Super Bowl Prediction

I don't know if you've been keeping up with Bill Simmons' blog from Houston, but it has been quite entertaining. His latest entry discusses how a lot of people in the media are picking the Panthers to win the game, which makes Simmons (a rabid Pats fan) a bit upset. It also exposes him as an irrational fan who doesn't realize that his team might possibly lose on Sunday.
An example:

Just look at the two teams. To get here, the Panthers drew a mediocre Cowboys team, a comically coached Rams team, then a banged-up Eagles team that lost its best player in the second quarter. Just two months ago, they lost three consecutive games. Now they're a juggernaut because they emerged from a terrible conference?
- Bill Simmons, 1/29/2004

The Sports Guy loves the Pats like I love the Redskins. I understand that. But how can he be surprised that people are picking the Panthers? I mean... shoot. I like Eddie Murphy, but I wasn't surprised when all the critics dissed Showtime.
Didn't Bill watch Super Bowl XXXVI? Isn't he aware that in order to get to that Super Bowl the Patriots were beneficiaries of a ludicrous rule and then exploited a miserable Titans defense in the Championship Game. Yet the Pats eventually made it to the Super Bowl. There, they were the biggest underdogs in the game's history. But didn't they end up winning the game?
And if you recall, nobody, and I mean nobody, was picking the Pats in that game. The line didn't dip at all that week, meaning a whole lot of gamblers thought the Rams were going to win by 16. Instead, the Patriots played a tough defensive game, shut down Kurt Warner and won by three.
So why can't that happen on Sunday? Tom Brady is no Kurt Warner and Antowain Smith is no Marshall Faulk. Of course, Jake Delhomme is no Tom Brady either. But this game is far from a lock. Bill Simmons, of all people, should know that in one game between two teams with exceptional defenses, anything can happen.
The Panthers might not be an exciting football team with an explosive offense, but they do the most important thing in football: they win games. They win ugly, they win cheap and they win lucky; but they still win. Their defense is stacked, with a front-four that is the best in the NFL. They stop the run, get to the passer and make key plays on defense.
Their offense is servicable. Jake Delhomme isn't going to make the huge mistake and Stephen Davis and Deshaun Foster are a better version of the Giants ill-fated "Thunder and Lightning". (Until, of course, Stephen Davis has his obligatory late-game fumble).
The Panthers are a solid football team. I'm sure they would love it if the Patriots were underestimating them like Bill Simmons is.
He criticizes who the Panthers beat to get to the Super Bowl when it doesn't matter one bit. The only thing that matters now is how Carolina matches up against New England. (How quickly Pats fans forget that without the absurd tuck-rule they would have never even been in Super Bowl XXXVI.)
When John Elway won his first Super Bowl, the Broncos beat teams led by Elvis Grbac and Kordell Stewart en route to the Lombardi trophy. The next year the Broncos rumbled past an old and decrepit Dan Marino (in his last game) and Bill Parcells' overachieving New York Jets to get to the big game. The Broncos road to both Super Bowls was easier than Trishelle after Happy Hour. But they still won.
The only game that matters now for New England is the one in three days. Simmons and the Patriots can revel in their 14 straight wins, but said wins aren't going to mean anything after kickoff.
If Simmons had his way, the Super Bowl wouldn't be played and the Patriots would be named Super Bowl champions because of their superior season. He thinks New England should win the game on the merit of its players and coaching staff alone.
For example, another one of his ramblings claims that the two-week break between the Championship Game and the Super Bowl benefits the Patriots because it gives Bill Belichick more time to come up with a game plan. In theory, says Simmons, Belichick will be able to add new wrinkles to the Patriots defense that will flummox the Panthers.
This is absurd. Do you think that by giving Belichick an extra three days, on top of the six he had already, he is going to find a new weakness in the Panthers offense? What is he going to see, bleary-eyed, that he hasn't seen already? The Pats defense is good. Giving them more time to game-plan isn't going to make them any better. The Patriots coaches aren't going to see anything in the tapes that they didn't see the first or second time they watched them.
The two-week break is overrated. Both teams would have been prepared in one week and both will be prepared in two weeks.
Patriots supporters will tell you that their teams 14-game winning streak has been dominant. I beg to differ. Here are some scores in some select games since their last loss:

19-13 at Miami (OT)
9-3 at Cleveland
23-20 at Houston (OT)
21-16 at NY Jets

None of those teams made the playoffs. Yet the Patriots only beat them by a combined 20 points. They had to rely on a late penalty and missed field-goal to beat the HOUSTON TEXANS. I know the Patriots are a good team, but don't tell me they're ready to be the next dynasty. Dynasties don't have to beat the Texans in OT. (By the way, Tony Banks played quarterback that game for the Texans. That's like getting excited about beating the Stanislav Medvedenko-led Los Angeles Lakers.)
I don't mean to hate on the Patriots. I am just trying to point out that they better watch out in this game. If they get too overconfident (a la the Rams two years ago), they will be in for a long afternoon.

My Prediction:
I've been having trouble trying to figure out who to pick. Obviously, the Patriots are the safe bet, but the Panthers have been playing great football over the past six weeks. The Patriots are not a great team. And they won't be a dynasty, even if they win on Sunday. Dynasties don't win the championship two out of three years, but miss the playoffs in between. Everybody should cut off that dynasty-talk right now. But, the Patriots are a solid team, and more importantly, they are a smart team.
Tom Brady makes sharp throws to places where only his receivers can get them and the Patriots defense is effective at stopping the run and controlling downfield passes.
I think that the Patriots will stuff the Panthers at the line of scrimmage on their runs, thus forcing Jake Delhomme to throw downfield, which is not his forte. And it will be his downfall if he tosses hurried passes in the direction of the Patriots secondary.
The Patriots have a very controlled offense and should be able to move the ball against the Panthers on a few drives. Adam Vinatieri is automatic in big games and that will help the Patriots on Sunday. The Pats red-zone offense was miserable against the Titans (a fact that nobody seems to be mentioning these days), but I think Vinatieri's foot will be enough for the Pats to win.
The oddsmakers in Vegas have put a beautiful sucker line on this game, with the Pats favored by 7. The line moved to 6 ½ for a day, but then quickly moved back to 7. I think the Panthers will cover. But, if Stephen Davis can break a big run or two and create time for Delhomme to throw, I think the Panthers could give the Pats defense fits and maybe steal the upset. If I had to guess though, I'd say the Patriots will take home their second Lombardi trophy in two years. And then if the pattern holds, they'll miss the playoffs next year.
They aren't that good. But more importantly, neither are the Panthers.
Patriots 19 - Panthers 16

Thursday Thoughts and Observations

- The new season of Curb Your Enthusiasm is good. But it’s not CURB good. So far, it kind of reminds me of the fourth season of The Sopranos. I keep thinking that the next episode will be great, then it isn’t, so I think the next episode after that is going to finally get the show back on track.
(I call this the Michael Westbrook theory. In the mid-90’s, every season for Redskins receiver Michael Westbrook was supposed to be his breakout season. After a mediocre year with an injury, or a Stephen Davis beat down (and incidentally, why, on Super Bowl media day, did nobody ask Davis about getting beat down by Westbrook? That would have made for some great awkward silence. But nooooooo… there’s 40 questions about spelling Massachusetts and whether players will be distracted by Beyonce’s posterior before the game, but nobody had the cojones to ask Davis about this. Come on media-types. You know he can’t fight! He got beat down by MICHAEL WESTBROOK!)
But I digress.
And yes, I realize that I never completed the sentence that led to my parenthetical-within-a-parenthetical. Get over it.
Back to the Westbrook theory. So, every year was supposed to Westbrook’s big season, but he always got injured or threw his helmet during in the last two minutes or got injured again. But that didn’t dissuade Redskin fans from really believing that NEXT season Westbrook would shine. Go to the MCI Center to see living proof of the Westbrook theory with Kwame Brown.)
Anyway, somewhere up there I was talking about Curb and Sopranos. Last season’s Sopranos kept building to a climax that never came and the penultimate season ended up being a disappointment. I don’t think Curb will follow in those footsteps, but then again, I never thought The Sopranos would leave them in the first place.

- Ivan Rodriguez is apparently close to signing a 4-year, $40 million deal with the Detroit Tigers. A lot of people have been quick to criticize Pudge for signing a deal that is obviously all about the money. (He had offers worth half as much from other teams like the Mets and Cubs.) But I won’t be one of those people. It is totally his own prerogative to put money ahead of winning. If he’d rather collect a bigger paycheck then play on a competitive baseball team, I think that’s great. But, the instant Pudge starts complaining about how the Tigers front-office isn’t doing enough to win, I would be the first in line to tell him to cry all the way to the bank.

- People in the United States like to forgive and forget. Everybody forgave Sammy Sosa after the bat-corking incident, Robert Downey Jr. has been in rehab more times than he's been on a movie set recently, yet still has adoring fans, and the people of Washington DC elected Marion Barry mayor after he got out of jail on crack charges.
In general, I don’t have a problem with second chances. If people are repentant and make a concerted effort to change their ways, then they deserve another shot. (At this point I should go erase the Marion Barry line from above, then come up with somebody else because the good mayor doesn’t really fit into my argument. But, Marion Barry is comedy gold. He stays.)
I do have a point.
I’ve gotten away from where I was trying to go with this. But I’ll try to swing this back around to make some sort of sense.
Tonight, hockey player Dany Heatley returned to the ice for the first time since the car accident that killed his friend and teammate Dan Snyder. Heatley received a standing ovation upon his return, which was well deserved. It just kind of bothered me that Snyder didn’t receive more attention tonight. We have a way of honoring the dead when they go, but then forget about them afterwards. (Think about Derrick Thomas. He was one of the best linebackers of his time, then died in a car accident, at the height of his football career. Now he is totally forgotten. NOBODY mentions Derrick Thomas’s name when talking about the best linebackers of all time. He was 9th on the all-time sack list when he died, at age 33. The man once had seven sacks in one game!
I think, nay, I know I have used my exclamation point quota in today’s entry. I don’t think I’ve used one since I started this page, then BAM, four in one day. It’s like I set out to break the four-minute mile and then ended up breaking three.)
Heatley deserved all the applause and support he got tonight. I just wish the fans and media had shown a little more love for his forgotten friend.

- If you were forced to watch a game in the NBDL or WNBA, which would you choose? I think I’d pick whichever league Juwanna Mann is in.

- Tonight is my least favorite sporting night of the year (besides the inevitable Redskins collapse in prime-time).
For you see, tonight, Maryland plays Wake Forest.
It’s like watching your two friends get in an argument that nearly comes to blows, except with the basketball game, I’m not standing on the side egging on both participants. Instead, I’m slumped in a chair with my mood hovering between ambivalence and apprehension.
Here is a special insight into my thoughts during a Maryland-Wake game.

Example 1

The Play:
1) Maryland’s Travis Garrison takes a 14-foot, off-balanced jumper that clangs off the rim.
2) Wake’s Trent Strickland has position for the rebound, but jumps in the air two seconds too early and sees the ball carom off his fingertips.
3) John Gilchrist gets a long rebound,
4) He dishes to Nik Caner-Medley.
5) Caner-Medley drains a 3.

My Inner-Monologue:
1) Dammit Travis, why are you in the game? It surely can’t be for your shot selection, and the last time I looked your defense consisted of mistiming all your rebounds.
2) Dammit Trent, why are you in the game? It surely can’t be your timing on your rebounds, and the last time I looked, your shot selection wasn’t too good.
3a) Get a rebound Wake.
3b) Nice rebound Terps.
4a) Don’t leave Caner-Medley open... He’s dangerous from beyond the arc.
4b) Don’t take that shot Nik. You’re not dangerous from beyond the arc.
5a) Nice defense, morons. Are you going to leave him open all day?
5b) Nice shot, Nik. They’ll leave you open all day.

Example 2

The Play:
a) Mike Jones passes to DJ Strawberry
b) The pass is intercepted by Chris Paul
c) Paul has numbers (I hate that term so much. Has numbers? What is he, the Count from Sesame Street?).
d) Paul makes a solid pass through traffic to Eric Williams.
e) Eric Williams dunks the ball and is fouled by Jamar Smith.

My Inner-Monologue:
a) Pass it… pass it… pass it… pass it… pass it… pass it…
b1) Stupid pass! What the hell are you doing. Put a little mustard on it Mike. Jeez, I haven’t seen that bad a pass since I had my kidney stone in ’99.
b2) Great steal Chris. Run it, run it.
c) Why is Mike Patrick saying that Paul "has numbers". What is he, the Count from Sesame Street. Ooh, that’s a good one. I need to remember to use that at some point.
d1) Go strong, go strong… don’t pass, don’t pass….
d2) No fouls, no fouls, no fouls….
e1) YEEEEEAAGGGH (Howard Dean style). Nice break boys.
e2) YEEEEEAAGGGH (Howard Dean style). Why do you foul??? WHY? How do you live? Well, at least it’s not Jamar going to the line. Now what was the Cookie Monster joke I was supposed to remember?

It’s a schitzo’s dream.
I’m not going to have a good time tonight. One of my teams is going to win and hopefully begin to salvage their ACC season, while the other falls to 2-4 and needs to win 6 of 10 to make the tournament. At least the game’s at 7 so I can start drinking early.
I’m certainly not going to make a prediction for tonight. I just hope it’s a well played contest on both sides and that nobody makes any stupid mistakes that costs either school the game.
I said I wasn’t going to make a prediction, and I won’t. But, if you’re betting tonight, I’d suggest putting your money on Maryland.
No… better make that Wake.
Crap; here we go again.

Tomorrow: Super Bowl Prediction
For the Weekend: Reader Mailbag
Don't forget to send me your most hated people in sports... chrisachase@comcast.net

Top 10 Most Hated People in Sports: Part 3

And now the semi-exciting conclusion to my incoherent ranting:

#2 Jason “But Call Me Jay Despite Being Called Jason for 22 Years” Williams
Today it was announced that overpaid Yankees third-baseman Aaron Boone tore his ACL playing basketball and would be out for the 2004 season. I listened to a bit of Dan Patrick on the radio and watched PTI today, and on both shows everybody was ripping Boone and saying that the Yankees should void his contract because there was a stipulation saying that he couldn’t play basketball.
Rewind to a few months ago. Jason Williams gets into a horrific motorcycle accident, despite having a clause in his contract that forbids him from riding one. Keep in mind that Williams didn’t know how to drive the bike and also wasn’t wearing a helmet (apparently, common sense isn’t a requirement for graduation at Duke). But after the Williams accident, everybody was saying what a classy move it was for the Chicago Bulls not to void his contract, even though they were well within their right to do so.
Forget about it being a classy move. The Bulls didn’t release Williams because they still think he’ll be able to play next year (although, with the track record of Duke point guards, history would suggest that he wouldn’t be able to play well, accident or not.)
But the media still gave Williams a pass on his stupidity. Why? Because he’s from Duke. I guarantee you, if Darius Miles or Moochie Norris had the same thing happen to them, the press would have ripped them for being irresponsible.
But that’s not why I hate Jason Williams; it just stokes the fire. Here are some other things that fan the flame.
1) He released a statement through his agent saying he wanted to be known as “Jay” before the 2002 NBA Draft, then denied ever saying it. Instead, he suggested that a New York Times reporter started the rumor. First of all, who changes their name to Jay? It might have been cool if he changed it to just “J”, but not Jay. What was second on the list… Gene?
(Interesting fact of the day: Kris Kristofferson’s name is actually Kris Kristofferson. How awesome were his parents? And while we’re on the subject, I think the two worst name changes of all time get overlooked because the guys did it for religious reasons. You can’t really complain about somebody changing their name because of that, but think about this: how much cooler were Muhammad Ali and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar when their names were Cassius Clay and Lew Alcindor?)
And second of all, who lies about it afterwards? Everyone knew that Williams didn't want to be confused with Jason "White Chocolate" Williams of the Grizzlies or Jayson "Now Lets Go Into the Bedroom Show I Can Show You My Loaded Gun Collection" Williams. But he chose to hedge on it and looked like a wimp doing so.
2) Williams gets credit for bringing Duke back in that infamous game at Maryland when the Terps blew a 10-point lead with 54 seconds left in the game. Granted, he does deserve a lot of credit. But people forget that Williams had a terrible first 39 minutes of that game and only was able to bring the Devils back because Steve Blake fouled out on a BS call. Blake had stopped Williams the entire game. The second Blake came out of the game is the second Williams started to hit his shots. It wasn’t a coincidence.
3) Jason is a free-throw missing fool. How can somebody shoot jump shots so well and then get to the free throw line and look like a blindfolded Chris Dudley? The second sweetest moment of the 2002 college basketball season was Williams missing that would-be game-tying free throw against Indiana.
(I had a little debate the other day about whether it was sweeter to see Duke lose to Indiana in the Sweet 16, or whether it would have been better for Maryland to beat them in the Championship game. My chum, Ben, and I had differing opinions, but eventually both agreed that Williams missing the free throw made the outcome absolutely worth it and was the happiest opposing team failure-related moment of our sports-viewing careers. That’s when you know you hate someone; when you are so happy to see them fail. It’s why I keep tabs on Ashton Kutcher’s career. You just know he’s one false move away from Demi Moore kicking him out, starting up a mean drug habit, going into rehab and then having to be a judge on Star Search to make ends meet. And frankly, I don’t want to miss that.)
4) And finally, Williams always has a look on his face that suggests someone in his vicinity recently farted.

#1 - Derek Jeter
Did you really think it was going to be anybody else? I’m not nearly a good enough writer to accurately describe the hatred I have for Derek Jeter. Frankly, I don’t think Faulkner could tackle the subject. But I'll take a crack at it...
You know that Simpsons episode where the psychiatrist shows Homer the ink-blots and he sees Bart in all of them, sending him into a blind rage? Well, every time I see Jeter’s ugly mug I do the same thing, minus a bit of the rage, plus a lot of questions about the shortstop’s sexual preferences.
(Doesn’t it seem a little too convenient that he dated Mariah Carey. I mean, she’s crazy, so it was probably good PR for her to date somebody like Jeter. And for him, well, let’s just say that a relationship with a woman keeps the advertisers happy.)
Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course. I’m an equal-opportunity hater of Derek Jeter.
I don’t even know where to go next with my Jeter loathing. You know what I really can’t stand? That stupid play in the 2001 ALCS where Jeter flips the ball to Jorge Posada who then tags out Jason Giambi. It’s a pretty awesome play, even I’ll say that. Jeter showed the nimbleness of Nureyev, the flair of Liberace and the gusto of Elton John on that play. But, “the flip” would have been totally forgotten if Giambi had just SLID INTO HOME. Maybe he was thinking about how much money Steinbrenner was going to give him in the off-season, but Giambi just plain forgot baseball fundamentals.
Don’t even get me started on how overrated Jeter is. He does have some rings, I’ll give him that, but that doesn’t make him the next Mickey Mantle. When compared to contemporaries A. Rod and Nomar, it’s clear Jeter is just another beneficiary of New York-hype, much like The Strokes.


162 Game Avg. AVG HR RBI OPS RF
Derek Jeter .317 17 82 .851 4.00
Alex Rodriguez .308 44 126 .963 4.43
Nomar Garciaparra .323 30 117 .925 4.41

RF = Range Factor is a stat that takes into account putouts, assists and innings played.
I also have no clue what I'm doing with this HTML nonsense, so that's why the "chart" looks all strange.

Jeter has a solid batting average and on-base percentage. But his power numbers have declined recently and he hits surprisingly poorly with men in scoring position. Funny, you think Jeter would be good with men in scoring position.
Anyway, Jeter is a fine hitter. But it takes more than skills at the plate (skills, mind you, that are inferior to A. Rod and Nomar) to be considered a great player.
Let me help dispel two myths about Derek Jeter:
1) He is clutch in the postseason.
If by “clutch” you mean “nearly identical to his production in the regular season”, then yes… Jeter is clutch. His postseason numbers are virtually the same as his regular season ones.
2) Jeter is a good fielder.
Most rational Derek Jeter fans will concede the fact that he is not a spectacular fielder. Some might even say he is merely average. They're wrong... he is below average. Jeter has no range and a weak arm. His double-play combo with Alfonso Soriano is reminiscent of the brilliant tandem of Billy Crystal and Gheorge Mhuresan in My Giant.
Fielding stats are always a bit suspect, but Range Factor does a pretty good job of exposing players with little range. The .4 difference between Jeter and the other two shortstops is actually quite large. Jeter gets less assists because he gets to less balls. And it’s not because of Yankee pitching. When Jeter went out with an injury last year, his backup, Erick Almonte, got to more balls per game than Jeter had. Oh man, there’s a joke dying to be written after that last line. But I will show strength and not make the cheap observation.
The point is, in the same situations as Jeter, Almonte showed an ability to make more outs. And Almonte is no Ozzie Smith. It just shows Derek Jeter’s lack of mobility in the field.

There you have it, my Top 10 Most Hated People in Sports. The rundown for you, once again:

10) Scott Boras
9) Tracy McGrady
8) Dick Vitale
7) Jeffrey Maier
6) Duke White Guys
5) Michael Irvin
4) Donovan McNabb
3) Mike Krzyzewski
2) Jason Williams
1) Derek Jeter

As I was going over the list, I realized I forgot to include my original #3. If it wasn't 2 a.m. I would go back and add him at #2 1/2, but that will have to be for another day.
Tomorrow I might address that topic, but probably will instead ramble about stuff that happened this week that I haven't had a chance to address sarcastically.
And again, let me know your Most Hated Athlete so I can include it in The Weekend Mailbag.

Top Ten Most Hated People in Sports: Part 2

#5 - Michael Irvin
Where else besides America could a former crackhead ex-con, who has a known affinity for hookers, get a job with a Disney-run network and then proceed to criticize people’s morals during live broadcasts?
Maybe in Canada, but definitely nowhere else.
Michael Irvin has been arrested four times on drug possession charges, including one time when he was found snorting cocaine off a naked stripper in an Irving, TX hotel room. Each time, he has either had the charges dropped or pleaded no contest and received probation.
Now Irvin works on ESPN’s NFL Sunday Countdown, where he dresses like an extra from a Snoop Dogg video and makes the same four comments throughout the two hour show. An example:

Chris Berman – The Panthers receivers aren’t the most hyped guys in the league, but they seem to come through in the clutch, don't they Michael.
Michael Irvin – I really like doze guys, Chrizz. They are great, u kno what i’m sayin. They deserve all the goodness they gettin.

Steve Young – Bill Belicheck’s defenses have always been among the toughest in the league. Michael, you played against those D’s while in Dallas. What did you think about them?
Irvin – Well, Steve.. It’s true, I, Michael Irvin, played wif tha Cowboys a few years ago (laughs) and Bill Belicheck’s deefense wuz very formidable-like, u kno what I’m sayin. He is a great coach and deserves all of this.

Tom Jackson – How do you think the Patriots will be able to score in Houston?
Irvin – Whenever I wuz in Houston, I wood go to tha back door of Jo-Jo’s barbershop, knock six times and ask for Skeets. He always had what I wuz lookin fo’.
Jackson – Uhhhhh, I meant in the football game.
Irvin – I played football Tom, u kno what I'm sayin.

Irvin was always bad when he played with the Cowboys, but now that he somehow managed to parlay his career of trash-talking, drug abuse and legal troubles into a cushy TV gig, I hate him all the much more.

#4 - Donovan McNabb
Rush Limbaugh was right. Donovan McNabb is overrated. I don’t care if its because of his team or his skin, or whatever. I’m sure different people have different reasons for attaching themselves to his coattails. It doesn’t matter. The fact is, McNabb is not as good a quarterback as those in the media portray him to be.
His career numbers are mediocre (his 57% completion rate is especially vexing because of his running skills. Theoretically, his ability to run should open up the field more and he should be able to hit more open receivers.) His won-loss record is the only thing that could make him considered a good quarterback, but I’d then remind you that in the past ten years Trent Dilfer, Chris Chandler, Kerry Collins, Kordell Stewart and Stan Humphries have all taken teams to the Super Bowl. Donovan has not.
The media always overhypes people. Derek Jeter is the King of this and today Howard Dean might find out about that the hard way. Most of sports overrated guys are good players, but for some reason the media has a fascination with them, and that leads writers to file fawning stories, without really paying attention to the game.
If you don’t respect my opinion, (Falkowski, I’m looking in your direction), read what some real pundits have to say on the matter:

After 78 NFL games, this is what he is: a good, occasionally great, quarterback ... a very good leader who plays hurt whenever possible ... but simply not accurate enough, in my opinion, for this offense. He's a 57.0 percent quarterback in the regular season, 58.7 percent in the postseason. Seventeen starters this season had a better completion percentage than McNabb's 57.5. He's hardly the best guy to run Reid's modified West Coast offense.
- Peter King, 1/19/2004, Monday Morning Quarterback

Let's look at a quarterback with similar numbers who also plays for a team with a great defense. I don't know anyone who would call Brad Johnson one of the best quarterbacks in pro football—which is how McNabb is often referred to. In fact, I don't know anyone who would call Brad Johnson, on the evidence of his 10-year NFL career, much more than mediocre. Yet, Johnson's NFL career passer rating, as of last Sunday, is 7.3 points higher than McNabb's (84.8 to 77.5), he has completed his passes at a higher rate (61.8 percent to 56.4 percent), and has averaged significantly more yards per pass (6.84 to 5.91). McNabb excels in just one area, running, where he has gained 2,040 yards and scored 14 touchdowns to Johnson's 467 and seven. But McNabb has also been sacked more frequently than Johnson—more than once, on average, per game, which negates much of the rushing advantage.
In other words, in just about every way, Brad Johnson has been a more effective quarterback than McNabb and over a longer period.
- Allen Barra, 10/2/2003, Slate

Of course you could easily find 20 articles talking about how good Donovan is, but one could also find good reviews of The Butterfly Effect.
The fact is, Donovan is a good quarterback and nothing more. He is on a team that wins a good amount of games, but can never win the big one. He is one of the better quarterbacks in the league, but is worth far less than the $113 million contract extension he recently received.
What elevates Donovan into the my coveted Hatred Top 5 is that the media continually refers to him as classy. Where do they get this from? Is their entire perception of McNabb molded from his performance in the Chunky Soup commercials?
A classy person doesn’t salute the West Point cadets after scoring a go-ahead touchdown while playing for Syracuse; they don’t do a disturbing imitation of Roy Rogers mounting his horse after scoring a touchdown and they don’t wiggle their fingers Harry Houdini-style after running for a few yards. When Jerry Rice scores a touchdown, he hands the ball to the official. When Tim Duncan dunks the ball over Dikembe Mutombo, he trots back slowly down the court. And when David Hasselhoff is approached by German fans, he happily signs autographs and says "Gruten Spragan!". Those people, my friends, are classy. McNabb, on the other hand, is not.
Donovan is kind of like that Campbell’s Chunky Soup. They’re both pretty good, but nobody should ever confuse them with Joe Montana or lobster bisque at The Palm.

#3 - Mike Krzyzewski
My favorite author is John Feinstein, and my favorite book is A March to Madness. I’ve read the book three times and after each read, I sit back and think... hey, maybe Coach K isn’t that bad of a guy.
And truth be told, he’s not. Krzyzewski is a real good guy; but that fool who cut me off on the Beltway earlier today might have been a good guy also, but it doesn’t mean that he wasn’t the recipient of a 30-second profanity-laced tirade in which I insulted his family, beliefs and gender preference in regards to companionship.
In the book, Feinstein (a Duke alum) discusses Coach K’s family and his love of basketball and how he forges meaningful relationships with people. (An especially moving excerpt has Coach K visiting Jim Valvano on his death bed. It made me get that damn “End of Field of Dreams discomfort that causes some moistness in my eyes.)
Sometimes I think, maybe I shouldn’t hate Coach K. He’s a West Pointer after all, he seems to do the right thing off the court and he is a dedicated family man. Yes, says I after reading Feinstein's book, I’m turning over a new leaf in regards to Mike Krzyzewski.
And then Duke plays Maryland for the first time of the year.
It is then I see the whining, petulant and uppity Coach K that riles me up so much they had to re-configure my defibrillator as a result. The man’s team could have 0 fouls compared to his opponents 7, but the second the ref calls one of his players for a hook, Coach K is in the officials ear like he’s Suge Knight. And the officials listen! Watch the next Duke game. The possession after there is a questionable call on a Duke player, the refs will call a foul in favor of the Devils. And then they'll apologize to Coach K for ever doubting him. And then they'll kiss his hand and call him Godfather.
When he was a young coach at Duke, Krzyzewski complained that there were two sets of rules in the ACC; one for Dean Smith and one for everybody else. Today there are still two sets of rules in the ACC; one for Duke and one for every other school. Yet Coach K is still pleading his case to the refs, looking for that extra, unneeded edge.
Jeez, you would think for a West Point graduate, Coach K wouldn’t be such a whiny bitch.

It’s late and I’m tired… my Top 2 will be revealed Wednesday.
Let me know your Most Hated Athlete. Write me at chrisachase@comcast.net.

Top Ten Most Hated People in Sports: Part 1

This afternoon I was on ESPN’s Page 2 and read some articles on the most hated athletes in sports. Figuring that a under-punctuated rant about Wake Forest’s inability to run a half-court offense would bore people, today I steal Page 2’s idea and list my least favorite people in sports.
Anybody who is involved with sports is eligible for my loathing. That includes the animals at Jack Kent Cooke Stadium that charge $4.50 for 13 tortilla chips and thimble full of cold cheese, and then having the audacity to call them “Nachos”. It also includes owners, umpires, announcers and idiots that make signs that say “Sportscenter is Next.” Thanks for the tip morons. If I wanted ESPN scheduling info I’d look in the TV Guide. Plus, it’d be more clever if they wrote: “Next on Sportscenter: Stuart Scott’s shtick becomes even more passé. ”
Anyway, today I’ll start the countdown and finish up on Tuesday.
On to the list:

#10 - Scott Boras
Hating lawyers is nothing new, but super-agent Scott Boras takes it to a whole other level. He is perhaps most famous for getting Rangers owner Tom Hicks to outbid everybody by about $100 million for Alex Rodriguez, but has many other clients including Barry Bonds, Greg Maddux and Ivan Rodriguez. And while the A.Rod deal might have been Boras’s greatest achievement, it is certainly not his most preposterous. See, at least A. Rod is one of the best players in the game.
Chan Ho Park, on the other hand, is not. Nor is he a great player or even a good one. Before he signed with Texas, Park was a regular old right-handed pitcher with an inflated ERA and a tendency to give up homeruns. The fact that he played in Dodger Stadium, a notoriously friendly pitcher’s park, makes his mediocre stats even more frightening. But Boras, bless his heart, convinced Tom Hicks (come to think of it, maybe Tom Hicks should be on this list) to sign Park for a 5-year, $65 million deal. That’s like paying Pauley Shore $15 million to star in Bio-Dome 2.
And the bad contracts don’t end with Park. Darren Dreifort (4 years, $55 million), J.D. Drew and countless other second-rate players all owe their financial happiness to Boras.
All these facts mean one thing: Boras is the best agent in sports. Darren Dreifort and his career 47-56 5 record would agree. So why do I hate him?
I hate Boras because he thinks these players are actually worth the money they’re getting. I hate him because he advised A. Rod not to take a pay cut to go play for the Red Sox even though doing so would have made everybody happy (except Boras and his 5% cut – and me because I dislike A. Rod (but not enough to put him on this list)). I hate him because he would rather his client make $5 million on a bad team then make $4 million on a contender. And I hate him because his players listen to him. Wanna bet A. Rod wishes he had taken a little less money to go play somewhere else? When Rodriguez retires, it doesn’t matter whether he has $200 or $250 million in the bank. He’s not going to miss the extra couple million. But I guarantee he’s gonna miss having a World Series ring. Thank you Scott Boras.
I know it’s not his fault that owners like Tom Hicks are stupid enough to devote a substantial portion of their payrolls to crappy players, but he’s part of the process.
When Ivan Rodriguez was having a wonderful playoffs last fall for the Marlins, Boras wasn’t thinking about how great it was for the Marlins and for baseball, he was thinking about how many more dollars that would bring I. Rod in free agency. That is dirty to me. I know sports are all about the money, but a part of me still hopes that these guys actually care about what they do on the field. With Boras, you know he only cares about the next contract. He is supposed to do what’s best for his clients, but it seems he only does what is best for them financially.

#9 - Tracy McGrady
I’ve never liked T. Mac. And until last year, I never had a reason why. He was just one of those people who rubs you the wrong way and makes you feel a little uncomfortable. Kind of like Kiefer Sutherland.
But finally, last year, McGrady did two things that justified my suspicious dislike of him.
1) One of the kids wounded in the sniper attacks in DC last year was a big Tracy McGrady fan. So, in a very classy move, McGrady sent the 13-year old boy some Magic merchandise and a personal video telling him to get well while he was in the hospital. Then, when the boy got out of the hospital, McGrady invited him down to Orlando and let him attend a shoot around and gave him courtside seats to a game. It was undoubtedly a great experience for the child and for that, McGrady and the Magic should be commended.
2) Michael Jordan was named to his final All-Star team and there was a fuss over whether he would start the game, even though the fans did not vote him into a starting role. McGrady announced that he would gladly take a seat to give Jordan his spot in the starting lineup.
On the surface, both moves make it seem like McGrady is a great guy. But underneath, they stink like Kwame Brown’s box scores. Here’s why:
Every good thing that McGrady did with the shooting victim was chronicled in the media. The Magic released a statement that talked about what T. Mac sent to the hospital, and when the kid went to Orlando there were cameras following his every move. If McGrady really was classy, the package he sent to the hospital wouldn’t have had a press release attached to it and when the kid got to Orlando, he wouldn’t have had to share his idol’s time with the media.
It was more of the same with the All-Star situation. McGrady announced his good deed during a live press conference. Jordan, who had already made it clear he wouldn’t accept a spot, eventually declined. Only later did it come out that Allen Iverson had offered his starting spot to Jordan before McGrady did. Only, AI called Jordan privately to tell him. And when Jordan declined, Iverson said nothing to the media.
I’m not saying Tracy McGrady is a bad guy. A bad guy wouldn’t have been that accommodating to a 13-year old (you think if the kid had been a Barry Bonds fan he would have gotten the same treatment?). But his actions seem inspired by self-promotion, which adds a feeling of insincerity to any goodness that they caused. He used both situations for his own benefit, but played it off like he was caring about the greater good.
And don’t even get me started on that commercial where T. Mac says he’s going to take all the new kids in the NBA to "school" every night, despite going from high school to the NBA himself. Or on the fact that McGrady blamed a poor game on his inability to read a zone defense. He gets paid millions of dollars a year to play basketball and he can’t read a zone. Jeez, kids in Indiana know how to read a zone before they can read Dr. Seuss.
Karma's coming back to him hard this year though; the Magic have the worst record in the NBA.


#8 - Dick Vitale
For his column this week on ESPN.com, Dickie V decided to write about undefeated St. Joseph’s. He wrote seven short paragraphs about Phil Martelli’s talented team. In those paragraphs, Vitale managed to mention Duke not once, but twice. Keep in mind THIS WAS NOT AN ARTICLE ABOUT DUKE. That is almost as absurd as the fact that tonight, A&E’s Biography is of John Stamos. I’m not kidding. And Wednesday’s episode is on Tom Selleck. Again, I’m not making this up.

#7 - Jeffrey Maier
Late in Game 1 of the 1996 ALCS, the Baltimore Orioles were leading the New York Yankees 4-3 when Derek Jeter came to the plate with the bases empty. The effeminate shortstop lofted a lazy, fly ball to deep right where Tony Tarasco was waiting for it. As Tarasco stretched his glove to make a catch at the wall, a hand darted out over the wall and pulled the ball into the stands. Umpire Rich Garcia, who was only halfway down the line, called it a home run. The Orioles protested, claiming that the fan had interfered with a live ball and the play should result in an out. Replays confirmed the Orioles complaint; the fan had indeed reached into the playing field and pulled the ball over the wall with his glove. After a few minutes of deliberation, the umpires let the play stand and the Yankees and O’s were suddenly tied. The Yanks went on to win the game in 11 innings, subsequently won their first World Series in 15 years and thus set into a motion an era of free-spending, pennant-buying excess that continues today. And it is all because of one little brat; Jeffrey Maier.
Steve Bartman (the infamous Cubs fan who unjustly is being blamed for the Cubs collapse in this years NLCS) didn’t interfere with a live ball, yet is just behind Mrs. O’Leary’s cow in the running for greatest villain in Chicago history. Maier did interfere, yet after his episode of cheating, he was interviewed live on NBC, did all the morning shows the next day, and was given free tickets behind the dugout to Game 2 by the New York Daily News. He was a conquering hero in New York. And for what? For being a cheater. (This is the same city that fell in love with John Gotti, so it shouldn’t be too much of a surprise). Maier should have been ejected from the stadium that night, but instead was welcomed back with open arms the next day. That's New York for you...
There is a moral to story of Jeffery Maier that should be taught to young children throughout the world: Cheaters never prosper, unless they root for the Yankees… and then they only prosper at the expense of their soul.

#6 - All white guys that have ever played Duke basketball
What is it about the white guys on Duke that makes them so easily loathsome. Maybe it’s the pompous attitude. Maybe it’s all the hair gel. Or maybe it’s the fact that you know they are a product of Coach K’s system and aren’t all that good. If Steve Wojciechowski were on Purdue, he’d just be that annoying little guy on Purdue.
But because he’s on Duke, we have to hear Vitale yell about him like he’s the second coming of Pistol Pete and watch videos that proclaim his freaky tenacity as adorable.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not just the white guys on Duke that I hate (one non-Caucasian, motorcycle driving Dukie might just appear near the top of this list). But for some reason, my dislike of guys like Chris Duhon and Reggie Love never boiled over into seismic rage.
There is just something odious about the sight of seeing Matt Christensen waving a towel on the bench or Greg Newton sulk through another game or Chris Collins whine to the refs about the one call that actually went against his team. I can’t explain it.
Think about Nick Horvath. Why should a scrub infuriate me so much? It’s because he thinks that by virtue of the four letters on his jersey he is a basketball god. And then when he tries to take a charge, fails, then gets rewarded with the call, his belief system is upheld. ACC refs should be on this list. Yeah, I should have made a longer list.
The Duke white guy can be defined by one name: Mike Dunleavy. With a face that looked like a cheese pizza that slid around in the delivery guy’s Geo until it was a greasy, uneven mess, Dunleavy had that special something that made all opposing fans curse his family’s name. No, it wasn’t talent, though he did have a little bit of that. It was that same Horvath-entitlement thing, but with a little game to go with it.

Well, I was planning on writing about ESPN’s Silver-Anniversary All-Conference College Basketball teams (who else has a feeling that from now until September 7, which is the network's actual anniversary, ESPN is going to release more lists than David Letterman on a 72-hour speed bender). But, since I can’t seem to find a list of the teams, I’m going to write about the ACC (which I remember) and then maybe focus on the real important news of the day, like Bennifer's breakup. I'm shocked I say... SHOCKED!

Here is the ACC team as voted on by some ESPN announcers and a few sports writers for newspapers that all seemed to be situated on Tobacco Road.

C – Ralph Sampson, Virginia
F – Len Bias, Maryland
F – Christian Laettner, Duke
G – Mark Price, Georgia Tech
G – Michael Jordan, North Carolina

First of all, I’m glad that they voted on five players for each of the five positions instead of selecting three forwards or guards. I hate when the All-American teams are composed of four guards and a 6’7 small forward. Many teams play with different lineups, but the standard is two guards, two forwards and a big man. So kudos to the selecting committee. They did a great job with the picks, and while I’ll argue for a few different players, picking only five from 25 years of ACC basketball is like picking the funniest moment of Howard Dean’s Iowa concession speech. There are just way too many to choose from. (For the record, my favorite part is where Dean looks like he’s going to stop yelling the names of states and the two old guys behind him look like they just found out their cancer is in remission, and then all of a sudden Dean gets this look back in his eye and screams “AND WE’RE GOING TO SOUTH DAKOTA…..!!!!” and the old men start rolling their eyes again... Fantastic stuff.)
The only slam-dunk on the list is Laettner. He won two National Championships, which were based in large part to two classic buzzer beaters (Laettner’s perfect game against Kentucky in the 1992 East Regional Finals is the best performance during the ESPN-era, hands down… maybe ever. I don’t know. I didn’t see Bill Bradley drop 58 against Wichita State or Austin Carr average 53 in three games in 1970 or Bill Walton’s 21-22 night against Memphis in the Final Four. All I do know is that Laettner didn’t miss a shot all night and hit the most memorable buzzer beater in tournament history, one that sent his team to the Final Four.)
Dammit, I just wrote about 100 words about how good Christian Laettner was in college. That’s alright, I could write 1,000 about how much he sucks in the pros. Laettner won two Championships and is the only player ever to start in four Final Fours. Like I said, a slam-dunk.
OK, maybe I spoke to soon. Ralph Sampson is also a shoo-in for the list. He was a three-time National player of the year, and was first-team All-American (and All-ACC) in each of his four years in school. (Odd stat of the day: Sampson is below Bryant Stith and Jeff Lamp on UVA’s all-time scoring list). Ralph also took UVA to three Final Fours. It’s tough to leave Tim Duncan off this list, but he never took Wake beyond the Elite Eight.
While Sampson and Laettner are locks, the other three could be interchanged with a few other players without much debate.
At first glance Mark Price jumps out as the player that doesn’t belong on the list, but there have been surprisingly few great point guards in the last 25 years. Who are you going to put ahead of Price (a three-time first-team All-ACC selection)?
Bobby Hurley would a logical choice. Chris Corchiani would probably garner support in Raleigh. And Randolph Childress is a left-field pick but he had probably the best ACC-tournament ever in 1995 and was a catalyst for bringing Wake Forest back to national prominence.
Still, Price is the pick at the point. (If ESPN had been around four years earlier, there is no doubt Phil Ford would run the point on this team.) Of course, Dick Vitale voted for Duke’s Jason Williams (maybe Dickie V and Tim McCarver can get a discount on the lips-on-ass operation. Vitale for Williams and McCarver for Derek Jeter.) But, Williams missed key free throws in each of Duke’s two tournament losses during his point reign in Durham, so I leave him off. Plus, I hate him.
So, we’re left with Michael Jordan and Len Bias. Two players who were picked #2 and #3 in their respective drafts. One is the greatest basketball player who ever lived and the other one might have been.
Let’s start with Bias. Around these parts, its practically sacrilegious to say anything bad about Len. Countless people who saw him play say he was the best player in ACC history (Coach K included). Whether that’s revisionist history because of the tragedy that became of Bias’s life, I don’t know.
I’ve watched a few games on ESPN Classic that he played in, and I got goose bumps watching him drive to the hoop and simply dominate the glass. He was cool. Like Don Johnson and Phillip Michael Thomas in Miami Vice. Like Tony Montana in Scarface, only a little too much like him. He was unstoppable. Nobody can doubt his two ACC Player of the Year awards, first-team All-American selection in his senior season and school record for points (since broken by Juan Dixon). Certainly his stats and accolades should place him on the team… but why am I having trouble putting him on my fake-ballot?
Is it because I know Grant Hill is out there (sitting here defending Duke guys is awful; now I know how Michael Jackson’s lawyers feel)? Hill was a three-time All American, and won two NCAA titles. But he only has one ACC POY to Bias’s two.
Or am I not sold on Bias because Sam Perkins was a force in Chapel Hill around the same time that Bias was ruling College Park. Perkins and Bias had almost identical point totals for their career (2,149 for Bias, 2,145 for Perkins), but Perkins grabbed more rebounds (almost 400 more) and blocks (245-87). Sam also was a first-team All-American for three years and his teams won three ACC regular season titles, two tournament crowns and the 1982 National Championship.
Do I reward Perkins for having a better supporting cast or Bias for his excellence on teams that proved to be merely above average. Perkins was playing with the Silver Anniversary’s starting two guard, after all.
His name would be Michael Jordan. Maybe you heard of him due to his role in Space Jam. Jordan was an All-American twice and ACC Player of the Year once. He also hit the game-winning shot to give Dean Smith his first NCAA Championship (a shot that is remembered perhaps only because Georgetown’s Fred Brown passed the ball to James Worthy instead of to teammate Sleepy Floyd after Jordan’s jumper.)
On the negative side for Jordan, he only played three years at UNC and his NBA career was so dominant that most people assumed he was that way in college. Jordan was a great player, but the Rockets drafted Olajuwon first and the Blazers took Sam Bowie second in the 1984 draft. This is not meant to suggest that NBA Draft position is indicative of college success, it just shows that Jordan wasn’t entering the NBA with the same hype as LeBron James.
But if not Jordan, who?
Dennis Scott was a great player for Bobby Cremins’ teams in the late 80’s and Juan Dixon led Maryland to a National Championship in his Senior season, and even bested Len Bias’ all-time Terp scoring record. But, even though Jordan can’t be considered one of the best college basketball players of all-time, it is hard to debate his inclusion on the ACC Silver-Anniversary Team.

My final lineup:

C – Ralph Sampson, Virginia
F – Sam Perkins, North Carolina
F – Christian Laettner, Duke
G – Mark Price, Georgia Tech
G – Michael Jordan, North Carolina


I differed from the ESPN vote with one pick. I remember the day when I was four years old and Len Bias overdosed from cocaine. It is one of my first sports memories of my life. (In fact, that is one of my first memories ever. I remember the Challenger explosion from January 1986 and also the Redskins losing to the Giants in the NFC Championship Game 17-0 in January of 1987. I remember family things, like going to Disney World and Christmas mornings and birthday parties, but I think besides the Super Bowl Shuffle, Len Bias’ untimely death is my first sports memory of all time.)
My pick is Perkins, but my heart goes with Bias. Maybe I'm just sad. It’s one of the great sports tragedies of the past 25 years. A young man who was primed to join Bird, McHale and Parrish and win a handful of Championships for Beantown, instead died in a dorm room full of so-called friends and expensive cocaine.
It’s a shame. Len Bias would probably be just ending his NBA career right now or would have recently retired. He’d be a multi-millionaire, wearing a ring or two on his fingers and would be regarded as one of the greatest basketball players of all-time.
Instead he is a ghost… a memory. He is a 22-year old man with his whole life ahead of him. He is a 22-year old kid, one who never came close to fulfilling his unlimited potential.

Random Thoughts:

- At one point during the 2nd-half of the Duke-Maryland game the team fouls were 8-1. Take a wild guess who had the one.
- Maryland deserved to lose tonight. For the first 30 minutes of the game they made horrible shot selections, they were lackadaisical on the boards and with their passes all night, and they left J.J. Reddick open at key moments. Neither team played all that well, but I think Duke proved tonight it is the #1 team in the country.
- The aforementioned Backne Reddick has moved into my exclusive Pantheon of Hate. He is now closely behind Jay "Don't Call Me Jason or Teach Me Motorcycle Safety" Williams, Derek Jeter and any person who has ever appeared in a Hardee's commercial.
- This year’s Maryland team is reminiscent of the Uconn team from 2000-2001. Both schools won the NCAA Tournament two years earlier, and had a nice run in the tourney the year after that. Each team was young (Uconn was led by a freshman named Caron Butler) and had good wins early (Maryland beat Florida and UNC, Uconn bested Arizona and Louisville that year). Uconn had a losing streak in January of 2001 that spanned five games, and Maryland is currently 1-3 in the ACC. Maryland is probably better than that Uconn team, which bodes well, because the Huskies missed the NCAA’s that year. I think Maryland will still make it into the tourney (probably as a 6 seed), solely because Gary Williams won’t let them fail. But the Terps making their 11th straight NCAA appearance is far from a lock. By the way, Uconn returned to national prominence the next year and continues to field one of the top team’s in the country. Maryland will follow in their footsteps. One up-and-down year is a small price to pay after winning a National Championship with a core of upperclassman.
- At one point tonight ESPN showed a stat that showed Maryland and Duke were shooting 38% and 39%, respectively. Moments earlier Dick Vitale had blamed Duke’s shooting woes on “a funk”. When the stat was displayed he said the cause of Maryland’s low-shooting percentage was Duke’s “stifling” defense. Hiring Dick Vitale to call a Duke-Maryland game and expecting him to be impartial is like hiring Barbara Streisand to mediate a Presidential debate and expecting the same.
- I hate that Sam Adams commercial where the guy walks into the bar with 1,000 beers and orders a Sam Adams. I have two reasons. 1) The guy is so smug when he orders. Dude, you’re ordering a Sam Adams, not a 1996 Château Valandraud Saint-Emilion (a little oaky for my taste, but I digress). Nobody should be that happy with themselves for ordering a beer. And 2), what kind of unoriginal bastard goes into a bar with 1,000 beers and gets a Sam Adams. It’s a fine beer, I have been known to have a few myself, but when there’s a 1,000 beers on the menu, dip your toes into the pool my friend.
- On TV shows brand-names are usually blurred out of products. For instance, if John Stamos’ character, Uncle Jesse, was drinking a soda on Full House it would either have a black mark through the “Coke” label or he would be drinking generic pop. (Yeah, like we’re supposed to believe the lead singer of Jesse and the Rippers is drinking Safeway-brand Cola. He’s a rebel my friends, not a conformist. I feel the leather jacket illustrates this point quite well). Anyway, the producers do this so they won’t upset any competing advertisers. It makes sense. Frankly, if I were the head of Pepsi I wouldn’t mind Uncle Jesse drinking Coke, but that is tactical debate for another time. Where was I going with this… ahh yes. So if they do this with products on TV shows, then why do news and sports programs so willingly flaunt the name of stadium-sponsors. If I were AT&T and had ad-time on a local DC television station, I’d be pissed every time they mentioned MCI Center during their broadcast. MCI’s not paying the news station for the mention. And why do fans put up with it? The Carolina Panthers just changed the name of their stadium after eight years. Ericsson backed out and Bank of America came in with a higher bid. People in Charlotte will probably still call it Ericsson, but not for that long. If I were more organized I would try to organize a boycott of calling stadiums by the sponsor name, unless the money went into cutting ticket prices. As it is, I am just going to complain about it. I still call the Wizards the “Bullets” and CVS “Peoples” and Courtney Cox-Arquette simply Courtney Cox, so who am I to lead a revolution. I fear change.
- From the NBA transaction wire: Cavaliers trade Darius Miles-G to Trail Blazers for Jeff McInnis-G and Ruben Boumtje-Boumjte-F. This brings up three important questions.
1) Will Maurice Cheeks finally be able to help D. Mile unlock his great potential and work him into the Blazers offense?
2) Will Jeff McInnis’ point play free up LeBron to play more at the 2 and 3?
and…
3) Ruben Boumtje-Boumjte is still in the NBA NBA?
- Dustin Hoffman has signed on to play Ben Stiller’s dad in the movie Meet the Fockers, the sequel to the hit Meet the Parents. I think they missed the casting boat on this one. Hoffman is a good actor, don’t get me wrong. But think of some of the other possibilities. Jerry Stiller would have been amazing, but I'm gonna have to assume they didn't even consider casting him. Michael Douglas would have been great if they made him all creepy like he was in Falling Down and A Perfect Murder and The Game (oh hell, he’s creepy in all his movies). Bill Murray would also have been an inspired choice. But the crown jewel would have been Christopher Walken. Oh man, can you imagine the exchanges between DeNiro and Walken as they argue over who pays for the flowers? As for Gaylord Focker’s mother, Stiller says he would ideally have Barbara Streisand play the role. (That’s two Streisand references in one day. Thank goodness I decided to delay my analysis of The Owl and the Pussycat until tomorrow or I would have hit the trifecta). Streisand actually could work out pretty well, but I think comedy seems beneath her these days. If they wanted to stay on the singer route they could go with Bette Middler who would be funny. But I have a bad feeling that this casting has Sally Field or Susan Sarandon written all over it.

There are two kinds of rivalries: traditional and current. Traditional ones make would-be dud games interesting by injecting the memories of players and games from the past. When the Lakers and Celtics play these days, it is no different in the current NBA than, say, a Spurs-76ers match-up. But whenever those teams face one another fans see a bridge to Russell and Wilt, Cousy and West and Larry and Magic. No matter how each team is doing, that matchup, or other historical ones like Redskins-Cowboys, Red Sox-Yankees or Army-Navy, will be one circled on the calendar from the moment the schedule comes out.
The other kind of rivalry is the current one. These are between teams that are current powers, have played memorable games in seasons past (usually in a playoff situation) and have had animosity between players, fans and/or coaches. I hate using the Lakers as another example, but their recent battles with the Kings has made their rivalry the best current one in the NBA. The Bucs and Packers had a good rivalry going a few years ago, but that fizzled when the NFL re-aligned and football has been left without a marquee rivalry since. And in baseball, where tradition reigns, Red Sox-Yankees is still the king, although in order for this rivalry to be truly rekindled, the Sox need to actually win a few. For the best current rivalry in sports you have to look beneath the professional ranks and into college basketball. For the past four years, Duke-Maryland has been the greatest current rivalry in sports.
The teams have won two of the last three National Championships, have split their season series in memorable fashion the last three years and have played fantastic games in the ACC and NCAA Tournament. The fans in Durham and College Park get up for these games more than any other (yes, Dukies care more about the Maryland game these days than they do UNC) and Dick Vitale needs to take three valium when he thinks about calling the games.
It's getting late in the afternoon, so I'll wrap up for the day and promise to get back on a normal posting schedule tonight. But here's my prediction for tonight's game:
Duke is coming off a strong win against a struggling Wake Forest team. They shot well from the three-point range, but showed weakness getting the ball inside. Look for Caner-Medley and Jamar Smith to close off the middle for Duke and control the boards. The key for the Terps is preventing JJ "Backne" Reddick from getting open looks. If he's free and shooting well, the game could get ugly. But if the Terps can shut down Shelden Williams and whatever body Coach K throws in the middle, that shouldn't happen.
Maryland is coming off a tough loss to Georgia Tech (Tech was hyped in the beginning of the season, slipped for a bit later on and now is back in full force with wins against MD and Wake... they're the John Kerry of the ACC), and Gary Williams always has teams that play tough after road losses. The crowd will play a factor at Comcast and Maryland should pull out a close win. And, no, this is not me making a pick with my heart. I actually think Maryland will win (I picked against Wake on Saturday, lest you forget).
Maryland 90 - Duke 82

Thoughts
- I paid the $8 toll to cross the Verrazano Bridge today (yes, $8... for that kind of money you think New York City could afford to put some air fresheners in their subways to keep them from smelling like stale urine and week-old mutton) and the toll-booth worker thanked me when I gave her the money. I didn't appreciate it. Don't thank me for something you are forcing me to do. It's not like I'm willingly parting with my money, I'm just paying you to avoid the larger fine that would come with speeding through. A simple "Have a good day" or "Take care" would have sufficed. Instead of raising the price to $9 in a few months, New York is going to require drivers to pay $8 and then get punched in the face by a clown.
- I listened to AM radio on my way up to NY on Monday and have one thing to say: if Rocky had to listen to Philadelphia sports radio after he lost to Apollo for the first time, he would have quit boxing and become Grazzo's muscle-man full-time. Man, what a bunch of whiny bitches that call in to those shows.

Sorry for the late entry this morning; I'm in New York after seeing Letterman last night.

ESPN recently released its choice for the Top 25 athletes of the past 25 years. They made their own list of 35 and are asking people to vote for what undoubtedly will end up as some special on the network that is hyped on the Bottom Line incessantly for months in advance.
Anyway, here is the list that ESPN provides:

Lance Armstrong
Larry Bird
Barry Bonds
Roger Clemens
Tim Duncan
Dale Earnhardt
John Elway
Wayne Gretzky
Florence Griffith-Joyner
Mia Hamm
Eric Heiden
Ricky Henderson
Magic Johnson
Marion Jones
Michael Jordan
Jackie Joyner-Kersee
Mario Lemieux
Sugar Ray Leonard
Carl Lewis
Dan Marino
John McEnroe
Joe Montana
Martina Navratilova
Shaquille O'Neal
Jerry Rice
Cal Ripken
Alex Rodriguez
Patrick Roy
Pete Sampras
Barry Sanders
Emmitt Smith
Lawrence Taylor
Mike Tyson
Serena Williams
Tiger Woods

ESPN asks users to rank based on the Top 25 athletes. Whether this means Top 25 sustained athletes, or the Top 25 in their prime is up to interpretation.
My rankings are based on excellence over a career. So, Mike Tyson will not be on the list, despite five of the most dominating years in boxing history. The rest of his career was a disappointment (Tyson hasn't won a significant fight since beating Michael Spinks). Gone are also Tim Duncan, Alex Rodriguez and Serena Williams, since their best days, perhaps, are still ahead of them.
I also added a few athletes I think ESPN missed.
One more thing; these lists are ridiculous. How is one supposed to compare Carl Lewis running and jumping in the Olympics with Joe Montana throwing footballs every Sunday. You can't, but that's why this list should be looked at as nothing but a good way to start an argument.
Here's my list (* denotes not on ESPN's 35)

25) Ricky Henderson
Ricky thinks Ricky is more deserving of a higher place, but sometimes Ricky's opinion of Ricky is a little overinflated. Regardless, Ricky will retire with all-time records in walks, steals, runs and a slew of others. Ricky says Ricky is the King.
24) Matt Biondi*
Tied with Mark Spitz with 11 medals in Olympic swimming competition, including 5 in the 1988 Seoul Olympics. Kind of forgotten in the annals of Sports history, but did you really think I wouldn't put a swimmer on this list? (Biondi might be out of the Top 25 if Michael Phelps does his thing in Athens this summer.)
23) Emmitt Smith
Yeah, he had more rushing yards than somebody who appears above him on this list, but he also had one of the best offensive lines in history blocking for him. But, his 195-yard day against the Giants with a separated shoulder would have been enough to get him on this list alone. The three Super Bowl rings don't hurt either.
22) Cal Ripken, Jr.
2632, 10 straight seasons with 20 or more homeruns (before the offensive explosion that now allows Ray Durham to routinely crack 25 or more a year) and revolutionized the position of shortstop. Without Cal, A-Rod wouldn't have the opportunity to knock his idol off this list in a few seasons.
21) Edwin Moses*
ESPN was not too keen on track stars for their 35. But in the early 80's Moses won 107 straight finals in the 400 meter hurdles and won two gold medals in that stretch. He would have won more, but Jimmy Carter decided to boycott the Moscow Olympics in 1980.
20) Brett Favre*
Elway and Marino are on the ESPN list, but answer this question honestly: if you had to choose any of the three to start one game, who would you choose? If Terrell Davis isn't running the ball for Elway, there's no doubt that Favre would be your choice.
19) Jackie Joyner-Kersee
Five Olympic medals in the long jump and heptathlon. It's a shame there is no male decathlete on this list. For my money, they are the best athletes in the world, but nobody had sustained dominance in the last 25 years. If Dan O'Brien hadn't pulled a Ray Finkle in the 1992 Olympic Trials, he might occupy this spot.
18) Lawrence Taylor
18th in this list, but trails only Marion Barry on the list of Top 25 Greatest Crack Smokers.
17) Shaquille O'Neal
His appearance in Kazaam notwithstanding, Shaq is the most dominant player since Wilt.
16) Barry Sanders
Yeah, his career was shorter than Emmitt Smith and he has less yards, but the Beatles put out less albums than the Rolling Stones and that doesn't change too many peoples opinions about the bands.
15) Chris Evert*
Wait, Dale Earnhardt makes ESPN's list and Chris Evert doesn't? She has the same number of Grand Slams as Martina and won at least one Slam between 1974-1986. True, she stared her career a bit early to be on this list, but she was playing well into the ESPN era.
14) Mario Lemieux
I figured a hockey player needed to be on this list somewhere, and it sure as hell wasn't going to be Jaromir Jagr.
13) Roger Clemens
Maddux has been more consistent, but the Rocket still will drill you in the ass if you crowd the plate. (I think the Clemens-bat-throwing-at-Piazza incident was on the most absurd things in sports history and deserves it's own entry one day.)
12) Joe Montana
Tried to put him lower on this list, but I got down to Barry Sanders and knew there was no way Montana and his 4 Super Bowls could go behind a Detroit Lion.
11) Martina Navratilova
18 Grand Slams, including 9 Wimbledon's, and inspired little girls everywhere to wear big glasses and a mullet. Also beat Evert in many of her Grand Slam wins and 43-37 overall.
10) Larry Bird and Magic Johnson
Have two opponents ever been linked as much in sports as these two? I don't think so. Anyway, you try to put one of them ahead of the other. It's like deciding who your favorite member of 98 Degreez is. You just can't do it. You just can't.
9) Jerry Rice
The hardest member of this list to place. Is he the product of a great system in San Francisco and the beneficiary of balls thrown by Joe Montana and Steve Young? Yes, but he also holds every single important receiving record and sported a flat-top a solid three years after they went out of style. And that's gotta count for something.
8) Barry Bonds
Forget about the 'roids. He is the greatest baseball player of his generation. But don't even try to compare him to Ruth, Williams and Mays. That's absurd. Babe Ruth once had more home runs than every other TEAM in baseball. And where's the ring Barry?
7) Pete Sampras
Agassi had the hype, Pete had the game. A record 14 Grand Slams and the most weeks ranked at #1 in history. And he's married to Ms. Veronica Vaughn from Billy Madison. Agassi is married to Steffi Graf. Both attractive ladies, but it looks like Pete bested Andre yet again.
6) Carl Lewis
He'd be on this list just for describing a zebra as having to focus in order to win the race on FOX's "Man vs. Beast", but his 9 Olympic Golds in sprints and long jump made him the greatest Olympic track star since Jesse Owens.
5) Wayne Gretzky
The Great One has more assists than anybody has goals + assists in NHL history. That's what we call a "DAMMMMMMN" statistic.
4) Lance Armstrong
5 straight Tour-de-France victories after beating cancer. He's going for six this summer.
3) Michael Johnson*
He wasn't on ESPN's list. I don't know how he slipped through the cracks. In 1980 Pietro Mennea set the world record in the 200-meter dash with a time of 19.72. The record stood until 1996, without any real threat to it. Frankie Fredricks of Nambia finally broke through and beat the 16-year old world record in the finals of the 1996 Olympic 200-meter dash. He ran a time of 19.68. Yet, he only got a Silver because he lost by .36 seconds to Michael Johnson. The other MJ ran a 19.32, in what is still the most spectacular sporting performance I have ever seen. Think about it like this... the record hasn't been touched in 16 years and then Johnson goes out and beats it by FOUR-TENTHS of a second. That's like McGwire beating Maris's 61 and then going 9 past it. It is just ridiculous. I don't know why Johnson and Track don't get more love in the US. If marketed correctly, I think track and field could be big. By the way, Johnson also won the 400 in that Olympics, a double that had never been accomplished.
2) Tiger Woods
Might be #1 in a few years, but even at an early age, he has dominated his sport like no golfer before him. And he's getting married to a Swedish nanny.
1) Michael Jordan
Solidified his spot at the top with a dazzling two years with the Wizards.

There's the list, I'm sure some people will take issue with some of the rankings. Write me and let me know what you think; I'll use your thoughts for my Friday post.
I should resume a normal posting schedule later this week when I get back from NY.

The legend of Donovan McNabb has always been nothing but a myth. Despite the kind words of an adoring press, McNabb has put up mediocre quarterback numbers his entire career. He has won games on the strength of his team's defense, and in turn, become the only superstar on his team. Tonight though, the fraud was finally exposed.
McNabb’s Philadelphia Eagles once again played miserably in the national spotlight and were stopped short in their quest for a Super Bowl berth by the overachieving Carolina Panthers. And know this; despite the excuses the media will make for McNabb tonight, there is no doubt where the blame should lie for the Eagles losing their third straight NFC Championship game. It’s all on number five.

The Carolina Panthers did exactly what they needed to do to stop the Eagles. They applied a moderate pass rush, spied McNabb with different players and waited for him to make a mistake. He obliged, throwing three interceptions and making perhaps the most selfish sports decision in recent memory.
Even the most ardent McNabb supporters will agree that he played awful. Most will be inclined to blame the injury. But keep in mind two important facts.
1) McNabb wasn’t doing anything special before he limped off the field. To listen to Troy Aikman and Cris Collinsworth, one would assume that McNabb had been running circles around the Panthers front-four all game until the injury. But he hadn’t. Before the injury the Eagles managed two punts in two possessions, with McNabb playing his typical game. He was under throwing receivers, missing open men and misreading the defensive formations. He looked like Jamie Foxx coming off the bench in Any Given Sunday. Then, when McNabb did get hurt, he took himself out of the game for one play, came back in, and had his best throw of the night that resulted in the only Eagles points. After that, well... can you honestly say you were surprised?
At that point it was 7-3, Panthers, with 2:56 left in the 1st half. FOX showed video of McNabb getting hit before the field goal and speculated as to what injury he might have suffered. When he came back on the field he didn’t look hurt; he saved his wincing for after plays, a la Kobe Bryant. Maybe McNabb really was hurt, maybe he wasn’t. It doesn’t matter though, he stayed in the game. That leads us to the second important point.
2) If the injury is what caused McNabb to continue to playing horribly, then he should have taken himself out of the game. If Andy Reid and the Eagles put their trust in McNabb to win them football games, they equally trust him not to lose football games. If he really was hurt, McNabb should never have put himself back on the field. The injury can’t be blamed for a poor performance. Only Donovan can be blamed for putting his team in a situation that allowed the injury to hurt the chances of his football team. Either he played crappy and they lost, or he shouldn’t have played, still played crappy and they lost. There is no middle ground.
Regardless of injury, here is what happened each time McNabb dropped back to pass after he put himself back in the game.

Completion to Mitchell, 10 yards
Sacked, 7 yard loss
Completion to Staley, 10 yards
Intercepted
Sacked, 7 yard loss
Halftime
Completion to Staley, 19 yards
Incomplete
Intercepted
Incomplete
Intercepted
Complete to Buckhalter, 3 yards
Incomplete
Incomplete
Incomplete

So, after he came out of the game, McNabb went 4-12, 42 yards, 3 INT. Those look like MVP numbers to me, Wilbon. (McNabb’s numbers for the game weren’t any better, 10-22, 100 yards, 3 INT).
The funny part is, Donovan is going to get a pass in the press for his performance against the Panthers. Some will blame the injuries, some will blame dropped balls, but nobody will place the blame on the shoulders of the man who deserves it.
The media obsession with McNabb is baffling. He has done nothing to deserve all the adulation, yet is still seen as the second coming of Joe Montana. The way he’s playing, McNabb is not even the second coming of Kordell Stewart. At least Slash made a Super Bowl.

Playing in three straight NFC Championship Games is a great achievement for the Philadelphia Eagles. Losing in three straight NFC Championship Games, including two at home, is one of the all-time biggest chokes in NFL history.
Donovan McNabb is overrated. It shouldn’t be a taboo subject and it has nothing to do with his race. He is overrated because he doesn’t possess good quarterbacking fundamentals, panics in big games and routinely makes poor decisions that negatively affect his team. He is a supposed big-game quarterback, yet doesn’t show up to big games.
Make no mistake about it, the Philadelphia Eagles will watch the Super Bowl on TV because of the bad play and selfish-behavior of Donovan McNabb. And with Bill Parcells and Joe Gibbs back in the NFC East, it will be a long time before McNabb gets that close again.

Other Weekend Thoughts
- The opening line for the Super Bowl is, Patriots - 7. At first glance, this seems like an easy call. Take the Panthers, plus the points. A game pitting those two defenses will more than likely be a low-scoring affair. Expect this spread to drop in the next two weeks.
- Predictions Record for the Weekend: 4-2 (including both NFL wins).
For the Year: 6-4
- Maryland's free-throw shooting is miserable. I haven't seen anything that bad since I watched Just Married on HBO-Latin.
- Watch Letterman tonight, I will be in attendance. The Newlyweds and Al Green are guests. The only reason I'm going to Letterman is because I got put on the waiting-list for tickets to Last Call with Carson Daly.
- Real World/Road Rules Challenge finale is also on tonight. Looks like Alton should have brought Theo back instead of Coral. She seems to be injured and will probably cost her team the $150,000 grand-prize. Well, I guess it could have be worse; Alton could have picked Donovan McNabb.

Weekend Thoughts and Mailbag

If Michael Jackson actually goes to jail; would the prisoners want him as their bitch, or rather him sing "Human Nature". It's a toss-up I think.

Reader Mail

I somehow knew the Gibbs return would be a life-altering event for you.
- Justin Ward - New York, NY

Now if I could only get my Cliff Notes for Cliff Notes idea rolling, I’d be set for life.

I like the articles, although very Peter King-esque and I hate that bastard, though I always read MMQB.
- Nick Streit - San Diego, CA

I don’t know whether to be flattered, or to wonder whether Nick thinks I’m a bastard.

Yes, my name is Peter Wallace, I'm a new reader of your web page and although what I have read has been informative, funny, true, and down right enjoyable, I feel that possibly this guy, "Chris Chase" whoever he may be, might be able to expand on his topics. Maybe a movie review section or a section about porn, maybe a section that provides information about church events, I don't know... I just think there is room for expansion. Please know that I appreciate what you are doing for the community and hope that you continue to do so in the future, thank you for your time. God Bless You.
- Peter Wallace – Silver Spring, MD

You have touched on a main reason why I started this blog, the community. But mainly, for the children. It’s all for the children.

"Ow, OW, how do I get out of here", from Philadelphia, PA agrees with most of my thoughts on the Eagles-Rams game, but thinks Donovan McNabb deserves credit for the 4th and 26 play. Greg, all I’ll say is this. You passed out at 10:30 p.m. homecoming night.

I like the blog, man. The only problem is I can't talk s--- back to you. Is there a way to put a link in so I can email you and tell you what a genius (or idiot) you are?
If not, there will be no way for me to let you know you are wrong about what Dallas is most famous for. Dallas is MOST famous for the Cowboys, the greatest franchise in all of sports, not for some hooker and a book depository.
- Tim O’Brien – New York, NY

Hey, watch the language St. Patrick... didn't you read that this is for the kids? But you’re right about Dallas. I did forget some of the other things they city was famous for. Did you know Dallas was named for George Mifflin Dallas, a Pennsylvanian who supported annexation and was the 11th Vice-President of the United States? Wow, what an inspiring person to name a city after. I guess its only a matter of time before Oregon names a city after Spiro Agnew. Did you also know that Dallas had the most shopping centers per capita in the United States? And it was the birthplace of Meat Loaf? Perhaps the most famous Dallas fact is that it is home to the football team that was good during your formative years. Thusly, you attached your bandwagon to them, despite living in upstate New York. What self-respecting person can claim to like the Red Sox and the Cowboys and Syracuse? A red-headed Irishman who curses on a webpage devoted to the children; that’s who.

Hey Chris,

What’s shaking? I like the sports blog… it’s a nice diversion from work, which is what I am looking for most of the time. Since I can no longer watch Sports Center at 10, 10.30, 11 or all of the other times that it is on in the morning, I am now utilizing your blog as my sports source…
On request… could you make it more official looking – not to say that it’s not an elegant piece of web design, I just need something that looks more like a spreadsheet – so they won’t know that I am not paying attention to costs, expenditures, etc…
- Matt Roper – Potomac, MD

Matt, it took me 45 minutes to figure out how to write in bold, so at that rate, I’ll be able to have this thing looking like a spreadsheet around the same time Al Sharpton is taking the Oath of Office.

I agreed with your Yankees post mostly. I think it was pretty low what Steinbrenner did with Pettite. Also, Clemens is going to be close to home. However, saying that he should go in with a Red Sox jersey is spurious.
- J. Nicholls Redemer – San Francisco, CA

Spurious? I don’t recall mentioning the former Redskins coach in my Yankees rant. Sorry, I’m just a history major. I don’t know good – language…?

Chaz,

I'd like to humbly contribute the following editorial to your blog. Hopefully you'll continue and soon land a job and then everyone will migrate away from Potomac, returning only occasionally to visit the cognac bartender at Tower Oaks when we have little money and need free drinks. Good luck maintaining the site!

I say it every single year: life for a Redskins fan begins again in the off-season.
But this time I mean it.
The idea of Joe Gibbs is soothing, almost essential, like a pillow in bed, because when you see him, a photomontage of streaking burgundy and gold whirls behind that beautiful cursive ‘R’ hat. Unlike other men, Gibbs’ face does not require hope; it sees the tapestry of the world and deciphers it a second before the other guy into X’s and O’s, W’s and L’s. Gibbs is not just a man—he’s a rare synthesis of brilliance and aplomb more keenly attuned to the weave of the world than other men; he’s a walking vision of what could have been, a pulsing shiver of what just might be…
This is what I see in a future with Joe Gibbs…
17-0 regular season. League owners will vote unanimously to award us a victory on our bye week.
NFC teams will purchase our airfare and hotel room and cheer loudly as we fustigate the Ravens in the Super Bowl. The city of Baltimore will collapse entirely and Peter Angelos will be crushed under a stampede of Albert Belle’s bastard children. President Bush will issue a National emergency and rename the Orioles the Washington Senator.
Ray Lewis will demand a trade to Washington, and Jeremiah Trotter will become the most effective special teams player since David Terrell.
Hydraulics will be injected into the entire lower bowl of FedEx Field.
Any person attempting to sit in the club section will be thoroughly cavity searched, asked to recite the fight song backwards, forced to chug a beer.
He’ll announce the new defensive backs coach: Darrell Green.
DC will elect a new mayor: Darrell Green.
We will beat the Cowboys, often twice in one year.
Snyder will be placed in a dark room, his eyes forced open in front of a projector flashing images of Warren Sapp and Terrell Owens; he will receive a noticeable shock every time he reaches for his wallet.
Vinny Cerrato will find his office mysteriously replaced with a Pizza Hut. As he walks away perplexed his left foot will drop into the hollow comfort of a cold oubliette. Taylor Jacobs and Dockery will be there.
Trotter will miraculously leave the Pizza Hut and hit the weights.
The parking lot will be redistributed behind a vast facade of Southeast. Kingpins, panders, and various other ‘Samaritans’ will engage immediately in a struggle for territory. Winners will emerge. Parking will now be $15 bucks for whoever gets there first.
Tailgating will be encouraged.
Anyone attempting to search a ticketed fan entering the building will be immediately arrested for molestation.
The current stadium announcer will be fed to LaVar as Joe Bugel shouts “First Down, Redskins fans!” into a megaphone attached to another megaphone. “Quiet, Offense at Work” T-shirts will be distributed for the purposes of a public burning.
They’ll return to me my fountain of youth—the mezzanine section. People will henceforth say ‘mezzanine’ with impunity; vernacular will be established and “Holla at the Mezz” will be the next Jay-Z hit.
Tupac will come out of hiding and sing every National Anthem.
Age defying technology will emerge; any season ticket holder from 1994 to 2003 will be allowed to enter and remove anywhere from one to ten years of his life. A chain-gang of Michael Westbrook, Albert Connell, Brett Conway, Norv Turner will be waiting on the other side; you can punch, kick, or bite them in an area of your choice.
Because Joe Gibbs’ return is really about much more than football. He’s the hope that we can do the things we’ve meant to do, revel in the elation that’s eluded us all these years, experience the real intensity we pretended had always been there. We have a rare opportunity to combine the wisdom of age with the energy of youth.
And we’ll march on, braves along the warpath, whooping and hollering into the future. Get ready—life begins again in the fall.

- Eric Jaffe - Washington DC

Man, this Jaffe character seems to be excited about Joe Gibbs. Jeez, like anybody could get THAT excited about a football coach…

Weekend Predictions

Saturday:

#3 Wake Forest at #2 Duke
You know how sometimes American forces play loud and crappy music to force enemies out of their compounds or to torture them? This came in handy when US troops needed to force Manuel Noriega out of his Panamanian hideout back in the late 80’s. The army blasted Van Halen’s 1984 at unbelievably loud decibels and sure enough, Noriega came out with his hands up screaming “kick David Lee Roth out of the band” in whatever language it is they speak in Panama. So, if the US really wants to find Bin Laden they should get the biggest speakers they can find and play the audio to Saturday’s Wake Forest/Duke game. After 15 minutes of listening to Dick Vitale scream about how great the Cameron Crazies are and how J.J. Reddick is a PTP’er, Osama will throw his crazy hands up and surrender like Saddam.
Man, do I hate Dick Vitale.
It should be an interesting game in Durham. Duke probably won’t be able to handle Eric Williams and Jamal Levy inside (come on Coach K… you couldn’t recruit anybody better than Sheldon Williams? He’s Rick Fox minus the looks, acting ability and hint of talent.)
But, Wake's Williams is a fouling-machine, the likes of which have not been seen since the early Darius Songalia days. (His 3rd and 4th fouls against Texas were questionable calls. But for his 5th, Williams; who had been back in the game all of 45 seconds, was about to get schooled by Brandon Mouton and decided to jump in the air and throw in a hip as Mouton drove past him. When the ref blew the whistle Williams actually looked surprised. I like him, but, come on Eric.) Without Williams on the court, Wake’s guards have trouble getting good looks, and they’ll need them against a stout Duke defense.
Chris Paul and Justin Gray form a great backcourt for the Deacs, but JJ “Backne” Reddick and Chris Duhon aren’t bad themselves. Whichever team has their big men get in foul trouble early (guess who that team is going to be) is going to be in for a long afternoon. Both squads like to shoot from outside, and a hot or cold day for either will go a long way in determining who takes an early lead in the ACC race.
Sadly, this game has the looks of a rough one for the Deacs. These are the results of the last five games the two schools have played in Durham.

1998 47-78
1999 71-102
2000 62-85
2001 80-103
2002 55-74

Keep in mind that Wake was pretty good all five of those years (except maybe for 1999). Duke just blew them out. In the 2001 game Wake actually held the lead at the under 16 timeout in the 2nd half. When the game resumed, Duke came out and played Ike to Wake’s Tina. In 2002 WFU stayed in it until halftime, but was again blown out in the second half.
This game probably won’t be any different, especially if Vytas Danelius doesn’t play.
Duke 88 – Wake Forest 74

#1 Connecticut at #11 North Carolina
Do you think Roy Williams has had enough of the ACC? His young team has played great basketball in their two ACC losses so far. The triple-overtime loss at home to Wake Forest was a bad start, but then Roy’s boys blew a lead last night in College Park. Now, UNC is sitting at 1-2 in the ACC with the #1 team in the country coming to Chapel Hill. A bad loss to Uconn will cause some grumbling on Tobacco Road, but an easy stretch (by ACC standards) follows with road games at Florida State and Clemson sandwiching Virginia and NC State in Chapel Hill, so the Heels won't be in bad shape with a loss to the Huskies. I bet Roy wishes he had Baylor and Kansas State on his schedule this year. Going from the Big 12 to the ACC is like switching beers from Coors to Steel Reserve. Yeah, they’re the same things in theory, but Marge, in theory, communism works.
Connecticut 83 – North Carolina 71

Maryland at #14 Georgia Tech
This game is probably the most interesting ACC battle of the year as of yet. Maryland is coming off a come-from-behind win against Carolina (don’t call it an upset; they don’t exist in the ACC), but that was on the heels of an ugly loss in Tallahassee. Georgia Tech is the team equivalent of Kwame Brown. Just when you think they might actually be kind of good, they go and lose to Georgia (or in Kwame’s case shoot 1-9 against Memphis). Nobody, especially coaches Gary Williams and Paul Hewitt, knows how which team will show itself Saturday night. It'll be a tough test for both teams, but Maryland will grab their first ACC road win.
That is, unless teams start to implement the plan I developed last night when watching the MD-UNC game. I call it “Hack-a-Jamar”. It is based on the infamous “Hack-a-Shaq” plan, but without the fun rhyming scheme. Jamar shoots free throws worse than Keanu Reeves plays Hamlet. Mark it down, the Terps free-throw woes are going to come back to haunt them this season.
Maryland 78 – Georgia Tech 70

Wisconsin-Green Bay at Wisconsin-Milwaukee
This rivalry is kind of like the Hatfields and McCoys, Zimmer and Pedro or Minelli and Gest, one would have to assume. Right? I’m guessing those working class Green Bay kids hate the pretentious, rich-kids on the Milwaukee campus and they battle Wisconsin style (snapping their fingers and chanting “Got Milk?” while wearing parkas and circling a huge cheddar wheel).
Wisco