bowl is going to have to expand its rosters ten-fold.

- I won’t say much about Pat Tillman because it seems that’s what he would have wanted. His heroism and sacrifice, as well as that of all the men and women serving our country, should never be forgotten or taken for granted.
To leave condolences for the Tillman family and Arizona Cardinals, send an e-mail here. And to do the same for other U.S. soldiers who have died in Iraq and Afghanistan, click here.
And if you want to read more about the extraordinary life of Pat Tillman, read Mike Wise and Josh White’s front-page article about him from Saturday’s Washington Post and also Sally Jenkins piece from the same day.
Peggy Noonan, of The Wall Street Journal, wrote a wonderful column about Tillman two years ago. And on ESPN.com, Adrian Wojnarowski wrote a touching tribute to the former Arizona Cardinal player and all the other men and women who have made the ultimate sacrifice for the country.

Tomorrow: The Redskins draft

2004 NFL Mock Draft

Say what you will about Eli Manning, and don’t worry, I will. But you have to admit, the NFL Draft is going to be a lot more fun this year with all the drama that Eli and his Poppa have created in the past 48 hours. In the past few drafts the top two or three picks have been set for weeks in advance and most of the only drama was where players like Willis McGahee would be selected.
But now with Manning doing his best John Elway impression, this stands to be the wildest draft day in recent memory. Seriously, can’t you see Paul Tagliabue stepping to the podium at 12:15 tomorrow, announcing that the Chargers are going to take Eli Manning with the first pick, and then Archie runs up and cold-cocks Tags in the back of the head, steals the card with Eli’s name on it, yells “sic semper tyrannis!” and then sprints to the Meadowlands and chains himself to the goalposts until the Chargers agree to a trade with the Giants? No? Well it could.
Onto the mock draft.

1. New York Giants, from San Diego Chargers
Eli Manning, QB, Mississippi
In case you haven’t heard the story, Elisha Manning, son of Archie and brother of Peyton, reportedly has let the Chargers know that he does not want to be drafted by the team. He has done this through his agent and through his Daddy, who flew to San Diego and told the Chargers on three separate occasions that Eli would not play for them.
Now hold up here son. Did I miss something? Since when did the NFL Draft turn into the Senior prom? Eli likes another girl better, so he’s going to say no to the first ugly chick that asks him? No. It’s not like that Eli. A player can’t tell a team he doesn’t want to be drafted. That’s why it’s a draft. They draft YOU, not the other way around, fool. By the way, his name is seriously Elisha. Maybe that’s where he gets his womanly tendencies from.
According to ESPN’s Chris Mortensen, Manning doesn’t want to play for the Chargers because he doesn’t think they have a commitment to winning. Meaning, Eli doesn’t think the Chargers can win soon. But this is the NFL. Everybody can win soon. The Carolina Panthers were 1-15 a mere 24 months before they almost won the Super Bowl. The Rams had a similar turnaround a few years back. Even the Bengels were contending for the playoffs last year. The Chargers, with LaDanian Tomlinson and an improving defense could easily patch together a few wins this year, particularly in an increasingly vulnerable AFC West.
And what’s Manning complaining about anyway? He should just be thrilled he’s even being considered as the #1 pick. If his name were Eli Jenkins he’d be watching draft day from his momma’s couch hoping that he was taken before Saturday night rolled around.
I hope the Chargers choose Manning out of spite, a la Seinfeld trying to return that sport coat to the snooty, pony-tailed salesman that was dating Elaine.
As it is, I think the Bolts will blink and trade the pick to the Giants, giving Manning his way, something I’m sure he’s become accustomed to in his life.
I will take much delight the first time the New York Post runs a back-page headline like “E-li, E-li, Oh… No!” Alright, there’s will be more clever, but I thought a Laura Nyro reference would be over your heads.
By the way, Philip Rivers is better.

2. Oakland Raiders
Robert Gallery, T, Iowa
Can’t-miss quarterbacks and running backs come around all the time, and many times they do miss… badly. Can’t-miss tackles are rare and they usually always live up to the hype. Tony Boselli, Jonathan Ogden, Orlando Pace, Chris Samuels and Leonard Davis have all played at All-Pro levels throughout their career after being selected in the Top 5 of the Draft. Gallery is going to be a special player in the NFL and should be the cornerstone of Oakland’s line for the next 15 years.
Of course, this is Oakland and Al Davis has been known to do some crazy things in the draft (Sebastian Janikowski at 18).

3. Arizona Cardinals
Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Pittsburgh
Fitzgerald going to the Cards is the nearest thing to a lock in this year’s draft. Denny Green has been enamored with Fitzgerald since the early ‘90s when Fitzgerald was a ballboy with the Vikings. Green will hope to build a team around Fitzgerald and quarterback Josh McCown.

4. San Diego Chargers, from New York Giants
Philip Rivers, QB, NC State
Mark it down. Philip Rivers will have the best career of any quarterback taken in the first round of this years draft. The Chargers could try to trade further down to get Rivers, but with the bounty of picks the Giants would have to give up to move to #1, the Chargers should snag Rivers (who could also go to the Browns, Steelers or Bills) when they have a chance.

5. New England Patriots, from Washington Redskins
Sean Taylor, S, Miami
For weeks the question in D.C. has been, “which Miami player is Joe Gibbs going to take.” I have flip-flopped with this question. First I thought there was no way Gibbs would take Winslow. The new, old ballcoach has been burned before by overhyped faux-receivers (Desmond Howard) and wouldn’t want the attitude that Winslow would bring to the team.
Then I changed my mind and thought Gibbs wouldn’t use a high draft-pick on a position like safety, so I was in the Winslow camp.
Now I’m convinced that Gibbs doesn’t want either of them. I say this even though Winslow has apparently told the Lions that Gibbs promised him the Skins would take him if he was available. And, I also am defying every mock draft out there that seems to suggest the Redskins will take Sean Taylor.
But according to The Post’s Mark Maske, the Skins are looking into a three-way trade with the Dolphins and the Patriots that would give the Skins the 20th and 21st pick in the 1st round (while the Pats move up to 5 and the Dolphins slide to 32). This makes sense for the Redskins, as they have numerous holes to fill on the defensive line and in the secondary. And with only two more selections in the rest of the draft, Washington could easily be convinced to take two mid-rounders.
If they do stay at #5, Gibbs will probably go with Winslow.
Belicheck could shuffle around his secondary if he gets Taylor, and maybe get rid off nuisance Ty Law in the process.

6. Detroit Lions
Kellen Winslow Jr., TE, Miami
With Winslow attracting attention inside, Steve Mariucci is probably getting very excited over what kind of numbers a healthy Charlie Rogers could put up.

7. Cleveland Browns
Ben Roethlisberger, QB, Miami (Ohio)
Why should Miami of Ohio be the school that has to put the state where it’s located in parenthesis. Who decided that one?
Anyway, Butch Davis really want Robert Gallery and could trade up to #2, but the Browns need a quarterback and Roethlisberger is the second best QB in the draft.

8. Atlanta Falcons
Roy Williams, WR, Texas
Dammit. Do I really have Roy Williams going this low? This mock draft stuff is hard.
Drafting a marquee receiver like Williams and plugging him in with Peerless Price will allow Price to regain the greatness he showed in Buffalo and give Michael Vick another target to heave the ball 75-yards at.

9. Jacksonville Jaguars
Kenechi Udeze, DE, USC
Kenechi, Uma. Uma, Oprah. Oprah, Kenechi. Kenechi, Frank Stallone.

10. Houston Texans
Tommie Harris, DT, Oklahoma
Why? Because Dr. Z said so.

11. Pittsburgh Steelers
DeAngelo Hall, CB, Virginia Tech
Steelers really want Manning, Roethlisberger or Rivers but won’t get any of them at #11. So, they go for the old best-player-on-the-board theory and get Hall.

12. New York Jets
Dunta Robinson, CB, South Carolina
Jets need some help at linebacker, but neither Vilma or Williams are projected to go this high. I think that’s stupid. Pick what you need when it’s your turn.

13. Buffalo Bills
Will Smith, DE, Ohio State
Look for the Bills to pick D.J. Jazzy Jeff in the 4th.

14. Chicago Bears
Vince Wilfork, DT, Miami
Me: Yo, who are the Bears gonna take?
Nick; friend, Bears fan: I don’t know.
Me: What are the papers saying. I’m trying to get one of these picks right or else people will think I’m a moron.
Nick: They already think that.
Me: Well I don’t need to confirm their suspicions.
Nick: Good point.
Me: So, who are they going to take?
Nick: I’ll say Wilfork. He’s who I want them to take, so let’s go with him.
Me: Excellent. Thanks.
Nick: No problem. I’m going to go bowling naked… the fun way.

15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Jonathan Vilma, LB, Miami
Were the Buccaneers really the 15th worst team in the NFL last year? That’s still kind of surprising.

16. San Francisco 49ers
Reggie Williams, WR, Washington
Roy Williams and Reggie Williams will be two of the top 16 picks. Thank goodness the Supreme Court didn’t let Mike Williams in the draft or Chris Berman’s head would have exploded. The Niners need a receiver… badly.

17. Denver Broncos
Steven Jackson, RB, Oregon
In the past two years the first running backs in the draft were taken with the 16th pick (Willie Green in 2002) and 23rd pick (Willis McGahee in 2003). I don’t know if that’s a record, but it should be.

18. New Orleans Saints
D.J. Williams, LB, Miami
If Williams goes this high, six of the first 18 picks will be players from schools with Miami in their name.

19. Minnesota Vikings
Karlos Dansby, LB, Auburn
Vikes need a linebacker, but could be convinced to go with a wideout if Reggie Williams is still around.

20. Washington Redskins
Marcus Tubbs, DT, Texas
If the Redskins were the Bullets they would have selected Randy Starks from Maryland (seriously, who wants to bet that Abe Pollin takes Jamar Smith in the 2nd round of the NBA Draft). But, they are not, and the Skins need to fill in their defensive line. Philip Daniels, notwithstanding.

21. Washington Redskins
Ben Troupe, TE, Florida
This guy is 6’5, 262 and is supposed to be a good blocker, which is key in a Joe Gibbs offense. With the signing of Michael Barrow today the Skins don’t need a linebacker, but that hasn’t stopped Daniel Snyder in the past.

22. Dallas Cowboys
Shawn Andrews, T, Arkansas
Just so you know, I have zero basis for predicting all the remaining picks. I’d like to tell you that by watching Arkansas play last year I know Shawn Andrews has superb footwork. But in actuality, I think I heard Mel Kiper talk about it about two weeks ago when I was flipping channels between the 7 a.m. Sportscenter and an infomercial for that egg de-shelling thing.

23. Seattle Seahawks
Randy Starks, DT, Maryland
The last time a Terp was picked in the first round was in 1997 when the Steelers took Chad Scott. Just thought I’d let you know.

24. Cincinnati Bengels
Antwan Odom, DT, Alabama
They should pick Chris Perry out of Michigan. But they are, after all, the Bengels.

25. Green Bay Packers
Ben Watson, TE, Georgia
I guess this means I won’t be picking Bubba Franks for the 4th consecutive year in my fantasy draft. That’s good, because for the fourth consecutive year I won’t be asking myself in mid-October, why do I keep picking Bubba Franks in my fantasy draft?

26. St. Louis Rams
J.P. Losman, QB, Tulane
After losing to Bill on The Apprentice last week, the Rams front-office toyed with the idea of hiring Kwame. But when he suggested taking Omarosa with the 26th pick, Mike Martz quickly canned him in favor of a mirror.

27. Tennessee Titans
Maurice Clarett, RB, Ohio State
Whoops. I’m glad Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg was called upon to decide the important question of Maurice Clarett’s draft eligibility. After Clarett, next up on the docket was Taste Great v. Less Filling.
Anyway, lets say the Titans are going to take…. Jake Grove, C, Virginia Tech

28. Philadelphia Eagles
Will Poole, CB, USC
Scrimmaging against Donovan McNabb during the week should give Poole plenty of practice on the art of the interception.

29. Indianapolis Colts
Darnell Dockett, DT, Florida State
Paint Branch holla!

30. Kansas City Chiefs
Igor Olshansky, DT, Oregon
They say Olshansky might be the strongest player in the draft. I don’t know who “they” are exactly, but they very well could be the same people who are responsible for changing the taste of Trix. Those ruthless SOB’s.

31. Carolina Panthers
Rashaun Woods, WR, Oklahoma State
After LaFitz (Larry Fitzgerald is in desperate need of a nickname. Larry ain’t gonna cut it.) Woods is the best receiver in the draft. He is the quintessential “let’s ignore his on-field performance” player in this year’s draft. He had 184 catches, 3062 yards and 32 touchdowns in his final two seasons at OSU and played his best in big games (unlike Eli Manning). He also runs a beautiful fade and can out-jump anybody. It’s a wonder guys like this get picked behind “upside” players, but its also a wonder that Craig Kilborn still has a show.

32. Miami Dolphins
Michael Clayton, WR, LSU
A solid receiver… too bad A.J. Feely will be throwing him the ball.

Thursday Thoughts

- Barry Bonds should take a steroid test right now. Today. After his unbelievable run of seven straight games with a homer, and a batting average that’s hovering around .500, why not? It’s likely that Bonds isn’t on any illegal substances right now and his power numbers haven’t dropped off a bit. If he takes a test now and passes, then he can seriously raise the argument that he was never on ‘roids in the first place.
Of course, this will never happen because the inane Baseball Player’s Union is more interested in so-called privacy than respect. But since when has Bonds cared about anybody else besides himself? Take the test, clear your name. And then you can make the run at Babe and the Hammer (as well as Teddy Ballgame’s .406) without lingering questions about cheating.

- Corey Dillon and Bill Belicheck go about as well together as pickles and milk.

- I was scanning USA Today this morning while waiting for the honorable Mary Beth Sanderson to bend me over and give me 3 points on my license (honestly, what kind of name is Mary Beth for a judge? It’s like a president being named Corey.) Anyway, there was a story about next season’s network TV schedule, and apparently ABC is developing a show starring Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jessica Simpson as reporters. In related news, NBC is developing a show about a fictional president to be played by Corey Feldman.

- Eli Manning should be happy he’s even being considered as a first-round pick, instead of making irrational demands. But more on that tomorrow…

- If given the choice between watching a Miami-New Orleans NBA playoff game or a marathon of On-Air with Ryan Seacrest, I’d give some serious thought to the latter.

Short entry today, as I am preparing for tomorrow’s Chris’s Sports Blog 2004 Mock Draft. Bookmark the page and come back tomorrow to see who your favorite team will probably not draft.

Biggest NFL Draft Busts

With the NFL Draft only three days away, teams in the league are spending the last 72 hours trying to sort out who is going to be the next Peyton Manning and who will be the next Ryan Leaf. It’s an inexact science, to be sure. Sometimes can’t miss prospects like Steve Emtman don’t live up to expectations. Or maybe your pick has a crippling injury before ever playing a game, a la Ki-Jana Carter. But a lot of times it is just plain old poor decision making that ruins a team’s draft. Akili Smith? Really?
In honor of dumb GM’s everywhere, here is a list of the Top 10 biggest draft busts since 1990.

#10) Curtis Enis - RB - #5 pick – Chicago Bears – 1998
Enis was supposed to join Walter Payton and Gale Sayers in the pantheon of great Bears running backs, but instead joined Blair Thomas and Ki-Jana Carter as Penn State RB busts. Enis played three seasons in the NFL, averaged 3.3 yards-per-carry and scored six touchdowns.
The Bears had an opportunity to take Randy Moss with the 5th pick, but went with Enis, due in large part to his winning personality, which was about the only winning thing about him. Bears fans can take a little solace in the fact that 20 other teams passed on Moss, who fell to the Vikings with the 21st pick.

#9) Desmond Howard - WR - #4 pick – Washington Redskins – 1992
Joe Gibbs rarely bought into the hype about marquee college players, but he fell for Michigan star Desmond Howard in 1992, trading up after a Super Bowl victory to snatch the Heisman trophy winner. Gibbs envisioned Howard as a receiver, running back and returner extraordinaire, but in Washington he only had 66 receptions and five touchdowns.
Later in his career, Howard specialized in kick returns, even winning a Super Bowl MVP award with the Packers. But his career never came close to fulfilling the expectations that came after his magical senior season in Ann Arbor.

#8) Lawrence Phillips - RB - #6 pick – St. Louis Rams - 1995
Sometimes you really don’t see it coming. But with Lawrence Phillips, even Helen Keller would have known that he was nothing but trouble.
After running behind behemoth offensive-lines at Nebraska, which he did when he wasn’t threatening to shoot his girlfriend and beating college co-eds, the Rams drafted Phillips ahead of Eddie George and Ray Lewis, among others.
After three dismal seasons and a rap sheet that would make most rappers jealous, Phillips was out of the NFL. He went on to win MVP honors in NFL Europe, but fizzled in a comeback attempt with the 49ers.

#7) Trev Alberts - LB - #5 pick – Indianapolis Colts - 1994
Alberts only lasted three years in the NFL, after an string of injuries and sucking forced him to retire. The Colts couldn’t have been too disappointed though… they snagged Marshall Faulk with the 2nd pick in the same draft.

#6) Heath Shuler - QB - #3 pick – Washington Redskins - 1994
A poster-child for why rookie quarterbacks should never hold-out of training camp, Shuler’s career in Washington was essentially over before it started. Shuler split time with Gus Frerotte and John Friesz in his rookie season, then was beaten out by Frerotte in 1995. His career never recovered from his hold-out and from the fact that his passes were about as accurate as Garo Yepremian’s.

#5) Blair Thomas - RB - #2 pick – New York Jets – 1990
The Jets would have been better off drafting Blair Underwood.

#4) Mike Mamula - DE - #7 pick – Philadelphia Eagles – 1995
Coming out of Boston College, most NFL insiders predicted that Mamula would be a mid-round pick in the NFL Draft. But at the Combines in February, Mamula put on one of the best shows in combine history and catapulted himself into the first round.
Never mind that Mamula’s on-field play in Chestnut Hill was nothing special and that has was constantly overpowered by smaller Big East offensive lineman. Forget about that stuff. When it came to lifting weights in mesh shorts and shuttle runs, Mamula was all-world.
His career wasn’t a total washout like some other players on this list, but his story still serves as a cautionary tale to overzealous scouts who foam at the mouth over bench press reps.

#3) Ki-Jana Carter - RB - #1 pick – Cincinnati Bengels – 1995
I’m surprised as you are that this is the Bengels first appearance on this list. I’m not surprised, however, that this is the third Penn State running back to make a showing. You would think by now that teams would realize that drafting a running back from Penn State is like letting your kids go to Neverland to play with Michael Jackson. But they don’t. People still do it. It’s crazy.
Ki-Jana was hampered by injuries, so that is a convenient excuse because he would probably wouldn’t have been all that good anyway.

#2) Akili Smith - QB - #3 pick – Cincinnati Bengels – 1999
The Mike Mamula of quarterbacks. Smith had something that scouts and Mel Kiper love to talk about, but is usually a kiss of death: upside. He wasn’t all that great at Oregon, and was slotted to be a 2nd or 3rd rounder in the 1998 draft. But when scouts saw his agility in the shuttle run and his exceptional ability to hit open receivers with no defensive pressure, he skyrocketed up to #3 in the draft ahead of Edgerrin James, Ricky Williams, Champ Bailey, Daunte Culpepper and Jevon Kearse. Smith is out of the NFL now after playing in only 21 games.
I guess it could have been worse for the Bengels. They could have taken Cade McNown.

#1) Ryan Leaf - QB - #2 pick – San Diego Chargers – 1998
The Chargers traded two 1st round picks, a 2nd round pick and Eric Metcalf for the opportunity to select Leaf in the ’98 draft. They paid a king’s ransom to get a court jester.
Leaf’s problem was never ability, for he had talent to spare. His attitude was his problem. He couldn’t take criticism from coaches, teammates or the media, and on more then one occasion got into physical altercations because of it.
Shockingly, the Colts actually pondered selecting Leaf over Peyton Manning with the first pick in the draft, which would have been akin to Puff Daddy buying a Daewoo instead of an Escalade.

Dishonorable Mentions

Andre Ware - #7 pick – Houston Oilers- 1990
Steve Emtman - #1 pick – Indianapolis Colts - 1992
Rick Mirer - #2 pick – Seattle Seahawks – 1993
Michael Westbrook - #4 pick – Washington Redskins - 1995
Tim Biakabutuka - #8 pick – Carolina Panthers – 1996 (Can you believe he was drafted at #8? I was shocked when I saw that.)
Rickey Dudley - #9 pick – Oakland Raiders - 1996
Courtney Brown - #1 pick – Cleveland Browns - 2000

A-Rod's Awful April

It’s like clockwork. Every year around this time the Yankees new free agent signee is having a rough start and the media jumps on the story like they would if a cute, little blond girl got kidnapped. It happened with Jason Giambi, Mike Mussina and even Bernie Williams when he re-signed with the team. Now, Alex Rodriguez is getting a tutorial on the over-reactive tendencies of the New York press.
After a dismal series against the Red Sox in which he went 1-17 from the plate and made a key error in the final game, Rodriguez has everybody with an opinion questioning whether he has the mental makeup to play in the Bronx, whether he is past his prime or even if the Yankees would have been better off with Alfonso Soriano.
Even the normally calm and level-headed New York tabloids have jumped on A. Rod’s case. Today the New York Daily News has a back-cover headline of “A-Mess: But Yanks aren’t worried… yet.” And the Post has A. Rod on both the front and the back with headlines that read “Awful A-Rod” and “Alex in Blunderland”. I bet A-Rod never saw headlines like that in the Arlington Morning News.
Rodriguez is in a slump. That’s it. Because it happened against the Yanks arch-rival and since it is the beginning of the season, the slump is magnified ten-fold. But it’s much to early to be evaluating A-Rod’s performance.
He’s not the reason the Yanks lost three of four to the Red Sox. Mike Mussina and Javier Vasquez should be getting the brunt of it. But because A-Rod has the big contract and came with so much hype, all the criticism goes his way.
It’s probably unfair, but when you have a contract that pays you a quarter-billion dollars and you choose to go play in the city that would criticize the pope if he fumbled a groundball, then you have to take it.
A-Rod will get out of his slump soon. He won’t finish the season batting .160 with a .280 slugging percentage. And he won’t be a liability in the field either. He might not have 50 homeruns or win a batting title, but once A-Rod finds his swing and gets back his confidence, he will go back to being what he has been for last five years: one of the best players in the history of baseball.
Damn.

Sorry there's no entry today, I just got back from a weekend in New York. Come back tomorrow for thoughts on A. Rod's struggles.

Pre-pre-pre-season Redskins Predictions

It doesn’t make much sense to predict the upcoming NFL season before the draft, training camp and preseason. But it also doesn’t make much sense to drive a total of two-and-a-half hours roundtrip for some Popeye’s chicken, which my college roommate and I did on occasion. So, here are my predictions for the Redskins 2004 regular season.

September 12 – 1:00 p.m. – FOX
Vs. Tampa Bay

A tough opener for Joe Gibbs and the Redskins. The Bucs, after their obligatory post-Super Bowl slump, have a new-look defense that Gibbs joked “we’ll be lucky to gain a yard on.” An win in the season opener isn’t essential, but with two games against NFC East rivals following, Gibbs and Co. would certainly like to get a win.
Pick: Tampa Bay

September 19 – 1:00 p.m. – FOX
At New York Giants

Two new coaches square off in this old rivalry. One is Joe Gibbs. The other is Tom Coughlin. This game will tell more about the Redskins than the Bucs game will. The Skins have not preformed well against the Giants in recent years and if the Redskins can pull out a W, it should go a long to way to determining how they fare the rest of the season.
Pick: Washington

September 27 – Monday Night – 9:00 p.m. – ABC
Vs. Dallas

The last time the Redskins faced Dallas on Monday night was in 2001 when both teams went into the game 0-4 and played one of the poorest MNF game in recent memory. The Cowboys prevailed 9-7, and somehow the score doesn’t quite tell how ugly the game actually was. Don’t expect a redux of that performance. Gibbs and Parcells won’t let that happen.
Pick: Dallas and Panic in D.C.

October 3 – 1:00 p.m. – FOX
At Cleveland

This has all the making of a classic trap game. The Skins head to Cleveland for a game book ended by primetime tilts. Coming off a short week, this game could cause an early crisis in Washington.
Pick: Washington

October 10 – Sunday night - 8:30 p.m. – ESPN
Vs. Baltimore

Repeat after me: This is not a rivalry. And no amount of media hype or pre-game trash talking between Lavar and Ray-Ray will make it so.
Nobody in Washington cares about the Ravens, despite what people in Baltimore might tell you. Ravens fans are kind of like those suck-ups at your office who are always trying to show the boss (Skins fans) how great they are, and the boss, in turn, doesn’t even know they exist.
There is a criteria to having a rivalry. The teams involved must have two of the following:
1) Close proximity
2) Bad blood
3) Recent playoff battles
4) History
5) Lots of matchups every season

The Skins and Ravens only have one of those. Ergo, no rivalry. I’m sure Joe Thiesmann will see it otherwise.
Pick: Washington

October 17 – 1:00 p.m. – FOX
At Chicago

If Dan Synder is anything like the press claims he is, then if the Bears win, he’ll actually be upset he didn’t hire Lovie Smith.
Pick: Washington

October 31 – 1 p.m. – FOX
Vs. Green Bay

Brett Favre makes his first appearance in Washington D.C. (well, his first appearance in D.C. or Raljon or Landover, if you wanna really get down to it).
Pick: Green Bay

November 7 – 1 p.m. – FOX
At Detroit

For this road trip, Clinton Portis might want to pack that big championship belt he wore after he ran for over 200 yards and 5 TD’s last season.
Pick: Washington

November 14 – 4:05 p.m. – CBS
Vs. Cincinnati

Even though I expect the Redskins to have five or six wins by this point in the season, why do I get the suspicion that Craig Bolerjack and Beasley Reece will be calling this game for the Tiffany network?
Pick: Washington

November 21 – 4:15 p.m. – FOX
At Philadelphia

The Real World: Philadelphia will be taping this fall. So expect to see Fred Smoot trying to pick up the ladies in the house on about Episode 8.
Pick: Philadelphia

November 28 – 1 p.m. – FOX
At Pittsburgh

This is the first time that the Redskins have had back-to-back road games in Pennsylvania since 1965. The Skins split that road trip (losing 21-14 to the Eagles and crushing Mike Nixon’s Steelers 31-3). A similar result this go-round would be acceptable.
Pick: Pittsburgh

December 5 – 4:15 p.m. – FOX
Vs. New York Giants

Nothing says NFC East football like a showdown between teams from East Rutherford, New Jersey and Landover, Maryland.
Pick: Washington

December 12 – Sunday Night – 8:30 p.m. – ESPN
Vs. Philadelphia

Who wants to give me 6-1 odds that after the game, Sportscenter’s Sunday Conversation will feature Terrell Owens bitching about how Donovan McNabb doesn’t get him the ball or not?
Pick: Philadelphia

December 18 – Saturday – 5:00 p.m. – FOX
At San Francisco

When your team loses on Sunday it ruins your night, which isn’t that bad since Sunday nights are normally spent in front of the TV lamenting about how nothing is on since The Sopranos is in one of its patented 16-month vacations. But on Saturday, it ruins your night, which means that you drink more at the bar, spend too much money on Jager shots, have a bad hangover Sunday that gets worse once you realize you emptied your bank account at the last bar you don’t remember being at, then you can’t pay your rent, you get kicked out on the street, you get fired from your job for smelling because you have no access to a shower and then you end up panhandling at an intersection with a less clever sign than the crazy guy one block over. All because your team lost on a Saturday. It’s tragic, really.
Pick: Washington

December 26 – 4:15 p.m. – FOX
At Dallas

If there are any Giants fans reading this, I have a question for you. What is your feeling towards Bill Parcells? I know he led your team to two Super Bowls, but can you still have love for a guy that now has a star on his jacket? I probably wouldn’t be able to drink Gatorade anymore if Parcells sold out my team like that.
Pick: Washington

January 2, 2005 – 1:00 p.m. – FOX
Vs. Minnesota

By this point in the season the Vikings will have already hit the zenith of their annual late-season swoon. They seem to like worthless victories late in the year, but this game should mean something for the Skins, so look for them to sneak into the wild card with a win in this one.
Pick: Washington

Final Prediction: 10-6
Over/Under on Mark Brunell Starts: 9
Clinton Portis rushing yards: 1750
Dan Synder flipping out on his idol Joe Gibbs after a Monday night loss to Dallas puts the Skins at 1-2: Priceless

NFL Schedule Thoughts

Some thoughts on the 17-week, 256 game NFL schedule that was released yesterday.

Maybe Santa will bring us better games: For the first time since the 1971 playoffs, the NFL will have a doubleheader on Christmas Day. So, of course, for this rare holiday treat, the NFL schedules Oakland vs. Kansas City and Denver at Tennessee. Just so we’re clear, this is the same Oakland team whose core starters qualify for a senior discount at the movies and a Denver team that hasn’t won a playoff game since John Elway left. To think, thousands of people will be setting up their new flatscreen, HDTV sets they got for Christmas and the first thing they’ll see is Jake Plummer overthrowing Ashley Lelie. Merry Christmas indeed.

What were they thinking: Part I: Monday Night Football live from Cincinnati? This is the worst idea the NFL has had since they made teams play in those throwback uniforms and the Lions’ had to wear flesh colored pants that left little to the imagination. I don’t know what will be worse, a shot of a ¾ full Paul Brown Stadium at night from the Goodyear Blimp or hearing John Madden breakdown the Kitna-Palmer quarterback controversy.

What were they thinking: Part II The Minnesota Vikings play two games on Monday night and play the first Friday game of the century on Christmas Eve. Meaning, that for three of the NFL’s showcase game they are displaying a team that last made the playoffs in 2000 (and lost to the Giants 41-0). I’m guessing a lot of televisions will be clicking over to Miracle on 34th Street in about the third quarter of that Christmas Eve game.

Easiest road to recovery: The Tampa Bay Bucaneers schedule is about as easy it gets in today’s parity-filled NFL. In addition to their NFC South double round-robin schedule, the Bucs travel to Oakland, San Diego and Arizona and then face San Francisco, Chicago and Denver at home. Remember how the Patriots won the Super Bowl in 2001, missed the playoffs in 2002 and won against last year? Look for the Bucs to follow that pattern this season.

Toughest Tuesday morning to get up for work: Tie; Dallas at Washington (9/27) and Philadelphia at Dallas (11/15). NFC East battles on Monday Night football are about as good as it gets. And with Bill Parcells and Joe Gibbs back on the sidelines and a scrambling, winning, but somewhat uncaccurate quarterback playing for the Eagles, it will be like the late 1980’s all over again.

Easiest Tuesday morning to get up for work:: Tie; Denver at Cincinatti (10/25) and Dallas at Seattle (12/6). I know Seattle made the playoffs last year, but Matt Hasselbeck is about as entertaining as Joe Rogan.

Expect high ratings for the Sopranos: The Baltimore Ravens play not one, not two, but three Sunday night games on ESPN this year. The only way ESPN can make up for three nights of listening to Paul McGuire and Joe Thiesmann talk about how great Kyle Boller is, as he’s throwing his fourth interception of the night, is to mike up Ray Lewis for each of the games and broadcast everything he says unedited. (Great reality show idea: 25 people compete for the opportunity to be in Ray Lewis’ posse. Tasks include taking Ray’s mink coat to the dry cleaners, lying to Federal grand juries, comparing prices of Cristal at Baltimore-area bars and preparing a detailed trash-talking scouting report on opposing players. At the end of each episode the contestants would dress up in full-pads and Lewis would blindside whoever was eliminated that week. Seriously, if a tool like Donald Trump can have a hit TV show, imagine what Ray-Ray would do.)

Toughest mid-season stretch: From November 21 to December 19 the St. Louis Rams will play four of five games on the road (including games in the frigid weather of Buffalo and Green Bay). Mike Martz might want to start thinking about who he’s going to blame for those losses.

Too much Kurt Kittner will do that: After having three apperances on Monday night football last year (and a couple Sunday night games) only to have Michael Vick on the bench for each of them, the Atlanta Falcons will have only one primetime game this year. It’s probably for the best. After all, they did hire Jim Mora, Jr to be their head coach.

Toughest homecoming: In his first game in his second go-round with the Redskins, Joe Gibbs will face Jon Gruden and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on the NFL’s opening weekend.

This still doesn’t explain why the Bengels play on a Monday night: The last three teams that have lost in the Super Bowl (Raiders, Rams and Giants) haven’t made the playoffs the following year. The Panthers, a team that last year benefitted from as much from luck as it did with skill, could easily make it four in a row, thus the NFL has only rewarded Carolina with one Monday night football game, an opening-week tilt with the Packers.

Better buy one of those mini-fridges and program Papa John’s into your speed dial: On Sunday January 2, there will be 16 NFL games on the same day for the first time in the history of the league. Coupled with the fact that it is the last weekend of the regular season and that the day before has nine scheduled college bowl games, the first weekend in January will usher in 2005 with hangovers, heartburn and 48-straight hours of couch-sitting.

Circle Your Calendar:

September 9 – Indianapolis at New England
Rematch of last years AFC Championship game. With four straight wins to open the season, the Pats will break Miami’s record for consecutive wins. But first they need to get by Peyton Manning and company.

September 12 – Tampa Bay at Washington
Joe Gibbs returns to the sidelines and Tampa Bay plays their first game without Warren Sapp and John Lynch.

September 19 – St. Louis at Atlanta
Michael Vick returns to Hotlanta to face St. Louis. This should be the first real test for Vick’s leg and for Larry Marmie’s Ram defense.

September 27 – Dallas at Washington
Monday night. Cowboys and Redskins. Parcells and Gibbs. Enough said.

October 17 – Carolina at Philadelphia
NFC Championship game: Part II.

October 31 – Baltimore at Philadelphia
If this one was played in Baltimore, Terrell Owens would have been booed out of the stafdium. Of course, if Owens is having a bad year, the Philly fans might make him wish the game as in Baltimore.

November 14 – Detroit at Jacksonville
Just seeing if you were still paying attention.

December 5- Green Bay at Philadelphia
The Eagles seem to be playing a lot of big games at home this year. This rematch of last years classic NFC Divisional Playoff game should be a fun one. Think this might have been a better Monday Night matchup than Dallas/Seattle?

December 18 – Carolina at Atlanta
This Saturday primetime affair could determine the winner of the NFC South. It could just as easily be a matchup between the two worst teams in the division.

January 2 – Indianapolis at Denver
Prediction: Mike Shanahan’s job will be on the line in this game.

Tomorrow: Redskins Schedule Breakdown

The Most Underrated Sports Day of the Year

A few weeks ago I declared that the first two days of the NCAA Tournament were the best sporting days of the year.
I stand by that statement, as well as my Top 5 (Sunday at the Masters this year, however, was #1) but today is perhaps the most underrated day of the sporting year.
For at 5:15 in the evening, the NFL will release its 2004 schedule.
Sure, it’s not really an event, but tonight and tomorrow fans everywhere will be perusing their favorite teams schedule and figuring out which games they’ll win, which ones they’ll lose and how they’re going to get out of their friends wedding that is the same day as a marquee Week 15 match-up.
It’s fantastic. There’s nothing better than scanning the schedule, feeling the excitement of seeing a Monday night game, the thought of how you’re going to get tickets to the home opener and the annual question “why does the NFL keep scheduling the Browns on Monday night?”
Only the NFL can get fans excited five months before the first game of the season.
Today would be a great day even if the NFL had announced months ago that April 14 was the day the schedule was going to be released. But because the NFL releases the schedule with only one day of warning, the surprise-factor involved makes the day even better.
The NFL releases the schedule when it is complete. There is no set date, they put it out when it’s ready.
So yesterday night, the league announced that they planned to release the schedule today, and then they quietly do so (although this year the NFL is having a special show that announces the schedule on the NFL network, meaning that all 8 million DirecTV will be able to watch).
Most people will be pleasantly surprised later this afternoon when they log onto ESPN.com and see a link to the master schedule on the front page.
Redskins fans will be eager to see when Joe Gibbs will make his first appearance at home.
Cowboy fans will be betting on in which game Drew Henson will see his first action.
Radiers fans everywhere will still be questioning why Al Davis hired Norv Turner.
And Frank, the one remaining Cardinals fan, will circle September 12 on his calendar, the day that the NFL returns and everybody has a chance to win it all.

Tomorrow: NFL Schedule Breakdown Extravaganza

If Uncle Jesse Played Baseball He Would Have Had 700 HR's By Now

- Can somebody please explain to me why Barry Bonds tying Willie Mays for third on the all-time homerun list is such a big deal?
It’s not like he broke any record, or reached a magical number. He didn’t even pass anybody on the list. All he did was hit a homerun that TIED him for third place.
Do we really need ESPN to cut into live broadcasts with coverage of each of Bonds’ at-bats? Or 50 replays of it on the news?
ESPN replayed the homer like CNN plays the Zapruder film. Sportscenter devoted more time to Barry today then it did to Phil Mickelson yesterday. Lefty actually won something. All Bonds did was move 95 homeruns closer to tying Hank Aaron.
Ridiculous.
But not as ridiculous as what happened after Bonds hit the 3rd-place tying homerun. He hits the ball into McCovey Cove, rounds the bases, has only two teammates waiting for him at home plate (a nice touch, I thought. I’m glad the Giants players didn’t act like a) this was a big deal or b) they actually like Bonds) and then receives some apathetic high-fives from his teammates. Then they actually stopped the game and Willie Mays came out with something in his hands that looked like a bat. I figured it was the bat he used to hit his 660th homerun.
Nope.
See, that might actually have made sense. Instead Mays gave his godson a torch. Or, more appropriately, he passed a torch to Barry. Literally. It was the cheesiest sporting moment
Shoot, Barry even gave a press conference yesterday about the homerun yesterday, and we all know a Bonds press conference happens about as often as Chris Tucker appears in a movie.
And during said press conference Bonds wore a special hat thats brim wasn’t bent at all and one of those t-shirts that looked like it was spray painted in a kiosk at Kings Dominion. I kept thinking he was going to announce his plans to go on a mall-tour like he was Tiffany, circa 1987.
A special t-shirt to commerate tying for 3rd place on the list? If he’s wearing that at this juncture of the chase, I shudder to think what fashion faux pas he will make when he ties the Babe.
(Maybe for old-times sake Bonds will bring back the dangly earring Cross he wore for most of his early career. That thing made him look like he was the frontman in a Wham! cover-band. Awesome stuff.)
After this wall-to-wall coverage of Bonds’ 660th, I fully expect ESPN to have the same coverage of Ruben Sierra’s at-bats next year when he has the chance to tie Robin Yount for third place on the all-time sacrifice fly list. Then I want special analysis of the moment by Peter Gammons, Pedro Gomez, John Buccigross, Mary Lou Retton and Sting.
Especially John Buccigross.

- John Stamos had a rough day yesterday.
First he and his wife Rebecca Romijn-Stamos announced the seperation after five years of marriage. Then, in a true “kick-a-man-in-the-groin-when-he’s-down” moment, Nickelodeon aired the Full House episode where Uncle Jesse plays basketball and gets outplayed by Danny and Uncle Joey and three guys wearing plaid shorts who were being coached by Kimmy Gibbler.
The premise of the episode is that Uncle Jesse sucks at basketball. I’m not talking Kwame Brown suckiness, I’m talking Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf sucking. I didn’t see the whole show, but apparently there was some sort of 3-on-3 basketball tournament and for some reason D.J. and Kimmy Gibbler were coaching in the finals, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was the referee. Uncle Jesse shot like a 6-year old girl, didn’t know how to dribble and played defense like he was on the Mavericks.
Of course he made the game winning shot, but it wasn’t enough to erase the image of Jesse hiding behind Joey because Kareem called a travel after Jesse ran with the ball in his hands without dribbling.
Nickelodeon could have easily shown the episode where Uncle Jesse was drumming with the Beach Boys or the episode where he played Uncle Jesse in addition to his evil Greek cousin that was just Uncle Jesse with more chest hair and an accent. But no, they had to show Stamos’ low-point of his Full House career the day he and his wife spilt-up. Shame on you Nickelodeon. Shame on you.

Phil'ed to Bursting

Phil Mickelson had earned kind of a bad rap during his professional career. It’s true that he was 0 for 42 in major championships in that span, but somehow along during that stretch of missed opportunities, Mickelson earned a reputation as a choker.
In actuality he was far from it. The knock on Mickelson was that he could never win on Sunday, and that was an appropriate criticism. His track record in majors spoke for itself. However, in none of his 17 Top-10 major finishes did Phil do anything that resembled a Greg Norman or Jean de Velde type choke job.
In 1999 Payne Stewart made a 15-foot putt on the 18th hole of the U.S. Open to beat Mickelson by one stroke after Phil made a furious comeback in the last nine holes. In the 2001 Masters, Mickelson shot 2-under in the Final Round only to see Tiger Woods shoot 4-under. In the 2002 U.S. Open Mickelson fired an even-par 70 on Sunday at Bethpage Black, the second lowest score of the day, but it wasn’t enough to catch Woods who had run away from the field.
It was more of the same in other majors. Mickelson had never been in the final pairing of a major championship and had never had sole possession of the lead on the final nine holes. He never lost a six-stroke lead on a Sunday or double-bogeyed the 18th hole when all he needed was bogey.
Phil never really lost the tournament, but he also never won. He wasn’t a choker, he just got beat… often.
It might have been unfair, Mickelson being called a choker, but the only way that he was going to shed the label was to have a Sunday showdown in a major and emerge victorious.
Yesterday he did exactly that and won one of the great duels in Masters history against Ernie Els.
Battling down the stretch, shot for shot, Mickelson and Els provided the greatest major championship duel in recent memory. In the end, Els had a Mickelson-like finish. He played great in the final round, but he just got beat.
There was something different about Mickelson this week. He looked, well, different. Normally when Phil is in contention on the weekend of a major he has the same look on his face as a 9-year old on his way to get a tetanus shot. He never seemed like he wanted to be there.
This week at the Masters that look was gone. It was replaced with a goofy smile that stayed on Mickelson’s face after good shots and bad. Big putts that fell were met with exuberance instead of relief. And when Phil heard the roars of Ernie Els’ eagle on 13, he promptly sunk a 20-foot birdie putt on the hardest hole of the course. The old Phil would have two-putted. Not this Phil. He knew he was three down to Els, nailed the putt and later said his thought was “after I birdie 13, I’ll only be one behind.” Had this been 2002 maybe he would have instead thought “if I bogey 13, it’ll be over.”
In recent years Phil had grown exasperated with the incessant questions by the press about not winning a major. He was almost defiant. This week, it all changed. He welcomed the question, even joking about it during Wednesday’s pre-tournament press conference.
The pressure was off Mickelson. Not from the press, but from himself. And once he lifted that burden, all he had to do was play the Masters like he did his other 22 wins on the PGA Tour.
After that, it was easy.

Friday Notes

- After completing his first round this morning at the Masters, Tiger Woods was at 3-over par and according to ESPN, CNN, the Associated Press and Reuters “in danger of missing the cut”.
Rubbish.
In the past six years, what has Tiger shown that would lead anybody to believe he is going to miss the cut today at the Masters? Maybe if Tiger wasn’t good at playing with pressure then that would be a reasonable assumption. But we all know Tiger’s record on Sunday’s and in match-play. Maybe people assume that after Tiger’s woeful first-round he doesn’t think he’ll have a chance to win and will end up playing the 2nd round on cruise control. But didn’t Woods shot a 40 on the front nine in 1997, the year of his record breaking performance in Augusta? Isn’t he still only 8 shots off the lead in a tournament that will probably be won at 4 or 5 under?
The media is always looking for a story and whenever Tiger has a poor round, they pounce on it.
Instead the press should have focused on young Justin Rose’s brilliant first day, Chris Dimarco’s hole-in-one or Tom Watson playing with a heavy heart after the death of his long-time caddie Bruce Edwards yesterday morning.
Prediction: Tiger will make the cut and be within striking-distance of the leaders this weekend.

- Putting in a pinch-runner for Manny Ramirez is a good idea… sometimes. But last year Grady Little (the man of many poor decisions) took it to a whole other level, putting in a speedster for Manny Ramirez in the 7th or 8th innings, only to see the game go to extra innings and lose Manny’s bat.
Manny is not fast. Manny isn’t a great fielder. And Manny does not hustle (usually). Therefore, the pinch-runner isn’t a bad idea. Little’s thought was that if Manny’s run scored, the game would be over and it wouldn’t matter that Manny was out of the game. But that rarely happened. More often than not, the run wouldn’t score, the game would head to extra frames and instead of Manny up in the 3 spot, Adrian Brown or Damien Jackson’s weak bats would be up in key situations. Manny is also something of a liability in left-field, but I’ve never seen a situation where Manny’s glove lost the Sox a game in extra innings.
Last night new Red Sox manager Terry Francona did the same thing with Manny and had the same result. In the top of the 11th inning, Manny walked. Kevin Millar then singled to left and Manny, showing some hustle, sprinted to third base. At that point Francona sent in Gabe Kapler to pinch-run for Manny. Kapler is fast and unlike last year’s pinch runners, he has a pretty good bat. But Manny had already gone from 1st to 3rd. He was only 90 feet away from home plate. He had done two-thirds of the work. Why take him out then?
Francona replaced Ramirez in case of a tagging-up situation. Kapler has more speed to get down the 3rd baseline to home plate to score the go-ahead run. Not a bad idea, right?
Perhaps. But David Ortiz lined out and Cesar Crespo struck out and the Sox didn’t score a run in the inning. Kapler didn’t get a chance to use the speed.
In the bottom of the 13th, Kapler, in Ramirez’s spot in the lineup, lead off the inning. Think Francona would have rather seen Manny at the plate, instead of Gabe?
Kapler fouled out, the Sox managed only a single in the 13th and in the bottom of the inning, reliever Bobby Jones walked the bases loaded and then issued a free pass to Larry Bigbie that won the game for the Orioles.

- Kwame got screwed last night on The Apprentice. Either way, he was going to be stuck with Omarosa in the employee draft. But Trump and the producers could have made it a bit more fair for Kwame by giving him the 2nd, 3rd and 6th picks rather than the 2nd, 4th and 6th. Bill should have picked first, then Kwame should have gotten the next two, and Kwame the last two. A good ol’ serpentine draft. It works for fantasy football drafts, why wouldn’t it work for the Donald?

Thursday Thoughts

- For the first time in recent memory Tiger Woods is not the overwhelming favorite to win the Masters. Oh, he’s still the favorite (most sports books list Tiger at either 4-1 or 9-2 to win, which are still ridiculous odds for a 93-man field), but in years past the conversation about who was going to win the Masters started with Tiger. This year, it’s a bit different.
Most golf pundits are picking major-less Phil Mickelson to win, due to his three straight third-place finishes at Augusta. Padraig Harrington is the trendy pick this week, Ernie Els the safe one and John Daly the sentimental one.
A couple of young guns have been mentioned as possible contenders, including Adam Scott (fresh off his victory at the TPC), Chad Campbell and Justin Rose.
All of this focus on the other players probably means Tiger is run away with the tournament. Woods likes nothing better than for people to count him out. And Augusta is probably the most forgiving major course in terms of missed fairways, so Tiger’s recent erratic play from the tee won’t penalize him much if he can putt.
Besides Tiger, look for big tournaments from Vijay Singh, Jose Maria Olazabal and Darren Clarke.

- Last week I wrote about how ridiculous it was that DC United kept the upper-deck at RFK Stadium closed during Freddy Adu’s debut, thus turning away fans. I thought that United and MLS had made their biggest mistake and it couldn’t get any worse. I was wrong.
With a national TV audience looking on and a semi sold-out crowd at RFK all waiting to see Freddy Adu, United coach Peter Nowak sat Adu on the bench for the first 60 minutes of the game. That’s right. With their league on the biggest stage it will ever get, United started Joshua Gros while Freddy Adu sat on the bench.
Does the director of The Producers sit Nathan Lane down for the first act? Do the guys in charge of The Louvre put a curtain up around the Mona Lisa until after lunch? Does Playboy only publish nude photos of the centerfold in half of their editions? NO! Because people pay to see each of those things. Nobody goes to The Producers to see the understudy to Lane. Does anybody really buy Playboy for the articles? And 25,000 people don’t go to MLS games to watch a United team without Freddy Adu.
Soccer purists will argue that not starting Adu was the right move because his fresh legs off the bench provided a spark to United late in the 2nd half. That’s crap.
The MLS and United had a golden opportunity to sell their product to a public that is usually uninterested in soccer. Game strategy means nothing when your sport is floundering. NFL coaches can afford to sit young stars. Paul Silas would have caught a little flack for benching LeBron James earlier this year, but if he wasn’t ready, it was the right move. MLS doesn’t have that luxury. ABC broadcasted the game nationally, after advertising that Adu would play. DC United did the same thing in selling tickets. Then he only played 25 minutes. Way to cater to your fan base.
The worst part is, Adu was apparently ready to play. Besides being the highest-paid player in the league, all reports say that the 14-year old is one of the best players on United already. Why didn’t he play?
So far DC United and the MLS are 0-2 in their handling of Freddy Adu. Three strikes might not mean they’re out, but it sure wouldn’t help.

- The NHL playoffs started last night and got about 1% of the attention that Jesse Palmer’s debut as The Bachelor did. Maybe the league would benefit if in lieu of the playoffs they had the guys from Queer Eye come in and makeover the Canucks.

- Thirty years ago today, Hank Aaron passed Babe Ruth on the all-time home runs list. It’s kind of amazing that despite all the talk about a juiced ball, steroids and soaring homerun rates, the top three homerun hitters in baseball history as of today all retired before 1976. That will change this weekend as Barry Bonds is sure to tie his godfather Willie Mays for third place with 660 dingers.
Even so, the top three has been in place since 1972. Individual season-records have been obliterated and then beaten again, but the career records still stand. That says a lot about how important consistency and staying healthy is in the quest for the record.
Five years ago Ken Griffey Jr. was a shoo-in to break Aaron’s homerun mark, but injuries slowed him down. Sammy Sosa looks like another lock, but who knows how his career will end. Alex Rodriguez is on pace to finish with nearly 850 if he continues at his current pace, but then again, Griffey was on the same track before he got derailed.
Aaron’s record will probably fall in the next few years, but it probably will be bested by one or two guys not a dozen like some have predicted.

2004 Baseball Preview Bonanza

American League East

1) New York Yankees

Here are the #2 through #8 hitters in the Yankee lineup. Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, Jason Giambi, Gary Sheffield, Bernie Williams, Jorge Posada, Hideki Matsui. Jeez. New York hasn’t seen sluggers like that since 1984, when Mike Tyson was beating up old ladies in Brooklyn and Liza Minelli was starring on Broadway in Cabaret.
Their starting pitching is suspect (the over/under on Kevin Brown DL trips is three), but that just means that Steinbrenner will hold Brian Cashman’s head over the toilet until he completes a trade for Randy Johnson.

2) Boston Red Sox
Last year the Sox made it through the regular season with no major injuries. This year, Nomar Garciaparra, Trot Nixon and Byung “Apparently the middle-finger has the same significance in Korea” Hyun-Kim are all on the DL to start the season. Nomar should be back, but Trot’s herniated disc sounds like one of those injuries that could keep flaring up all season. Without him patrolling Pesky’s Pole in Fenway, plus the loss of his power at the end of the order, the BoSox could run into some problems.
But with Pedro Martinez, Curt Schilling, Derek Lowe and Tim Wakefield in the rotation, the Sox wi